hello, 2008
I'm trying to begin this year with a lot more positivity. I don't mean the kind that is caused by other people, but by myself. I need to work on keeping myself healthy emotionally, and I've learned this year, that it doesn't need to depend on so many different factors, but solely on where my own head is at.
I've started this by keeping a rose quartz rock inside my bra, at all times, every day. It is supposed to heal your heart, and well..i think my heart could use a little of that. I think we all could. So far, well for the last two days, it's been working.
I went to the gym today, by myself. It felt good to work out and I think if I keep it up, I'll be a happier person. I'm finding little things in my life that are going to keep me grounded in a way that I can't really explain.
Ash did an angel card reading on me last night at Timmys, while all the asians around us stared like it was some kind of psychic convention. It made me feel good and more sure about my life and where it's going, so i'm determined to buy some cards for myself..so i can do readings whenever and wherever i want.
I want to become more spiritual this year. I've always believed in angels and wanted to be more in tune with my own, but it hasn't happened yet. I'm starting to read more books, so that I'll know which angel to call upon when I need something specific. I'm currently reading "Sacred Contracts" by caroline myss which the psychic recommended to me, and I'm already feeling like i'm living with a little more direction.
I'm also reading a book called 'Why Men love Bitches', the bitch being the dream girl not the doormat - and i can't seem to put it down.
As soon as I started it, i quickly realized that I have always been the doormat in all of my relationships. Well, the ones i cared about anyway. =S
I make myself too available, and don't let there be any chase for the guy.. i serve myself on a silver platter and let him decide whether or not he is interested. This book basically tells you that you're an idiot for being like i was/am...and so i'm trying to change things about myself, so that I become more of a 'dream girl'. haha.. It sounds stupid but I swear, the dream girl has it made and I think I could really benefit from taking some advice from her.
After a shitty new years eve, and reading this book, I'm feeling like I need to change how I am completely. I feel like none of my relationships will ever work out now, or in the future, if I continue being such a useless girl. I'm learning some great lessons from this sherry argov woman, and I hope she can help me be ..well, less pathetic. Sometimes I worry so much about having my relationship work out, that all I end up doing is pushing him away.
I bring up things that bother me about him in hopes that he changes, but he just tells me that i'm predictable..and that i can't ever take the blame for anything.
Who is right? I don't even know anymore. I just want a guy to always be excited to see me and not make me feel like he'd rather be sleeping. I don't want to be disappointed when he's in one of his moods, only to go home and fall asleep pissed off - because there's nothing i hate more.
I guess these kinds of things come up after being together for a year, but I really don't want them to. I'm finally with someone that I can actually myself being with forever, and even though that shouldn't be in my mind, I can't help but hope everything works out in my favour.
..Hence to need to be more positive, on my own..and independent.
Well, back to the book I guess. I can't watch the blasted leaf game because i don't have leafs tv...........grrrrr..#$%$$.
goodnight friends.
I've started this by keeping a rose quartz rock inside my bra, at all times, every day. It is supposed to heal your heart, and well..i think my heart could use a little of that. I think we all could. So far, well for the last two days, it's been working.
I went to the gym today, by myself. It felt good to work out and I think if I keep it up, I'll be a happier person. I'm finding little things in my life that are going to keep me grounded in a way that I can't really explain.
Ash did an angel card reading on me last night at Timmys, while all the asians around us stared like it was some kind of psychic convention. It made me feel good and more sure about my life and where it's going, so i'm determined to buy some cards for myself..so i can do readings whenever and wherever i want.
I want to become more spiritual this year. I've always believed in angels and wanted to be more in tune with my own, but it hasn't happened yet. I'm starting to read more books, so that I'll know which angel to call upon when I need something specific. I'm currently reading "Sacred Contracts" by caroline myss which the psychic recommended to me, and I'm already feeling like i'm living with a little more direction.
I'm also reading a book called 'Why Men love Bitches', the bitch being the dream girl not the doormat - and i can't seem to put it down.
As soon as I started it, i quickly realized that I have always been the doormat in all of my relationships. Well, the ones i cared about anyway. =S
I make myself too available, and don't let there be any chase for the guy.. i serve myself on a silver platter and let him decide whether or not he is interested. This book basically tells you that you're an idiot for being like i was/am...and so i'm trying to change things about myself, so that I become more of a 'dream girl'. haha.. It sounds stupid but I swear, the dream girl has it made and I think I could really benefit from taking some advice from her.
After a shitty new years eve, and reading this book, I'm feeling like I need to change how I am completely. I feel like none of my relationships will ever work out now, or in the future, if I continue being such a useless girl. I'm learning some great lessons from this sherry argov woman, and I hope she can help me be ..well, less pathetic. Sometimes I worry so much about having my relationship work out, that all I end up doing is pushing him away.
I bring up things that bother me about him in hopes that he changes, but he just tells me that i'm predictable..and that i can't ever take the blame for anything.
Who is right? I don't even know anymore. I just want a guy to always be excited to see me and not make me feel like he'd rather be sleeping. I don't want to be disappointed when he's in one of his moods, only to go home and fall asleep pissed off - because there's nothing i hate more.
I guess these kinds of things come up after being together for a year, but I really don't want them to. I'm finally with someone that I can actually myself being with forever, and even though that shouldn't be in my mind, I can't help but hope everything works out in my favour.
..Hence to need to be more positive, on my own..and independent.
Well, back to the book I guess. I can't watch the blasted leaf game because i don't have leafs tv...........grrrrr..#$%$$.
goodnight friends.