(no subject)
PandaCurlyQ07: getting excited to see Kevin?
SleepyGazelle: yeah
SleepyGazelle: still feels really far away though.
PandaCurlyQ07: really?
SleepyGazelle: i guess it is because a lot has to happen between now and thursday morning.
PandaCurlyQ07: like?
SleepyGazelle: Well, Monday the long day of classes, and i have to make up an exam in cell bio. I have 2 quizzes in LH2 to make up, and i have to get notes. i have to get notes from the anthropology class I missed, and notes from the bio class i missed,
SleepyGazelle: i have to write a lab report, and i have a ton of journals for art & society to do.
PandaCurlyQ07: keeping busy makes the time go faster for me
SleepyGazelle: i just feel swamped, and he and I have not really talked at all this week, and i really miss him, and I feel like he is too busy for me right now.
PandaCurlyQ07: what's making you feel like that?
SleepyGazelle: which is sad, because I know it is not true, and that he gets depressed when he is stressed if he does not go out and do things with his friends,
SleepyGazelle: well, thrusday, we could only talk for 20 minutes or so because he was hanging out with John, then, when i asked if he would have time to talk on friday, he said he would make some, but he had plans...
SleepyGazelle: and making some turned out to be a whopping half-hour while he was in line at the movies.
SleepyGazelle: and he called again later, but could not talk long because he was at his friends house, and she gets mad--but meanwhile he had promised me a long talk.
SleepyGazelle: i'm really angry and hurt.
SleepyGazelle: And I feel like aftern spending all evening with them, and then going to a movie, he could have gone home and talked to me, rather than hanging with them and watching TV.
SleepyGazelle: Especially when i keep telling him i am lonely.
PandaCurlyQ07: I understand why you're angry and hurt, I probably would be too... but you also have to look at things from his perspective... he didn't do it to hurt you, he has to do things out there, he shouldn't have overcommitted his time, you're right
SleepyGazelle: I know, but sometimes rational thought does nothing to make you feel better.
SleepyGazelle: The last thing I want is for him to be bored, lonely, and depressed.
PandaCurlyQ07: yeah... but what good does being angry do?
SleepyGazelle: I just need more attention, and I am not getting it, and I don't know how to explain to him that I can't live like this.
SleepyGazelle: If this continues, we won't last, because I wont.
PandaCurlyQ07: does he do it all the time? or has it just been this past week?
SleepyGazelle: It's just been recently,
SleepyGazelle: like since I visited.
SleepyGazelle: But I don't want to be ignored for a few weeks after every time we see eachother.
PandaCurlyQ07: well, its b/c your relationship is beyond the "puppy love" part, and is starting to get real... does that make any sense?
SleepyGazelle: Yes.
PandaCurlyQ07: up until recently, your relationship has been new and exciting, and now its something he's come to take for granted... just tell him that you don't want to lose the "newness" to your relationship
SleepyGazelle: I think part of it is that he has a lot of school stress right now... but I can't accept that whenever he gets stressed, I get ignored.
PandaCurlyQ07: tell him its wrong of him to take for granted that you'll always be there, and that you shouldn't be something for him to do when he has nothing else planned... if he wants it to work, he HAS to set aside some time for just you two... when he's at home, by himself, when he can talk to you for an hour or so every so often
PandaCurlyQ07: no, thats bullshit
SleepyGazelle: Yeah.
PandaCurlyQ07: if it were finals, I'd understand, but its not even his midterm yet
SleepyGazelle: Actually, it is his midterms!
PandaCurlyQ07: is it really?
PandaCurlyQ07: well, then maybe its just b/c of the midterms
PandaCurlyQ07: I'd wait until all the midterms are out of the way, and then see how things look
SleepyGazelle: *shrug* I just feel like he is avoiding me because I am maybe a cause of stress--and if that is the case, fuck it. This isn't going to work.
SleepyGazelle: And he keeps saying I am not a cause of stress, and that he wants to talk, but he never has time.
PandaCurlyQ07: he needs to make the time if he wants to stay with you
SleepyGazelle: Yeah, that's the bottom line.
PandaCurlyQ07: you guys have until May to figure out whether you're gonna stay together or not, cuz once you're out there, its pretty much all or nothing
PandaCurlyQ07: and I'd hate to see it be nothing with you stuck out in Cali
SleepyGazelle: *sigh*
SleepyGazelle: I am probably making a big mess out of nothing.
PandaCurlyQ07: hey, you've got time, you don't have to rush into everything with him... if you're feeling rushed, take a step back
PandaCurlyQ07: you guys rushed into this really really fast, and maybe thats what he's feeling
PandaCurlyQ07: you have to talk to him though
SleepyGazelle: I would if he ever had time!
PandaCurlyQ07: I know
SleepyGazelle: I've asked if he feels that way, and he says no.
PandaCurlyQ07: *hugs*
PandaCurlyQ07: he words say no, but what does everything else tell you?
PandaCurlyQ07: *his
SleepyGazelle: I know, that's why I'm worried.
SleepyGazelle: I don't want to lose this, but I also don't want to be the only one to try.
PandaCurlyQ07: I understand, it was like that with Bobby... believe me I understand
SleepyGazelle: I just don't want this to be like that.
SleepyGazelle: And it hasn't been.
PandaCurlyQ07: I know, but if he's not gonna put in the effort, its not worth it
SleepyGazelle: You're right.
SleepyGazelle: It's just really tough to accept that.
PandaCurlyQ07: oh don't I know it
SleepyGazelle: Yeah, you certainly do.
