I think I'm losing...

[sparkly_cherry]

Anyone have any idea what it's like to a degree on Architecture or Creative Writing?

So, Liah is lost again. Liah can no longer make life changing decisions without becoming an alcoholic or cutting herself apparently. And struggles with not regretting past choices.

I probably shouldn't be shouting this all out of LJ but, I think I'm regretting

Comments

[miska158]

We all have things that we regret hun... but the only thing we can do is to realize where we went wrong along the way and try not to repeat them. Maybe I don't have the right to give you advice, or comfort or anything else for that matter after we lost contact, but I know you're stronger than what you give yourself credit for. You always have been, and its time you realize that yourself. A 'regret' is not a 'loss' until you yourself give up on what 'can be'. I hope someone else can get you to where we all know you can be, if you yourself have trouble finding it.

[sparkly_cherry]

True, but what if the regrets you have are actually making sense as you've pretty much made your parents give up on you, you can't do anything right and every choice you make changes every 2 weeks. I can't go on doing that but even though I try to stop it boom! 2 weeks later my interests fade again :x I have no idea how to tackle it... _sabriels talking to me about it all but I dno if anything's going to be fixed as I'm too stubborn to talk reasonably about it all...

I miss you btw :( I've sorta lost contact with everyone but sab on LJ :(

[miska158]

Although they're your parents, the only persons interests that you should be worried about are your own. You have to figure out why your interests fade, and hopefully then you can realize what you're wanting out of life. Take courses in every single major out there if you have to. And yes, get out of that stubborn phase. You have people willing to help you, so take it hun.

I've missed you too ♥ School and work make it so I can't be online as often as I'd like though, unfortunately.

[sparkly_cherry]

True :) and unfortunately we don't have the option of that in the UK. No testing of majors here as we don't have them. We sign up for one course - like I'm down for Japanese Studies and thats it. That's what we're stuck with for 3 - 5 years :/ It sucks really... the only place I've seen a flexible course is Glamorgan in Wales, and thats like 7 hours away |D But I know... :/

♥ Yeh, me falling out of fandom didn't help either lol XD

[miska158]

Yet another screwy logic system of the UK. I think the percentage of American college freshman is something like 58% who change their major in the first year.

But even so, what's making you unhappy? Why are these things making you unhappy, and why are they bringing up things you wished you did differently? These are the questions you need to answer for yourself, and no one else. No one can help you answer them, they can only make you think about them. Do you just wish life was different? Is it too unfair? Is there something you think is holding you back? Are you afraid of failing? Are you afraid you won't live up to someones expectations, or maybe your own? Like I said, you answer these for yourself and no one else. But the things you're doing to yourself aren't going to help, and you know that.

♥ I have no one who loves Shinji and Kamio as much as you did ♥

[sparkly_cherry]

Yup, totally :/. That's why Wales is looking so tempting haha.

I think the thing's that are making me unhappy is just basically I don't want to grow up and look after myself as lame as that is. I've been spoilt, and now it's hard to just let go... or something along those lines. And the obsession things, I have no idea whats making me do that |D; It's probably a lot to do with the past, but the problem is the memories that are haunting me didn't even start until like 5-6 years after it happened... how does that make sense?

♥ Oh I will always love Kamio and Shinji :) ♥ x 10000 :P

[miska158]

So then maybe it's something you definitely need to do ♥

Totally not lame, hun. And it does make sense; repressed memories and repressed emotions are extremely damaging. Without making you into a test subject (♥), and going off what you just said about not wanting to grow up, it's possible that those types of behaviors are linked to a subconscious feeling of; "Hey look at me, I'm doing these things that are horrible for me... I'm not fit to be by myself. I can't do it, don't let me", etc. Your best bet would probably be to just get away. Start over in life, if that's how you want to look at it. Or find something that makes you happy and train your mind to look at it from that viewpoint; "I'm going to be put through hell, but I want this." Even if it's something small, it's the best way to start off.

♥ They're glad to hear that! They thought they got beat up for nothing ♥

[sparkly_cherry]

Maybe, ♥ :) The problem is that I've never been there lol, could be awful...

Especially when it involves being sexually harassed etc. I don't exactly have the best past |D; But you make a good point. I have considered Uni's in America, but the cost is too high. Someone in Sweden suggested there as the tuituin fee is either low or non-existant but I don't know any swedish and I'd have to learn lol, but I'd be with someone who's like a big sister/mother to me. One that my own mum fails at being.

♥ Yay! :D Actually, you're making me miss them more now D: ♥

[miska158]

I have a move to Japan schedule in two years... never been there, might hate it, but what else do we have to live for other than persuing goals? If I don't love it, I'll move to China... then Korea... then Germany... Russia... etc, until I find what makes me happy.

You're strong enough to overcome the hell-life you were dealt though, hun. Like I already said; you just need to realize that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. Challenges are supposed to be fun! And each time you best one of them, you gain just a little bit more respect for yourself because you realize that you can do it. The people who have confidence in you, who believe in you, are the ones who matter, but no one matters more than yourself. Don't let something stop you from being who you want to be

[sparkly_cherry]

Well, I was supposed to spend a year there but... I just don't want that anymore :/ I think I want a mix of Architecture and Creative Writing - but I'm still not sure lol. I pick things because of fads I'm having.

I hope so, because if not I'm going to end up repeating a lot of stupid mistakes... :x I have few people who believe in me, I know I don't believe in me anymore. Over 3 years I have changed ideas on what I want to do at least 20 times... :/

lol it's okay, I need to talk it through so :) <3 xxx

♥ LOL XD ;D <3 ♥

[miska158]

Hopefully there's an interest you've had for over a year that you can pick up on, then. ♥

And you'll probably change it another 20 times before you figure it out. It's not reassuring, but it's not like you're alone, either.

Good. How come you can talk rationally and reasonably with me about this stuff, but you said you don't do it usually?

And I'm going to bed... sorry to just leave you, but it's 730pm, and I gotta be awake at 10:00pm for work... and I haven't been asleep yet. Hopefully we'll talk soon ♥ And remember that I still believe in you ♥

[sparkly_cherry]

Yeh, hopefully :) ♥

LOL true, not so reassuring but, thanks.

I can talk to people I don't know so well than to my friends in real life. It's mostly an act with them so... *lesigh*

It's okay, =O sleep well! <3 Sorry for keeping you up D: ♥ and Thank you <3 :) ♥ That means a lot.