This, that, and the other white meat
-"When was the first time you had sex?"
+"When I was 14 I had sex with horse"
-"How frequently have you had sex with animals?"
+"Wow, you're a genius. How did you know I fucked a pony?"
-"You just said you had sex with a horse at 14."
+"No, at 14 I had sex with whores. Not horse - whores."
- The film Kinsey, based on interviews with men about their sex lives.
I started work at the Vienna store today. It was strange going into work at 11am. Before I'd be asleep at that time. It was not the most auspicious beginning. I couldn't actually take a delivery for almost two hours because there was a paperwork issue even then we were cheating a little. Then I take my first run - a single to an apartment complex at the bottom of that stores delivery area. The total is $21.70 and the guy hands me a twenty-dollar bill, 6 quarters, a dime, a nickel and five pennies. Lotsa gratitude buddy.
Still better than my start at Main Street. Most managers have a new driver tag along with someone else a few times to get the feel for the routine but good ol' Josh just said, "Here, take this." One delivery to Jackson Hall at GMU. Someone told me to put the pizza in one of our hot bags. As I did that I noticed the cloth handles on the sides of the bag. "Oh cool, I can just grab one of these. Yeah. So I close the bag, grab a handle and start walking out.
Of course when you pick up something by just one handle the other side drops and you're carrying a pizza vertically. At least, it used to be a pizza. "Remake!"
And then the snow came down. About three inches without the plows showing up because the year before we had a lot of snow so that year they decided to slash the snow plow budget. So I grab another run and start up Burke Station Road. Because of the weather I'd driving at about a third of my normal speed on this road. Still I had one un-requested U-turn. It happened in total slow motion - like 20 seconds of me thinking "Quit it. Quit it. Oh jeez, how'd my life turn into this."
When I finished that run I told the manager I wasn't doing this shit no more. For that night anyway. Four months later on the other side of the hill where I spun out I got slammed by a drunk driver while on the job. The first thing I did was call the store to tell them to remake the order and send it out again. That was the intention anyway I forget exactly what I said. I'm rather sure that 30-60% of my words were some derivation of 'fuck,' however.
Listening to the Dresden Dolls really, really makes me want to play the drums. There are only three thinks stopping me: 1) I have no rhythm 2) I have no money 3) I have nowhere to play drums without pissing someone off.
In a strip mall I saw one of those florescent signs that was supposed to say "Art Framing" but had letters burned out so it said "A____raming."
Hmmm.
+"When I was 14 I had sex with horse"
-"How frequently have you had sex with animals?"
+"Wow, you're a genius. How did you know I fucked a pony?"
-"You just said you had sex with a horse at 14."
+"No, at 14 I had sex with whores. Not horse - whores."
- The film Kinsey, based on interviews with men about their sex lives.
I started work at the Vienna store today. It was strange going into work at 11am. Before I'd be asleep at that time. It was not the most auspicious beginning. I couldn't actually take a delivery for almost two hours because there was a paperwork issue even then we were cheating a little. Then I take my first run - a single to an apartment complex at the bottom of that stores delivery area. The total is $21.70 and the guy hands me a twenty-dollar bill, 6 quarters, a dime, a nickel and five pennies. Lotsa gratitude buddy.
Still better than my start at Main Street. Most managers have a new driver tag along with someone else a few times to get the feel for the routine but good ol' Josh just said, "Here, take this." One delivery to Jackson Hall at GMU. Someone told me to put the pizza in one of our hot bags. As I did that I noticed the cloth handles on the sides of the bag. "Oh cool, I can just grab one of these. Yeah. So I close the bag, grab a handle and start walking out.
Of course when you pick up something by just one handle the other side drops and you're carrying a pizza vertically. At least, it used to be a pizza. "Remake!"
And then the snow came down. About three inches without the plows showing up because the year before we had a lot of snow so that year they decided to slash the snow plow budget. So I grab another run and start up Burke Station Road. Because of the weather I'd driving at about a third of my normal speed on this road. Still I had one un-requested U-turn. It happened in total slow motion - like 20 seconds of me thinking "Quit it. Quit it. Oh jeez, how'd my life turn into this."
When I finished that run I told the manager I wasn't doing this shit no more. For that night anyway. Four months later on the other side of the hill where I spun out I got slammed by a drunk driver while on the job. The first thing I did was call the store to tell them to remake the order and send it out again. That was the intention anyway I forget exactly what I said. I'm rather sure that 30-60% of my words were some derivation of 'fuck,' however.
Listening to the Dresden Dolls really, really makes me want to play the drums. There are only three thinks stopping me: 1) I have no rhythm 2) I have no money 3) I have nowhere to play drums without pissing someone off.
In a strip mall I saw one of those florescent signs that was supposed to say "Art Framing" but had letters burned out so it said "A____raming."
Hmmm.