b-day post #2
Happy b-day once more, dear Rin!
It's now been a whole year since I saw you up on that stage and was able to feel the true power of your voice!
I just hope that I can repete the experience very soon!!! (why yes that is me angling for you to announce a July SC concert one more!!)
present today is a fic
He had never been very good at putting himself forward, his father having always preached the value of humility and his own giving nature meaning that he felt it a much better thing to allow another the chance to shine.
It was something that, along with the clawing shyness he felt always outside of his comfort zone, had basically guaranteed him a role as a ‘hanger on’, the one in a group that was there more for pity than any genuine affection.
It’d hurt and that emotion had bubbled hot beneath his affable exterior, had built and built until there’d seemed but one logical conclusion. His parents, thank god, had seen this spiral into self destruction and had done everything in their power to stop things before it was too late.
Had introduced him to music and found a way to give him a voice at last.
With nothing other than a melody and a rhythm he could build a world filled with unimaginable delights, could pour out the very heart of himself without fear of recompense.
Music was the shield that he could bear against the pressures of the world, the ‘push’ he had needed to try just that little harder, it was not, however, quite enough to protect him from his own self and, all too swiftly, he began to second guess. His pride would not, however, give in so very easily and, before he was quite aware he had done a potentially foolish thing…
…Had taken the blind leap of faith that would see him sat at a table with none other than Daisuke Asakusa.
For a while his anxiety had made being part of Iceman an…interesting…experience, however, the simple pleasure of doing what he loved the most, as well as his band mates’ ‘easy going’ personalities, had slowly worn at that emotion until it was all but invisible.
He’d begun to enjoy himself then, had been swept up in the high of being an object of such intense adoration and everything else that came with being a ‘celebratory’.
Then the crash had come.
Suddenly he was again the “hanger on”, again being kept more out of pity than anything else.
Hurt and unable, once more, to voice that fact he’d acted again on impulse, had severed himself from that world and struck out on his own.
It’d been a rash decision and, swiftly, he’d begun to question its sense…for there was now no distraction for the crowds…nothing to hide behind other than his song.
Also...
Being in America, being surrounded by a culture that almost prided itself in being “OTT”, had washed all such thoughts from his head…had brought him to see that the best way forward was to place a little protective ring around his vulnerabilities and then shout so loud that no one ever realised that he’d done as such.
Thus he’d changed his look, crafted a flirtatious personality to wear as a cloak whenever he’d felt the need and “gotten on with his life”
He’d been buying cigarettes when he’d happened to catch the tail end of a conversation and, though he’d felt rude doing as such, he’d asked them to repeat themselves.
Ten minutes later he’d been in his car, driving a rout he’d once known well and attempting to piece together just what had prompted him to take such an extreme reaction.
He’d had only to see the intense shock and then unabashed pleasure on the other’s face for everything to click nicely into place.
He ‘cared’ for Ito Kenichi.
This was the reason he’d felt so odd since the break-up, the reason that the other was constantly on his thoughts and the reason he’d dropped everything the instant he’d heard such unexpected news.
It was not, precisely, the best sort of timing for such a revelation and he’d basically been frozen on the spot until the other had smiled the smile that he recalled so very well and enquired,
“What brings you here, of all places, Michihiro-kun?”
“I came to ask you something,”
“‘Why have you done what you have done?’ right?” The other enquires, his smile tensing a little before he says, “You’d best come in.”
They’d talked, a long hour of shared experiences and painful scars, then lighter, brighter words that’d carried over into another day…then a week…and then…
With Kenichi again in his life he felt…complete…and suddenly the mask he wore always had become a restrictive thing. Suddenly he was caught in the fierce desire to be recognised for his own self. Thus he’d begun to show more of his ‘true’ self to the fans, had exposed his more vulnerable side and been rewarded for this fact.
For the fans had loved him still, had bolstered his self confidence to a point where he had felt anything was possible....to where it’d felt all but natural to ask for the one thing that he truly desired.
Kenichi had responded to the request with his usual fevered enthusiasm and having the other again at his side as he sung had felt as fulfilling some unrealised destiny.
The close quarter work had strengthened their friendship, strengthened also the depth of his care for the other, until it seemed as a foolish thing to be apart. Until his every moment had been filled with the thought of touching…of tasting…the other.
The truth of this fact had eventually spilled from him with a little aid from a can or two of Asani and had lead to Kenichi giving over his own truth and, in turn to the deepening of their relationship.
That night had also seen the planting of an idea that would, eventually lead to the birth of Scarecrow and the start of this new life.
It was not quite perfect, for occasionally his confidence would dip just a little or he and Kenichi would get into a silly little fight. However, he was more than assured that he would not have things any other way, that those unsteady moments made the calmer ones all the more amazing.…was assured that this life was the life that he wished to live for the rest of his time upon this earth.
I feel the need to note that this is the first time I've ever tried to 'get' a proper scope on Rin's mental state and that it might not feel quite 'right' to others.
oh also, it's me, thus OTP allusions have been added.
with ease, it must be stressed!
