auld lang syne (2/3) (castle/beckett fic)
Title: auld lang syne (2/3)
Author: sparkles_mouse
Fandom: Castle
Characters: Castle/Beckett
Rating: PG-13
Summary: She's gotten used to the darkness in her daughter's bedroom. She no longer bumps into the dresser like she had on those late nights right after Ava was born; she can sense stuffed animals now, clothes that her daughter loves to pull out during hours of dress up. She doesn't trip over the tiny heels anymore, the Ugg boots that Castle had bought simply because they were so "miniature and sparkly", the American Girl dolls that Ava rarely remembers to put back on the shelf. She knows her child in ways she never thought imaginable and it still knocks her back sometimes, surprises her when she least expects it.
Kate pushes open the door to the loft, the heat a welcomed distraction from the frigid late night air. It's quiet except for the hum of the dishwasher, and she breathes a sigh of relief that the party-goers are gone, the apartment relatively clean. It had been a disaster after last year's, an extravaganza that lasted past four in the morning. She still only remembers bits and pieces of it: the karaoke that Castle had set up when all their acquaintances were gone, the bottles of vodka that had been consumed, dragging him into their bedroom for a quickie while their close friends were in the living room because she had wanted him, needed him. It had been dizzying and fast and she smiles at the fragmented memory, closing the door with her foot.
She walks into the kitchen, dropping the bag of food onto the counter when she notices her daughter across the room, asleep in one of the chairs. There's a pink, sparkly tiara dangling from her hair and she's wrapped in her favorite lavender cashmere blanket, the one Castle had bought for her the last time he was in Paris. Her mouth is open in a small 'o' and Kate walks around the island to the living room. She kneels down beside the chair, brushes her fingers through the silky strands. The tiara loses its battle to stay in, falling to the floor. Ava blinks, once, twice, and then they're open; a mottled brown with shards of green, exhausted and a bit glassy.
"Mommy home," she mumbles, reaching her arms up.
She sounds younger than she is at the moment, lost in a haze of dreams and sleep. She's clingy when she's tired, wants the comfort and warmth and protection so much like her father. Kate grabs the tiara off the floor and lifts her, the girl's legs wrapping around her waist, Ava's head coming to settle on her shoulder and she smells like lotion and fresh detergent, like home. Kate presses a kiss into her hair, holds her daughter tightly against her. "Hey, baby. Why aren't you in bed yet?"
"She passed out right after the ball dropped," Castle responds, walking into the room. "I figured people would leave if they saw her poor, exhausted little self, passed out in a chair. Nothing kills a party like a sleeping kid." He stops in front of them, his smile wide, the corners around his mouth crinkling and she leans into him, his lips soft on hers. "Glad you're home."
"Me too." Ava is a heavy weight in her arms, body slack with sleep and Castle guides them to the couch. He sits down first, his body diagonal across the cushions and he gently pulls her down with him. Their daughter is draped over her chest and Kate rests her head over his heart, shifting sideways, the beat a rhythmic pattern in her ear. She breathes him in, lets the long car ride and never-ending case wash off of her as she settles. "You used our daughter as your plan to get everyone out?"
"It seemed less drastic than pulling the fire alarm."
She laughs, twining her fingers through Ava's hair. "You're lucky it didn't backfire on you. Remember Christmas Eve last year? We thought we'd get out that terrible play your mom bought us tickets to-"
"And then AJ got her second wind and we were stuck there all night because she just had to go meet the cast. She told me she was going to act like Gram does after that." He groans, dropping his head against the couch cushion. "God help us all. Then again-" He draws his hand over the tiny body in her lap like he's memorizing Ava like this, all small and perfect and so very quiet. "In twenty years, she's going to be throwing the New Year's celebration no one wants to leave. We can throw joint parties like a father/daughter tag team! Alexis always said no when I asked her."
"You do know how old you'll be when she's in her twenties, right? I'm afraid your second wind might be a thing of the past."
Castle gasps. "Mean. Besides I won't be that old. I'm a Rodgers. Age is nothing but a number."
