I think I'm losing...
Anyone have any idea what it's like to a degree on Architecture or Creative Writing?
So, Liah is lost again. Liah can no longer make life changing decisions without becoming an alcoholic or cutting herself apparently. And struggles with not regretting past choices.
I probably shouldn't be shouting this all out of LJ but, I think I'm regretting lots of things from the past couple of years:
I regret dropping Maths and not trying.
I regret not getting at least a C in Art.
I regret not getting an A or B in French in year 11 for compulsary level.
I regret being unable to keep something up for longer than a few weeks.
I regret having an obsessive personality where I can only think about one thing until the point I go insane.
I regret losing that after a short period of time and hurting people in the process.
I regret turning into the person I've become.
I regret my choice of 2 months ago and losing my best friend.
I regret not trying to keep said best friend so now all we can talk about is American Idol - that lasts for like 5 minutes.
I regret not going with my heart and having faith and hoping that I could completely fall for someone who is here instead.
I regret telling said person I love them when I clearly don't. (a.k.a. LYING while being an obsessive person AGAIN)
I regret not staying with my counsellor and lying and saying I'm ok. I'm anything but okay right now.
I regret not trying to get back in contact with said counsellor.
I regret not talking to someone about any of my problems so they all bottle up.
I regret falling out of fandom - something I used as an escape.
I regret ...far too much for someone who believed they never had regrets.
I'm losing myself to vodka, rum and tequila. I'm losing myself to a razor blade and bandages. I'm losing my mind and I don't feel like I can turn to anyone but someone who's life is much worse - something that isn't fair on them.
I have no idea what to do, and i have too little time to decide. I cannot concentrate on looming exams, cannot remember everything I need to revise. I'm just... lost.
So, Liah is lost again. Liah can no longer make life changing decisions without becoming an alcoholic or cutting herself apparently. And struggles with not regretting past choices.
I probably shouldn't be shouting this all out of LJ but, I think I'm regretting lots of things from the past couple of years:
I regret dropping Maths and not trying.
I regret not getting at least a C in Art.
I regret not getting an A or B in French in year 11 for compulsary level.
I regret being unable to keep something up for longer than a few weeks.
I regret having an obsessive personality where I can only think about one thing until the point I go insane.
I regret losing that after a short period of time and hurting people in the process.
I regret turning into the person I've become.
I regret my choice of 2 months ago and losing my best friend.
I regret not trying to keep said best friend so now all we can talk about is American Idol - that lasts for like 5 minutes.
I regret not going with my heart and having faith and hoping that I could completely fall for someone who is here instead.
I regret telling said person I love them when I clearly don't. (a.k.a. LYING while being an obsessive person AGAIN)
I regret not staying with my counsellor and lying and saying I'm ok. I'm anything but okay right now.
I regret not trying to get back in contact with said counsellor.
I regret not talking to someone about any of my problems so they all bottle up.
I regret falling out of fandom - something I used as an escape.
I regret ...far too much for someone who believed they never had regrets.
I'm losing myself to vodka, rum and tequila. I'm losing myself to a razor blade and bandages. I'm losing my mind and I don't feel like I can turn to anyone but someone who's life is much worse - something that isn't fair on them.
I have no idea what to do, and i have too little time to decide. I cannot concentrate on looming exams, cannot remember everything I need to revise. I'm just... lost.