He calls his child Jesus, because he likes the name....
I hate it here. My house is one of negativity and its killing me. On one hand you have my sister who is completely and utterly negative to any idea or anything i do. On the other you have my father who is just my father and doesn't really have too much input on my life.
I feel like if i could somehow escape I might be able to make it. Sometimes it is nice to think that this kidney i will eventually get will be the answer to all my troubles and ill be able to get my life back on track but the real truth is I have no life beyond my new kidney. I have absolutely no skills to use and no drive to do anything except to make enough money so i can support myself. That bascially means living on my own and paying all my bills.
I honestly have no clue what to do with my life and it depresses me that I know in my heart that I will have to struggle just like my father did except the only thing is I won't have an ex-wife to support because I won't have a wife period because for whatever reason I am completely inept at finding a girl who will engage within a relationship with me. It seriously is frustratin beyond belief.
And it would just be easy to blame everything on the kidney disease but thats such an easy scapecoat. Although it still is a very real fear of mine that the kidney transplant may not work on me and I'm forced to be on dialysis the rest of my life which if it is the case ill only make it to my 30th birthday. Thats no joke.
I'm not 18 anymore, as a matter of fact im 22. I should be searching for a job to suit my major. Instead i have pipe dreams that seem to always end up the same way. The way of a passing fad. I try to keep hope but everyday i lose a little bit more. I know in my heart if one thing doesn't kill me, i think another vice will.
I hate it here. I really do wish I was someone else. I have nothing but dreams and faith, and those things don't pay the bills.
I feel like if i could somehow escape I might be able to make it. Sometimes it is nice to think that this kidney i will eventually get will be the answer to all my troubles and ill be able to get my life back on track but the real truth is I have no life beyond my new kidney. I have absolutely no skills to use and no drive to do anything except to make enough money so i can support myself. That bascially means living on my own and paying all my bills.
I honestly have no clue what to do with my life and it depresses me that I know in my heart that I will have to struggle just like my father did except the only thing is I won't have an ex-wife to support because I won't have a wife period because for whatever reason I am completely inept at finding a girl who will engage within a relationship with me. It seriously is frustratin beyond belief.
And it would just be easy to blame everything on the kidney disease but thats such an easy scapecoat. Although it still is a very real fear of mine that the kidney transplant may not work on me and I'm forced to be on dialysis the rest of my life which if it is the case ill only make it to my 30th birthday. Thats no joke.
I'm not 18 anymore, as a matter of fact im 22. I should be searching for a job to suit my major. Instead i have pipe dreams that seem to always end up the same way. The way of a passing fad. I try to keep hope but everyday i lose a little bit more. I know in my heart if one thing doesn't kill me, i think another vice will.
I hate it here. I really do wish I was someone else. I have nothing but dreams and faith, and those things don't pay the bills.