"Martha is always the life of the party." Kate sighs, sliding her hand under his shirt. His skin is warm to the touch, heated from a night of entertaining and the fire burning nearby. She brushes her fingers over his stomach and curls into him, taking Ava with her.
"You okay?" he asks quietly.
"Yeah. Just thinking about how I used to love working on New Year's. You'd think there would be more murders tonight, but it tends to be quiet. The murders don’t happen until tomorrow. The precinct would be so quiet and I relished in that time alone.” She kisses Ava's temple. "Tonight was the first New Year's Eve I've worked since she was born and I hated every minute of it."
"On the bright side, you missed Jenny's and Lanie's horrible rendition of a very unpopular REO Speedwagon song."
"Except I was in a car with Ryan stuck in a three hour traffic jam. I got horrible renditions of my own. I think there actually was a REO Speedwagon song in there"
"Yeah, those two are really suited for each other."
Kate laughs and closes her eyes, content. She can feel Castle moving behind her and then the tiara is being placed in her hair, fastened and secured. She grunts, opening one eye and he's grinning down at her, blue eyes alight with happiness.
"You look cute as a princess."
"Shut up."
"And you already have your Castle."
Kate groans. "You have over thirty bestsellers and that is the best you can come up with? You're slacking."
"I love you too, sweetheart."
Hearing him say that still does things to her after all this time. She’s come to realize that maybe it always will. Her hand stops the journey across him and she turns to glance up at him. "Speaking of writing, did you talk to Patterson tonight?"
"Yeah."
"And?" She can tell by the silence that there's a conversation to be had and she sits up fully, bringing Ava with her. She could push the issue, but she knows when the time is right they'll have this conversation. Sometime when their daughter isn't shifting in her arms, trying to find a comfortable position, when the morning isn't hours away. Kate leans forward and kisses Castle, lets her lips linger over his for seconds too long. "You hungry? I brought home food from Maison. I figured I could put Ava to bed and we can have our own celebration. Do we still have champagne?"
"There's a bottle chilling in the fridge for us." She yawns, covering her mouth with her hand, and Castle smiles. "A celebration that apparently will not consist of s-e-x. It's really not good for my ego if you fall asleep again during it."
"It happened once, Castle, and I had been up for over thirty-six hours. The fact I even agreed to it that night should have proved how exhausted I was. I'll let you seduce me all day tomorrow if that makes you feel better."
He pretends to consider it before nodding. "You drive a hard bargain but I accept."
She stands up, bending down so Castle can kiss their daughter goodnight. He places Ava's hair behind her ear gently, and Kate's heart clenches, because he's so good with her; in love and incredibly devoted. He presses his lips to her forehead, tilts his head to whisper something in her ear that Kate can't quite make out and the little girl stirs again, lets out a breath.
"I'll be back down in a couple of minutes. Croque Monsieur needs to be warmed. The chicken might also." She rests her forehead against Castle's, slides over lips over his. "I love you. Thanks for having everyone out by the time I got home."
"You have a gun, Beckett," he murmurs, and she still loves when he calls her by her maiden name, the way it rolls off his tongue like it did so many years before he was hers. "I knew I didn't stand a chance."
+++
She's gotten used to the darkness in her daughter's bedroom. She no longer bumps into the dresser like she had on those late nights right after Ava was born; she can sense stuffed animals now, clothes that her daughter loves to pull out during hours of dress up. She doesn't trip over the tiny heels anymore, the Ugg boots that Castle had bought simply because they were so "miniature and sparkly", the American Girl dolls that Ava rarely remembers to put back on the shelf. She knows her child in ways she never thought imaginable and it still knocks her back sometimes, surprises her when she least expects it.
The constellations and stars help guide her tonight and she's nearly at the bed when Ava rouses in her arms, shaking her head, tangled curls whipping her chin. "C'we do chair?"
She glances at the clock on the night stand. 2:45. She bites her lip, debating, but she hasn't spent quality time with her daughter all day and they both probably need this. She turns, making her way to the rocking chair in the corner of the room, white and chipped and so reminiscent of her past. She sits down and adjusts the pillow so Ava can lay her head down, the little girl's body curling in Kate's lap. She begins to slowly rock, the motion soothing, and she stares outside, watching the flakes of snow stick to the window.
