General update on my life...
Oh god. where do I start?
So Jayson and I broke up. Mutually. No. He broke up with me while we were in the shower. I knew it was coming. He was all over this girl he kept bringing to our apartment over the last few months of our relationship. Turns out she was his first girlfriend ever. The one he would always compare me to, and wish I was more like. well he broke up with me, I think he tried dating her right away, and failed. It made my day. But then I had to deal with sad ex-boyfriend for the next few weeks.
While Jayson and I were still dating, I had a crush on this guy. I don't get crushes very easily, so this was a big deal. It was a ridiculous crush though, like having a crush on Johnny Depp. You like the guy, but you know it's never gonna happen. Well I had a crush on my teacher. The class was huge, like 700 people, and I swear, all the girls AND guys had a crush on this teacher... He seemed young, and cool, and he was witty and exceedingly smart. I was head over heels, but kept it on the DL because everyone else was gushing and I didn't want to join the pack. I think I saw him checking me out during the 3rd week of class during break. He made it very obvious, but I was on the phone and didnt want to believe it. Didn't want to get my hopes up, what with things going downhill for me and jayson at the time.
So Jayson broke up with me the next week, and I became lost. I don't know why. I had a place to go, I had jobs, friends, and everything else I needed. But I instantly knew I lacked that social intimacy. Where you can just call someone, and tell them about your day. Or know that whatever happens, you can go home and get a hug. I didn't have that anymore. So I called my rebound guy. He's not really a rebound... He is just the guy who I always seem to call when I break up, because he talks me through it, and does the guy point of view... you know, where he's like "well it wasn't meant to be" whereas my girl friends are all "WHAT A PRICK! GO BURN HIS HOUSE!!". I ended up sleeping with my rebound guy for the first time ever that day. The second guy I ever slept with. lol it wasn't very good. We decided to be friends (and only friends) after that.
So I decided to focus on studies. But it was hard. I felt alone. I would talk to JW's just to get some attention. I joined 2 online dating sites. I called my friends every day... and one friend would hang out with me for an hour or two and then have to go home, so I would call another friend right after they left to hang out with them. Each day felt like a week. I went to more concerts. I drank a lot more booze. I did a lot more weed. (which my rebound guy probably didn't approve much of, but he didn't complain about me using his roommates for that. All this... wasn't me. It was EXTREME me. BUT I was getting good grades.
I got my midterm back from my teacher, and I thought I rocked the short answer part, but looks like I didn't get everything right, so on St. Patricks Day, I showed up to class drunk, walked up to the teacher I had a crush on, started blushing profusely, and asked if I could see my exam. He said alright, told me to come by next week and I did. I went to his office, and there was a girl there. He told the girl to bugger off, and handed me my exam. It was quiet in the little office. I sat there going through every question. It is my last semester.. and I wanted to go out with a bang. An A+ if I could muster it. More quiet in the room. I felt awkward, as if in this silence I could hear the embarrassment of the potential of my stomach gurgling, or getting a papercut from the test... or something, anything to break the silence in an awkward way. But he did it for me. He started humming that tune from the simpsons. You know, the "think unsexy thoughts" one, where Barney is in a bikini. It made me giggle... silently giggle that is. And then he cheered! "YES!" "whats up?" "I just got tickets to a concert!" more silence.... okay, I'll bite "what concert?" "electric six". OMG "I LOVE THEM!!!" I went on a little tangent about how I was sad their synth player never makes it over the border, and told him stories about the last electric six concert I went to. We talked music, movies, books, travel... everything from this point onwards. And I realized... he is exactly like me! Only in older-man-sexy-teacher form. The conversation wore down, and he said "now if only I could find someone to go to the concert with me....." was he asking me out on a date? Not sure. So I gave him my test back, thanked him, said a few more joking words and left. No date. His class started an hour later. I didn't pay attention to lecture... I was online buying tickets to Electric Six. Kinda because I liked hanging out with him. Mostly because I love electric six.
