Should Corona Claim Me...
...or if anything else does for that matter.
But given the times we're in, these sort of thoughts surface more in the mind, and I thought it would be a good thing to write them down, not out of any morbidity or fear, but for posterity.
May all who know and love me remember ...
That I've always striven to live a life not burdened with regret.
But rather learning from everything and everyone in some fashion or another...
To further knowledge, growth, development...
To discover, and live as best as I can muster within my means and energy at any given time, towards the life I truly desire and envision, and the world that I wish could be.
Maybe if I go "too soon" I won't accomplish all of my dreams...
But I can seek peace in knowing I at least tried.
And I have peace...
In my acute and full-hearted awareness of the blessings I've been afforded in this lifetime.
All of which have, upon recurring reflection, at times even dumbfounded me by the sheer seeming stroke of luck and fortune of having them in my life.
Parents and siblings I feel must have been chosen by some divine right - for me to be able to share this lifetime with people who, through my entire life, have made it so easy to love, and to be free in being myself.
A life partner who has both presented to me, and faced with me, most of the largest challenges in my life - but who's steadfast loyalty, strength of morals, raw tender heart, and empathetic soul are unmatched. I know at the end of everything, he guards my own heart and soul and breath as if it were his own.
The non-human creatures who've shared space with me, all with their depth of personality, their ways of showing the vastness of love, their steadfast devotion, the earnest communications outside of words. They always keep me grounded and I wouldn't be the me that I am had I never had them share in my life.
I've had a few gracious "helpers" and "mentors" pop into my life at "just the right times" that, if not immediately than at least in hindsight, always struck me as so wonderfully serendipitous.
I've read some great books that helped me actualize who I am.
I've listened to so much great music who's lyrics did the same.
I've written words that helped me as well, and hopefully even some that have helped others.
I've wasted some time.
Even berated myself over it.
But who has never "wasted" any time?
I'd like to think I made up for wasted times with the earnest efforts I've put into being conscious and present and ever more "alive" in ways true to myself.
Failings included.
A challenge in leaving childhood and crossing into adulthood - at least in the way our model of civilization generally works this day in age - is trying to not completely lose the aesthetic, authentic, imaginative, connected, and innocent "you" that is at the heart of who you are. To not trade it all away out of some false sense of obligation to anything or anyone, to not suppress it out of some misplaced sense of "duty", "responsibility" or "respectability", and to not let any "others" take it from you.
I've faced the challenge... it's been difficult, at times painful, even lonely.
But ultimately I think I've won out.
I think I'm getting ever better at expressing the authentic me.
With that comes power, and with that comes peace.
What is life but the ever ongoing quest to fit into your own skin, and how to relate it to those around you?
So what is death but having reached your skin's final incarnation? Your cycle completed. You fit all you could. You simply cannot go on any longer.
Death is a "going home" of sorts, because it is the last and most permanent place we will ever reach.
I find nothing to fear in that.
Fearing the inevitable is most certainly a waste of precious life energy and time.
Yet fear creeps in not so much about the actual death...
But moreso about the "dying".
There we tend to have so little control.
No sense of when, why, or how.
The levels of pain or suffering we'll face.
The concerns that we may be all alone when it happens and may not be able to say "goodbye".
It is natural to feel anguish over these matters.
So thus I write all of this...
Lest I ever be in a position where I don't get to say any final thing to my loved ones.
But given the times we're in, these sort of thoughts surface more in the mind, and I thought it would be a good thing to write them down, not out of any morbidity or fear, but for posterity.
May all who know and love me remember ...
That I've always striven to live a life not burdened with regret.
But rather learning from everything and everyone in some fashion or another...
To further knowledge, growth, development...
To discover, and live as best as I can muster within my means and energy at any given time, towards the life I truly desire and envision, and the world that I wish could be.
Maybe if I go "too soon" I won't accomplish all of my dreams...
But I can seek peace in knowing I at least tried.
And I have peace...
In my acute and full-hearted awareness of the blessings I've been afforded in this lifetime.
All of which have, upon recurring reflection, at times even dumbfounded me by the sheer seeming stroke of luck and fortune of having them in my life.
Parents and siblings I feel must have been chosen by some divine right - for me to be able to share this lifetime with people who, through my entire life, have made it so easy to love, and to be free in being myself.
A life partner who has both presented to me, and faced with me, most of the largest challenges in my life - but who's steadfast loyalty, strength of morals, raw tender heart, and empathetic soul are unmatched. I know at the end of everything, he guards my own heart and soul and breath as if it were his own.
The non-human creatures who've shared space with me, all with their depth of personality, their ways of showing the vastness of love, their steadfast devotion, the earnest communications outside of words. They always keep me grounded and I wouldn't be the me that I am had I never had them share in my life.
I've had a few gracious "helpers" and "mentors" pop into my life at "just the right times" that, if not immediately than at least in hindsight, always struck me as so wonderfully serendipitous.
I've read some great books that helped me actualize who I am.
I've listened to so much great music who's lyrics did the same.
I've written words that helped me as well, and hopefully even some that have helped others.
I've wasted some time.
Even berated myself over it.
But who has never "wasted" any time?
I'd like to think I made up for wasted times with the earnest efforts I've put into being conscious and present and ever more "alive" in ways true to myself.
Failings included.
A challenge in leaving childhood and crossing into adulthood - at least in the way our model of civilization generally works this day in age - is trying to not completely lose the aesthetic, authentic, imaginative, connected, and innocent "you" that is at the heart of who you are. To not trade it all away out of some false sense of obligation to anything or anyone, to not suppress it out of some misplaced sense of "duty", "responsibility" or "respectability", and to not let any "others" take it from you.
I've faced the challenge... it's been difficult, at times painful, even lonely.
But ultimately I think I've won out.
I think I'm getting ever better at expressing the authentic me.
With that comes power, and with that comes peace.
What is life but the ever ongoing quest to fit into your own skin, and how to relate it to those around you?
So what is death but having reached your skin's final incarnation? Your cycle completed. You fit all you could. You simply cannot go on any longer.
Death is a "going home" of sorts, because it is the last and most permanent place we will ever reach.
I find nothing to fear in that.
Fearing the inevitable is most certainly a waste of precious life energy and time.
Yet fear creeps in not so much about the actual death...
But moreso about the "dying".
There we tend to have so little control.
No sense of when, why, or how.
The levels of pain or suffering we'll face.
The concerns that we may be all alone when it happens and may not be able to say "goodbye".
It is natural to feel anguish over these matters.
So thus I write all of this...
Lest I ever be in a position where I don't get to say any final thing to my loved ones.