December 16, 2009 - Thursday
Death City Times
UNFRIENDLY WEATHER, COLDEST IN THREE HUNDRED YEARS
Temperatures all over the world were seen hitting all-time lows in the past week. Weather bureaus everywhere are baffled at the unexpected change, and attribute the adjustment to effects of the madness wavelength.
“It might start snowing as far down as the equatorial countries,” said a weather analyst in a phonecall by one of our reporters. “Winter in Brazil!”
“We could reach up to negative fifty degrees C or F this year,” said the bureau’s spokesperson, but refused to commit. “The weather is unpredictable. This is the first time I’ve had to say that in this job. But [the weather], it’s really unpredictable!”
Though the drastic decrease is unlikely, authorities warn everyone in the southern-most states to prepare for the incoming cold. Tips and instructions on how to manage cold and snowy weather can be found in their website.
[But that's not really that important, is it? What's important is that a bunch of you are getting sent to Europe on a fieldtrip. People who want to go can still sign up! Those staying behind shouldn't worry about feeling left out of the action, though, because there's this dude still running rampant, and this dude who'll be the next to go apeshit.
Plus one other thing, but you won't be finding out about it until after a few more days.
Temperatures today are 21/9F (-6/-13C).]
UNFRIENDLY WEATHER, COLDEST IN THREE HUNDRED YEARS
Temperatures all over the world were seen hitting all-time lows in the past week. Weather bureaus everywhere are baffled at the unexpected change, and attribute the adjustment to effects of the madness wavelength.
“It might start snowing as far down as the equatorial countries,” said a weather analyst in a phonecall by one of our reporters. “Winter in Brazil!”
“We could reach up to negative fifty degrees C or F this year,” said the bureau’s spokesperson, but refused to commit. “The weather is unpredictable. This is the first time I’ve had to say that in this job. But [the weather], it’s really unpredictable!”
Though the drastic decrease is unlikely, authorities warn everyone in the southern-most states to prepare for the incoming cold. Tips and instructions on how to manage cold and snowy weather can be found in their website.
[But that's not really that important, is it? What's important is that a bunch of you are getting sent to Europe on a fieldtrip. People who want to go can still sign up! Those staying behind shouldn't worry about feeling left out of the action, though, because there's this dude still running rampant, and this dude who'll be the next to go apeshit.
Plus one other thing, but you won't be finding out about it until after a few more days.
Temperatures today are 21/9F (-6/-13C).]