*blush* I like you *blush*
I keep making such great progress and everyday I am more calm, relaxed, energized, positive and healthy.
I sleep now at midnight latest and I wake up usually at 9 am without an alarm. I believe that God has breathed new life into me and has refilled/restored my mind, body, soul, spirit and heart. I've already gained about 3 pounds of muscle, my eyebrows have grown back nicely ;] lol. And I feel more and more optimistic and confident with each day. I've read many passages and positive words that have been pointed to me and have been absorbed deep into my heart. I could barely contain my tears of joy with some of the realizations and progress I've made and it has only been a few weeks. Last time it took me approximately 11 weeks of training to get to about 165 from 135/140. I'm at about 134 right now (I was at 130.5) and I still have many weeks to go. It may take me maybe 2-4 weeks longer this time as I sometimes eat at least 5 meals a day rather than 6 and I go out of the house now so I try to get a meal whilst I'm out. However, my sleep is better now and so is my training regimine (last time I didn't quite understand the training and realized after I was doing it wrong, now I get it).
Enough about that. I went off on a tangent expressing my recent events and that mainly right now my focus is to be physically fit and mentally fit. That is my overall goal for life really. To excel physically and mentally being very healthy and positive in both areas, which is one of the things that brought my interest to martial arts. A life long journey with a great atmosphere with mostly positive driven people. But that's skipping ahead just a bit. Right now I live day to day and focus on my mind, body and spirit. I digress.
The main reason I am writing in my journal right now is that I am attracted to someone. Now, I am fine being single and have been fine with that for about a year and a half now. And I haven't given girls a second glance. However, there is a girl that I want to date. I feel that right now isn't the best of times due to my present situation, but soon (I'm hoping she'll be available still). I'm not looking for friends with benefits or a sexy buddy or anything of the sort (that stuff is okay, but I am just not interested). I want to test the waters with this girl and see how good of a pair we make together.Taking it very slowly, no need to rush into kissing or heavy petting or sex.I would like to experience being with her, holding hands, spending time together on dates, and watching films and cuddle. That level of intimacy with her, but more importantly to see how well we would be together and how right it would feel.If it felt awkward or there was no feeling there then we could just stop dating and continue being friends, but if it feels right and if later there is a fire or passionate feeling in a kiss then... What happens and becomes beyond that would come at that time. I'm not going to get ahead of myself.
I like her and I'd like to date her and give things a try sometime, but I won't mess up the friendship by expressing my interest specifically right now. And if she finds someone before I get the chance to ask her out. I'll remain the friend that I am and support her (I've always been able to handle that). I wouldn't be selfish with any of my friends.
[ - TrAnce - ] (my old nickname resurrected)
I sleep now at midnight latest and I wake up usually at 9 am without an alarm. I believe that God has breathed new life into me and has refilled/restored my mind, body, soul, spirit and heart. I've already gained about 3 pounds of muscle, my eyebrows have grown back nicely ;] lol. And I feel more and more optimistic and confident with each day. I've read many passages and positive words that have been pointed to me and have been absorbed deep into my heart. I could barely contain my tears of joy with some of the realizations and progress I've made and it has only been a few weeks. Last time it took me approximately 11 weeks of training to get to about 165 from 135/140. I'm at about 134 right now (I was at 130.5) and I still have many weeks to go. It may take me maybe 2-4 weeks longer this time as I sometimes eat at least 5 meals a day rather than 6 and I go out of the house now so I try to get a meal whilst I'm out. However, my sleep is better now and so is my training regimine (last time I didn't quite understand the training and realized after I was doing it wrong, now I get it).
Enough about that. I went off on a tangent expressing my recent events and that mainly right now my focus is to be physically fit and mentally fit. That is my overall goal for life really. To excel physically and mentally being very healthy and positive in both areas, which is one of the things that brought my interest to martial arts. A life long journey with a great atmosphere with mostly positive driven people. But that's skipping ahead just a bit. Right now I live day to day and focus on my mind, body and spirit. I digress.
The main reason I am writing in my journal right now is that I am attracted to someone. Now, I am fine being single and have been fine with that for about a year and a half now. And I haven't given girls a second glance. However, there is a girl that I want to date. I feel that right now isn't the best of times due to my present situation, but soon (I'm hoping she'll be available still). I'm not looking for friends with benefits or a sexy buddy or anything of the sort (that stuff is okay, but I am just not interested). I want to test the waters with this girl and see how good of a pair we make together.Taking it very slowly, no need to rush into kissing or heavy petting or sex.I would like to experience being with her, holding hands, spending time together on dates, and watching films and cuddle. That level of intimacy with her, but more importantly to see how well we would be together and how right it would feel.If it felt awkward or there was no feeling there then we could just stop dating and continue being friends, but if it feels right and if later there is a fire or passionate feeling in a kiss then... What happens and becomes beyond that would come at that time. I'm not going to get ahead of myself.
I like her and I'd like to date her and give things a try sometime, but I won't mess up the friendship by expressing my interest specifically right now. And if she finds someone before I get the chance to ask her out. I'll remain the friend that I am and support her (I've always been able to handle that). I wouldn't be selfish with any of my friends.
[ - TrAnce - ] (my old nickname resurrected)