life of a typhoon
right now at this point of time, i see my life as a typhoon... when things do happen, the effect would gradually pick up... getting rougher and rougher... to the point of a maximum... then u will hit this region where it is at the eye of the storm... extremely peaceful... and i think im at this point right now... extremely peaceful... sunshine and cool and calm... but how long will this last? this peacefulness and cool feeling... is nothing but short lived... i know that... before the roughest part will come hit me again... ive no where to run... since im already right smack in the eye of the storm... anywhere the storm turn i will still hit the strongest part first... the only thing tts possible now... that the storm stay still... which obviously will not happen... altenatively... let me be a storm chaser... putting myself forever in the eye of the storm... but how accurate can i predict this storm? i guess i was never good in it... to be chasing the storm is like an escapist... trying all ways and means to keep this temporary cool and peacefulness... the last way is to be firm and stand firm... face the storm... let it pass me and hopefully a piece of me will be left and when this storm is over... i will be ok once again...
looking at it this way... ive 2 choices.. to run away from problem... or to face the problem... looking at myself... i would probably face it... and bear the consequences of it all...
must make use of this peaceful time to really get down to think abt wat lies ahead... coz i really think that this storm ain too easy... coz the stakes are high... i so wished that things weren as tough as it is now... but if this life of mine is meant to be this way... i'll just have to live with it... not that ive much of a choice anyway... if life is all about choices... how come i cant choose the way things turn out to be? but come to think again... life do have their choices afterall... and maybe its the choice that i made that make myself feel this way... but sometimes ya noe... ur whole heart and mind is tuned to such a way that it becomes illogical for you to pick the other choice... tts when the trapped feeling arises... there u r forcing me to pick this way that i never wanted... there my heart and mind tells me to just stick to wat i believe... this trapped feeling is killing me...
everytime i try to bring things up to discuss...not that i do everytime like how u exaggerated it... it gets brushed off... i dun wanna tok abt this i dun wanna tok abt that... and that u always feel that there ain anything to discuss abt... nor everything just doesn make sense to u... am i really that puny in the eyes of you? am i really that emotional a wreck in the eyes of you? wateva i did just seem negative to you ever since everything happened... everything just seem to be ironic... things u say to me gets changed everytime... though i noe that everything is subjected to changes... but i guess changing everytime in ur words is something that i cant really comprehend... one day u tell me its open.. one day u tell me its close... i ain too sure if u see why am i like that... but i guess i just take ur words for real... and i get confused... just like u r the one that keeps saying that i dun understand... and i try to tell u that i understand... then u go saying things like i dun wanna tok abt whether i understand or not... im like wat? u bring it up ... force something upon me... i cant explain myself... ur words getting more and more hostile as the day goes by... u say that the more i insist the more i resist... honestly speaking.. am i really insisting on anything? all these while im just trying to straighten things out... at the same time... try to see if things still can be mended... and trying ain insisting right? i tried asking u out.. did i go like eh look we shud go out on this day and time bla bla? all i simply asked was eh come out for a movie leh... tts all.. when u say see how then i simply ok lo... is that insisting? even when i ask u to try and give me a little chance... all i really did was reason things out.. and hope for the best... when u say u dun wan to... did i really try? i make a request... u say no... i try to explain why... isn it normal? like this new incident appeared then obviously i will try and do a little on my part right? so is this still called insisting? if it is... then i also got nothing to say... coz i think insisting is when i keep repeatingly ask for soemthing even after u say no... but asking u once.. u say no.. i try reasoning it for once... u say no agian... then i stop... so is it still insisting?
i cant help it but feel that u just see everything negative with wateva i do or say... if the thing i do or say is a little negative... it gets amplified.. even if it meant well.. u will see it as nothing... in particularly if u remembered wat u say on our birthday outing... i guess i din wanna bring it up... but it hurt quite a fair bit...
bear in mind... i am typing all this with really a cool and calm head... everyline came with a thought... and i took an hour to type this...
maybe this is the kind of thing that will happen when i fall out of favour... and i think i noe if i tell u this in person u will just feel its bull shit and dun make sense... and that im just emtional unstable and that im just trying to fa xie and that after all this i still dun understand... or even a simply.. okie or wateva... or that everything is up to me...
nvm... i guess this entry wun even mean a single thing to you...
so how long will this peace last?
looking at it this way... ive 2 choices.. to run away from problem... or to face the problem... looking at myself... i would probably face it... and bear the consequences of it all...
must make use of this peaceful time to really get down to think abt wat lies ahead... coz i really think that this storm ain too easy... coz the stakes are high... i so wished that things weren as tough as it is now... but if this life of mine is meant to be this way... i'll just have to live with it... not that ive much of a choice anyway... if life is all about choices... how come i cant choose the way things turn out to be? but come to think again... life do have their choices afterall... and maybe its the choice that i made that make myself feel this way... but sometimes ya noe... ur whole heart and mind is tuned to such a way that it becomes illogical for you to pick the other choice... tts when the trapped feeling arises... there u r forcing me to pick this way that i never wanted... there my heart and mind tells me to just stick to wat i believe... this trapped feeling is killing me...
everytime i try to bring things up to discuss...not that i do everytime like how u exaggerated it... it gets brushed off... i dun wanna tok abt this i dun wanna tok abt that... and that u always feel that there ain anything to discuss abt... nor everything just doesn make sense to u... am i really that puny in the eyes of you? am i really that emotional a wreck in the eyes of you? wateva i did just seem negative to you ever since everything happened... everything just seem to be ironic... things u say to me gets changed everytime... though i noe that everything is subjected to changes... but i guess changing everytime in ur words is something that i cant really comprehend... one day u tell me its open.. one day u tell me its close... i ain too sure if u see why am i like that... but i guess i just take ur words for real... and i get confused... just like u r the one that keeps saying that i dun understand... and i try to tell u that i understand... then u go saying things like i dun wanna tok abt whether i understand or not... im like wat? u bring it up ... force something upon me... i cant explain myself... ur words getting more and more hostile as the day goes by... u say that the more i insist the more i resist... honestly speaking.. am i really insisting on anything? all these while im just trying to straighten things out... at the same time... try to see if things still can be mended... and trying ain insisting right? i tried asking u out.. did i go like eh look we shud go out on this day and time bla bla? all i simply asked was eh come out for a movie leh... tts all.. when u say see how then i simply ok lo... is that insisting? even when i ask u to try and give me a little chance... all i really did was reason things out.. and hope for the best... when u say u dun wan to... did i really try? i make a request... u say no... i try to explain why... isn it normal? like this new incident appeared then obviously i will try and do a little on my part right? so is this still called insisting? if it is... then i also got nothing to say... coz i think insisting is when i keep repeatingly ask for soemthing even after u say no... but asking u once.. u say no.. i try reasoning it for once... u say no agian... then i stop... so is it still insisting?
i cant help it but feel that u just see everything negative with wateva i do or say... if the thing i do or say is a little negative... it gets amplified.. even if it meant well.. u will see it as nothing... in particularly if u remembered wat u say on our birthday outing... i guess i din wanna bring it up... but it hurt quite a fair bit...
bear in mind... i am typing all this with really a cool and calm head... everyline came with a thought... and i took an hour to type this...
maybe this is the kind of thing that will happen when i fall out of favour... and i think i noe if i tell u this in person u will just feel its bull shit and dun make sense... and that im just emtional unstable and that im just trying to fa xie and that after all this i still dun understand... or even a simply.. okie or wateva... or that everything is up to me...
nvm... i guess this entry wun even mean a single thing to you...
so how long will this peace last?