late Feb
I slept late, can't quite get rested it seems, and have weird dreams these days.
Kay is in hospital again, got two units of blood and other stuff. I can't keep up. I know she is in hospice, but she is getting queen treatment where she worked for so long, so I can only observe and witness what her family decides to do. I hear she had a good day yesterday, so I will take that as a good thing.
Life is a crap shoot lately. I'm making soup, folding laundry and writing poetry to get through days. I spent time getting medical records lined up, release forms arranged and whatever else is needed to set myself up with Siteman Cancer Center here in town, making the line- up change just in case I need expertise someday and don't want to be in panic mode when I'm making decisions.
I have my 6-month CT on Tuesday - sure hope I didn't write this already - and it's got me shaky.
This thing of holding vigil for Kay and trying to move forward tending my own cancer possibilites is wearing thin, and it's not even been that long. Now it'll be my forever. I want to push it back so I can get on with other focal points in life, but for now I'm bogged down.
Thank goodness I have Herb Society tomorrow so I'll have friends and diversion. Then class on Friday. Today's sunshine is a big help. It's cold but I can deal with that; beats the heat in my book. But I am ready for longer days so will pay a price for that.
For now, maybe a cup of herbal tea would be right.
Kay is in hospital again, got two units of blood and other stuff. I can't keep up. I know she is in hospice, but she is getting queen treatment where she worked for so long, so I can only observe and witness what her family decides to do. I hear she had a good day yesterday, so I will take that as a good thing.
Life is a crap shoot lately. I'm making soup, folding laundry and writing poetry to get through days. I spent time getting medical records lined up, release forms arranged and whatever else is needed to set myself up with Siteman Cancer Center here in town, making the line- up change just in case I need expertise someday and don't want to be in panic mode when I'm making decisions.
I have my 6-month CT on Tuesday - sure hope I didn't write this already - and it's got me shaky.
This thing of holding vigil for Kay and trying to move forward tending my own cancer possibilites is wearing thin, and it's not even been that long. Now it'll be my forever. I want to push it back so I can get on with other focal points in life, but for now I'm bogged down.
Thank goodness I have Herb Society tomorrow so I'll have friends and diversion. Then class on Friday. Today's sunshine is a big help. It's cold but I can deal with that; beats the heat in my book. But I am ready for longer days so will pay a price for that.
For now, maybe a cup of herbal tea would be right.