(no subject)
I am beginning to feel better. Maybe not better, but at least in less pain. I think that I have changed, though. I'm not sure what to make of it. Everyone has their two parts: the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. I have neither. I have the bright-eyed and naive dork on one shoulder, and the lazy self-serving jerk on the other. But I'm beginning to see another one. Maybe an echo of the past. A faint ringing, almost, that only seems to grow. A new buddy to grace my shoulder. He does not speak. He just points and fills my head with imagery that terrifies and satisfies me. I call him Apollyon. He has no influence over my choices or actions, he just seems to haunt them with ideas from the most sinister evil. It would seem my capability for evil, not just misdeeds, but evil in the most horrifying sense of the word, is the only thing about me without limit. It scares the hell out of me. Counseling is going to be very, very good for me.