It's in moments like this - the world quiet, her daughter safe and secure in her lap - that she misses her mother the most. This had been her spot with Johanna when she was growing up: nightmares that had woken her up in the middle of the night, cuddle sessions when Jim was working late, a fun experiment in rocking when she was eighteen and drunk and Johanna had caught her as she nearly fell off in too short a dress and too high of heels. She thinks of all the things Johanna would have loved about her granddaughter: Ava's vivaciousness, her passion for life. She tells stories that draws everyone into her web, loves to feel the way words roll off her tongue like they're this mystery she'll never quite understand but hopes to try. She loves passionately and fearlessly in ways Johanna had herself and she looks so much like a Beckett with her dark hair and eyes that burn green in the sunlight that Kate often wonders what they would have all looked like beside each other.
She takes in air, deep and rattling in her chest, the telltale sign of tears she doesn't want to fall when she feels a tiny hand on her waist. She looks down and her daughter is staring up at her, her lips pulled up in a half smile.
"Hi," Ava whispers. "You're wearin' my crown."
Kate presses her pointer finger to Ava's mouth and her lips purse, kissing it. "I know. I wanna be as pretty as you."
"No way. You're the prettiest."
She smiles, the back of her hand brushing over Ava's face. "Thank you. You did good as daddy's date tonight, Ave. Thanks for filling in for me. I think it made him really happy."
"He didn't know, Mommy. He didn't know you asked me. So I did good on the surprise, right?"
"You did very good."
"Okay." Her eyes start to close, a battle she seems intent to fight. "I'm pretty tired. Will you tell me who loves me?"
She smiles at the accidental tradition, one that was started the first time Castle was on an international tour after Ava was born. She had been three at the time - stubborn and a daddy's girl in every way back then - and had cried for hours on end, wanting nothing more than for him to put her to bed. It had torn her heart out to hear the sobbing hiccups, the whine when they finally connected with Castle over FaceTime, and it was just past eleven when she finally got Ava to settle, her head buried in Kate's lap, the remaining tears staining her jeans. The names were just supposed to remind Ava that she wasn't alone, that Castle loved her, everyone loved her but she insisted on it nearly every night since then, a running list that continued to grow.
Kate leans back, feeling the steady, calming sway of motion. "Mommy loves you and daddy. Alexis and Gram. Grandpa and Grandma from heaven. Uncle Kevin, Aunt Jenny, cousins Erin and Seany-"
"Uncle Javi and Aunt Lanie."
"Patty and-"
Her eyes widen and Kate doesn't know how there's so much excitement in her child this late into the night. She speaks a mile a minute as if she's forgotten how exhausted she is and it reminds Kate so much of Castle. Half asleep until he hears about a body that's dropped, until a novel pops into his head that needs to be written immediately. "Oh Mommy! I told Patty about my bones story and he really liked it. He said that I can write books with him when I'm older if I want."
"What about writing books with your dad?"
She considers this a moment before shaking her head. "No, just Patty." She yawns, covering her mouth over Kate's shirt. "How much sleep do I have before I haveta wake up?"
Shit. Not a lot. Kate holds up her left hand, holding one finger up, followed by another until her whole hand is spread wide. Ava mouths the number silently, counting each one with precision. "Five? Five is no good, Mommy."
"I'll call Grandpa in the morning and see if he can come over later. What about seven hours?" She drops her feet to the ground, pushing off the chair, and walks to the bed. She tosses Ava in, and she giggles when she bounces on the mattress, draping herself in blankets that'll be half off by morning. "You think you can be a good girl with that much sleep?"
"I can try."
Kate kneels on the rug, bracing her arms on the bed. "I love you, Ava."
"To infinity."
"And beyond."
"Like Buzz loves Andy. And Woody too. And like I love you!"
"Exactly like that," Kate says quietly. She nuzzles her nose against Ava's, breathes in her scent that is so undeniably her daughter one more time tonight. "Time to sleep, baby. You have a big day tomorrow."
"Finish telling me who loves me," she mumbles, but she's half out.
Kate makes herself comfortable on the floor, resting her head on Ava's pillow. "Patty and Michael and Captain Victoria..."
