Last year was really the only birthday I've had in probably 5 years or more that didn't include me having a nervous breakdown of some degree or another. I was happy, I was disappointed, I wasn't freaking out about what I had or had not done with my life, I wasn't feeling inadequate, I wasn't feeling fat or stupid or insecure. I was feeling loved ( Read more... )

You told me I was absolutely everything, forever. And I believed you ( Read more... )

I feel tragic and beautiful when I'm alone. This is the sort of feeling only a benign suffering that you bear bravely can produce, only a smoldering longing for companionship can bring ( Read more... )

I never grew out of playing in the rain. I never grew out of playing dress-up. I never grew out of running away from home. I never grew out of biting. I never grew out of believing in make-believe.

And if I'm lucky, I never will.

I've lived almost two weeks free of the personal clutter we surround ourselves with. Free of those physical anomalies we call our belongings, free of the yesteryear's merchandise in which we find our identities, and for many of us, our comfort. It's all been packed away or in a remote location, every last shred aside from non-descript work ( Read more... )

Tonight I am sad.

Tomorrow will be bautiful with sunshine and spring breezes and it will bring me one day closer to Paradise; but tomorrow and every tomorrow thereafter will be full of blue undercurrents and goosebumps from all the sad things that are waiting to be remembered and forgotton.

Tonight has been full of remembering.

The only thing that really drives me, the only goal I've been able to positively identify, the only unfaltering aspiration I can claim. I want to be a muse. I want to inspire. I want to live a life worthy of ... immitation, perhaps. A life to evoke the quiet little gasp inside when your soul recognizes it's purpose. I want to lead a generation ( Read more... )

Even taking into account all that I am and all I have become, I still view myself as being this stoic, calm, sensible girl. The kind of girl that should wear long brown skirts and have a long braid down her back and glasses and play the flute or the cello or the violin. The sort that never drinks, aside from a glass of wine. The sort that ( Read more... )

diversions.

She told me exactly what I've been telling you. She confronted me about the abomination that is my medicated, smoked, and marinated state. She told me I had no purpose, no point, no goals; she told me she was concerned ( Read more... )