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Characters: Maito Gai and Rock Lee, then Maito Gai and Hatake Kakashi.
Location: The park
Rating: PG-13 for Awkwardness
Time: October 30th, after training
Description: Armed with confusing advice and well-meaning intentions, Lee corners his teacher. Then there's the fallout.
( Read more... )
Location: The park
Rating: PG-13 for Awkwardness
Time: October 30th, after training
Description: Armed with confusing advice and well-meaning intentions, Lee corners his teacher. Then there's the fallout.
( Read more... )
Everything needed to be distilled down to basics. Basics were simple and easy to handle. Kakashi knew. Kakashi didn't seem interested. But Kakashi also hadn't seemed upset. Tired, for which Gai couldn't blame him, but not insulted or angry. What did that mean? It could mean that Kakashi was just saying things to make Lee content enough to stop on the topic, but the conversation didn't feel like that.
So. Suppose Kakashi wasn't upset, and planned to talk to Gai. Suppose also by too treasured he'd meant... No, that really sounded like he'd been trying to stop Lee there. But at least Gai was treasured.
The worth comment stood out. Kakashi didn't think he was worthy of Gai. Obviously that wasn't correct, but how did he make that clear? Was that the barrier? ...Why was Gai even thinking of what was in the way? He knew it wouldn't work out. He knew it couldn't work out. Kakashi would get bored, would weary of being around a loud and enthusiastic Gai so much.
Except maybe Gai owed it to Kakashi to try. He couldn't let his Rival think he wasn't good enough, not when he was worth so much more. Kakashi deserved to be loved. Gai just wasn't sure if he deserved Kakashi.
The secret was out. There was no point in not giving this a shot.
He headed for the flower shop and stopped, turned, headed for the book shop first. About a half hour later he had a book on the language of flowers, a bag full of vases and an entire armfull of plants with different meanings. Either this would go over well, or Kakashi would flee the apartment.
Thankfully it was still somewhat early, which meant if Gai was quiet he could get everything in vases, watered, and arranged. Quickly and methodically he worked. Star of Bethlehem for hope, oxeye daisy for patience (plenty of that), heliotrope for devotion, daffodils for respect, uncertainity, and unrequited love, acacia for secret love even if it wasn't that much of a secret any more, arborvitae for everlasting friendship, and jonquil as the question. Then the book got bookmarked with everything that was on the table, because Gai hadn't known all of that offhand and he didn't know if Kakashi would.
But flowers alone were impersonal. Slowly, haltingly, Gai wrote a note. "Lee told me what he did. I never meant for you to feel pressured. You are my Eternal Rival no matter what; I cannot afford to lose that. You and the rivalry are too important to me. I will understand if you are not interested in me or trying something more. All I ask is to stay as your Rival. Anything more is beyond what I have reason to hope for. I will be back this afternoon. You do not have to answer me then, you can take what time you need."
And even though he had no reason to hope, as he set the note down and grabbed one of the exercise books he'd picked up from the mall and headed out, there was just a teensy bit of hope coming to life.
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Love or lust or whatever this was Lee was talking about Gai feeling was a bit more of an intangible thing to give than Kakashi's ninja skill-set. It was something Kakashi wasn't even sure how to give anymore, if he still possessed the capacity to give that sort of thing at all. He had slept with plenty of people, and if he thought Gai would be content with just his body that would have been fine, but Kakashi had never loved anyone in the way Gai loved him.
He just didn't want things to get weird. Gai was someone, one of few people and the only person here, who Kakashi had to keep the wall up with less. Which was saying something. And which was why Kakashi hadn't yet figured out what to say to Gai after Kakashi's own talk with Lee. Things would change, and Kakashi was afraid of things changing. What he had with Gai as Rivals was stable and safe--one of the few things in his life that was safe and that Kakashi took almost for granted.
...If he wasn't what Gai expected him to be, how would things change?