I invited a friend. luckily, she made a friend there and left me to mingle. lol best wing girl ever. I saw my teacher when the second band came on. He saw me, came by, said hi, and went back to the girl he came with. :( Turns out the girl was also from our class! And he easily pushed her away to make room for me! He asked me to come hang out with him and her, since it looked like I was hanging out all by myself (even though I had about 30 friends I knew at that concert). We danced together, we moshed together, he kissed me, we made out. The girl from my class kept looking back at us like she had no idea what was going on. I had no idea what was going on either!!! The concert ended, and he said "where are you going?" I said "i dont know"... so he walked around vancouver with me and the other girl from my class. We got food, we got drinks. I was excessively drunk by this point. I couldnt think straight. We went back to his apartment. We drank some more. I almost broke his beloved guitar. He offered the couch and his bed. Both us girls took the bed. He kicked the other girl out of the bed. She had to sleep on the couch. The rest I will leave to your imagination, because I didn't believe it was real either. I left at 7am the next morning before he woke up. I left him my number, but didn't expect a call. He called later that day, and the next day, and the next, just to say hi, and see how I was doing. We agreed not to tell anyone, for the sake of his job, and my reputation. But in class, he was always looking in my direction, walking past me during break to get my attention so he could smile at me.
He wanted to go on a date. No sex. Just date. Which I would have been fine with. But he wanted to meet me after class, and take me to the school pub so I could meet his friends. I refused for a while, but I was still feeling lonely from the breakup, so I agreed eventually. We met after class. He wasn't very subtle about the date, even within the school. That day I thought I was the trophy girlfriend. He introduced me to everyone as his student, even though we were obviously on a date. I'm social. I talked up all his friends. Other professors, and PhD students... I could keep up with all of them. Make intelligent jokes and remarks, and keep them occupied while my teacher was out having a smoke break (ewww). My teacher drove me "home". Actually he drove me to my rebounds house. I had to talk to someone about this!! So I told my rebound the story, he understood, gave me some advice "that's disgusting... but go for it!".
There were large gaps in between when I was seeing my teacher... a few days usually. He would call, but that wasn't enough social interaction for me. I kept my dating site up. I met one guy, who seemed nice but kept playing "hard to get" which isn't nice when I obviously want him, and don't have time to chase him around. So I gave up on him, but we are still friendly acquaintances that hope to hang out again one of these days. I met another guy... who is... amazing! He is really really nice! And genuine, and is like me, but only quieter. And he thinks I am smarter than him, and funnier than him... but he is HOT! It took me a few days to get over his amazing personality to realize how attracted to him I was!! Before we met, I told him I was only looking for friends, and he agreed. I regret saying that now though. So he became my new "Jayson". He calls me and texts me a million times a day, telling me about what he is eating for breakfast lunch and dinner. When he is walking, when he is sitting, what he is thinking. It is exactly what Jayson and I used to do! And then he makes an effort to spend time with me regularly. We would see each other every 2-3 days. He wants to see me. We go on adventures to UBC, and downtown for breakfast. Funny thing is, the first day I met him was the morning after I left my teachers house... thats why I left so early... was so I could meet this new guy for coffee, and the new guy turned out to be amazing!!! The new guy is a psyc major, but he hasn't finished yet, so I invited him to my school to sit in on one of my classes. Turns out the only day we had available for him to sit in on was the class I had with my teacher. I dont think my teacher noticed my new guy.
So I went on dates with both. I dated the new guy in terms of little outings and coffee shop talks, and sitting in the park. I spent his entire birthday with him. Just him and me. He invited me over to his house to meet his grandma and have dinner while listening to Andrea Boccelli, followed by watching a movie with her. But then I would also spend some nights in Vancouver with my teacher. We would sleep together... which was expected because I told him that was all I wanted... no dates, just the nights. But he still kept asking me out on dates. I went to so many bars, met so many of his friends. And they all say the same thing: "You are just like him! Or at least what he was 10 years ago...". I am exactly like my teacher. Maybe thats why I don't want a relationship with him. I just want him to help me get over this loneliness. I guess a couple years of marriage and a divorce taught him to make love instead of have sex. Which was different for me. I wasn't expecting that. I realized at this point that I was in trouble. My FB teacher started giving me indications that he wanted more... but I like my new guy. I told teacher what our status was when we first started going out... I thought nothing had changed. Maybe nothing has changed. I can't read his mind. But if he is anything like me (which he is), he is going to get attached if he finds someone just like him, who cares about him, who wants to help him when he is down. The problem is... I wasn't so down anymore! My life felt great! I had a constant stream of friends, and both aspects of needing a boyfriend taken care of by 2 different guys... but my teacher has problems still... and still needs someone there for him, which I didnt take into consideration...
