back to school post
I doubt mine will be as long as Mark's or even Rosaria's.. I really didnt do that much this summer. Sooooy un perdedor.. I 'am a loser baybay..
Anywho, the summer was ok. I spent 4 fateful days working for PIRG. It was kind of a like/hate thing. I hated walking around endlessly in the hot hot sun begging for money from strangers. I wouldnt have minded so much going door-to-door talking to ppl about the environment, but asking for money felt weird. I did like though, having a sense of purpose and responsibility, however dwindling they became by the 2nd day. waking up in the a.m., getting ready and then carpooling to work w/ Mark, I felt like such the capable adult. I had really been starting to get scared of myself and my lack of drive, work ethic, etc. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not cut out for the real world. Not smart enough, not responsible enough, not driven enough... *sigh* So in a way working those four days, proving that I could tough it out if need be, was a lil self-esteem boost.
However, I was fucking glad/relieved when I got fired = ) lol 4days was certainly my limit. Oh, & i hate the gov't. They sure did take a huge chunk outta my paycheck. fuckers!
Other news..
i'm so scared of my life.
Anywho, the summer was ok. I spent 4 fateful days working for PIRG. It was kind of a like/hate thing. I hated walking around endlessly in the hot hot sun begging for money from strangers. I wouldnt have minded so much going door-to-door talking to ppl about the environment, but asking for money felt weird. I did like though, having a sense of purpose and responsibility, however dwindling they became by the 2nd day. waking up in the a.m., getting ready and then carpooling to work w/ Mark, I felt like such the capable adult. I had really been starting to get scared of myself and my lack of drive, work ethic, etc. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not cut out for the real world. Not smart enough, not responsible enough, not driven enough... *sigh* So in a way working those four days, proving that I could tough it out if need be, was a lil self-esteem boost.
However, I was fucking glad/relieved when I got fired = ) lol 4days was certainly my limit. Oh, & i hate the gov't. They sure did take a huge chunk outta my paycheck. fuckers!
Other news..
- i may not have insurance soon. We were getting insurance thru my dad's job @ Fedex (pretty much his only financial contribution to this family) But he's quitting soon & if we get insurance thru my mom's job its like $300/month which she said she doesn't have. So money times are tight. I was really looking forward to quitting Tillet, so I had better find an equally or better paying job. pronto! Let's just hope I don't fall down some stairs and sprain my ankle and then have to have it amputated cuz I dont have insurance. Idk why they'd amputate but w/e..
- My dog's tumor came back & brought a lil friend. My mom calls it his neck ball cause it looks like a testicle hanging from his throat... poor Bopper. On the brite side, he seems ok. the tumors dont seem to bother him. He may have arthritis in his hind legs tho. oh Bopperina... *sigh*
- I still don't have a bf. I cant believe its been over a year since I broke up w/ James. Sometimes I forget I even dated him. And when I do remember, I get mad at him for letting me waste my time on him when I could have been finding a more worthwhile relationship. Sometimes I think about that guy Doug at gamma. I met him/ made out with him the nite after i met/ made out with james and then we saw each other a couple times after that and he seemed to be very into me but by that point I was dating James. The funny thing is, james & i ended up together sorta by accident. I was asking him if he even wanted a gf (like in the future, if things went that way), which he mistook as me coyly asking to be his gf. Being the dumbass I was, I went along with it. what a fool I was...I wonder sometimes how things woulda been different. And what's more depressing: That had I not made such a stupid mistake I could have been with someone I actually liked? Or that no matter what things would have still ended with this bullet point about me being lonely?
- School.. NOoOoOo!! I think once I get back into the swing of things, I'll be ok but urgh.. My thursdays are going to suck my asshole inside out: 4 classes between 9:50 & 6:20 and 3 of them are back to back. I can only hope that the psych classes are like general psych in that I can just read the book &be ok. Also, I thought I was done w/ math when I passed Calc. But no, I have to take Quantitative something bullshit for my Psych major. And all this school stuff is making my fear of poverty spring up. like herpes. so scared *shaking*
i'm so scared of my life.