Cable and Deadpool Kink Meme
Hosting another kink!meme, this one based on the Cable and Deadpool comic. The main pairing is Cable/Deadpool obviously, but in the interest of fair play I shall allow any characters/pairings based on the comic series. Rules are as follows:
1. Anonymously post a pairing and prompt you would like to see written. Since this is a kink meme, there ( Read more... )
[Yeah, that’s getting weird. Nate needs a new hobby; maybe get him a telescope?]
And Wade must have been staring back too long, because Nate obviously felt like he had to make conversation. "Why are we a comedy act? Considering everything we've been through, I don't think anyone would find our lives amusing."
"Of course they would.” Wade waved a hand absently, “I mean, sure, it's a black/gallows/Yorkshire kinda humour, but you've got to laugh. Otherwise you'd just start screaming, right?"
"Right." And look, he was actually smiling! "And let's face it, once you started..."
"Exactly! And then we'd get cancelled, because nobody wants to read issue after issue of two guys having nervous breakdowns."
Nate's smile faded. "You- I thought the comic-book thing was a side-effect of your healing factor?"
"Nah, my short attention span, memory issues, and telepathy-immunity were side effects of the healing factor. The yellow boxes and accompanying 'delusions' are side effects of being so crazy I'm the only sane person here."
"Ah." There was quiet for a few minutes, as Wade finished strapping on his swords and bounced on his toes to check everything was settled. Then he did a lazy handspring, making sure to use his right arm so as to avoid embarassing whimpering noises, and landed neatly in front of Nate.
"So, I'm good to go, what are you going to do?"
"I thought you were just going to visit Weasel." Nate was wearing his 'stupidity detected' face again, and that wasn't good. "So why are you wearing all that?"
"Whaat, a guy can't dress up to go see his favourite arms dealer?"
"Wade." Nate gave him a Serious Look.
[Does he really think that'll work?]
"Nate." Wade met his stare easily. "It's none of your business. Don't you have important saviour-of-the-world stuff to be doing?"
Nate dropped his gaze. "I suppose. I just- want you to know that you're not alone. I'm sure that we'll find a way to fix your healing factor, but you might want to consider treatment in the meantime." Wade spun on his heel sharply, and began to rummage in a drawer.
[Sure I had some more grenades in here. You can never have too many grenades!]
"Wade, I'm not trying to upset you." Nate wasn't encroaching on his personal space, so Wade could just keep on ignoring him.
"They've come a long way since the last time you had to worry about medical assistance." Nate was starting to sound frustrated again... "I just want to make sure you're okay while they're finding an answer. Wade!"
Nate grabbed his shoulder, pulling him around, so Wade flowed with the motion, broke his grip, and stepped out of reach again.
"It's my life, Nate, not yours. And what I wanna do with it right now is go square things with Weaz, get my affairs in order and all that. I told you before, I ain't an optimist. What I do believe in is bein' prepared for the worst. So get outta my face, and maybe we'll talk later, okay?"
"Maybe?"
"Best you're gettin'."
"I don't like it. But-" Nate sighed, scrubbed a hand over his face. "If this is what you need to do, then... Can I drop you somewhere?"
Wade gave him a suspicious look, but he didn't seem to be plotting anything.
"Pakistan. I can give you latitude and longitude if you're feeling particularly obliging."
"I'll take you wherever you like if you'll at least promise to be careful."
"I promise," Wade told him, fishing out the scrap of paper with the coordinates on it. "And- thanks."
"What for this time? Not putting a 'kick me' sign on your back?"
Wade grinned at him cheerfully. "While I do appreciate that, no. Just-" Wade tilted his head down, stared very intently at the thing he was fidgeting with, which happened to be a grenade. "For caring. Most people would have given up by now but- You're still trying, and it means a lot to me. Do wish you didn't have such freakin' creepy ways of showing it, though."
"Um," Nate looked away too, and they both hesitated, then Wade held out the paper.
"Drop me here, and I'll be careful."
TO fingers brushed spandex glove. "Thank you."
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Wade hummed the Mission Impossible theme very quietly as he slunk around corners and dodged guards, looking for a likely place to store prisoners. It was odd actually bothering to avoid guards, although it did make it easier not to kill them.
[Hiding from Hydra: amusing rhyme, but so wrong...]
It took quite a bit of skulking about to find Weasel, because he wasn't exactly locked up. He was in a bright, spacious, well-appointed lab tinkering with some sort of machine.
Wade settled behind the nearest ventilation grate, then whispered, "Weaz, hey!" The jolt and muffled squeak were amusing, and he found his mouth curling into a wide, pleased grin.
[Bob’s cute, but replacing Weaz was never really going to work...]
Weasel stared around the room frantically before noticing Wade waving at him from behind the grate. "Wade?"
