[Closed]

[ih8spiders]

Characters: ih8spiders, alphaspider
Location: Casualty Communal 11OP
Rating: PG...?
Time: backdated to January 11 morning, following this thread
Description: Kuroro realizes just how lucky he is to have Kurapika as his weapon partner.

Comments

[ih8spiders]

Kuroro's question broke him out of a brown study of his blurry, glassy-eyed reflection on the elevator doors. He looked up and found Kuroro looking down at him, which would have been disconcerting at any other time, but he merely went back to waiting for the elevator to arrive. For a moment he considered answering with his usual deflections, but then decided that that he just didn't want to go through the effort of deflecting and dismissing. He was sick of being dishonest, in any case.

"Of course I would have missed you." A touch of sarcasm would help make his answer sound more miffed, and at least help disguise the honesty in his words--as tired as he was, he was doing this purely in the interest of getting Kuroro to leave him alone now, and he didn't want to end up spilling all of his guts with just one question.

"I've gotten too used to living with a roommate, so I'd appreciate it if you don't do anything that would result to you being away for more than a few days at a time. And I haven't been sleeping well, so I'm tired," he added as a last sting, not that he believed that complaining would have any effect on his partner, in any case.

[alphaspider]

And then the realization finally came to him, the fact that Kurapika was also in mourning, had valued China as Kuroro had, and then had been made to deal with Kuroro at the height of his lethargy and tantrum. Kurapika's emotional upheaval and moral struggles were usual enough and Kuroro didn't hide his occasional disregard for them, but the added stress of losing someone and dealing with a deviant partner could be, if Kuroro read right, the proverbial straw that wore Kurapika down to a thread. It was admirable that he'd stayed upright through it, and while Kuroro could hardly emphatize with many of Kurapika's problems, he could still appreciate the magnitude of what his partner had done for him.

You're my partner. That's what Kurapika had said. The statement meant more, had more implications, now that Kuroro was looking at Kurapika with his restraints peeling off. How difficult was it to even admit this much?

Despite his usual control, he couldn't help but reach out and put his hand over Kurapika's eyes. He moved faster than the usual human and it usually worked for him, but now what was it for? Kuroro had acted before thinking and his reflexes had picked it up. To stop Kurapika from looking so bleak, to hide his view of their reflection, he decided.

"I won't," he murmured as an acknowledgement of his fault and an apology. The elevator dinged open with a sharp chime; Kuroro leaned forward and pressed his lips to the corner of Kurapika's mouth, the angle just enough to manage it, before walking past the blond through the elevator door, hand leaving his partner's face.

[ih8spiders]

It hadn't been that difficult to admit that much, not really. Not difficult to forget, for one short moment, that he was supposed to hate the man standing beside him, not difficult, in his tired state, to admit out aloud that he'd missed his partner's presence, to imply that he'd been miserable the past week all by himself, and not difficult to allow himself to fully accept their partnership for those handful of seconds. Maybe he was just trying it out, trying to see what would happen if he picked up on Stein's words--a partnership that could be powerful, only held back by his unwillingness to let all his issues go.

Sounds like us, don't you think? The question echoed, teeny tinkling of glass shards in his mind as Kuroro's hand closed over his eyes, and Kurapika froze at the contact, except for his fingers twitching once in his hands slack at his sides, as if grasping for chains that would never materialize--his breath hitching, as he felt the ghostly touch against the side of his mouth, his cheek, the warmth of his partner's body close by. He waited for his anger to rise as he dimly registered the kiss. He was still waiting when Kuroro pulled away and returned his sight back to him.

He was still waiting, blinking owlishly, heart pounding a staccato beat he was sure could be heard even by Kuroro standing in the open car of the elevator, but there was nothing, none of the expected overwhelming rush of outrage, no screaming voices of his dead kinsmen, and his vision was red but different, softer edges, warmer tones, but the anger just wasn't there, except in the silence he could now hear something hysterically wondering if Kuroro had broken his eyes.

It had been a mistake, to let the walls fall even for that briefest of moments, because they had utterly failed to rise back up, and now he was standing dumbly in the lobby of Communal feeling like--like he'd really, really like it if the floor were to gape open and swallow him right now.

[alphaspider]

Was Kurapika going to punch him? It didn't seem that way, but Kurapika's eyes were red and confusion and other expressions seemed to be warring on the blond's face. Understandable, after the stunt Kuroro just pulled, but he couldn't really identify why he'd done it. He had wanted to, and then he did it.

There were so many possible meanings. Was it contrition? Plausible, but why had it ended in Kuroro's particular actions? Kuroro couldn't deny some attraction for Kurapika -- the blond was attractive enough, easy on the eyes, interesting -- but it had never reached any sort of level that required him to even think about it beyond the idle musing. He held a high degree of affection and even possessiveness for his partner. It was inevitable: Kurapika had the dubious ability to constantly surprise Kuroro and bring about him a humanity that Kuroro had long since concluded had been eradicated by Ryuusegai and their world.