Author: sparkles_mouse
Fandom: Castle
Characters: Castle/Beckett
Rating: PG-13
Summary: She's gotten used to the darkness in her daughter's bedroom. She no longer bumps into the dresser like she had on those late nights right after Ava was born; she can sense stuffed animals now, clothes that her daughter loves to pull out during hours of dress up. She doesn't trip over the tiny heels anymore, the Ugg boots that Castle had bought simply because they were so "miniature and sparkly", the American Girl dolls that Ava rarely remembers to put back on the shelf. She knows her child in ways she never thought imaginable and it still knocks her back sometimes, surprises her when she least expects it.
Kate pushes open the door to the loft, the heat a welcomed distraction from the frigid late night air. It's quiet except for the hum of the dishwasher, and she breathes a sigh of relief that the party-goers are gone, the apartment relatively clean. It had been a disaster after last year's, an extravaganza that lasted past four in the morning. She still only remembers bits and pieces of it: the karaoke that Castle had set up when all their acquaintances were gone, the bottles of vodka that had been consumed, dragging him into their bedroom for a quickie while their close friends were in the living room because she had wanted him, needed him. It had been dizzying and fast and she smiles at the fragmented memory, closing the door with her foot.
She walks into the kitchen, dropping the bag of food onto the counter when she notices her daughter across the room, asleep in one of the chairs. There's a pink, sparkly tiara dangling from her hair and she's wrapped in her favorite lavender cashmere blanket, the one Castle had bought for her the last time he was in Paris. Her mouth is open in a small 'o' and Kate walks around the island to the living room. She kneels down beside the chair, brushes her fingers through the silky strands. The tiara loses its battle to stay in, falling to the floor. Ava blinks, once, twice, and then they're open; a mottled brown with shards of green, exhausted and a bit glassy.
"Mommy home," she mumbles, reaching her arms up.
She sounds younger than she is at the moment, lost in a haze of dreams and sleep. She's clingy when she's tired, wants the comfort and warmth and protection so much like her father. Kate grabs the tiara off the floor and lifts her, the girl's legs wrapping around her waist, Ava's head coming to settle on her shoulder and she smells like lotion and fresh detergent, like home. Kate presses a kiss into her hair, holds her daughter tightly against her. "Hey, baby. Why aren't you in bed yet?"
"She passed out right after the ball dropped," Castle responds, walking into the room. "I figured people would leave if they saw her poor, exhausted little self, passed out in a chair. Nothing kills a party like a sleeping kid." He stops in front of them, his smile wide, the corners around his mouth crinkling and she leans into him, his lips soft on hers. "Glad you're home."
"Me too." Ava is a heavy weight in her arms, body slack with sleep and Castle guides them to the couch. He sits down first, his body diagonal across the cushions and he gently pulls her down with him. Their daughter is draped over her chest and Kate rests her head over his heart, shifting sideways, the beat a rhythmic pattern in her ear. She breathes him in, lets the long car ride and never-ending case wash off of her as she settles. "You used our daughter as your plan to get everyone out?"
"It seemed less drastic than pulling the fire alarm."
She laughs, twining her fingers through Ava's hair. "You're lucky it didn't backfire on you. Remember Christmas Eve last year? We thought we'd get out that terrible play your mom bought us tickets to-"
"And then AJ got her second wind and we were stuck there all night because she just had to go meet the cast. She told me she was going to act like Gram does after that." He groans, dropping his head against the couch cushion. "God help us all. Then again-" He draws his hand over the tiny body in her lap like he's memorizing Ava like this, all small and perfect and so very quiet. "In twenty years, she's going to be throwing the New Year's celebration no one wants to leave. We can throw joint parties like a father/daughter tag team! Alexis always said no when I asked her."
"You do know how old you'll be when she's in her twenties, right? I'm afraid your second wind might be a thing of the past."
Castle gasps. "Mean. Besides I won't be that old. I'm a Rodgers. Age is nothing but a number."
"Martha is always the life of the party." Kate sighs, sliding her hand under his shirt. His skin is warm to the touch, heated from a night of entertaining and the fire burning nearby. She brushes her fingers over his stomach and curls into him, taking Ava with her.
