Damage control.
I have done as much as I can for everyone today, including myself. I'm pretty much done-- If my efforts have not been good enought, then fine. It's all i've got. I helped Meg to feel better yesterday, and today I think I did a good job in being there when John needed me to be. As for You, shel, I'm trying. Really really hard. I love you and I miss you. As for Allison: I've done all I can. Alissa: I'm trying to be helpful. It is unfortunate if I am not. I can empathize with all of you. But my sympathy is currently in short supply. And I have no pity. Our lives are all hard--none more than any other, they are just different. And we all have differnt ways and abilites when it comes to coping with our lives. I have no idea how my sorrow and misery equate to anyone elses--John and I had an interesting discussion on that topic. It's all a matter of personal perception. So I honestly do care about you all. I'm trying to show it. I'm sorry it took me this long to try to care for you all-- but I have been busy with my own problems-and I am not sorry that I put myself first. If that is something that will ruin any of our friendships--well, that is unfortunate. But that is the way things are. I can't help any of you unless I can help myself. And I can't do that alone--so John, thank you. Your friendship has been amazing. And I know you don't read this, but I have to say it. As Megan says, life is too damn short not to. I honestly am grateful to god that you are a part of my life. You are like no one else I know. I am grateful to god that all of you are part of my life-- everyone on my friends list, as well as several people who are not part of the LJ phnomenon. And you are all different. And I feel bad-- and I fear singling John out here--because I don't want to step on any toes. And right now I am wary of doing to. But I cannot please everyone. Just as I cannot be of help and service to everyone all the time. So that is that, really. I love my classes-- I did drop calc, and I picked up literary analysis. And Dr. Lucia is the first person to not scold me for dropping calc. She actually seemed to understand. I care for all of you, and you are all in my thoughts. And I have tried to make amends where I could. Goodnight people. I still have Chemistry homework to do. Blah.