"Hey, whatcha doin'? I gotta say, I was expecting something more dungeon and less high-tech lab. This looks nice!"
"Uh, yeah,” Weasel muttered, sitting back at the bench and trying to look nonchalant, “I said 'Hail Hydra' a lot and promised to build them a cool new weapon." He glanced about nervously again, then admitted in a whisper, "I have a cunning plan."
"Ooh, I love those. Do you need any help?"
"Depends. Have you totally blown my cover?"
"Nope. I am as impossible to detect as a shadow on a moonless night."
"Really?” The disbelief was not flattering.
Wade pouted. “I find your lack of faith disturbing. And it should be fine unless you talking to me blows it.”
Weasel snickered. “I often mutter to myself when I’m working, so nobody’ll notice. And I guess I didn't hear any gunfire or explosions or alarms or anything. Are you feeling okay?"
"Not too bad, all things considered." Wade paused thoughtfully.
[Well, I was figuring T-Ray, but maybe...]
"Do you have access to the whole network? I've been a little off since I let those guys dose me with Pym particles, and I was wondering if they'd messed me up somehow."
"Uh, sure, I can check. Gimme a little time, I'll get back to you."
Wade curled up as comfortably as possible in the cramped ducting, and hoped it wasn’t too long; he was a lot more likely to wind up literally cramped without the boosted metabolism keeping his circulation in top form.
He was just trying to flex his left leg without making any noise when he heard Weasel give a muffled curse. "Oh my god. Wade, is your healing factor working? Tell me you didn’t break into a Hydra base without it!”
“I... didn’t break into a Hydra base without my healing factor?” Technically true, since Nate’s doctor said it was just switched off, not gone...
“Oh god, you’re lying, aren’t you? I suppose that explains why you didn’t just walk in the front door and start a firefight, for which I’m extremely thankful, by the way... But Wade, are you- I mean, you have-”
[Here we go again. It's not like it’s a difficult word...]
“Cancer. It’s not that hard to say. And yeah, limited timeframe here, so less stammering. What did the files say?”
“That they, uh, infected you with nanobots designed to suppress your healing factor? I won’t bother with all the science behind it,”
“Too long, didn’t read,” Wade agreed helpfully. “Also, quick is good.”
“Yeah. It’s apparently something they came up with to fight Wolverine, but they hadn’t had an opportunity to test it, and since you have the same healing factor and you were right there in the lab not actually killing everybody, they figured it was the best chance they had for a field trial before they tried throwing it at an angry Wolverine.”
Wade chuckled. “Yeah, that’s a bit drastic, and doesn’t leave a lot of room for error. Can’t really blame them... Okay, so is it reversible?”
Weasel typed a bit more, muttered under his breath, then said, “As far as I can tell, if you could find a way to neutralise the nanobots, your healing should just kick right back in.”
“Ah. Easy as falling off a log,” Wade said flatly.
“Wade? It’s good news, right? It might take a day or two for me to rig something up, but I could-“
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“Oh." Weasel had an odd look on his face, his shoulders tense. "You sure? I mean, yeah, Cable’s got a whole lot of brilliant doctors and scientists and future technology on his little island paradise, but-“ Weasel paused, then deflated. “I forgot my argument. Fine, I’ll send the whole lot to Cable, let him fix you. I guess that’ll make you even for the alien-baby thing, anyway.”
“Hey, it’s not that I don’t appreciate the thought, Weaz. I mean, you’re my best bud, my go-to guy for all the important stuff. I just- well, I’d rather you didn’t get mixed up in this mess, especially if you’ve got your cunning plan to worry about. Oh, while I think of it, if you do need backup later? Your best bet would be Agency X, ‘cause I might be... indisposed. Oh, hey, and you can meet Bob. I stole him from Hydra last time I was here, and he’s Agency X’s pet now. You’ll like him, he’s like a- is it hamsters that faint when you make loud noises?”
“Ah, I think so?”
“Yeah, so he’s just like a hamster, except, y’know, person-shaped. And a minion. You could boss him around.”
“Oh, okay. Um, thanks, Wade.” Weasel looked a little awkward. “Just- easy on the compliments, alright? You're making me nervous. Oh, did you want me to send anything with the info? To Cable, I mean.”
“Hm? S’pose I should tell him thanks, and sorry. Can you put that in?”
“Will he know what you’re talking about?”
“He’ll figure it out. Well, no, he’ll probably get it completely backwards, but it’s fine either way.”
"Are you two still, y’know, fighting? I really don’t want him to get angry and blame me for it; he’s kinda dangerous."
"Nah, even if he picks somebody else to blame, it won't be you. Oh, hey, can you find somebody for me?"
"A particular somebody? Or are you just feeling lonesome?"