No, things had already changed. Kakashi looked at the vases of flowers in their apartment, tempted to shut the door and retreat back to the safety of the hall. Flowers. No one had ever given Kakashi flowers since his sensei's funeral. Did...did Gai have to make a show of his love? That Kakashi couldn't appreciate the sentiment only enforced his belief that Gai really did deserve better. Stupid thoughtful Gai.
He took the book and the note to the couch. After reading Gai's note, he folded it crisply in half and slid it in between the pages of his novel for safe keeping and then slowly flipped through the book.
He wasn't sure what to say in reply. Flowers belong at the funeral. There was nothing between them Kakashi wanted to see die. But he was afraid it would, because he tended to screw these things up.
"What Lee did was fine. But a puppy would have been better" he wrote and placed it next to a vase. Then he retreated to his bedroom, where he hoped he could put behind him the over-whelming and frightening feeling of things changing around him, of expectations he was afraid he couldn't meet. He should have just told Gai first, or seduced him, or something, so at least Kakashi could feel he was on semi familiar territory.
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At first he wasn't sure if Kakashi had seen the flowers or even come home. That alone made him worry because he didn't know where Kakashi might be. Maybe Kakashi really had run at the sight, and Gai had gone overboard. But it wouldn't be the first time Gai had gone over the top. He had a habit of doing that. Then he saw that the book was gone.
Feeling stressed, trying so hard not to worry or to hope, Gai picked up the new note and read it. And blinked. And then, with a small smile, he left the apartment. Of course a puppy would have been better. And they'd already pretty much agreed to getting one.
He felt a little better about things as he reached the pet store. If Kakashi was frightened or not interested at all, he wouldn't have written about a puppy. It was light-hearted. Friendly. It wasn't an answer, but it was an opening, and Gai would take that. Slowly Gai walked through the stores, looking at the different dogs. He was nearly all the way through them when a little brown one caught his eye. It had droopy ears, a droopy tail, and a little mouth that looked like a smile. Maybe it wasn't an exact match, but it was close enough.
From there he got dog dishes, dog food, a doggy bed, a ball to play with, a collar, a leash, and a bow. Those were the basics, as far as Gai knew. Then he headed back to the apartment, happy with how friendly the puppy seemed. Once back, he knew Kakashi could likely hear the excited squeaks from the puppy but he didn't mind, taking his time and carefully putting the bow on the little guy.
Starting to hope just a bit more with every thud of the puppy knocking the ball into a wall as he scrabbled around trying to conquer it, Gai filled the water bowl and set it down. Then he took the couch and watched the little guy play, wondering and hoping.
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He couldn't sleep, though, and was staring at his favorite chapter of Icha Icha, trying to console himself, when Gai returned with something noisy and wonderfully yippy.
...Was that a dog? A series of thuds followed, like a rubber ball hitting the wall and rebounding. The scratch of nails across of floor and a few excited yips... A smile tugged at Kakashi's lips as he sat up.
Yes, that sounded distinctly like a dog, and there was none of that "oh boy! oh boy!" that he had come to associate with Dug. Just a plain, ordinary non-speaking puppy. In his apartment. Gai didn't... Padding across his room, feet bare, Kakashi opened his bedroom door just a sliver, leaning against the door jamb and looking out into their apartment's common room.
There was indeed a puppy in their livingroom. With a bow on it...like it was bought for him. Gai did take the note seriously. It was such a stupidly wonderfully Gai thing to do. He had a way with actions that Kakashi would never have, and he was both envious of that and proud to consider a man like Gai to be his Rival and friend, even if it only proved how little Kakashi did to be worthy of said friendship.
By now, the puppy had noted the open door and came bounding across the room to check out this new human. Kakashi smiled down at him, opened the door a little more, and knelt down to pick him up. So friendly and lively. Kakashi would have to think up a name for him, but he already knew the little guy would be a good companion. Gai had chosen well. Better than Kakashi himself could have done, maybe.