Im a bitch.
So I told my new guy about my teacher situation. He approves! he also has a man crush on my teacher and says I should go for it! But I dont want to :(. So I told my teacher I was going on vacation for a long time (that was the original plan... 1 week in mexico, 6 months in Europe if I can get my working visa). My teacher seemed fine with it. But now he texts me all the time "when are you leaving?" followed by "I'll make time for you. just tell me when". Which makes me think he doesn't want me to go. I am postponing things.. for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I think I need to be here a while longer and figure things out. lol I thought I needed to get away to figure myself out, but now I realize I have more stuff to figure out in vancouver than I do in Europe :P.
So I did a little escape from my 2 men. I called up some random guy friends to go out for beers with. They turned out nice... except one. He gave me roofies. I realized what was happening right away... lol well kinda. He gave me a weed chocolate on the skytrain. I have had weed food before, I know how it feels. When we got to the bar, we ordered food and drinks. I went to the bathroom right away, and when I came back the food and drinks were on the table. I drank half of my beer and ate some food and started feeling tingly. Must be the weed. So I drank another 1/4 of my drink. And I felt like jello... not just wobbly, but wobbly and stuck to the table. I asked him if there was anything else in the chocolate. he said no. I said I had to go to the bathroom. I called everyone I knew (except my teacher. I hadn't talked to him for 4 days by this point and had decided I was going to end it before it got serious. So I didn't want him rushing in as the hero of the day, saving me from another vile male). No-one was answering. So I went back to the table. I felt worse. I went outside for a bit for fresh air. That didn't help. I went back to the table. The guy I was with told me I would feel better in 2 hours, but he had to get me home right away. I told him I would take the bus, he tried getting me on the skytrain. I said no. I called some more. Finally someone answered. I told her I was on something, and was dizzy and needed help asap. I found her apartment... amazingly! Considering how out of it I was. She thought I was drunk until she realized that I was walking perfectly straight... I just had no idea where I was... and my vision was SET. I could stare at a brick wall for hours and not realize it!! She took me upstairs and made the guy go home. I instantly went into her bathroom and tried to sleep on her floor. She woke me up a second later, and I puked in her toilet (I am a pro vomiter!! I always get it in the bowl... ). I went into her bed. she was afraid of letting me fall asleep. We googled roofies. Tim, (my boyfriend replacement who lives with his grandma) called. I dont remember him calling but he said he called and stayed on the phone with me for half an hour keeping me awake and trying to get information from me. It was a long night. I finally slept. woke up the next morning. Stayed at her house until noon. She cancelled her plans all day to be with me. She even had a bad cold at the time. She took the skytrain with me to Tim's house so Tim could take care of me. No-one at my house would have taken care of me.
So that was a few days ago. Tim is coming over to my house tomorrow to meet my family. We havent kissed, or held hands, or flirted or anything yet. He is just the guy who acts like my boyfriend without the lovey, touchey stuff. My teacher also called yesterday after not calling me for a week since I ignored his texts. He wants to hang out with me before I leave. I talked to my little brother about it (my little brother unfortunatly met my teacher back when he was my teacher... lol and I think my teacher was jealous of seeing me with another boy at the pub, not realizing he was my brother), and my little brother says I should meet with my teacher, find out what he wants in the relationship, or if this is even a relationship, and talk things out from there. Tim agrees.
Oh my little love triangle. Well at least one of my guys really likes the other one! haha I dont think the same can be said the other way around.
So I didn't expect anyone to read this the whole way through. It is more like my personal diary of stuff I am going through and major events over the last few months.
I like keeping things exciting :) I should write a book on this!!!
