Grumble, grumble and such.
I feel strange. I don't feel upset or sad or angry. I guess I just worry about Paish sometimes. I wish she didn't do things so spontaneously. It's mean to say but it's almost like she lacks all forms of common sense. She does these things I know she knows are wrong and then acts suprised and offended when she's confronted about it. I love her and I want her to be happy and live a stable life but I don't know how much longer I can tolerate living with her. It's just adding to my stress because I never know how I should act around her or what's going to offend her. I can never tell if she wants to hang out with me or if I'm annoying her.
Also, *sigh* I'm beginning to realize more and more that no matter how I try to deny it, I act like such a freaking girl sometimes. Always calling Mike all the time. I don't want to mess this up. I am still finding it hard to believe such a sweet smart kind-hearted guy like Mike wants to be with me....I know I've probably said this about CJ but I was just ..I don't know...I think I just tried to make myself believe he was right for me because he was my first.
Mike is different. I have liked him for such a long time....I just never could've imagined I'd have a chance with him. Ever. I think I would be crushed ...mentally crushed ..if he told me he didnt want to be with me. I swear sometimes I have such low self-esteem. I try to tell myself to stop it when I notice it but I just get so tired sometimes it's not worth the energy. I can't help calling him so much...it helps me remember that he does care and he wants me around.
and I have that stupid fear again that I annoy people...I try not to but It's so hard not to think I do....
Believe it or not I had a pretty good day today...I just needed to write about this so that if I start feeling any of this again I can look on here and maybe I'll have comments that'll help me feel better.
I guess that's all...I love you guys.You're great friends and I'll love u forever.
Also, *sigh* I'm beginning to realize more and more that no matter how I try to deny it, I act like such a freaking girl sometimes. Always calling Mike all the time. I don't want to mess this up. I am still finding it hard to believe such a sweet smart kind-hearted guy like Mike wants to be with me....I know I've probably said this about CJ but I was just ..I don't know...I think I just tried to make myself believe he was right for me because he was my first.
Mike is different. I have liked him for such a long time....I just never could've imagined I'd have a chance with him. Ever. I think I would be crushed ...mentally crushed ..if he told me he didnt want to be with me. I swear sometimes I have such low self-esteem. I try to tell myself to stop it when I notice it but I just get so tired sometimes it's not worth the energy. I can't help calling him so much...it helps me remember that he does care and he wants me around.
and I have that stupid fear again that I annoy people...I try not to but It's so hard not to think I do....
Believe it or not I had a pretty good day today...I just needed to write about this so that if I start feeling any of this again I can look on here and maybe I'll have comments that'll help me feel better.
I guess that's all...I love you guys.You're great friends and I'll love u forever.