"Hey, I can find my own company, thanks. Got a hot date later with an old flame, she really digs the terminal cancer thing. Anyway, I'm looking for Wolverine, and doesn't Hydra keep tabs on him?"
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Which it was; as Wade snuck up behind him, Wolverine sniffed. “Unless you’re aiming to get gutted and tossed in the river, Wilson, turn around and walk right back the way you came.”
"And what if that’s exactly what I was aiming for?" Wade asked, settling against the tree he’d been hiding behind and folding his arms.
Logan snorted. "Your funeral, bub."
"Guess so. Will you show up for it?”
“Your funeral? Maybe to make sure you’re really dead. What do-“ Wolverine sniffed again, paused thoughtfully and looked at Wade. “You’re dying.”
[Finally, somebody who’ll actually say it!]
Wade shrugged. "Yeah. That change your answer?"
Logan stared at him intently, while Wade fought the urge to fidget, or hum 'Wild Thing' under his breath.
[Nope, doing that. Oops...]
Fortunately, Logan just said, “What happened?" But then, he didn’t get out much.
"Short version: Hydra.” Wade waved a hand vaguely. “Weaponised-science thing. You should probably have a chat with Nate later, he's got all the info."
"Yeah, and I bet he'll be real pleased to see me after I gut you, bub.” Wolverine said dryly. “Why me, anyway?"
Wade tipped his head to one side, gave the man his best grin. “Aww, c’mon Wolvie, after all the time we've known each other? I was pretty sure you had dibs..."
Logan actually laughed, a short harsh chuckle, and said, "Fine, but I don't do flowers; what's your poison?"
"These days? Uh, medicinal alcohol, in large quantities."
Another snort. “Figures.” But then he shot out his claws with that really cool ‘snikt’ noise, and Wade pulled his swords, and then it was on.
Wade found himself remembering a whole lot of things he hadn't needed to worry about in years: the way the half-healed gash in his side limited his movements; how repeatedly blocking Wolverine's viciously-hard blows made him ache from fingertips to shoulder; how weird it was to need all his air for fighting and not be able to talk; how all the shallow wounds he was collecting gradually wore him down; how he felt it in his teeth when his sword scraped along adamantium-coated bone; the way a hand went numb when the sword was knocked out of it; the dizzying hammer-blow of pain from a fistful of claws slamming into his chest.
Wade coughed wetly, his knees buckling as Logan's claws retracted with a grating rasp. "Thanks, Logan," he managed through a mouthful of blood.
"Most annoying man I know," Logan muttered, but the hands lowering him to the ground were gentle. Everything was fading out fast, but Wade could see a dark figure behind Logan's shoulder, reaching long, pale fingers towards him.
[Hey babe, lookin' good...]
Then his eyelids were falling shut and the world faded away in a wash of blue light.
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Wade opened his eyes to a white room full of hospital equipment that looked suspiciously familiar.
[Whoa, déjà vu all over again. Wanna bet it’s not the afterlife?]
The ache in his chest was familiar too, but so much worse, like somebody had ripped out his heart and stomped on it repeatedly.
[And then put it back in, obviously, or I'd have just grown a new one.]
Wade felt the laugh tickling at the back of his throat, but it tasted a little too much like hysterical cackling and he pressed a hand against his mouth to keep it in, found his face was wet, and scrubbed at it roughly.
[Fuck. Losing all my mancards here.]
"Wade?" Nate's voice was hoarse and groggy and very close; Wade turned his head and found that Nate had apparently decided to sleep in a chair next to the bed. He blinked dazedly at Wade, blinked some more, then abruptly sat up like he'd been stung by something.
"Wade! You're awake!"
Wade stared at him. Yes, definitely awake. And, aside from the (probably psychosomatic) pain in his chest, he felt... normal. Normal for him, anyway: no injuries, healing factor humming away in its endless struggle with his cancer, brain as tingly as a mouthful of pop-rocks washed down with Coke...
Wade closed his eyes again.
Unfortunately this didn't make the world go away. It didn't even make Nate go away, because he sat on the bed again and began talking. "Wade? Wade, talk to me. You were clinically dead for almost ten minutes, I thought- we think your healing factor should have repaired any brain damage, but we need to check. The medical team should be here shortly, do you remember what happened?”
Wade stared hard at the inside of his eyelids. He felt oddly empty, hollowed out, like he was nothing more than a host-body for an immortal parasite. Being awake sucked, and he’d been dreaming about something, something nice, and hadn’t wanted to wake up yet. Maybe he could go back to sleep if he tried really hard...
[Ten minutes is a pretty short date. I mean, ‘leave ‘em wanting more’ is one thing, but I hope I didn’t leave in the middle of something. She might not come back, and then what’ve I got to look forward to...]