So Jayson and I broke up. Mutually. No. He broke up with me while we were in the shower. I knew it was coming. He was all over this girl he kept bringing to our apartment over the last few months of our relationship. Turns out she was his first girlfriend ever. The one he would always compare me to, and wish I was more like. well he broke up with me, I think he tried dating her right away, and failed. It made my day. But then I had to deal with sad ex-boyfriend for the next few weeks.
While Jayson and I were still dating, I had a crush on this guy. I don't get crushes very easily, so this was a big deal. It was a ridiculous crush though, like having a crush on Johnny Depp. You like the guy, but you know it's never gonna happen. Well I had a crush on my teacher. The class was huge, like 700 people, and I swear, all the girls AND guys had a crush on this teacher... He seemed young, and cool, and he was witty and exceedingly smart. I was head over heels, but kept it on the DL because everyone else was gushing and I didn't want to join the pack. I think I saw him checking me out during the 3rd week of class during break. He made it very obvious, but I was on the phone and didnt want to believe it. Didn't want to get my hopes up, what with things going downhill for me and jayson at the time.
So Jayson broke up with me the next week, and I became lost. I don't know why. I had a place to go, I had jobs, friends, and everything else I needed. But I instantly knew I lacked that social intimacy. Where you can just call someone, and tell them about your day. Or know that whatever happens, you can go home and get a hug. I didn't have that anymore. So I called my rebound guy. He's not really a rebound... He is just the guy who I always seem to call when I break up, because he talks me through it, and does the guy point of view... you know, where he's like "well it wasn't meant to be" whereas my girl friends are all "WHAT A PRICK! GO BURN HIS HOUSE!!". I ended up sleeping with my rebound guy for the first time ever that day. The second guy I ever slept with. lol it wasn't very good. We decided to be friends (and only friends) after that.
So I decided to focus on studies. But it was hard. I felt alone. I would talk to JW's just to get some attention. I joined 2 online dating sites. I called my friends every day... and one friend would hang out with me for an hour or two and then have to go home, so I would call another friend right after they left to hang out with them. Each day felt like a week. I went to more concerts. I drank a lot more booze. I did a lot more weed. (which my rebound guy probably didn't approve much of, but he didn't complain about me using his roommates for that. All this... wasn't me. It was EXTREME me. BUT I was getting good grades.
I got my midterm back from my teacher, and I thought I rocked the short answer part, but looks like I didn't get everything right, so on St. Patricks Day, I showed up to class drunk, walked up to the teacher I had a crush on, started blushing profusely, and asked if I could see my exam. He said alright, told me to come by next week and I did. I went to his office, and there was a girl there. He told the girl to bugger off, and handed me my exam. It was quiet in the little office. I sat there going through every question. It is my last semester.. and I wanted to go out with a bang. An A+ if I could muster it. More quiet in the room. I felt awkward, as if in this silence I could hear the embarrassment of the potential of my stomach gurgling, or getting a papercut from the test... or something, anything to break the silence in an awkward way. But he did it for me. He started humming that tune from the simpsons. You know, the "think unsexy thoughts" one, where Barney is in a bikini. It made me giggle... silently giggle that is. And then he cheered! "YES!" "whats up?" "I just got tickets to a concert!" more silence.... okay, I'll bite "what concert?" "electric six". OMG "I LOVE THEM!!!" I went on a little tangent about how I was sad their synth player never makes it over the border, and told him stories about the last electric six concert I went to. We talked music, movies, books, travel... everything from this point onwards. And I realized... he is exactly like me! Only in older-man-sexy-teacher form. The conversation wore down, and he said "now if only I could find someone to go to the concert with me....." was he asking me out on a date? Not sure. So I gave him my test back, thanked him, said a few more joking words and left. No date. His class started an hour later. I didn't pay attention to lecture... I was online buying tickets to Electric Six. Kinda because I liked hanging out with him. Mostly because I love electric six.
