(no subject)
ian leaves tomorrow, honestly i dont think its hit me... i mean hes kept my mind off of bo... and hes leaving, i wont have someone to hang out with everynight or get the attention i like. im sure my depression will start tomorrow.... at night is when it hits me that im lonely. i mean ive been with ian, but sitting here till i leave... or this weekend when i spent the night alone, it was weird. i hate it.
damnit im lonely right now. honestly im not attached to ian or anything... idk idk. i never know anymore... and ian says thats my saying, which it is because thats the only thing i ever say.
ive enjoyed my time with him, he does things for me bo never has. it makes me wonder? yes hes 36 and not the hottest man on this earth, but i find his attractive, and he makes me feel good about myself. the little things. rub my feet when we watch a movie, rub my hands, hold my hand, play with my hair, and he just stares at me saying how beautiful i am and how i deserve the best.... idk, bo never did that. and its not all about sex. we'll just enjoy watching a movie together. im so confused.
i still love bo, but we're friends.. and thats for the best. i cant even think about the future right now, im going to start going day by day.
i hate feeling the way i do... i hate being confused and lonely....
i want to get everything out and i cant... this is my journal and i should be able to, but i dont want to be judged.
why the hell did i even put myself in this situation to where im going to miss ian when hes gone?
i do love bo..... ahh
damnit. idk
i miss my long blonde hair. i have to do a lot of things this weekend to get my mind off everything...
damnit im lonely right now. honestly im not attached to ian or anything... idk idk. i never know anymore... and ian says thats my saying, which it is because thats the only thing i ever say.
ive enjoyed my time with him, he does things for me bo never has. it makes me wonder? yes hes 36 and not the hottest man on this earth, but i find his attractive, and he makes me feel good about myself. the little things. rub my feet when we watch a movie, rub my hands, hold my hand, play with my hair, and he just stares at me saying how beautiful i am and how i deserve the best.... idk, bo never did that. and its not all about sex. we'll just enjoy watching a movie together. im so confused.
i still love bo, but we're friends.. and thats for the best. i cant even think about the future right now, im going to start going day by day.
i hate feeling the way i do... i hate being confused and lonely....
i want to get everything out and i cant... this is my journal and i should be able to, but i dont want to be judged.
why the hell did i even put myself in this situation to where im going to miss ian when hes gone?
i do love bo..... ahh
damnit. idk
i miss my long blonde hair. i have to do a lot of things this weekend to get my mind off everything...