[video; Dec 24]
[Hello, Soul Campaign.
Look at me. Now back to me. Now back at me again. Keep looking at me. Sadly, there's only one of me. But if I didn't look like I had the crap beaten out of me, you probably would have hallucinated two of me instead! Look down, no go back up, I'm more important. Where are you? Who cares, I'M OUTSIDE. With the me that's still me in your communicator. What's in your hand? Now back at me, I have it. They are autographs of myself that I am delivering to every doorstep. Look again, the autographs are still very sexy. Anything is possible when I deliver christmas gifts to the people of Shibusen! I'd be hot if I was sitting on a horse.]
OIIII!
PAY ATTENTION, DEATH CITY!!
This is important! Super important! I'm important! Are you paying attention?!
[ZOOMS HIS FACE INTO THE CAMERA, ps he has bandages covering his cheek and forehead. Why is he not in the clinic...]
Okay. All presents that are obviously for me can be left at my doorstep. I will not be looking or trying to sneak a peek whatsoever. In fact, I won't even notice that they're there because I'm totally not going to check every five minutes to see if I got anything! I am definitely not waiting for gifts! Definitely not! Definitely not excited! Definitely not anticipating gifts from everybody! Although if I WAS waiting for gifts, I'd totally take baked goods. I'd also accept beer! Definitely beer!
But I'm not.
Not at all.
Nope.
Nein.
...
[:D :D :D]
AND I DEFINITELY DON'T HAVE PRESENTS FOR PEOPLE, WHY WOULD I HAVE PRESENTS FOR MY AMAZING CITIZENS AND ALLIES. I definitely did not buy presents back in September and had them stashed in my closet for three months. What do you take me for, an idiot?! It's not like I was excited or anything!!
[pause.]
[Holds up a picture of himself that he drew, signed by himself. It's ... not very pretty. In fact, it looks like a two year old scribbled a ball of grey spaghetti instead.]
But I'm generous so everyone gets one of these. You can praise me now!!
Look at me. Now back to me. Now back at me again. Keep looking at me. Sadly, there's only one of me. But if I didn't look like I had the crap beaten out of me, you probably would have hallucinated two of me instead! Look down, no go back up, I'm more important. Where are you? Who cares, I'M OUTSIDE. With the me that's still me in your communicator. What's in your hand? Now back at me, I have it. They are autographs of myself that I am delivering to every doorstep. Look again, the autographs are still very sexy. Anything is possible when I deliver christmas gifts to the people of Shibusen! I'd be hot if I was sitting on a horse.]
OIIII!
PAY ATTENTION, DEATH CITY!!
This is important! Super important! I'm important! Are you paying attention?!
[ZOOMS HIS FACE INTO THE CAMERA, ps he has bandages covering his cheek and forehead. Why is he not in the clinic...]
Okay. All presents that are obviously for me can be left at my doorstep. I will not be looking or trying to sneak a peek whatsoever. In fact, I won't even notice that they're there because I'm totally not going to check every five minutes to see if I got anything! I am definitely not waiting for gifts! Definitely not! Definitely not excited! Definitely not anticipating gifts from everybody! Although if I WAS waiting for gifts, I'd totally take baked goods. I'd also accept beer! Definitely beer!
But I'm not.
Not at all.
Nope.
Nein.
...
[:D :D :D]
AND I DEFINITELY DON'T HAVE PRESENTS FOR PEOPLE, WHY WOULD I HAVE PRESENTS FOR MY AMAZING CITIZENS AND ALLIES. I definitely did not buy presents back in September and had them stashed in my closet for three months. What do you take me for, an idiot?! It's not like I was excited or anything!!
[pause.]
[Holds up a picture of himself that he drew, signed by himself. It's ... not very pretty. In fact, it looks like a two year old scribbled a ball of grey spaghetti instead.]
But I'm generous so everyone gets one of these. You can praise me now!!