I invited a friend. luckily, she made a friend there and left me to mingle. lol best wing girl ever. I saw my teacher when the second band came on. He saw me, came by, said hi, and went back to the girl he came with. :( Turns out the girl was also from our class! And he easily pushed her away to make room for me! He asked me to come hang out with him and her, since it looked like I was hanging out all by myself (even though I had about 30 friends I knew at that concert). We danced together, we moshed together, he kissed me, we made out. The girl from my class kept looking back at us like she had no idea what was going on. I had no idea what was going on either!!! The concert ended, and he said "where are you going?" I said "i dont know"... so he walked around vancouver with me and the other girl from my class. We got food, we got drinks. I was excessively drunk by this point. I couldnt think straight. We went back to his apartment. We drank some more. I almost broke his beloved guitar. He offered the couch and his bed. Both us girls took the bed. He kicked the other girl out of the bed. She had to sleep on the couch. The rest I will leave to your imagination, because I didn't believe it was real either. I left at 7am the next morning before he woke up. I left him my number, but didn't expect a call. He called later that day, and the next day, and the next, just to say hi, and see how I was doing. We agreed not to tell anyone, for the sake of his job, and my reputation. But in class, he was always looking in my direction, walking past me during break to get my attention so he could smile at me.
He wanted to go on a date. No sex. Just date. Which I would have been fine with. But he wanted to meet me after class, and take me to the school pub so I could meet his friends. I refused for a while, but I was still feeling lonely from the breakup, so I agreed eventually. We met after class. He wasn't very subtle about the date, even within the school. That day I thought I was the trophy girlfriend. He introduced me to everyone as his student, even though we were obviously on a date. I'm social. I talked up all his friends. Other professors, and PhD students... I could keep up with all of them. Make intelligent jokes and remarks, and keep them occupied while my teacher was out having a smoke break (ewww). My teacher drove me "home". Actually he drove me to my rebounds house. I had to talk to someone about this!! So I told my rebound the story, he understood, gave me some advice "that's disgusting... but go for it!".
There were large gaps in between when I was seeing my teacher... a few days usually. He would call, but that wasn't enough social interaction for me. I kept my dating site up. I met one guy, who seemed nice but kept playing "hard to get" which isn't nice when I obviously want him, and don't have time to chase him around. So I gave up on him, but we are still friendly acquaintances that hope to hang out again one of these days. I met another guy... who is... amazing! He is really really nice! And genuine, and is like me, but only quieter. And he thinks I am smarter than him, and funnier than him... but he is HOT! It took me a few days to get over his amazing personality to realize how attracted to him I was!! Before we met, I told him I was only looking for friends, and he agreed. I regret saying that now though. So he became my new "Jayson". He calls me and texts me a million times a day, telling me about what he is eating for breakfast lunch and dinner. When he is walking, when he is sitting, what he is thinking. It is exactly what Jayson and I used to do! And then he makes an effort to spend time with me regularly. We would see each other every 2-3 days. He wants to see me. We go on adventures to UBC, and downtown for breakfast. Funny thing is, the first day I met him was the morning after I left my teachers house... thats why I left so early... was so I could meet this new guy for coffee, and the new guy turned out to be amazing!!! The new guy is a psyc major, but he hasn't finished yet, so I invited him to my school to sit in on one of my classes. Turns out the only day we had available for him to sit in on was the class I had with my teacher. I dont think my teacher noticed my new guy.
So I went on dates with both. I dated the new guy in terms of little outings and coffee shop talks, and sitting in the park. I spent his entire birthday with him. Just him and me. He invited me over to his house to meet his grandma and have dinner while listening to Andrea Boccelli, followed by watching a movie with her. But then I would also spend some nights in Vancouver with my teacher. We would sleep together... which was expected because I told him that was all I wanted... no dates, just the nights. But he still kept asking me out on dates. I went to so many bars, met so many of his friends. And they all say the same thing: "You are just like him! Or at least what he was 10 years ago...". I am exactly like my teacher. Maybe thats why I don't want a relationship with him. I just want him to help me get over this loneliness. I guess a couple years of marriage and a divorce taught him to make love instead of have sex. Which was different for me. I wasn't expecting that. I realized at this point that I was in trouble. My FB teacher started giving me indications that he wanted more... but I like my new guy. I told teacher what our status was when we first started going out... I thought nothing had changed. Maybe nothing has changed. I can't read his mind. But if he is anything like me (which he is), he is going to get attached if he finds someone just like him, who cares about him, who wants to help him when he is down. The problem is... I wasn't so down anymore! My life felt great! I had a constant stream of friends, and both aspects of needing a boyfriend taken care of by 2 different guys... but my teacher has problems still... and still needs someone there for him, which I didnt take into consideration...
