I'm Giving Up...I'm Giving In
Sitting in E Moore is like sitting in a mansion. I love it here because it's quiet. I can take a good nap or do homework. AND you can rent out lap tops with wireless internet!! :) (I think that part is my favorite.) So I've been doing my reading for Women's Studies tomorrow so I can just curl up into bed tonight. I haven't been getting any sleep for the past few days. Too many worries. However, teaching my dance in choreography has been going pretty well. I was pleasantly pleased with how it went today. So I have to finish the dance this weekend. I guess having Saturday off will help a lot.
I'm getting my hair cut by the infamous Ted tomorrow!! THANK GOD he will fix my bangs. I'm so sick of pinning them back all of the time. I'm hoping to actually make it to the purse store this weekend. I work Friday night & Sunday morning. Woo hoo I'm in the money (can you sense the dripping sarcasm..)
So I talked to Adam last night. It's possible that last night was probably the worst one. However, I gave him my word that I wouldn't discuss it on here. For his own personal reasons. (Probably because he's scared of what I might say) But I will respect his wishes and do that. But this is the only time. Not that there will be much else to disclose. It's just boggles my mind how much he's let me down. And the last thing he told me last night just sucks. Not only have I lost trust in the fact that he could ever possibly tell me the truth but I've lost trust in the fact that I could share personal secrets with him. He went and told something that he should've known better than to his open his mouth.
I've never felt so betrayed by one person in my life.
The hardest part of all of this is that I feel so alone. I mean I hang out with people from work every once in a while but I haven't really made any solid friends. I just wish I had a solid best friend unit here. I miss Erin. I miss Shmelly. I miss everyone at school. It's so hard. i just wish I wasn't so far away.
I'm definitely a lot more introverted here.
A part of me wishes I could snap my fingers and be in Illinois. I could sit and have this conversation in person with Adam. Even sit down and have a one on one with Vanessa. I feel like me & her have too many ill feelings towards one another that are built around this one person. How wrong is that? I refuse to hold grudges on people. It's like a good friend told me. You can forgive someone but they don't have to be a part of your life. I will always stand by the fact that she's a cool girl. I liked her before all of this. Why should that change now? I know I've been angry and said mean things but honestly they've all been directed at Adam. I have a brick wall built so high around me. Who knows what'll break it down. I'm just sorry for all of the mean things I said. They were all out of anger. Not truth.
I'm getting my hair cut by the infamous Ted tomorrow!! THANK GOD he will fix my bangs. I'm so sick of pinning them back all of the time. I'm hoping to actually make it to the purse store this weekend. I work Friday night & Sunday morning. Woo hoo I'm in the money (can you sense the dripping sarcasm..)
So I talked to Adam last night. It's possible that last night was probably the worst one. However, I gave him my word that I wouldn't discuss it on here. For his own personal reasons. (Probably because he's scared of what I might say) But I will respect his wishes and do that. But this is the only time. Not that there will be much else to disclose. It's just boggles my mind how much he's let me down. And the last thing he told me last night just sucks. Not only have I lost trust in the fact that he could ever possibly tell me the truth but I've lost trust in the fact that I could share personal secrets with him. He went and told something that he should've known better than to his open his mouth.
I've never felt so betrayed by one person in my life.
The hardest part of all of this is that I feel so alone. I mean I hang out with people from work every once in a while but I haven't really made any solid friends. I just wish I had a solid best friend unit here. I miss Erin. I miss Shmelly. I miss everyone at school. It's so hard. i just wish I wasn't so far away.
I'm definitely a lot more introverted here.
A part of me wishes I could snap my fingers and be in Illinois. I could sit and have this conversation in person with Adam. Even sit down and have a one on one with Vanessa. I feel like me & her have too many ill feelings towards one another that are built around this one person. How wrong is that? I refuse to hold grudges on people. It's like a good friend told me. You can forgive someone but they don't have to be a part of your life. I will always stand by the fact that she's a cool girl. I liked her before all of this. Why should that change now? I know I've been angry and said mean things but honestly they've all been directed at Adam. I have a brick wall built so high around me. Who knows what'll break it down. I'm just sorry for all of the mean things I said. They were all out of anger. Not truth.