I sang so softly, no one could tell.
"In the presence of the girl you truly love you do not feel to grovel; in her presence you do not attempt to take advantage of her; in her presence you feel that you would like to be everything that a [great man] should become, for she will inspire you to that ideal. And I ask you young women to cherish that same guide. What does he inspire in you?"
This morning was really good. I stayed nearly four hours at church--really odd, because not only is that a long time, but it only felt like one hour or so. I got caught up in conversation with several people, asking questions, sharing my doubts and dislikes, and getting some personal affirmations. It calmed me down quite a bit. I wasn't looking forward to telling the Elders tomorrow that I was done, but now I know I can just tell them that I'm not ready (yet?). And I know that they'll be fine with that. After today, I feel like I know a lot more things.
There's a few things that strike me wrong with this situation, and I consider myself intelligent enough to be able to say, "there is no way I'm sacrificing and conforming to that." But I just can't help this nagging feeling--no, it's more than nagging. It feels on the brink of greatness. I appreciate my friends looking out for me, but this feeling isn't from pressure or brainwashing. And I'm not saying this is the answer, but I'm going to check it out for now, and see where it leads me.
I've found answers to some questions I never thought I'd find the answers for, and to some I never really knew how much I wanted those answers. And that's really more than I can say about a lot of things, spiritually.
Those connected moments where it all just makes sense really runs up your veins and out your pores like thick sunshine trying to burst out.