stopped listening

[sourapplekicker]

There is next to nothing that I have to say that I can say outloud.

Therapy isn't helping.
Because right now we're still doing the thing.
You know, where they basically interview you on your past.
That thing.
That I cannot think of the name of for my life, right now, apparently.

But...
there are wayyy more pressing matters at hand.
But I just sit there and answer questions, being compliant.
Because all I really want is drugs.
And they control that.

But I actually want someone to talk to right now.
Because everyone I talk to has heard everything a million billion times.
And I feel like they are getting sick of my rambling.
But I haven't even begun to let it all out.

Just because I've said it before doesn't mean that it isn't still there.
Doesn't mean that I don't have more to say on the issue.

But no one wants to listen.
Or at least that's the vibes I get.

And I don't blame them.
They're close to these people I want to talk about.
I could disrupt their relationship(s).

So, I keep quiet.
And I smile.
When I can fore myself to, I smile.
And I feel it fading.
And I feel like my face will crack when I do it.
But I still smile.

...If it makes you happy...