wow
was the last time i updated this while i was on tour?
i have been back for a long time. i am excited to write here because i am good at writing here, i can make lists.
growing:
food in the back yard
recordings that sound brilliant
my self confidence back after being subject to psychological torture
a small practice of making jewelry which i hope will some day be lucrative
sense of fear for the future
a loving relationship
not my painting practice unfortunately. it is still miniscule.
inability to fall asleep unmedicated.
what am i thinking about?
i got a magazine about islands
i think about
- fur hats
- wolf girls
- small creatures that snuggle with eachother.
- i worry that i am never going to get snuggled enough. i worry that i am a silver medal. i hope it is not because i remember what it is to be a gold medal and just lost that opportunity long ago.
- i am afraid that i am losing or have lost my mind and it confuses things and make them way worse when this suspicion is corroborated by your lover. tonight i was compared to a schizophrenic woman in the park because i was drunk and upset. these things make my heart sink. sink sink sink.
- i am thinking up band names but he hates all of them, i hate everything he's come up with too.
- i am the kind of person and artist who expects all aspects of a work or project to be thought through and somehow significant and essential. People can always smell bullshit.
eleanor wants me to go to grad school. its a good idea.
i am feeling really sick. really really really sick like cold sweats sick.
sometimes i want a baby because i feel the presence of a person who is around me in spirit but missing from my life. i need to wait. this is the wrong situation for her and the wrong time.
i have chills. i banished a ghost. im burning a candle for love. i have to wake up early. that might suck.
i am a wonderful shimmering spirit. i should not allow myself to be diminished. fuck you, asshole.
i'm surviving PTSD after years of trauma, which was seriously induced after being raped and psychologically tortured by Matt Bennett. i go to therapy and it's good. it's difficult. i am angry that that person fucked with me so badly. i am angry that he is free to do it to others. i am comforted by the fact that he has to be him all the time, that he is in his own personal hell and that i thankfully escaped it before i was totally absorbed into it.
i am praying for everything.
i have been back for a long time. i am excited to write here because i am good at writing here, i can make lists.
growing:
food in the back yard
recordings that sound brilliant
my self confidence back after being subject to psychological torture
a small practice of making jewelry which i hope will some day be lucrative
sense of fear for the future
a loving relationship
not my painting practice unfortunately. it is still miniscule.
inability to fall asleep unmedicated.
what am i thinking about?
i got a magazine about islands
i think about
- fur hats
- wolf girls
- small creatures that snuggle with eachother.
- i worry that i am never going to get snuggled enough. i worry that i am a silver medal. i hope it is not because i remember what it is to be a gold medal and just lost that opportunity long ago.
- i am afraid that i am losing or have lost my mind and it confuses things and make them way worse when this suspicion is corroborated by your lover. tonight i was compared to a schizophrenic woman in the park because i was drunk and upset. these things make my heart sink. sink sink sink.
- i am thinking up band names but he hates all of them, i hate everything he's come up with too.
- i am the kind of person and artist who expects all aspects of a work or project to be thought through and somehow significant and essential. People can always smell bullshit.
eleanor wants me to go to grad school. its a good idea.
i am feeling really sick. really really really sick like cold sweats sick.
sometimes i want a baby because i feel the presence of a person who is around me in spirit but missing from my life. i need to wait. this is the wrong situation for her and the wrong time.
i have chills. i banished a ghost. im burning a candle for love. i have to wake up early. that might suck.
i am a wonderful shimmering spirit. i should not allow myself to be diminished. fuck you, asshole.
i'm surviving PTSD after years of trauma, which was seriously induced after being raped and psychologically tortured by Matt Bennett. i go to therapy and it's good. it's difficult. i am angry that that person fucked with me so badly. i am angry that he is free to do it to others. i am comforted by the fact that he has to be him all the time, that he is in his own personal hell and that i thankfully escaped it before i was totally absorbed into it.
i am praying for everything.