nyoro ho ho~n
guuuh uncomfortable. Every year, Christmas becomes less and less enjoyable at my house. Less and less effort is put in towards generating cheer or joy or anything to differentiate it from any other day. Holidays aren't really HOLIDAYS in this house, they're just days where we do something vaguely reminiscent of celebration. And you know, it's not like that would be terrible. There's nothing wrong with letting go of traditions no one cares about any more... but no one's letting go. There's still this feeling that Christmas or whatever SHOULD be something, and it just makes me feel uncomfortable at the end of it all because it wasn't anything. Couple that with the deterioration of whatever family dynamic we might have had once, and you've got yourself big old bag of oh god let me die. None of us like each other anymore. I wouldn't even know where to start with my parents. tl;dr they're passive aggressive fuckwits with depressing lives. Regardless of their individual faults and virtues, prolonged exposure to them has left me incapable of feeling genuinely comfortable with either of them. My sister is being used as some pawn in their passive aggressive fight, as each of them tell us both their warped little sob stories. Between my tried-and-true coping mechanisms of emotional distance and indifference I manage to remain emotionally uninvolved, but my sister is young and still lives in the middle of all this mess and hasn't made herself emotionally dead to it all. She's pretty clearly sided with our dad, and butts heads constantly with my mother.
I don't even know what the fucking point of all this is. Venting, I guess. I feel weird posting this, because I don't feel like I'm painting a complete picture (that's just one of my neuroses. I need to enumerate every little detail. usually I exhaust myself before I get anywhere near a conclusion). On the other hand, no one gives a shit about tiny little details but me and oh wow I am not in the mood to complain anymore. I made a screwdriver after the most awkward gift exchange ever, and oh wow I feel fantastic now. so i dunno lol.
There's no need to read any of this crap. I don't like my house bawwwwwwwwww. Isn't my life terrible bloo hoo pill to wrist etc. Fuck this shit; I'm gonna go watch some Daft Punk.
I don't even know what the fucking point of all this is. Venting, I guess. I feel weird posting this, because I don't feel like I'm painting a complete picture (that's just one of my neuroses. I need to enumerate every little detail. usually I exhaust myself before I get anywhere near a conclusion). On the other hand, no one gives a shit about tiny little details but me and oh wow I am not in the mood to complain anymore. I made a screwdriver after the most awkward gift exchange ever, and oh wow I feel fantastic now. so i dunno lol.
There's no need to read any of this crap. I don't like my house bawwwwwwwwww. Isn't my life terrible bloo hoo pill to wrist etc. Fuck this shit; I'm gonna go watch some Daft Punk.