You know it's hard out here for a pimp.
Okay check it out, here is my official Oscar wrap-up. I took notes for this shit so pay attention.
-MOST SURPRISINGLY FLATTERING USE OF THE COLOR YELLOW: Michelle Williams.
-MOST BORING AND OVERUSED DRESS COLOR: Tie - black and icky beigey skin tone.
-BEST OSCAR EVER PRESENTED: Best song - Three 6 Mafia- "Hard Out Here For A Pimp." (Hell to the yeah, it is.)
-CUTEST NERVOUS NON-ENGLISH SPEAKING ACCEPTANCE SPEECH: The French guys with their stuffed penguins from March of the Penguins.
-STUPIDEST MONTAGE MOMENT: The inclusion of Grease in a montage about EPICS.
-BEST HOST EVER: Jon Stewart.
-YAY: Dolly Parton.
-TACKIEST THINGS OF THE NIGHT: Tie - The (new?) practice of playing music DURING acceptance speeches, and the orchestra cutting off the winner of best picture, of all people.
-TACKIEST ONGOING TRADITION: The fact that some dead people in the dead people montage get more applause than others.
-MOST UNNERVING WORD SUBSTITUTION USED IN A PERFORMANCE OF A SONG ABOUT PIMPS AND HOS: "A whole lotta witches jumpin' ship," Three 6 Mafia, "Hard Out Here For a Pimp."
-PRETTIEST SKIN AND PRETTY MUCH PRETTIEST PRETTY: Ziyi Zhang who I can't find a picture of from tonight but wow she has pretty skin.
-WTF: Charlize Theron.
-SADDEST MOMENT FOR HALEY: Brokeback Mountain not winning best picture, not because Crash didn't deserve it (I can't judge, I didn't see it) but because it just would have been really cool.
And finally,
-MOST OVERLONG PRETENTIOUS SELF-CONGRATULATORY WASTE OF TIME AND ENERGY OF THE YEAR: The Oscars.
-MOST SURPRISINGLY FLATTERING USE OF THE COLOR YELLOW: Michelle Williams.
-MOST BORING AND OVERUSED DRESS COLOR: Tie - black and icky beigey skin tone.
-BEST OSCAR EVER PRESENTED: Best song - Three 6 Mafia- "Hard Out Here For A Pimp." (Hell to the yeah, it is.)
-CUTEST NERVOUS NON-ENGLISH SPEAKING ACCEPTANCE SPEECH: The French guys with their stuffed penguins from March of the Penguins.
-STUPIDEST MONTAGE MOMENT: The inclusion of Grease in a montage about EPICS.
-BEST HOST EVER: Jon Stewart.
-YAY: Dolly Parton.
-TACKIEST THINGS OF THE NIGHT: Tie - The (new?) practice of playing music DURING acceptance speeches, and the orchestra cutting off the winner of best picture, of all people.
-TACKIEST ONGOING TRADITION: The fact that some dead people in the dead people montage get more applause than others.
-MOST UNNERVING WORD SUBSTITUTION USED IN A PERFORMANCE OF A SONG ABOUT PIMPS AND HOS: "A whole lotta witches jumpin' ship," Three 6 Mafia, "Hard Out Here For a Pimp."
-PRETTIEST SKIN AND PRETTY MUCH PRETTIEST PRETTY: Ziyi Zhang who I can't find a picture of from tonight but wow she has pretty skin.
-WTF: Charlize Theron.
-SADDEST MOMENT FOR HALEY: Brokeback Mountain not winning best picture, not because Crash didn't deserve it (I can't judge, I didn't see it) but because it just would have been really cool.
And finally,
-MOST OVERLONG PRETENTIOUS SELF-CONGRATULATORY WASTE OF TIME AND ENERGY OF THE YEAR: The Oscars.