why do i have to be such a weak person?

[southern_grrl]

i called him two times last night. i just wanted to leave messages. i didn't want himi to answer. i said sorry for hanging up on him. why? why am i like that. i shouldn't say sorry to him. he doesn't deserve it. the second message just said i wanted to talk to him. i think it's funny, his message thing. it's a gay song that just shows what kind of person he is. i think it's kinda funny, the girl he fucked around with on me, he calls her a 'slut' and all kinds of things. i just wonder what he says about me to people/girs. it's dumb to worry over him. i wish i wasn't but i can't help myself. i know i could find someone else. i just don't want those other people. i either want him or mike. i think i'd be better off waiting on Mike than Rey. at least something would happen. i'm going to tell rey that too, today actually.

well i'm coming home tomorrow for the weekend SOO i want to party it up. i haven't done much here but tan and fish. haha i'm a loser.. but i am in the country so yeah.