It's in my heart, it's in my blood.
So lately I've been noticing that my good mood has started to slip ever slightly. And it's good that I've recognized that, but knowledge is useless unless one knows how it may be applied. So I'm headed for another bout of depression. It's quite likely that the ever-constant readers of this journal will not hear from me for quite some time once it starts. It's also likely that I will drink myself into many angry stupors over the course of the next few weeks.
I don't know, maybe there's something wrong with me. I mean, there very obviously IS something wrong with me, but I mean, maybe there's more. Something I haven't caught on to yet.
This still hurts. A lot. It's very honestly killing me. I love Noelle with all of my heart and soul. Why the hell is that not enough? Am I really that worthless? And how can I think that way and still be as confident as I am?
I wish I could just forget her.
I wish I could forget Matt. Because that hurts a lot too. Sometimes I hate myself for my loyalty.
I've been making a lot of mistakes over the past few years. I've compromised myself too much. I've let too many people become people that I care about. And I've been too open with them. All of my friends are potential hazards to me now. What have I done to myself? I'm smarter than that. I know people are only truly good at disappointing one another. And I allowed myself the room to hope that I was wrong. But I never am. When it comes to people and how they interact with each other, I am not ever wrong.
Yesterday and today were the first days that I've thought about suicide in like three weeks. I was fucking there. I WAS THERE. i was there...
Happiness is a dream
that I'll never see,
for all beauty fades
with time and age.
Smiles are tools
to hide deceit,
for all her love fades
in time with age.
The lucky ones are the people who die at birth. They never see the evil things in the world, they never get corrupted by it, and they are loved for the entirety of their lives.
Someone please grace my life with its end.
I don't know, maybe there's something wrong with me. I mean, there very obviously IS something wrong with me, but I mean, maybe there's more. Something I haven't caught on to yet.
This still hurts. A lot. It's very honestly killing me. I love Noelle with all of my heart and soul. Why the hell is that not enough? Am I really that worthless? And how can I think that way and still be as confident as I am?
I wish I could just forget her.
I wish I could forget Matt. Because that hurts a lot too. Sometimes I hate myself for my loyalty.
I've been making a lot of mistakes over the past few years. I've compromised myself too much. I've let too many people become people that I care about. And I've been too open with them. All of my friends are potential hazards to me now. What have I done to myself? I'm smarter than that. I know people are only truly good at disappointing one another. And I allowed myself the room to hope that I was wrong. But I never am. When it comes to people and how they interact with each other, I am not ever wrong.
Yesterday and today were the first days that I've thought about suicide in like three weeks. I was fucking there. I WAS THERE. i was there...
Happiness is a dream
that I'll never see,
for all beauty fades
with time and age.
Smiles are tools
to hide deceit,
for all her love fades
in time with age.
The lucky ones are the people who die at birth. They never see the evil things in the world, they never get corrupted by it, and they are loved for the entirety of their lives.
Someone please grace my life with its end.