SleepyGazelle: i hope I am just being over-dramatic.
SleepyGazelle: yeah
SleepyGazelle: still feels really far away though.
PandaCurlyQ07: really?
SleepyGazelle: i guess it is because a lot has to happen between now and thursday morning.
PandaCurlyQ07: like?
SleepyGazelle: Well, Monday the long day of classes, and i have to make up an exam in cell bio. I have 2 quizzes in LH2 to make up, and i have to get notes. i have to get notes from the anthropology class I missed, and notes from the bio class i missed,
SleepyGazelle: i have to write a lab report, and i have a ton of journals for art & society to do.
PandaCurlyQ07: keeping busy makes the time go faster for me
SleepyGazelle: i just feel swamped, and he and I have not really talked at all this week, and i really miss him, and I feel like he is too busy for me right now.
PandaCurlyQ07: what's making you feel like that?
SleepyGazelle: which is sad, because I know it is not true, and that he gets depressed when he is stressed if he does not go out and do things with his friends,
SleepyGazelle: well, thrusday, we could only talk for 20 minutes or so because he was hanging out with John, then, when i asked if he would have time to talk on friday, he said he would make some, but he had plans...
SleepyGazelle: and making some turned out to be a whopping half-hour while he was in line at the movies.
SleepyGazelle: and he called again later, but could not talk long because he was at his friends house, and she gets mad--but meanwhile he had promised me a long talk.
SleepyGazelle: i'm really angry and hurt.
SleepyGazelle: And I feel like aftern spending all evening with them, and then going to a movie, he could have gone home and talked to me, rather than hanging with them and watching TV.
SleepyGazelle: Especially when i keep telling him i am lonely.
PandaCurlyQ07: I understand why you're angry and hurt, I probably would be too... but you also have to look at things from his perspective... he didn't do it to hurt you, he has to do things out there, he shouldn't have overcommitted his time, you're right
SleepyGazelle: I know, but sometimes rational thought does nothing to make you feel better.
SleepyGazelle: The last thing I want is for him to be bored, lonely, and depressed.
PandaCurlyQ07: yeah... but what good does being angry do?
SleepyGazelle: I just need more attention, and I am not getting it, and I don't know how to explain to him that I can't live like this.
SleepyGazelle: If this continues, we won't last, because I wont.
PandaCurlyQ07: does he do it all the time? or has it just been this past week?
SleepyGazelle: It's just been recently,
SleepyGazelle: like since I visited.
SleepyGazelle: But I don't want to be ignored for a few weeks after every time we see eachother.
PandaCurlyQ07: well, its b/c your relationship is beyond the "puppy love" part, and is starting to get real... does that make any sense?
SleepyGazelle: Yes.
PandaCurlyQ07: up until recently, your relationship has been new and exciting, and now its something he's come to take for granted... just tell him that you don't want to lose the "newness" to your relationship
SleepyGazelle: I think part of it is that he has a lot of school stress right now... but I can't accept that whenever he gets stressed, I get ignored.
PandaCurlyQ07: tell him its wrong of him to take for granted that you'll always be there, and that you shouldn't be something for him to do when he has nothing else planned... if he wants it to work, he HAS to set aside some time for just you two... when he's at home, by himself, when he can talk to you for an hour or so every so often
PandaCurlyQ07: no, thats bullshit
SleepyGazelle: Yeah.
PandaCurlyQ07: if it were finals, I'd understand, but its not even his midterm yet
SleepyGazelle: Actually, it is his midterms!
PandaCurlyQ07: is it really?
PandaCurlyQ07: well, then maybe its just b/c of the midterms
PandaCurlyQ07: I'd wait until all the midterms are out of the way, and then see how things look
SleepyGazelle: *shrug* I just feel like he is avoiding me because I am maybe a cause of stress--and if that is the case, fuck it. This isn't going to work.
SleepyGazelle: And he keeps saying I am not a cause of stress, and that he wants to talk, but he never has time.
PandaCurlyQ07: he needs to make the time if he wants to stay with you
SleepyGazelle: Yeah, that's the bottom line.
PandaCurlyQ07: you guys have until May to figure out whether you're gonna stay together or not, cuz once you're out there, its pretty much all or nothing
PandaCurlyQ07: and I'd hate to see it be nothing with you stuck out in Cali
SleepyGazelle: *sigh*
SleepyGazelle: I am probably making a big mess out of nothing.
PandaCurlyQ07: hey, you've got time, you don't have to rush into everything with him... if you're feeling rushed, take a step back
PandaCurlyQ07: you guys rushed into this really really fast, and maybe thats what he's feeling
PandaCurlyQ07: you have to talk to him though
SleepyGazelle: I would if he ever had time!
PandaCurlyQ07: I know
SleepyGazelle: I've asked if he feels that way, and he says no.
PandaCurlyQ07: *hugs*
PandaCurlyQ07: he words say no, but what does everything else tell you?
PandaCurlyQ07: *his
SleepyGazelle: I know, that's why I'm worried.
SleepyGazelle: I don't want to lose this, but I also don't want to be the only one to try.
PandaCurlyQ07: I understand, it was like that with Bobby... believe me I understand
SleepyGazelle: I just don't want this to be like that.
SleepyGazelle: And it hasn't been.
PandaCurlyQ07: I know, but if he's not gonna put in the effort, its not worth it
SleepyGazelle: You're right.
SleepyGazelle: It's just really tough to accept that.
PandaCurlyQ07: oh don't I know it
SleepyGazelle: Yeah, you certainly do.
SleepyGazelle: i hope I am just being over-dramatic.