i am in michigan and i am sick
- confusing time
- was just totally struck with terror thinking about going back to new york
..- i need a job and don't know what to do about that
..- i need a place to live and kind of know what to do about that but hope it's good
..- feel weird fear about cooper and cooper people even though they are mostly my friends and community
..- weird fear about playing shows but also excited to play shows for people who will want to come and see me rather than on tour where no one knows who you are or knows that you're playing
..- want to make stuff!
..- don't want to drive!
..- i'm probably going to make a bunch of hats and try to sell them in williamsburg or something
..- don't want to deal with sexual assault stuff or the sexual assaulter hangin' round but hopefully that'll be okay.
..- i have a cough!
- hot apple cider and a peaceful night of music
- should i go to grad school? probably not. I should probably get a damn job.
- i want to make paintings again which is good.
- i still really want a goat.
- i met this guy in october and then couldn't get him out of my head and went back to visit him in kansas city and realized that if i hung around him too long it would be really real. im actually the best at being single and having fun and not doing it ever just being innocent and free and the last relationship was so traumatizing and fucked up my life so much that i'm being really cautious i think, but there's a lot of awesome. and in this way where it doesn't feel like stupid boy girl seriously dude you're in trouble it just feels like laughing all the time and awesome breezy happy and faces pulling towards faces. and he makes good art and knows about the ancient future...but really the reasons are so hard to explain but yeah. he has a funny face and it's stuck in my brain and he gave me a lion costume which is exactly the kind of thing that i want from the boys i like. it had been a while since i had really met anyone worthwhile and i thought my heart was dead. but it's not, it's still alive. it'll still be a while, now that i'm going back to new york and stuff and who knows if it'll ever happen. but maybe...i hope. i'm glad that the little door in my heart that closed last year isn't actually closed.
- i still decided that i have to know someone for a long time and be really sure that they're not a psycho before i ever consider serious sexy time with them.
- i am getting smarter hopefully.
- probably not?
- it's okay.
- anyway i feel anxious but also excited and i am glad that i decided to go on tour and work on farms and visit all of the people who live in america.
- i miss the friends
- i want people to buy my paintings so that i don't have to work too hard at a stupid job and i want to be able to make more paintings sometime and those cost money to do.
- i think one of the solutions is to make computer art and then print it out and do more digital collage stuff because that was nice but i still need access to printers and things.
- we just need to sleep, really. i'm kind of cranky.
= i'm playing a show in new york on the 15th and then again at silent barn in early january, and then i think at an art opening in late january. and mini east coast tour. hope i can work and do that simultaneously or magically pull dollar bills out of my ears.
- want a hug!
- was just totally struck with terror thinking about going back to new york
..- i need a job and don't know what to do about that
..- i need a place to live and kind of know what to do about that but hope it's good
..- feel weird fear about cooper and cooper people even though they are mostly my friends and community
..- weird fear about playing shows but also excited to play shows for people who will want to come and see me rather than on tour where no one knows who you are or knows that you're playing
..- want to make stuff!
..- don't want to drive!
..- i'm probably going to make a bunch of hats and try to sell them in williamsburg or something
..- don't want to deal with sexual assault stuff or the sexual assaulter hangin' round but hopefully that'll be okay.
..- i have a cough!
- hot apple cider and a peaceful night of music
- should i go to grad school? probably not. I should probably get a damn job.
- i want to make paintings again which is good.
- i still really want a goat.
- i met this guy in october and then couldn't get him out of my head and went back to visit him in kansas city and realized that if i hung around him too long it would be really real. im actually the best at being single and having fun and not doing it ever just being innocent and free and the last relationship was so traumatizing and fucked up my life so much that i'm being really cautious i think, but there's a lot of awesome. and in this way where it doesn't feel like stupid boy girl seriously dude you're in trouble it just feels like laughing all the time and awesome breezy happy and faces pulling towards faces. and he makes good art and knows about the ancient future...but really the reasons are so hard to explain but yeah. he has a funny face and it's stuck in my brain and he gave me a lion costume which is exactly the kind of thing that i want from the boys i like. it had been a while since i had really met anyone worthwhile and i thought my heart was dead. but it's not, it's still alive. it'll still be a while, now that i'm going back to new york and stuff and who knows if it'll ever happen. but maybe...i hope. i'm glad that the little door in my heart that closed last year isn't actually closed.
- i still decided that i have to know someone for a long time and be really sure that they're not a psycho before i ever consider serious sexy time with them.
- i am getting smarter hopefully.
- probably not?
- it's okay.
- anyway i feel anxious but also excited and i am glad that i decided to go on tour and work on farms and visit all of the people who live in america.
- i miss the friends
- i want people to buy my paintings so that i don't have to work too hard at a stupid job and i want to be able to make more paintings sometime and those cost money to do.
- i think one of the solutions is to make computer art and then print it out and do more digital collage stuff because that was nice but i still need access to printers and things.
- we just need to sleep, really. i'm kind of cranky.
= i'm playing a show in new york on the 15th and then again at silent barn in early january, and then i think at an art opening in late january. and mini east coast tour. hope i can work and do that simultaneously or magically pull dollar bills out of my ears.
- want a hug!