betrayed, i feel so insane, i really, tried, i did my time........
i should have done my community service at the salvation army long ago. it's funny how people talk, and lie. i have about 3 friends now who actually want to hang out with me. who aren't hooked on drugs, or sluts and backstabbers. i've still got a lot of anger for the rest of the so called friends. some hurt, but it almost feels like hate. no more feeling sorry for them or being worried. i really tried to be there, but u can only fuck someone over so many times..... even someone like me. one of the sad things still, is that it kinda feels like they think i'm gonna be there to hang out or talk to when they have nothing better to do or w/e. no friends in the long run, or waiting for "being together in the end, forever" bullshit. i'm staying away from drugs, period. i'll be off probation this upcoming monday. not much is gonna change though. i wish i didn't have to realize it the way i did, but i guess thats the price for saving the rest of my adult life at the beginning instead of years later after sittin in jail or rehab or a fake world full of just drama, lies, scrownging up little jokes that are stupid and listening to them.....to please the party. so many harsh self esteem shattering things i have sittin in the back of my head somewhere. some revengeful thoughts, they linger becuz i don't think they'll know just how much they fucked up until there dying in bed, wondering if you'll confront urself or wrap ur lonely soul around one last excuse. karma doesn't seem like enough sometimes. i certainly don't wish the best. and it's all because of lil ol harmless weed and pills. i guess that shit will always be somewhere on my mind. otherwise i'de be just as fucked up, but damn... i've had my share of drug problems and i was never that weak. best not to find out what if.
anyway... on to things that don't make me sick......well the things that don't remind me of the things that do so i guess that's about it. soooooo yea, i hope u 2faced induviduals can take ur face from ur ass to acknowledge the fact i don't want shit to do with you, before u have some kind of idiotic idea that i would, and save yourself from confrontation followed by avoiding it. that's it, i'm gone.
anyway... on to things that don't make me sick......well the things that don't remind me of the things that do so i guess that's about it. soooooo yea, i hope u 2faced induviduals can take ur face from ur ass to acknowledge the fact i don't want shit to do with you, before u have some kind of idiotic idea that i would, and save yourself from confrontation followed by avoiding it. that's it, i'm gone.