Nate was shaking his shoulder now, saying something about brainwaves and some machine made of letters. “Wade, I know you’re awake. I need to-”
[Persistent, isn’t he.]
Wade opened his eyes again, knocked Nate's hand away from his shoulder, and sat up. Nate was still talking, and wasn't it funny, that all Wade had to do to get his complete attention was ignore him? He moved on to telling Wade about the cure they'd found, which had apparently involved making his immune system destroy the nanobots and sounded depressingly permanent.
Wade stared down at his hands and said nothing. He felt tired, and he wanted his mask and he wanted a drink and to go home- there was a glass of water on top of one of the beeping machines, so that was easy. The water tasted awful, or maybe that was his mouth; he was pretty sure he hadn't brushed his teeth while he was dead. Still, that was one thing down. There was a pile of familiar red-and-black fabric on a table at the end of the bed, draped over a pair of swords, so the mask should be easy too. As to getting off the floating rock...
[Nobody in their right mind would try to keep a deranged killer on an island full of civilians, right? It'd be like trapping a fox in a box full of baby ducks. In socks. But a fox in socks wouldn't be able to catch a duckling. Although I bet it’d be hilarious watching it try. Bastards. So- wait, what was the point again?]
Tuning back in to what Nate was saying didn't help much, although he'd finished with the technobabble. His voice was low and earnest now, "-and I know you wouldn't want to go through that again, Wade, and how much you need to do things on your own terms, so I do understand why you did that, I do. I just wish you'd talked to me first, so I could have told you how close we were, that you wouldn't have to spend weeks dying while we tried to find a cure.”
He was staring at Wade intensely, and when Wade met his eyes, Nate gave him an oddly shaky sort of smile. “Wade? Are you- can you talk?”
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The water glass was still half full,
[Or half empty, maybe?]
and it made for a rather impressive explosion of bright fragments and water when Wade smashed it on Nate’s face. Not a whole lot of damage, maybe some bruising and shallow scratches, but it did shut him up very effectively. He made a stunned sort of noise, and there was more of that dazed blinking, while Wade yanked away IV needles and sensor pads and a catheter [ouch!] and got out of the bed. With perfect timing, the doctor-lady and her minions came swarming in, where they began buzzing around Nate in dismay and circling Wade warily.
Wade ignored them in favour of pulling on his Deadpool costume, which someone had repaired, fastening his weapons harness and settling his swords.
He was almost out of the room when Nate spoke again. "Wade," he said softly, "Please." Wade hesitated in the doorway, but didn't turn around. "At- at least tell me if it worked. How do you feel?"
Ok. He could find words for that. "Like I'm dying of cancer," he rasped out. "So, back to normal." Then he walked out, and kept walking. Nate must have given some major orders, because he got on a transport out with no trouble despite bring really obviously armed, and they didn't even bother to ask where he was going.
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This is wonderful. Painful in all the ways I like. Love the way you write Wade's anger and Nate's desperation.
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[Gonna be pissed if they took the TV.]
Well, there was that. Weirdly enough, not only was the TV still there, it looked like his surprise visitor had actually left something. A large cardboard box, with a note on top of it, was sitting on his couch.
"Well, what's the worst it could do? Blow me up?"
[Turn you into a rainbow-coloured My Little Pony?]
"Ooooh, nasty."
The box wasn’t ticking, though it did clink in a promising way, so Wade picked up the note. It said 'Your boyfriend's a clingy jerk. Thought you might want this anyway'. There was no name, but the box was full of bottles, most of which said things like 'For external use only' on the label, so that was... Nice, actually. A faint tickle of warm fuzziness in the empty cavern of his soul.
[Just get a blog already, why don't you?]
"Hey, if I was gonna write poetry, it'd be dirty limericks, and you know it."
[People might appreciate that. At least they'd be short.]
Wade snorted, shifted the box to the floor, and flopped on the couch. He grabbed a bottle, clicked the TV on, and settled down to drown the emptiness with infomercials and rubbing alcohol.
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I love how Wade is all depressed and hollow for not dying...and I almost want to kick Nate in his face for not getting that. (only not getting it part, I do appreciate him saving Wade...cuz you know, Wade!)
The part yellow box talks about being with death was so awesome!! it's kinda sad and yet hilarious!! LOLololol
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Um, hi! And a very warm thankyou to the four or so people who've actually been reading this ^_^ and I'm sorry if it doesn't flow all that well...
Anyway, finally gave it a name, Lookin' for some happiness, last part here.
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Thanks for making my days over and over.
Here's something I drew after reading your fic, hope you like it!
http://epiqabdr.livejournal.com/8270.html
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It's really hot and really really funny in an angsty way and really really really adorable!! and way too cannon!!
I'm kinda sad that its finished now...no more fic to look forward :( Will you please fill other prompts sometimes? pleasepleaseplease~~
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