I'm Baaaaaaaacccckkkk!!!!
Well, Hi-dilly-HEY, neighbors!
Oh, yeah. It's been awhile since I've posted, but that's mostly because I'm a lazy D-Bag. This morning I found the link to this here blog hiding on my desktop between Adobe reader 8 and a file named "Carguy2" (Which is a movie I saved last week of a guy trying to break into my car as I stood 20 FEET AWAY!!!) I'll tell you that story sometime when I can suppress the urge to go choke random people for his stupidity...
...Anyway, I saw the link and thought that I should catch y'all up on what's been going down with me for the last bunches o' months.
Ready???
Here goes!!!!
NOTHING!!!
Ta-daaaaaaaaa!
Yep! Nada. Same boring go to work-go home-eat-watch TV-go to bed-get up-go to work-go home-eat-watch TV-go to bed-get up-go to work-etc.... routine.
The only variation today is the Zinger. Yes, the Zinger. Y'see, I woke up with a cold this morning feeling like crap, but I had to go to work. I didn't want breakfast, I packed a lunch and some water and some fizzy cold relief products for the bottle of water and went to work. Well, about a half an hour ago, I was hungry. So, I went up to the cafeteria and perused the vending machines, desperate for something tasty....wasn't happening. Then I decided to go for something mediocre which yielded better results.. and some stupidity.
On the bottom row of the machine (E5, to be precise,) there was a four pack of Dolly Madison Zingers for $0.85. Now, I remember Dolly Madison Zingers as being one of the highlights of my childhood. They were like Twinkies, but with chocolate or coconut or lemon frosting. Sweet, delicious, and probably bad for you. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. Oh, yeah! They also were the proud sponsors of all of the Charlie Brown holiday specials in the 70's and 80's.
I decided to get the Zingers which happen to be the ones without frosting (so even MORE like a Twinkie.) Then I noticed that two selections over (E7, to be precise,) is an identical pack of Zingers for $0.75!!! I can relive my childhood for ten cents less than I could half a minute ago!!!! Hooray. So, I drop my money in, scoop up my sugary goodness and scurry away like a dark evil creature with a treasure.
When I got back to my office, I tore into the pack of Zingers. Halfway through the first one, I realized that it wasn't like I remembered. The second one confirmed it. While forcing the third one in, I tried to convince myself that the cold was affecting my sense of taste and that the Zingers were still good and happy and right. I wasn't buying it, though.
Now, as I sit here writing too many words about the heavy, sticky fourth Zinger that lurks inside the torn wrapper; alternating between pretending to be sweet and light and giving me the finger- daring me to eat it like some demon possessing a whore's body, I realize that I will eat it, but I'll eat it wishing it were a Twinkie. It won't be a Twinkie, though. It'll be that heavy, sticky Zinger and eating it will be like eating a grainy black and white picture of a Twinkie; a Twinkie that's crying over a knee that it just skinned after falling off the bike it got for its birthday....sad, sad Twinkie.
There's a moral in there somewhere about childhood and not going back, but I'm to sick and lazy to drag it out and line it up neatly for you. Go find it yourself. I'm tired.
Oh, yeah. It's been awhile since I've posted, but that's mostly because I'm a lazy D-Bag. This morning I found the link to this here blog hiding on my desktop between Adobe reader 8 and a file named "Carguy2" (Which is a movie I saved last week of a guy trying to break into my car as I stood 20 FEET AWAY!!!) I'll tell you that story sometime when I can suppress the urge to go choke random people for his stupidity...
...Anyway, I saw the link and thought that I should catch y'all up on what's been going down with me for the last bunches o' months.
Ready???
Here goes!!!!
NOTHING!!!
Ta-daaaaaaaaa!
Yep! Nada. Same boring go to work-go home-eat-watch TV-go to bed-get up-go to work-go home-eat-watch TV-go to bed-get up-go to work-etc.... routine.
The only variation today is the Zinger. Yes, the Zinger. Y'see, I woke up with a cold this morning feeling like crap, but I had to go to work. I didn't want breakfast, I packed a lunch and some water and some fizzy cold relief products for the bottle of water and went to work. Well, about a half an hour ago, I was hungry. So, I went up to the cafeteria and perused the vending machines, desperate for something tasty....wasn't happening. Then I decided to go for something mediocre which yielded better results.. and some stupidity.
On the bottom row of the machine (E5, to be precise,) there was a four pack of Dolly Madison Zingers for $0.85. Now, I remember Dolly Madison Zingers as being one of the highlights of my childhood. They were like Twinkies, but with chocolate or coconut or lemon frosting. Sweet, delicious, and probably bad for you. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. Oh, yeah! They also were the proud sponsors of all of the Charlie Brown holiday specials in the 70's and 80's.
I decided to get the Zingers which happen to be the ones without frosting (so even MORE like a Twinkie.) Then I noticed that two selections over (E7, to be precise,) is an identical pack of Zingers for $0.75!!! I can relive my childhood for ten cents less than I could half a minute ago!!!! Hooray. So, I drop my money in, scoop up my sugary goodness and scurry away like a dark evil creature with a treasure.
When I got back to my office, I tore into the pack of Zingers. Halfway through the first one, I realized that it wasn't like I remembered. The second one confirmed it. While forcing the third one in, I tried to convince myself that the cold was affecting my sense of taste and that the Zingers were still good and happy and right. I wasn't buying it, though.
Now, as I sit here writing too many words about the heavy, sticky fourth Zinger that lurks inside the torn wrapper; alternating between pretending to be sweet and light and giving me the finger- daring me to eat it like some demon possessing a whore's body, I realize that I will eat it, but I'll eat it wishing it were a Twinkie. It won't be a Twinkie, though. It'll be that heavy, sticky Zinger and eating it will be like eating a grainy black and white picture of a Twinkie; a Twinkie that's crying over a knee that it just skinned after falling off the bike it got for its birthday....sad, sad Twinkie.
There's a moral in there somewhere about childhood and not going back, but I'm to sick and lazy to drag it out and line it up neatly for you. Go find it yourself. I'm tired.