It's now been a whole year since I saw you up on that stage and was able to feel the true power of your voice!
I just hope that I can repete the experience very soon!!! (why yes that is me angling for you to announce a July SC concert one more!!)
present today is a fic
He had never been very good at putting himself forward, his father having always preached the value of humility and his own giving nature meaning that he felt it a much better thing to allow another the chance to shine.
It was something that, along with the clawing shyness he felt always outside of his comfort zone, had basically guaranteed him a role as a ‘hanger on’, the one in a group that was there more for pity than any genuine affection.
It’d hurt and that emotion had bubbled hot beneath his affable exterior, had built and built until there’d seemed but one logical conclusion. His parents, thank god, had seen this spiral into self destruction and had done everything in their power to stop things before it was too late.
Had introduced him to music and found a way to give him a voice at last.
With nothing other than a melody and a rhythm he could build a world filled with unimaginable delights, could pour out the very heart of himself without fear of recompense.
Music was the shield that he could bear against the pressures of the world, the ‘push’ he had needed to try just that little harder, it was not, however, quite enough to protect him from his own self and, all too swiftly, he began to second guess. His pride would not, however, give in so very easily and, before he was quite aware he had done a potentially foolish thing…
…Had taken the blind leap of faith that would see him sat at a table with none other than Daisuke Asakusa.
For a while his anxiety had made being part of Iceman an…interesting…experience, however, the simple pleasure of doing what he loved the most, as well as his band mates’ ‘easy going’ personalities, had slowly worn at that emotion until it was all but invisible.
He’d begun to enjoy himself then, had been swept up in the high of being an object of such intense adoration and everything else that came with being a ‘celebratory’.
Then the crash had come.
Suddenly he was again the “hanger on”, again being kept more out of pity than anything else.
Hurt and unable, once more, to voice that fact he’d acted again on impulse, had severed himself from that world and struck out on his own.
It’d been a rash decision and, swiftly, he’d begun to question its sense…for there was now no distraction for the crowds…nothing to hide behind other than his song.
Also...
Being in America, being surrounded by a culture that almost prided itself in being “OTT”, had washed all such thoughts from his head…had brought him to see that the best way forward was to place a little protective ring around his vulnerabilities and then shout so loud that no one ever realised that he’d done as such.
Thus he’d changed his look, crafted a flirtatious personality to wear as a cloak whenever he’d felt the need and “gotten on with his life”
He’d been buying cigarettes when he’d happened to catch the tail end of a conversation and, though he’d felt rude doing as such, he’d asked them to repeat themselves.
Ten minutes later he’d been in his car, driving a rout he’d once known well and attempting to piece together just what had prompted him to take such an extreme reaction.
He’d had only to see the intense shock and then unabashed pleasure on the other’s face for everything to click nicely into place.
He ‘cared’ for Ito Kenichi.
This was the reason he’d felt so odd since the break-up, the reason that the other was constantly on his thoughts and the reason he’d dropped everything the instant he’d heard such unexpected news.
It was not, precisely, the best sort of timing for such a revelation and he’d basically been frozen on the spot until the other had smiled the smile that he recalled so very well and enquired,
“What brings you here, of all places, Michihiro-kun?”
“I came to ask you something,”
“‘Why have you done what you have done?’ right?” The other enquires, his smile tensing a little before he says, “You’d best come in.”
They’d talked, a long hour of shared experiences and painful scars, then lighter, brighter words that’d carried over into another day…then a week…and then…
With Kenichi again in his life he felt…complete…and suddenly the mask he wore always had become a restrictive thing. Suddenly he was caught in the fierce desire to be recognised for his own self. Thus he’d begun to show more of his ‘true’ self to the fans, had exposed his more vulnerable side and been rewarded for this fact.
For the fans had loved him still, had bolstered his self confidence to a point where he had felt anything was possible....to where it’d felt all but natural to ask for the one thing that he truly desired.
Kenichi had responded to the request with his usual fevered enthusiasm and having the other again at his side as he sung had felt as fulfilling some unrealised destiny.
The close quarter work had strengthened their friendship, strengthened also the depth of his care for the other, until it seemed as a foolish thing to be apart. Until his every moment had been filled with the thought of touching…of tasting…the other.
The truth of this fact had eventually spilled from him with a little aid from a can or two of Asani and had lead to Kenichi giving over his own truth and, in turn to the deepening of their relationship.
That night had also seen the planting of an idea that would, eventually lead to the birth of Scarecrow and the start of this new life.
It was not quite perfect, for occasionally his confidence would dip just a little or he and Kenichi would get into a silly little fight. However, he was more than assured that he would not have things any other way, that those unsteady moments made the calmer ones all the more amazing.…was assured that this life was the life that he wished to live for the rest of his time upon this earth.
I feel the need to note that this is the first time I've ever tried to 'get' a proper scope on Rin's mental state and that it might not feel quite 'right' to others.
oh also, it's me, thus OTP allusions have been added.
with ease, it must be stressed!