Im a bitch.
So I told my new guy about my teacher situation. He approves! he also has a man crush on my teacher and says I should go for it! But I dont want to :(. So I told my teacher I was going on vacation for a long time (that was the original plan... 1 week in mexico, 6 months in Europe if I can get my working visa). My teacher seemed fine with it. But now he texts me all the time "when are you leaving?" followed by "I'll make time for you. just tell me when". Which makes me think he doesn't want me to go. I am postponing things.. for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I think I need to be here a while longer and figure things out. lol I thought I needed to get away to figure myself out, but now I realize I have more stuff to figure out in vancouver than I do in Europe :P.
So I did a little escape from my 2 men. I called up some random guy friends to go out for beers with. They turned out nice... except one. He gave me roofies. I realized what was happening right away... lol well kinda. He gave me a weed chocolate on the skytrain. I have had weed food before, I know how it feels. When we got to the bar, we ordered food and drinks. I went to the bathroom right away, and when I came back the food and drinks were on the table. I drank half of my beer and ate some food and started feeling tingly. Must be the weed. So I drank another 1/4 of my drink. And I felt like jello... not just wobbly, but wobbly and stuck to the table. I asked him if there was anything else in the chocolate. he said no. I said I had to go to the bathroom. I called everyone I knew (except my teacher. I hadn't talked to him for 4 days by this point and had decided I was going to end it before it got serious. So I didn't want him rushing in as the hero of the day, saving me from another vile male). No-one was answering. So I went back to the table. I felt worse. I went outside for a bit for fresh air. That didn't help. I went back to the table. The guy I was with told me I would feel better in 2 hours, but he had to get me home right away. I told him I would take the bus, he tried getting me on the skytrain. I said no. I called some more. Finally someone answered. I told her I was on something, and was dizzy and needed help asap. I found her apartment... amazingly! Considering how out of it I was. She thought I was drunk until she realized that I was walking perfectly straight... I just had no idea where I was... and my vision was SET. I could stare at a brick wall for hours and not realize it!! She took me upstairs and made the guy go home. I instantly went into her bathroom and tried to sleep on her floor. She woke me up a second later, and I puked in her toilet (I am a pro vomiter!! I always get it in the bowl... ). I went into her bed. she was afraid of letting me fall asleep. We googled roofies. Tim, (my boyfriend replacement who lives with his grandma) called. I dont remember him calling but he said he called and stayed on the phone with me for half an hour keeping me awake and trying to get information from me. It was a long night. I finally slept. woke up the next morning. Stayed at her house until noon. She cancelled her plans all day to be with me. She even had a bad cold at the time. She took the skytrain with me to Tim's house so Tim could take care of me. No-one at my house would have taken care of me.
So that was a few days ago. Tim is coming over to my house tomorrow to meet my family. We havent kissed, or held hands, or flirted or anything yet. He is just the guy who acts like my boyfriend without the lovey, touchey stuff. My teacher also called yesterday after not calling me for a week since I ignored his texts. He wants to hang out with me before I leave. I talked to my little brother about it (my little brother unfortunatly met my teacher back when he was my teacher... lol and I think my teacher was jealous of seeing me with another boy at the pub, not realizing he was my brother), and my little brother says I should meet with my teacher, find out what he wants in the relationship, or if this is even a relationship, and talk things out from there. Tim agrees.
Oh my little love triangle. Well at least one of my guys really likes the other one! haha I dont think the same can be said the other way around.
So I didn't expect anyone to read this the whole way through. It is more like my personal diary of stuff I am going through and major events over the last few months.
I like keeping things exciting :) I should write a book on this!!!