"You okay?" he asks quietly.
"Yeah. Just thinking about how I used to love working on New Year's. You'd think there would be more murders tonight, but it tends to be quiet. The murders don’t happen until tomorrow. The precinct would be so quiet and I relished in that time alone.” She kisses Ava's temple. "Tonight was the first New Year's Eve I've worked since she was born and I hated every minute of it."
"On the bright side, you missed Jenny's and Lanie's horrible rendition of a very unpopular REO Speedwagon song."
"Except I was in a car with Ryan stuck in a three hour traffic jam. I got horrible renditions of my own. I think there actually was a REO Speedwagon song in there"
"Yeah, those two are really suited for each other."
Kate laughs and closes her eyes, content. She can feel Castle moving behind her and then the tiara is being placed in her hair, fastened and secured. She grunts, opening one eye and he's grinning down at her, blue eyes alight with happiness.
"You look cute as a princess."
"Shut up."
"And you already have your Castle."
Kate groans. "You have over thirty bestsellers and that is the best you can come up with? You're slacking."
"I love you too, sweetheart."
Hearing him say that still does things to her after all this time. She’s come to realize that maybe it always will. Her hand stops the journey across him and she turns to glance up at him. "Speaking of writing, did you talk to Patterson tonight?"
"Yeah."
"And?" She can tell by the silence that there's a conversation to be had and she sits up fully, bringing Ava with her. She could push the issue, but she knows when the time is right they'll have this conversation. Sometime when their daughter isn't shifting in her arms, trying to find a comfortable position, when the morning isn't hours away. Kate leans forward and kisses Castle, lets her lips linger over his for seconds too long. "You hungry? I brought home food from Maison. I figured I could put Ava to bed and we can have our own celebration. Do we still have champagne?"
"There's a bottle chilling in the fridge for us." She yawns, covering her mouth with her hand, and Castle smiles. "A celebration that apparently will not consist of s-e-x. It's really not good for my ego if you fall asleep again during it."
"It happened once, Castle, and I had been up for over thirty-six hours. The fact I even agreed to it that night should have proved how exhausted I was. I'll let you seduce me all day tomorrow if that makes you feel better."
He pretends to consider it before nodding. "You drive a hard bargain but I accept."
She stands up, bending down so Castle can kiss their daughter goodnight. He places Ava's hair behind her ear gently, and Kate's heart clenches, because he's so good with her; in love and incredibly devoted. He presses his lips to her forehead, tilts his head to whisper something in her ear that Kate can't quite make out and the little girl stirs again, lets out a breath.
"I'll be back down in a couple of minutes. Croque Monsieur needs to be warmed. The chicken might also." She rests her forehead against Castle's, slides over lips over his. "I love you. Thanks for having everyone out by the time I got home."
"You have a gun, Beckett," he murmurs, and she still loves when he calls her by her maiden name, the way it rolls off his tongue like it did so many years before he was hers. "I knew I didn't stand a chance."
+++
She's gotten used to the darkness in her daughter's bedroom. She no longer bumps into the dresser like she had on those late nights right after Ava was born; she can sense stuffed animals now, clothes that her daughter loves to pull out during hours of dress up. She doesn't trip over the tiny heels anymore, the Ugg boots that Castle had bought simply because they were so "miniature and sparkly", the American Girl dolls that Ava rarely remembers to put back on the shelf. She knows her child in ways she never thought imaginable and it still knocks her back sometimes, surprises her when she least expects it.
The constellations and stars help guide her tonight and she's nearly at the bed when Ava rouses in her arms, shaking her head, tangled curls whipping her chin. "C'we do chair?"
She glances at the clock on the night stand. 2:45. She bites her lip, debating, but she hasn't spent quality time with her daughter all day and they both probably need this. She turns, making her way to the rocking chair in the corner of the room, white and chipped and so reminiscent of her past. She sits down and adjusts the pillow so Ava can lay her head down, the little girl's body curling in Kate's lap. She begins to slowly rock, the motion soothing, and she stares outside, watching the flakes of snow stick to the window.