It was probably for the best to give Kurapika some time to recover his composure. Undeniably, he needed a few precious moments to gather his thoughts about this, himself. The elevator door began closing and Kuroro made no move to stop it. If he went ahead to their apartment first, they could start over, probably. He could cook something to eat, take a shower, and pretend that this wasn't possibly a significant, life-changing event.

[ih8spiders]

Movement in his peripheral vision jogged him out of the trance he'd fallen into, and his hands shot out and banged painfully against the elevator doors to stop them from closing; it was an automatic reaction to seeing his ride closing on him, hot on the heels of his interrupted wish to be back at their flat as soon as possible, and it was too late when he realized that he could have just taken the next elevator in blessed solitude.

His eyes were still red when he shuffled in next to Kuroro. Kurapika kept his head down as he tried to push back at nonexistent anger--it felt like he was pushing at air, at nothing, and his vision remained an embarrassing red despite his efforts to regain control. Maybe they'd triggered in reaction to something other than anger? Fear, maybe? Confusion, embarrassment? He closed them and furiously rubbed at the side of his left wrist, where the bone had hit one of the metallic elevator doors, and focused on just that and not on what had just transpired, because thinking about it would inevitably lead him to wondering why Kuroro had done what he did.

Maybe there hadn't been any meaning behind it. Maybe Kuroro was just thanking him? What an odd way to show gratitude. Was it something he'd picked up from his extensive travelling?

[alphaspider]

It was bothering Kurapika more than it was bothering Kuroro, that was obvious enough in the blond's eyes and bearing. It would have been easier if he had just apologized and let Kurapika recover on his own. It was rare of him to act on an impulse that he couldn't immediately identify -- this wasn't brought on my curiosity, or boredom, or gratification.

If it was attraction or even feelings for his partner, that was acceptable. Kuroro was not one to condemn himself for anything, was not particularly judgmental of emotions or weaknesses on their own, and tended to be easygoing to the extreme. But was it?

He pressed the number of their floor. "Sorry," he offered quietly, expression blank as he stared ahead at the closed door. "I shouldn't have done that."

[ih8spiders]

The apology felt and sounded like a gunshot in the quiet hum of the ascending elevator, and somehow, for some bizarre reason--yes, he was starting to feel angry now, but examining his anger, like it was a detached limb of his, made him realize that it was more in response to Kuroro closing himself off now and not over the peck. Oh no you don't--he wasn't about to let all his hard work over the past week get wiped out because Kuroro had suddenly grown a conscience. Kurapika opened his eyes and took a deep breath, a calming, centering breath, and waited for something to change.

No. His vision was still fuzzily red. His neck was warm, his heart pounding just as badly as when Kuroro had run his fingers through his hair five days ago.

"Shut up. I'm trying to figure out why I'm not getting the urge to kill you."

Oh, and his filters had seemingly been disabled alongside all his restraints falling.

[alphaspider]

He glanced at Kurapika with his eyebrows slightly raised. This was more in line with Kurapika's usual inner conflict, if it had something to do with killing him. His eyes were red but he wasn't outraged or murderous. Interesting. He'd heard before that the Kuruta's eyes changed colors at emotion, but he had only seen it on Kurapika when he was angry. What was it, now?

"I'm your partner," he guessed with a slight shrug, opting to remain quiet after this if talking was going to earn him more ire.

[ih8spiders]

No, that wasn't it. For transgressions against his personal space, it didn't matter if Kuroro was his partner or not, his first and foremost reaction would have been to kill first and then ask questions later, so what had changed? Could six months have been enough to neutralize years of dislike? Or maybe the past week of diligent, daily visiting had gone and screwed with his internal meter of what should and shouldn't be? It was possible; his mind was so befuddled due to lack of sleep, his subconscious whacked from consecutive evenings filled with bad dreams, the hours of worrying and resulting self-recrimination couldn't have helped, and in the first place, he didn't even know what Kuroro had meant to do, so maybe he was just overthinking things again...?

He could just ask, but no, he didn't want to--he was quite certain that the answer, whatever it was, wouldn't be anything good, and he was afraid to hear it. Kurapika exhaled again, struggled to ignore the presence of his partner in a box that suddenly felt too small, started to run a hand through his hair out of increasing frustration, aborted the action and then ran his hand down his face instead.

This wasn't good. Emotional upheaval, mental strife, if he couldn't figure out what was wrong, then it didn't matter if Kuroro was back to normal, he'd still be in no state to resonate with the meister. What was it that Stein had said? Emotional and personal problems that cause strife within a soul can break a partnership...

... Many relationships can end up being very close, and even romantic.

..... Oh.

