"now i'll never never never feel like i am safe again..."
when it's been a full month and five days since i last dropped an entry in this basket, you know the ennui must be killing. my life could probably be summed up in single words at this point. radio. work. stress. longing. the last one probably entirely concerned with the less-than-engaging nature of the other three - you get bored, you get tired, you get a little nervy, you start trying to put your life on something... and that something's been changing for me again and again lately. these entries can't just be daily rundowns anymore. that just exposes exactly how devoid of meaning my existence may or may not be becoming.
so i'll say that i've found a muse lately. no, not a girl, typical though that may be (certainly of me) - for a while, maybe, i tried to turn infatuation into song, but the trials of romantic relationships are well-documented in song, aren't they? so i had to drop that for the sake of... i don't know, movement, and now my muse is essentially my memory. which is pretty neat. a lot of things are tied together in my mind like web of a coffee-drenched spider, and it's interesting to follow those eratic chains down the proverbial rabbit hole of my subconscious. i don't do it nearly often enough.
hm. (never been fond of the ol' "rabbit hole" metaphor.)
things aren't too bad. i have a job, and another job - both are libraries - so i have money (which is probably somewhat novel to you if you're a longtime reader of this journal) and something to do with my time. i mean, generally. one of the library jobs finds me on the computer for literally 7 hours straight - no one ever visits the geoscience library, you know? and krui, that's not so bad either. i'm starting to like the job. it's opening my mind up again, forcing me to evaluate the work by its own standards. difficult stuff at times ("this band sounds like x making out with y" is a popular review formula when i'm too busy to be clever), but ultimately it's actually rewarding.
so boom! entry. gimme some feedback, tell me what you've been up to, comment, something! it's been a long time since i've really touched base with a lot of you.
ryan
xoxo
so i'll say that i've found a muse lately. no, not a girl, typical though that may be (certainly of me) - for a while, maybe, i tried to turn infatuation into song, but the trials of romantic relationships are well-documented in song, aren't they? so i had to drop that for the sake of... i don't know, movement, and now my muse is essentially my memory. which is pretty neat. a lot of things are tied together in my mind like web of a coffee-drenched spider, and it's interesting to follow those eratic chains down the proverbial rabbit hole of my subconscious. i don't do it nearly often enough.
hm. (never been fond of the ol' "rabbit hole" metaphor.)
things aren't too bad. i have a job, and another job - both are libraries - so i have money (which is probably somewhat novel to you if you're a longtime reader of this journal) and something to do with my time. i mean, generally. one of the library jobs finds me on the computer for literally 7 hours straight - no one ever visits the geoscience library, you know? and krui, that's not so bad either. i'm starting to like the job. it's opening my mind up again, forcing me to evaluate the work by its own standards. difficult stuff at times ("this band sounds like x making out with y" is a popular review formula when i'm too busy to be clever), but ultimately it's actually rewarding.
so boom! entry. gimme some feedback, tell me what you've been up to, comment, something! it's been a long time since i've really touched base with a lot of you.
ryan
xoxo