Speaking of Gai... Kakashi watched him from over the eager puppy licking at his mask, stroking the dog's ears as the little tail thumped against his stomach in a merry rhythm. Knowing he should say something (thanks, might be appropriate), but not finding the words, he said, "He followed you home, hm?"
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The picture fit, Kakashi holding a puppy while it happily made itself at home. Gai beamed, playing along. "Yes. And since he was carrying everything he needed, I figured that it could not hurt to let him in for a time and see if he was welcome here. But you are the dog expert, not me. Does he belong?"
Standing up, Gai crossed the distance to where Kakashi stood, reaching over to give the puppy a little bit of a rub under his chin. It felt nice. It felt normal, like nothing had been broken. Like no matter what, the Rivalry was still there, and that Gai had been silly to worry and wonder.
Really, he should have just come back and seen Kakashi. It almost seemed like seeing his Rival alone could have made the stress go away. Flowers had been a silly idea. Then again, it wasn't like Gai would ever stop having or following silly ideas. It was part of who he was. And that was why they worked so well; they were different and balanced. But it wasn't like Gai could just announce this.
"But if you were to ask me, I think he looks very much at home." Like Kakashi did. Like Gai felt right now.
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This all had a sense of permanence to it which was both frightening and intriguing to a man who eluded and was eluded by permanence. With the addition of the dog, it felt almost like a home place to stay at, rather than a place they were trying to leave. Which was not to say Kakashi was abandoning their current goals of getting home as soon as possible or had any illusions about the dangers this world posed, but this world was different and offered more than a few odd opportunities.
Since Lee's revelation, Kakashi had spent hours of his day considering what he would say to Gai when the time came and never had anything clear. Gai was an attractive man, a kind and good man, and he deserved more than Kakashi could ever offer him. But Gai was also was his Rival and neither had anyone else their own age here who they were close to...
It was not a difficult leap in logic to go from Gai is attractive and I'm fond of him to I could sleep with Gai. It was also not difficult to realize, especially at times like these, that it was not impossible for Kakashi to return his feelings. That was just a far more dangerous route than sleeping together...
We shouldn't get too comfortable here, he thought. "He needs a name first," he said, watching Gai pet the dog like it was an old friend, a companion Kakashi had for a long while. How was it that Gai always managed to make himself fit so well into Kakashi's life?
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He hadn't lost sight of continuing to fight and get home. He couldn't. They needed to return, to assist their village. However, they couldn't simply shut down and only fight 24-7. They were people. Life was meant to be lived. To let it slip away would be a waste, even if they weren't home.
But at the same time, there were some things that were too important to be risked or pushed. Gai stood next to Kakashi, comfortable with puppy and his Rival, and knew that he'd likely pushed as much as he could risk. Kakashi knew, their table was covered with very impractical ways to say things, and Kakashi held a simple proof of his importance to Gai. He couldn't say anything more. Not right now, at least.
"He does. A person name, or a descriptive one?" It was Kakashi's dog. He should name it. But Gai could help. He was here for Kakashi, in the big ways and the small.
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Kakashi wasn't great at living life (he was decent at shutting down and fighting 24-7), but he figured that's why Naruto and Gai and Lee were around here...to force him to do that life thing once in a while and remind him that he's human, not a machine.
"Whichever." He considered letting Gai name the pup, but with how he named that turtle of his Ningame, Gai would probably name the dog something stupid like Koinu ((puppy)). "Well, he would be the ninth, so maybe Kurou ((ninth son)). Or Kyōmei ((resonance)) or Tamashī ((soul/spirit/ghost)), or something, given where we are." Kakashi wasn't brilliant at naming his dogs either, but, on the coattails of Gai's silly flower-language thing, he liked to think naming the dog Kyōmei carried a good message...and was better than naming his new puppy Kyūkon ((courtship)) or Seikō ((f**k)).
