cocktail of emotions
walked out of service feeling totally horrible... this is by far one of the only times when this cocktail of emotions was the most potent... it burns... it totally burnt through me... why u may ask... coz of the things being preached today... its i guess one of those sensitive topics in my recent life... ppl may think that its abt love and relationship stuff again... but no.. its love none the less but its the love u show to ur parents... today my church toked abt parents and how a child shud behave... all my life ive been a really bad kid... always making my mum mad... things i do that made her sad and cry... i feel horrible... especially after the sermon...
to top it all off... especially at the end the pastor did ask those who has their parents left the world to spend a min thinkng abt them... i did... i honestly did... i closed my eyes... felt for dad... and grandad... my tears just rolled a little... thinking abt how i really treated my dad when he was still alive... thinking abt how he treated me... though hes the kind of dad that is really never around... but then those small little unseen things that he did.. made me who i am today... he has this unmatchable passion for frens.. and i think ive inherited that... at least a little... i treat my frens better than i treat myself... anyway as i think abt my dad... i realised the ugly truth of it all... the very person who gave me my life... i will never be able to see him ever again... after saying a little prayer for him... i thought abt grand dad... his smile... his constant reminder for me to keep believing... to not stop going to church... times spent with him was not much.. but this old man.. did told me alot of life... shared with me his ups and downs... i used to enjoy toking to him... i seriously do... and too i said a little prayer for him... the min of silence seemed an eternity...
after everything... i sat down utter one more prayer... before walking out... feeling the scars open up again... one by one... eating me up...
i feel like crap...
and everything that has happened and been happening isn exactly helping... so God wat u wan me to do? wat more u wan me to do? u keep throwing signs that everything is just gonna turn out fine... how much more do i have to loose for this test to be over? having faith in the Lord is really not easy... but im reminded today during bible class that God wun give us wat we cant handle... oh well... hopefullly...
i need to study... can feel the heat... but no motivation to study.. no idea why...
hope the following doesn sound too pokey into ur business.. i just thought after reading i had a little thought... on my own... hmmm self worth is something not very important i guess... so wat if u think u r no good... so wat if u think u r damn good... in this realistic world we live in... i think wat ppl think of u is more important... sounds sad... but everyday in our live... in a way or another we get evaluated... tts how those impressions and ideas abt one person come abt right? oh well just do wateva u think is right... leave the rest to either Him or other ppl concern... if they think u r right... ur worth will naturally increase... if u r wrong... ur worth take a dip... but i guess its okie... coz all these can change over time... and there are bound to be ppl around who thinks that u r worth it... toking abt all these... im actualy toking abt myself too... measuring oneself can get very tiring...
when ppl reject ur concern... u just try again and see wat happen... for how long... God noes...
i want to hold you
protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
the way that a father should love his daughter
to top it all off... especially at the end the pastor did ask those who has their parents left the world to spend a min thinkng abt them... i did... i honestly did... i closed my eyes... felt for dad... and grandad... my tears just rolled a little... thinking abt how i really treated my dad when he was still alive... thinking abt how he treated me... though hes the kind of dad that is really never around... but then those small little unseen things that he did.. made me who i am today... he has this unmatchable passion for frens.. and i think ive inherited that... at least a little... i treat my frens better than i treat myself... anyway as i think abt my dad... i realised the ugly truth of it all... the very person who gave me my life... i will never be able to see him ever again... after saying a little prayer for him... i thought abt grand dad... his smile... his constant reminder for me to keep believing... to not stop going to church... times spent with him was not much.. but this old man.. did told me alot of life... shared with me his ups and downs... i used to enjoy toking to him... i seriously do... and too i said a little prayer for him... the min of silence seemed an eternity...
after everything... i sat down utter one more prayer... before walking out... feeling the scars open up again... one by one... eating me up...
i feel like crap...
and everything that has happened and been happening isn exactly helping... so God wat u wan me to do? wat more u wan me to do? u keep throwing signs that everything is just gonna turn out fine... how much more do i have to loose for this test to be over? having faith in the Lord is really not easy... but im reminded today during bible class that God wun give us wat we cant handle... oh well... hopefullly...
i need to study... can feel the heat... but no motivation to study.. no idea why...
hope the following doesn sound too pokey into ur business.. i just thought after reading i had a little thought... on my own... hmmm self worth is something not very important i guess... so wat if u think u r no good... so wat if u think u r damn good... in this realistic world we live in... i think wat ppl think of u is more important... sounds sad... but everyday in our live... in a way or another we get evaluated... tts how those impressions and ideas abt one person come abt right? oh well just do wateva u think is right... leave the rest to either Him or other ppl concern... if they think u r right... ur worth will naturally increase... if u r wrong... ur worth take a dip... but i guess its okie... coz all these can change over time... and there are bound to be ppl around who thinks that u r worth it... toking abt all these... im actualy toking abt myself too... measuring oneself can get very tiring...
when ppl reject ur concern... u just try again and see wat happen... for how long... God noes...
i want to hold you
protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
the way that a father should love his daughter