alone with cats, the world is forever shitting on my head

Jan 10, 2006 08:56

Ok today is, well tuesday big whoop. I am my useual downcast melodramatic depressed self. Yesterday was a fluke i swear. It was sunny, and i let the warmth in. I was so happy and euphoric i just couldnt explain it. what i also couldnt explain was the smile that beamed across my face for no apparent reason.

I was thinking last night... scary thought
how i would be alone for the rest of my god forsaken life 50 years old and staring at posters of johnny dep because back when i was in highschool i was too much of a chicken shit to face my pride and tell people/person/etc. exactly how i feel. i beat around the bush, i give hints, i smile pretty. Dont let that fool you, it doesnt work. and anyways. i have convinced myself (to avoid pain) that i am just so completelty hideous and undesireable that any one would ever give me a second glance. especially the people who know me. that my friends is a psychic attack. however self inflicted it might be. So basically, by telling myself im not wanted, i dont try to be and therefore, no one gets hurt. mainly me.

It will always be this way
Like i said. the world is forever shitting on my head.
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