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Ninth... Gai didn't like that idea, since it didn't have a lot of personality behind it, he felt. But Kyomei actually sounded good. It was something they were working toward, something important. "Kyomei. I think it is fitting! Resonance is a very good thing." And probably Gai should be careful here. They were close to topics, and very close physically. He needed to not trap Kakashi. All too easily he could veer into talking about making it stronger, and Gai knew what Kakashi associated with that. There had been too many comments for Gai to be ignorant. "Of course, he will have to decide if he will respond to it." Gai wondered if he should take a step back, maybe grab the doggy bed and ask where Kakashi wanted it. Probably a good idea. Likely a good idea. Logically a good idea.
Listening to his head instead of anything else, Gai stepped away and picked up Kyomei's bed. "Where should this go? Your room, or at the end of the couch, or do you have a better idea?" He'd listened to his head for this long. He could continue for as long as Kakashi needed him to, even if that need was permanent.
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After all the arguments against a dog (that they didn't have enough room), Kakashi was surprised the living-room was offered up. He raised his eyes away from Gai's rear as his rival turned around and brought the bed over. "My room. The dogs sometimes slept in my bed back home. Especially during winter."
He knew what Gai wanted from him. But while he hadn't yet given Gai an answer to the flowers' message, he was concerned by the fact that Gai thought he wasn't even interested physically--that Gai wasn't his type (as if Kakashi had a type), or something. And maybe he hasn't spent nearly as much time thinking about Gai as Gai had thinking about him...
Even if you do not think that you are worthy of his love, Kakashi-sensei... I think that you have it.
He held open the door for Gai to bring the bed through. Normally a comment about how someone else could warm his bed would fall off his tongue so easily. He'd taken many people home on simple lines like that. But he didn't want to insult Gai and, to be honest, as a many who lacked in some social skills and read porn novels, Kakashi was not really certain where the lines between safe and vulgar flirtations were drawn.
"...It gets cold sometimes."
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"And if he does we can choose something else." Gai had known all along he would lose the fight on having a dog. He wasn't about to keep Kakashi feeling lonely and without one; he knew they were important. While this was sooner than he'd planned on giving in, he felt that the timing was right. It had meaning. "And winter is coming. But after that comes spring!"
He wanted much from Kakashi. But if Kakashi wasn't interested in giving more than he already had, Gai would live with it. That had been the plan all along, after all. To be there for Kakashi whenever he was wanted and needed. To be what he could be.
"...Of course." It was obvious things had changed. Gai stepped into the room, looking around to find a good spot, trying to ignore the way that he was fairly sure normally he would have been teased by now. Especially with talk of winter and cold. But since Kakashi had come out to see the puppy, he hadn't made a comment even remotely close to that.
He wondered if he should say something. Maybe. But what? Gai crouched and set the bed down in a likely spot. His back was to Kakashi when he spoke. "You can be you. That is..." why I care so much about you "...I mean, I do not want you to change or be different."
Standing, he considered the corner and how the dog bed fit into it. "Does that look good?"
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"Same with you." Knowing of Gai's affections added a new layer to things Gai said and did, but he didn't want those things to change on them. Part of what he enjoyed most about his rivalry with Gai was Gai himself. "Mmmm hm." And the bed looked good too, he guessed, but he wasn't really looking.
There was an awkward silence and then Kakashi spoke again. "This is going to take some getting used to," he said, dropping Kyomei onto the corner of his own bed with a sigh. The dog sniffed the bedsheets and then got down to see what Gai was up to now. "But, we'll see how it goes, hm?"
Maybe by Wintertime, Gai could be keeping him warm and Kyomei could be sleeping in the livingroom. Kakashi wouldn't really object to that if it worked out well enough.
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"Good. I shall make sure to be myself as well, then!" It was said a bit loud, but he was often on the loud side.
Turning, Gai watched Kakashi set the puppy down. He smiled as Kyomei explored before looking back at his Rival. "You can take as much time as you need. The thought of this is completely new to you. I do not blame you for needing to adapt to it. But I am sure that whatever goes will go well! And however much you wish for it to go! Or to not go. Or to semi-go! We are Eternal Rivals! Whatever we put our minds to shall not fail!"