[alphaspider]

It was a short trip up, but Kuroro spent it studying Kurapika's reflection on the metallic door. The blond was tense at the shoulders, his mouth set in an unhappy frown, and rapidly turning red from the neck up. Was he embarrassed? It was likely, given what Kuroro had just done and Kurapika's own reactions to embarrassment. But the question was why Kurapika hadn't socked him yet and was instead standing here skittishly -- he'd teased about this sort of thing before, and had done so not even half an hour ago. Had it changed just because Kuroro had been more physical about it?

Kuroro glanced down at his partner, and noticed the reddening of the ear visible to him.

Was Kurapika blushing?

"Did you like that?" he asked before he could help himself, mildly surprised at the new ideas making their existence known to him. They weren't impossible, of course, though not particularly likely given who Kuroro was and what he had done to Kurapika in the past. It was easier to figure that he was to a certain degree attracted to Kurapika than conclude that the other way around could happen. In the future, yes, but at the moment...

China existed in the future. He wasn't here now, and things naturally followed a different path for those left behind.

/tries yandere route

[ih8spiders]

Kurapika's perception of what was or wasn't appropriate in public was the thing that marked the change between his reaction at the mural and his reaction here, and even then it wasn't really that big of a change; thirty minutes ago he was still in full control of his filters, and right now they were seeing the disastrous results of him letting go of those personal restraints, but even so, even so!

He hadn't yet reached the point where he could decide, through his muddled confusion, if he liked it or not, because to be honest he really had no idea if he did. It made him uncomfortable, that much was certain, uncomfortable in ways that he was having trouble understanding--first was that this meant he'd grown to tolerate Kuroro enough to allow the closer physical contact, and second was the question of if he'd gotten attached enough for it to start turning into attraction--

A soft chime overhead announced that they'd finally reached their floor, the doors opened, and Kurapika answered Kuroro with the punch he'd been waiting for all these minutes past, late and hopefully unexpected and aimed at the side of his gut.

lmfao

[alphaspider]

Kurapika still wasn't answering. It was probably the time to stop asking, then, and to just let it be for now. They were both probably eager to get back to the apartment and find a semblance of normalcy; even with his lifestyle, he still did prefer having a place or two to return once in a while.

Kuroro had been distracted, had been looking up at the lightbulbs of the elevator so he wouldn't be tempted to look at Kurapika and try to identify the expressions warring on his face. When the punch came, instinct required him to avoid, to strike back, to do something other than take it. Only a swift recollection changed it to something suitably surprised (he was surprised, to his credit), and he put a hand to the spot automatically.

"Hey!"

Re: lmfao

[ih8spiders]

He hadn't struck hard enough for it to hurt, and Kurapika ignored Kuroro's protest and stomped out of the elevator and down the hallway. Escape being the better part of valor or something, or was he getting that wrong?

His face flamed; attachment had always been a very real possibility--a very real danger, especially after what Yuuri had told them. It wasn't hard to get attached, not with the way they lived here, in close quarters or worse, and the dynamics of soul resonance only served to aggravate it. They both had immediate access to things--thoughts and feelings--that he imagined would be a lot harder to figure out just from body language and vocal communication, and he'd jumped headlong into resonating without fully understanding the implications and consequences that would result from linking their souls--their hearts in such an intimate manner. Conflict was inevitable matter how hard he struggled to remind himself of what Kuroro had done to his tribe, because now he had all these months of Kuroro being an admittedly responsible meister and partner, now he'd realized that Kuroro wasn't just an evil bastard. Attachment was problematic, but he could probably find a way to deal with it sooner or later.

But attraction? Attraction was inconceivable and unacceptable.

[alphaspider]

Kuroro put his hand against the side of the door to stop it from closing, and hastily stepped out of the box before it could take him all the way back down, giving it an injured look before following Kurapika down the corridor.

He would protest, but this sort of behaviour was closer to their normal than otherwise. Should he be relieved? It seemed as if Kurapika had finally realized something, but judging from his reaction (and his ears were still red), he wasn't too happy with it. Probably something that Kuroro would like, then.

"Are you hungry? I can cook," he offered helpfully, fighting to keep a teasing tone from entering his voice.

[ih8spiders]

Hide, he needed to hide and buy himself time to beat all these emotions into bloody submission. Kurapika was pretty certain that Kuroro had figured out why he was getting so flustered, if that previous question was any indication--he gave the older man a baleful stare over his shoulder as he jammed his key into the lock of their door. The effect was probably ruined by his beet-red face, though.

"As if I can think of food at a time like this--you didn't really mean that apology, did you?" he accused, after casting around for something to fling at the older man and finding no choice but to fall back to suspicion, that comforting companion.

[alphaspider]

"Of course I meant it," he said easily, catching up to Kurapika and waiting for the door to open a fair, respectable distance away. Wouldn't do to fluster Kurapika even more than he already had--

What the heck. Might as well take the dive and see how far this could go. The end was near, at least, they were practically inside their apartment.

"I appreciate all that you've done, you know," Kuroro added shamelessly, with a straight face and a serene smile. "And I'm sorry that you had to go through a difficult time while handling a difficult partner. I won't do it again."