When the sky falls
Genre: Angst
Warnings: Angst. Character death.
Rating: PG15
Pairing: G-RI
Yay for g-ri! I wrote this instead of studying for my geography exam, so as usual bigbang is going to be the death of me. :D (update: I flunked it pretty badly)
--
It has been 2 weeks, 2 days, and a million hours.
Not that anyone was counting anyway -- no one needed to, and that was the whole point. It counted itself, heaped under days upon days as each one passed. It hung in the air like some stubborn haze; choking everyone, making it hard to breathe, hard to talk.
The talking was the worst.
They tried to, of course. They had to (it's just not possible for us to go on like this), but it was hard. It was just too... early. Yongbae, as caring as he was, would stare at you as you cried silently, his eyes a barrier to his own unshed tears. You would see him take a slow, deep breath and then open his mouth, but he always shut it before he had said a word.
Daesung shook. Non-stop. He would curl in a corner, mumbling to himself, and silent streaks would stream down his face as he shook some more.
Seunghyun hyung would look at all of you, his deep, dark eyes clouded with grief. When he spoke, you thought you finally knew what a broken soul sounded like--so pained was his voice. "We can't..." he'd say, but he'd never finish the sentence, and it always left you hanging. Can't what? Can't act like we're dead? Can't pretend we're still living?
Can't...?
As for you, you just cried. You'd think about the last times you did anything, and sobs would wreck your whole being, obliterating all other sensations but pain and longing. The last time you talked (how you missed mindless chatter now), the last time you laughed, the last time you fought, the last time you kissed (it had been wet from tears)... fuck, the last time you fucked.
Now it was dusk, the sun slowly sinking behind the grey clouds. You're crying again-damnit,-because the bleeding red sun reminds you of how he'd hated sunsets
"...It's sad, isn't it, hyung?"
"Mmm?" Busy, as always, with songs and shit.
"The day dying and all..." He'd always been a sensitive one.
Now you wished you had paid him your full attention; that you had hugged him and cuddled him close and had just thrown those damn lyric sheets away (cause they didn't mean a thing to you when he's not here). If only... If only you had seen then how few those moments with him would be, how numbered: you could almost count them along the digits on your hands.
A sudden feeling of anger and hopelessness propel you towards the sheets lying scattered on your writing desk and you make a wild grab for them. Using all the strength you can muster, you fling them hard against the far wall, trying to convince yourself that it will help (but it won't, he's gone, gone).
"Damn" you shout, throwing sheets everywhere, as you fall to your knees screaming through your tears.
When the tears dry, you stagger to your feet.
And then something catches your eye -- a shiny, metallic camcorder. It seemed to you that it glints with the iridescence of the memories which it holds, and you gulp.
"Hyung, what is that?"
"A camcorder, Ri."
"And you bought it because...?"
You remember how he had tilted his head in confusion, his bright eyes peering intently at you.
"I bought it to... to film you!" With a shout of triumph, you had snapped shut the battery cover of the camcorder and had swung it in the direction of him.
That was the only time you had used the damn thing.
You know you shouldn't, but you do anyway -- reaching out, you grabbed the camcorder roughly. It seemed heavy, heavier than you last remembered it, but maybe that was just how everything felt nowadays.
Seungri-ah...
You can almost hear it sighing, as though it knows the memories it holds are now so precious, so fragile, so past tense.
Seungri-ah...
You turn it on, and then--
"Hyung-hying! --don't! I'm not even cute yet!" He turns his back to you, sulking.
You hear laughter, a strange sound which manages to be familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time. With a jolt, you realize it belongs--no, belonged--to you, and it sounds odd and distorted. You're pretty sure this wasn't entirely due to the voice-warping abilities of the camcorders. (When was the last time you laughed since it happened?)
"Ri, darling, turn around please?"
"No, you're mean!" You bet he's pouting like he always is. You hear more of that alien sound. that... laughter.
"I just want to record your pretty face..."
"You know you must give me time to get cute if you want to take a photo of me, much less a video!"
Seungri, oh Seungri...
He turns around, pouting, just like you knew he would.
"Come hyung, I'll give you a kiss!" Appeased by his apparent preparedness for the camera, he approaches it, getting nearer every second. The laugher continues.
"Hyung, don't laught at me! I serious you know!"
The laughing-you obviously does not obey, instead gasping out from between fits of laughter:
"Maknae... You're so cute." Of course, the distorted laughs do not stop.
He pouts, as expected.
"Hyung, don't laugh at me..."
Well, he got his wish: you're crying like hell now.
"Seungri, Seungri..." You trace the outline of you two, locked away in a time before a bang, crash, and screech changed everything. As you did so, what felt like rain threatened to flood the world in front of you.
In the midst of it all, you hear the door creak open.
"...Ji? Oh, Ji..." Arms suddenly envelope you in an embrace, and you fit into the place in Yongbae's arms which will always belong to you.
"Ji--don't... don't do this..." You turn to face him, and meet with red-rimmed eyes full of hurt and longing.
You don't say anything, but curl against him, clutching unto his jacket for support as you break into renewed sobs. He doesn't say anything too, but stays still so that you can rest properly against him.
You continue to cry.
And you two stay in that position for hours, hearing nothing but your strangled sobs, feeling nothing but Yongbae's silent tears. With the other-wordly sounds from the forgotten (yet not so forgotten camcorder) as background noise, both of you remain that way, waiting for the sky to fall.