It's in moments like this - the world quiet, her daughter safe and secure in her lap - that she misses her mother the most. This had been her spot with Johanna when she was growing up: nightmares that had woken her up in the middle of the night, cuddle sessions when Jim was working late, a fun experiment in rocking when she was eighteen and drunk and Johanna had caught her as she nearly fell off in too short a dress and too high of heels. She thinks of all the things Johanna would have loved about her granddaughter: Ava's vivaciousness, her passion for life. She tells stories that draws everyone into her web, loves to feel the way words roll off her tongue like they're this mystery she'll never quite understand but hopes to try. She loves passionately and fearlessly in ways Johanna had herself and she looks so much like a Beckett with her dark hair and eyes that burn green in the sunlight that Kate often wonders what they would have all looked like beside each other.
She takes in air, deep and rattling in her chest, the telltale sign of tears she doesn't want to fall when she feels a tiny hand on her waist. She looks down and her daughter is staring up at her, her lips pulled up in a half smile.
"Hi," Ava whispers. "You're wearin' my crown."
Kate presses her pointer finger to Ava's mouth and her lips purse, kissing it. "I know. I wanna be as pretty as you."
"No way. You're the prettiest."
She smiles, the back of her hand brushing over Ava's face. "Thank you. You did good as daddy's date tonight, Ave. Thanks for filling in for me. I think it made him really happy."
"He didn't know, Mommy. He didn't know you asked me. So I did good on the surprise, right?"
"You did very good."
"Okay." Her eyes start to close, a battle she seems intent to fight. "I'm pretty tired. Will you tell me who loves me?"
She smiles at the accidental tradition, one that was started the first time Castle was on an international tour after Ava was born. She had been three at the time - stubborn and a daddy's girl in every way back then - and had cried for hours on end, wanting nothing more than for him to put her to bed. It had torn her heart out to hear the sobbing hiccups, the whine when they finally connected with Castle over FaceTime, and it was just past eleven when she finally got Ava to settle, her head buried in Kate's lap, the remaining tears staining her jeans. The names were just supposed to remind Ava that she wasn't alone, that Castle loved her, everyone loved her but she insisted on it nearly every night since then, a running list that continued to grow.
Kate leans back, feeling the steady, calming sway of motion. "Mommy loves you and daddy. Alexis and Gram. Grandpa and Grandma from heaven. Uncle Kevin, Aunt Jenny, cousins Erin and Seany-"
"Uncle Javi and Aunt Lanie."
"Patty and-"
Her eyes widen and Kate doesn't know how there's so much excitement in her child this late into the night. She speaks a mile a minute as if she's forgotten how exhausted she is and it reminds Kate so much of Castle. Half asleep until he hears about a body that's dropped, until a novel pops into his head that needs to be written immediately. "Oh Mommy! I told Patty about my bones story and he really liked it. He said that I can write books with him when I'm older if I want."
"What about writing books with your dad?"
She considers this a moment before shaking her head. "No, just Patty." She yawns, covering her mouth over Kate's shirt. "How much sleep do I have before I haveta wake up?"
Shit. Not a lot. Kate holds up her left hand, holding one finger up, followed by another until her whole hand is spread wide. Ava mouths the number silently, counting each one with precision. "Five? Five is no good, Mommy."
"I'll call Grandpa in the morning and see if he can come over later. What about seven hours?" She drops her feet to the ground, pushing off the chair, and walks to the bed. She tosses Ava in, and she giggles when she bounces on the mattress, draping herself in blankets that'll be half off by morning. "You think you can be a good girl with that much sleep?"
"I can try."
Kate kneels on the rug, bracing her arms on the bed. "I love you, Ava."
"To infinity."
"And beyond."
"Like Buzz loves Andy. And Woody too. And like I love you!"
"Exactly like that," Kate says quietly. She nuzzles her nose against Ava's, breathes in her scent that is so undeniably her daughter one more time tonight. "Time to sleep, baby. You have a big day tomorrow."
"Finish telling me who loves me," she mumbles, but she's half out.
Kate makes herself comfortable on the floor, resting her head on Ava's pillow. "Patty and Michael and Captain Victoria..."