Kyomei started wagging his tail, picking up on the enthusiasm in Gai's voice. If there was anything Gai did well, it was enthusiasm. And Kakashi had said he wanted Gai to be himself. Gai just had to hope that his Rival didn't actually dislike his volume and was just teasing when he seemed annoyed by it.
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He stepped closer, the smirk only growing. Be himself. Kakashi had never flirted with anyone he knew was in love with him before, and he didn't want to make Gai any promises he didn't know if he would like to fulfill later down the road. But if he was himself, with someone he knew was attracted to him and he had nothing to lose...? (Instead of with Gai where he had everything to lose...)
"Maybe we can shut it up for a while..." He moved in closer, thwarted somewhat by the eager puppy at their feet distracting and detracting from the come-on, and giving him a moment to reconsider what he was doing. They would have to get used to this eventually... Hesitating, he looked over Gai's face, focus narrowing to his lips. Kakashi would know soon enough just how comfortable he himself was taking this to another step, or if the fact that this was his rival would get in the way of his libido.
...Maybe it was better to never know. To not break any of Gai's illusions...to not break his own, too.
He closed the distance between them quickly, his masked lips pressed against Gai's as his hand moved behind Gai's neck to pull him forward into the kiss.
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Where was he? Oh yes. "Cannot ignore..." Shut it up for a while? Kakashi was quite close and this whole trying-to-act-normal thing didn't seem to be working very well, because all Gai could think about was how he wanted this to be more than teasing. His Rival's gaze was on Gai's lips, and for the first time ever Gai forgot what he was about to youthfully declare.
The pause seemed to stretch on endlessly as he waited to see if this was just teasing or if it was something more, and then Kakashi was there. Gai's brain took a moment to actually catch up to what was going on. Apparently there were lips against his (Kakashi's) and a hand encouraging him to be closer (also Kakashi's) which meant that he was being kissed (by Kakashi.) But as soon as it sank in, Gai was kissing back.
Gai's eyes closed. He wanted to take this in as much as he could, the feel of fabric-covered lips moving against his, the weight of Kakashi's warm hand urging him near, the sound of Kakashi's breathing, everything. His arms went around Kakashi's midsection. It was high enough to not push, and yet he still got to hold his Kakashi. Him. Holding and kissing Kakashi. As his Rival showed that maybe he was actually interested after all.
There was a quiet, throaty noise that took Gai a moment to realize had come from him. He wanted to reach up, to touch Kakashi's hair, but that was too important. He'd taken too many glances at Kakashi, wondering what the strands would feel like and look like as his fingers passed through them, to seize that moment too quickly. That was meant to be special. Instead, Gai easily contented himself with kissing Kakashi back, figuring out how to make the kiss a little more intense through the cloth, and rubbing Kakashi's upper back.
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Kakashi smiled into the kiss at the sound, and his other arm wrapped around Gai's waist, finding a comfortable position not too low on Gai's back as to be taking too many liberties. Changing the angle on the kiss, he tried to deepen it without removing his mask, leaning into Gai.
Somewhere in the back of his mind he was having to remind himself that Gai was different, that he couldn't approach this as he always did. Not because he was in love with Gai (maybe he was, maybe he wasn't...Kakashi had never been 'in love' and didn't put a lot of stock into the idea) but because he cared about Gai and his feelings, wanted to keep him as a rival, and, on a far more practical and justifiable level, he had to live with the man.
But Gai was different, not just another of the pseudo-nameless people he was trying to coax to bed in the next couple of minutes. They were still figuring this out and pushing this beyond what either was feeling right with was only going to give them a moment of pleasure and a lifetime of remaining awkwardness.
For the time being, though, he had no regrets about kissing Gai. He spared a hand to move Gai's arm lower, to the small of his back. If Gai moved it back up in youthful prudishness, that was his business, but Kakashi felt that after all the manhandling they had done of one another over the years as Rivals, Gai had pretty much staked out a right to touch Kakashi however he wanted (or until Kakashi objected).
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