Warnings: Angst. Character death.
Rating: PG15
Pairing: G-RI
Yay for g-ri! I wrote this instead of studying for my geography exam, so as usual bigbang is going to be the death of me. :D (update: I flunked it pretty badly)
--
It has been 2 weeks, 2 days, and a million hours.
Not that anyone was counting anyway -- no one needed to, and that was the whole point. It counted itself, heaped under days upon days as each one passed. It hung in the air like some stubborn haze; choking everyone, making it hard to breathe, hard to talk.
The talking was the worst.
They tried to, of course. They had to (it's just not possible for us to go on like this), but it was hard. It was just too... early. Yongbae, as caring as he was, would stare at you as you cried silently, his eyes a barrier to his own unshed tears. You would see him take a slow, deep breath and then open his mouth, but he always shut it before he had said a word.
Daesung shook. Non-stop. He would curl in a corner, mumbling to himself, and silent streaks would stream down his face as he shook some more.
Seunghyun hyung would look at all of you, his deep, dark eyes clouded with grief. When he spoke, you thought you finally knew what a broken soul sounded like--so pained was his voice. "We can't..." he'd say, but he'd never finish the sentence, and it always left you hanging. Can't what? Can't act like we're dead? Can't pretend we're still living?
Can't...?
As for you, you just cried. You'd think about the last times you did anything, and sobs would wreck your whole being, obliterating all other sensations but pain and longing. The last time you talked (how you missed mindless chatter now), the last time you laughed, the last time you fought, the last time you kissed (it had been wet from tears)... fuck, the last time you fucked.
Now it was dusk, the sun slowly sinking behind the grey clouds. You're crying again-damnit,-because the bleeding red sun reminds you of how he'd hated sunsets
"...It's sad, isn't it, hyung?"
"Mmm?" Busy, as always, with songs and shit.
"The day dying and all..." He'd always been a sensitive one.
Now you wished you had paid him your full attention; that you had hugged him and cuddled him close and had just thrown those damn lyric sheets away (cause they didn't mean a thing to you when he's not here). If only... If only you had seen then how few those moments with him would be, how numbered: you could almost count them along the digits on your hands.
A sudden feeling of anger and hopelessness propel you towards the sheets lying scattered on your writing desk and you make a wild grab for them. Using all the strength you can muster, you fling them hard against the far wall, trying to convince yourself that it will help (but it won't, he's gone, gone).
"Damn" you shout, throwing sheets everywhere, as you fall to your knees screaming through your tears.
When the tears dry, you stagger to your feet.
And then something catches your eye -- a shiny, metallic camcorder. It seemed to you that it glints with the iridescence of the memories which it holds, and you gulp.
"Hyung, what is that?"
"A camcorder, Ri."
"And you bought it because...?"
You remember how he had tilted his head in confusion, his bright eyes peering intently at you.
"I bought it to... to film you!" With a shout of triumph, you had snapped shut the battery cover of the camcorder and had swung it in the direction of him.
That was the only time you had used the damn thing.
You know you shouldn't, but you do anyway -- reaching out, you grabbed the camcorder roughly. It seemed heavy, heavier than you last remembered it, but maybe that was just how everything felt nowadays.
Seungri-ah...
You can almost hear it sighing, as though it knows the memories it holds are now so precious, so fragile, so past tense.
Seungri-ah...
You turn it on, and then--
"Hyung-hying! --don't! I'm not even cute yet!" He turns his back to you, sulking.
You hear laughter, a strange sound which manages to be familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time. With a jolt, you realize it belongs--no, belonged--to you, and it sounds odd and distorted. You're pretty sure this wasn't entirely due to the voice-warping abilities of the camcorders. (When was the last time you laughed since it happened?)
"Ri, darling, turn around please?"
"No, you're mean!" You bet he's pouting like he always is. You hear more of that alien sound. that... laughter.
"I just want to record your pretty face..."
"You know you must give me time to get cute if you want to take a photo of me, much less a video!"
Seungri, oh Seungri...
He turns around, pouting, just like you knew he would.
"Come hyung, I'll give you a kiss!" Appeased by his apparent preparedness for the camera, he approaches it, getting nearer every second. The laugher continues.
"Hyung, don't laught at me! I serious you know!"
The laughing-you obviously does not obey, instead gasping out from between fits of laughter:
"Maknae... You're so cute." Of course, the distorted laughs do not stop.
He pouts, as expected.
"Hyung, don't laugh at me..."
Well, he got his wish: you're crying like hell now.
"Seungri, Seungri..." You trace the outline of you two, locked away in a time before a bang, crash, and screech changed everything. As you did so, what felt like rain threatened to flood the world in front of you.
In the midst of it all, you hear the door creak open.
"...Ji? Oh, Ji..." Arms suddenly envelope you in an embrace, and you fit into the place in Yongbae's arms which will always belong to you.
"Ji--don't... don't do this..." You turn to face him, and meet with red-rimmed eyes full of hurt and longing.
You don't say anything, but curl against him, clutching unto his jacket for support as you break into renewed sobs. He doesn't say anything too, but stays still so that you can rest properly against him.
You continue to cry.
And you two stay in that position for hours, hearing nothing but your strangled sobs, feeling nothing but Yongbae's silent tears. With the other-wordly sounds from the forgotten (yet not so forgotten camcorder) as background noise, both of you remain that way, waiting for the sky to fall.