A Freak Like Me: Chapter 3 Part 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o0o~~~~~~~~~
Harry(although he's not Harry yet)'s POV
SOS: I have no idea what that even is.
BB: Section separationn. Authors in the Pit of Voles use them all the time. Especially if the horizontal rules aren't working.
SOS: It's VERY poorly labeled though. And what the hell is "Harry, although he's not Harry yet"???
I tried to understand what the professor was saying but it didn't make since.
SOS: YES. IT DID. IT WAS THE ONLY THING IN THIS FIC THAT MADE SENSE
BB: ....Since? ....since what?
TRAUMA LLAMA: 31
"Mutants?" I asked. "Yes, a mutant is a human who is further along the evolutionary path. We have, what is now called, the X-gene, which creates unique abilities in us all. We are not anymore dangerous then a human with a gun. We have rights
SOS: I won't even dispute the comicbook science here! YEEEEEEES YOU HAVE RIGHTS!!!! NOW THROW THAT LITTLE SHIT OUT!
BB: It's so beautiful....SOS, I'm crying. This....it's so beautiful. Finally....FINALLY. CANON! I MISSED YOU!
SOS: Awwwwww *Rejoices with you*
and you have been mistreated dear boy."
BB: ....and that killed my joy a bit.
SOS: And he wasn't the only one. He's not special. I won't say that he had it coming, but he definitely doesn't have the right to wangst and act like he's the only person to go through an ordeal like that.
YOU WHORE: 54
I looked at my hands where they were clasped on my lap. Mutants. The professor was saying a mutant is different then a freak merkin. Was I still a freak merkin?
SOS: YES. You murderer!
BB: You are no mutant. You are a freak. Leave, now. There's no place in this world or the Harry Potter universe for you.
This explained why Blue was allowed to play doctor.
SOS: HE ACTUALLY IS A DOCTOR. FUCK YOU.
BB: He's also a politician. And a rather well-respected scientist.
CHARACTER BASHING: 21
He was a mutant doctor.
SOS: And that differentiates him from a normal doctor? ...Racist bitch.
YOU RACIST BASTARD: 1
There were only mutants here. How did they react when a normal beard came?
BB: ...they react like people would -- they're polite to them and try to show them they won't HURT them because they want humanity to live EQUALLY.
YOU RACIST BASTARD: 2 (Mutants ARE normal.)
I looked up and realized they were waiting for me to understand. This kind of consideration confused me.
SOS: You said it youself! They're being considerate!
TRAUMA LLAMA: 32
How was I supposed to act in this place?
SOS: NOT LIKE A WHORE.
BB: He will anyway.
What was my place?
SOS: NOT IN LOGAN'S LAP.
BB: Nowhere in this canon or universe. Or any canon or universe.
Remy still hadn't told me the rules. Was he going to be just a useless as Blue?
BB: ....Oh, HELL no.
SOS: FUCK. YOU. WHORE.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 33
CHARACTER BASHING: 23
SOCIOPATHY: 25 (Someone is automatically COMPLETELY useless if they can't benefit YOU PERSONALLY, huh?)
"Yes sir" I told the professor. Even if I don't understand, I must always agree with normals beards..
SOS: That why you didn't care when you thought the "normals" were getting angry at you. Right.
CONSISTEWHAT?: 11
TRAUMA LLAMA: 33
YOU RACIST BASTARD: 3 (Even when you knew everyone present was a mutant, you still call only the normal-looking ones "normal" and give them respect, I see.)
BB: AGH. Just......AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGH.
SOS: Um...just stare at Logan drinking. It'll make you feel better.
BB: Logan, pass me that whiskey.
Logan: You aren't touching my whiskey. Get your own.
BB: ...rats.
SOS: *Keyboards you some*
BB: Yay. -Sits down and get a shot glass- I'll do this the right way. No need to get drunk yet.
but then they weren't normals beards were they.
SOS: =_= Did you just say the X-Men weren't normal? As in, you just called them freaks? Again?
YOU RACIST BASTARD: 4
Logan: The whiskey isn't helping anymore.
BB: I know.
SOS: I have chocolate?
Logan: ...Dark.
SOS: *Lavishes him with chocolate*
Logan: *Bites into the bar and rips off half of it...chews with his mouth closed* Thanks.
BB: .....-Stares....slightly strange face-
I whimpered and Remy told the professor that was enough.
"Time for al' petit anges to go a bed"
SOS: You know, this romance thing really doesn't work when one part is clearly a 4-year-old. It's creepy.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 34
YOU WHORE: 55
BB: .............Jacob? Jacob Black? ....is that you? ........IT IS. RUN AWAY.
SOS: Here, have some in-character Professor Xavier.
The professor nodded but said, "There are a few things we must discuss first. Number 1.
SOS: (Xavier) You will refrain from referring to mutants as freaks. There are very young and impressionable teenagers and children in this compound, and you will take them into consideration.
BB: ......PROFESSOR, I LOVE YOU. If you were younger, I'd ask you to marry me, too.
You will need a name." he told me. A name.
SOS: Of course, THAT's what he cares the most about.
BB: Because it means more time to wangst about how he's never had one or can't remember his own. And probably give one of his love Interests the chance to name him.
I've never had a name. What does one do with a name? What does a name sound like?
SOS: ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME. MAYBE SOMETHING LIKE, OH I DON'T KNOW, MIKE?????
BB: Nope. I wish she was. If this was trollfic it'd be less horrible.
