people

[sparklingshroom]

well, some guy i dont know really well asked me to come with him to a party on saturday. I dont particularly care for parties, and this guy isnt exactly best friend material. We have chemistry when we are engaged in sarcastic / witty banter, though. But I canceled work on saturday regardless because apparantly my social life is more important than money. I think my social life is more important than just about anything except school. School is more important to me than anything. I feel kind of bad because I dont know if this guy is worth cancelling work over, albeit just one day. I really care about the people at my job and I dont like to let them down, but I dont know what I am going to end up with if i meet this person and it may be better than I thought. I just have to give it the benefit of the doubt and after this weekend, I will know and that will be that if I dont like him. I dont think he is evil. But I dont think he is wonderful, either. I really miss brandon, actually. Brandon IS wonderful. And I miss all of my other friends. Especially Jay because I feel like Jay is sad now and wants not to be lonely. I can understand that. And poor alicia who is crazy. I want to help her but i cant if she doesnt want to let me. And the poor roomate who also wont let me do anything for her. She is evil but she is evil for some reason and whatever that reason is or was, shes really hurt somewhere. Its hard to feel that when you are being attacked by someone. So I only feel it when I think of her in a detatched way. But it is there, just like my headache. Just like my 'whatever' on saturday with Kirston. And just like my crush on my hopelessly cute math professor who makes me smile when I think about him hopping and skipping really excited about some math problem. I love to see people so happy about what they are doing! And excited! I wish everyone could find that thing that makes their eyes light up. For me it was particle physics and astrophysics. I love it. It is beautiful. More than anything else terms like 'neutrino' and 'world line' make me giddy. And the math professor must feel his heart leap in his throat when he hears the word 'polynomial' or 'limit'. I think i just love to see people in their element, doing the thing they love best, happily. Its attractive to see a middle aged man so springy and youthful. Everyone should be that way.


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