I Bruise Easily
This is the easiest way for me to speak my mind & truly vent my thoughts and feelings. After this entry I'm letting everything go. All of the baggage I brought to West Virginia from Illinois will be washed away from me. Maybe not immediately but my life is different now. I can't hold on to things that I can't get back.
This is all a response to my own LJ entry yesterday & an e-mail that I received last night which resulted in a phone call & an end of a part of my life.
I don't like being lied too. Adam was truly a really sweet guy and wonderful friend. I feel bad for yelling at him so much ( I was pretty ruthless & almost unforgiving..I'm sorry for the mean things I said) but I'm still so mad that I can't call him because ALL I want to do is yell at him some more but that isn't going to do anything. I'm stuck in WV to stew on all of this BS. There is nothing I can do about it as much as I want to punch Adam in the face.
What is worse about him is that he swore up and down that he was "so different" yet him lying to me about Vanessa visiting him August and them kissing is not being different. Grant it we weren't together but it was still sort of the end of it all and was off kissing someone else while telling me he still wanted to be with me. And YEA I did screw around with someone else but I did my calculations and it was a couple of weeks after I'm now finding out that he kissed Vanessa!!!!!! He made me feel like CRAP for being with someone else. EVEN compared what I did to being a little bit like her & Tyler. AHHHHHHH!!!! I think it's safe to say that he just fell to the same level as Michael.
I don't really know if I should completely believe her either. But I'll say the same thing she said to me. She really has no reason to lie to me. If she wants to be back with him she has every opportunity because it's not my relationship anymore.
I will admit that I did push him and I'm actually getting exactly what I pushed for. BUT he still lied to me. And that doesn't fly with me. There is something about Vanessa & Adam's relationship that is just weird. And this comes from being an outsider & a partial insider. And I don't really feel comfortable with it and I don't want to be a part of it anymore. I feel like they just have one of those weird relationships where they can't seem to break away from each and as much as they try too it doesn't happen. They need to just deal with what they are and quit dragging other people into the mix. I'm not saying that they do intentionally it just happens.
I know that Adam knew that he was caught because of how easily he gave up last night. It sucks to know that your gig is up. He just didn't want to talk about it and all he wanted to do was get off the phone. Finally I just hung up on him because I was sick of it. He didn't even care that I was crying or anything. This is coming from a guy who said he "loved" me.
I wish him the best I truly do. It would be nice to salvage something out of this but now is definitely not the time. He has a LOT that he needs to figure out because I just don't think he completely knows what he's doing. Even though he claims he does.
*SIGH* I have to go to work AGAIN! And I'm just not interested in being around a bunch of drunk people singing karoke. And I'm not doing ANY shots tonight. This drinking thing is too much for me.
This is all a response to my own LJ entry yesterday & an e-mail that I received last night which resulted in a phone call & an end of a part of my life.
I don't like being lied too. Adam was truly a really sweet guy and wonderful friend. I feel bad for yelling at him so much ( I was pretty ruthless & almost unforgiving..I'm sorry for the mean things I said) but I'm still so mad that I can't call him because ALL I want to do is yell at him some more but that isn't going to do anything. I'm stuck in WV to stew on all of this BS. There is nothing I can do about it as much as I want to punch Adam in the face.
What is worse about him is that he swore up and down that he was "so different" yet him lying to me about Vanessa visiting him August and them kissing is not being different. Grant it we weren't together but it was still sort of the end of it all and was off kissing someone else while telling me he still wanted to be with me. And YEA I did screw around with someone else but I did my calculations and it was a couple of weeks after I'm now finding out that he kissed Vanessa!!!!!! He made me feel like CRAP for being with someone else. EVEN compared what I did to being a little bit like her & Tyler. AHHHHHHH!!!! I think it's safe to say that he just fell to the same level as Michael.
I don't really know if I should completely believe her either. But I'll say the same thing she said to me. She really has no reason to lie to me. If she wants to be back with him she has every opportunity because it's not my relationship anymore.
I will admit that I did push him and I'm actually getting exactly what I pushed for. BUT he still lied to me. And that doesn't fly with me. There is something about Vanessa & Adam's relationship that is just weird. And this comes from being an outsider & a partial insider. And I don't really feel comfortable with it and I don't want to be a part of it anymore. I feel like they just have one of those weird relationships where they can't seem to break away from each and as much as they try too it doesn't happen. They need to just deal with what they are and quit dragging other people into the mix. I'm not saying that they do intentionally it just happens.
I know that Adam knew that he was caught because of how easily he gave up last night. It sucks to know that your gig is up. He just didn't want to talk about it and all he wanted to do was get off the phone. Finally I just hung up on him because I was sick of it. He didn't even care that I was crying or anything. This is coming from a guy who said he "loved" me.
I wish him the best I truly do. It would be nice to salvage something out of this but now is definitely not the time. He has a LOT that he needs to figure out because I just don't think he completely knows what he's doing. Even though he claims he does.
*SIGH* I have to go to work AGAIN! And I'm just not interested in being around a bunch of drunk people singing karoke. And I'm not doing ANY shots tonight. This drinking thing is too much for me.