CONSISTEWHAT?: 13
WANGSTMUFFIN: 33
I turned to look at Wolverine. "What is your name?"
SOS: YOU KNOW HIS NAME. HE TOLD YOU. LAST CHAPTER. OH MY FUCKING GOD.
CONSISTEWHAT?: 14
BB: Hell, they told him THIS chapter.
And, even then, the Suethor gets it wrong. Because Logan's real name isn't Logan. It's James. James Howlett. And--- -Mouth is suddenly covered by a large hand with metal claws sticking out-
Logan: Not. Another. Word.
SOS: *Terrified squeak*
BB: -Muffled- IpromiseIpromise!Lemmegoooooooooooooooooooooo.
Logan: . . . *Lets go*
BB: -Moves away quickly-
SOS: *Moves with him and clings*
"Logan" he barked at me. The bark got me thinking.
SOS: LIES. YOU NEVER THINK.
*Pauses* Oh. Oh dear. Logan? You...You might want to look away for this next part.
There were plenty of ferals in the cages and they'd always felt different to me. I focused on his energy. Yep, there it was. The wild burning that identified him as a feral.
SOS: The Stu. Just called Logan. An animal. A wild ANIMAL.
And, as we find out later? Ferals are known for one thing and one thing only in this fic. Raping people. So he just called Logan an animalistic RAPIST.
BB: ....
SOS: Yes. I know. Even I know how insulting that is, and I don't know X-Men canon at all!
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 8
CHARACTER BASHING: 24
On a hunch I focused on all those in the room quickly.
They all had a different tasting energy,
SOS: ...Ewwww?
BB: ....does that sound like he's....giving them all a blow job or is that just me?
SOS: No, it's definitely not just you
BB: I can't tell if that's good or bad.
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 9 (When has the Stu ever shown this ability? Just how many fucking powers does he HAVE?)
but only one other, Blue, had the burning wild energy that signified he was a feral.
SOS: Oh, so now you're calling HANK an animalistic rapist? FUCK YOU.
BB: ....Hank can't even admit he LIKES a girl.
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 10
CHARACTER BASHING: 25
But they wanted me to have a name.
SOS: Yes, that IS the plot thread we were on. Seriously, where did the feral stuff come from? Did you take a detour JUST to call people animals?
BB: Ferals are usually animalistic type mutants. They are very RARELY called that in canon, however. Only when being insulted.
SOS: I knew it.
Logan and Remy were the only names I'd ever heard before.
SOS: LIES.
BB: Soooo, what about Mike?
CONSISTEWHAT?: 15
The scary one who yelled spoke up, "My name's Pyro."
SOS: BULLSHIT. Logan barked and yelled at you all the time! HE THREW A BEER BOTTLE! And yet Pyro is the one you're cowering from?
BB: My dear, dear SOS, remember that Pyro is our scary Stu. Of course the Stu must cower from him.
CHARACTER BASHING: 26
He opened a lighter and manipulated the flame around his hand. "I'm sure you can see why. You should have a name that references your power."
I looked at Remy for an explanation.
SOS: Oh my GOD, the burning stupidity!
BB: -Is focusing solely on Pyro's in character moment- Yes, everyone, Pyro DID like to manipulate the flame from his lighter a lot. It helped calm him down. It's so beautiful to see canon.
SOS: And I have to point out here that Pyro? Is doing his best to be helpful. Introducing himself, showing the Stu his powers, telling him the general way people choose their names...And yet the Stu is completely ignoring it in favour of Gambit. Telling, isn't it?
BB: Very telling, but I'm ignoring it. I don't want to think about what comes up later. I WILL NOT THINK ABOUT IT. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.
CHARACTER BASHING: 27
What could his power be? "Remy be also called Gambit. I make thin's 'splode. Remy be a master thief."
SOS: Oh, now it's not just an accent, he's losing his grasp on grammar too?
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 11
I tilted my head at him. "But what about that warm thing you do?"
SOS: (Gambit) The ability to make you throw yourself at my crotch is not a mutation. You do that to everyone, you whore.
BB: (Gambit) That's me heating you up from the inside. You'll be cooked soon.
Blood rushed to his face and I worried that he may becoming sick. I ordered the blood to burn out any infection.
SOS: Darling, dearie, honey? I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR MOTIVATION. You do NOT control people without their permission! Not unless your life was in danger, and there was no other choice!
Also, infection isn't the same as disease. Just saying.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 36
SOCIOPATHY: 6
CONSISTEWHAT?: 16 (You knew what blood-rushing-to-face meant LAST CHAPTER, you IDIOT.)
I noticed he was glowing
SOS: What, implying that he actually WAS sick? One, that doesn't justify what you did either, and two, don't you think the X-Men would have noticed one of their members being sick? And three, WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THE GLOWING?
SOCIOPATHY: 27
and glanced around to make sure I wasn't in trouble.
SOS: AGAIN, if you thought that could put you AND GAMBIT in trouble, WHY did you do it? This is the same thing from before, and it clearly shows he doesn't give a shit about Gambit! He just wants to show off!
SOCIOPATHY: 28
TRAUMA LLAMA: 37
"What ya do?" Remy asked me. I grimaced
SOS: PERFECTLY. LEGITIMATE. QUESTION. DAMMIT.
BB: Just horrible grammar. And not in Gambit's accent.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 38
and said, "Blood rushed to your face and I thought you were sick."
Wolverine laughed and told me, "He was just embarrassed." I smiled at him. "Embarrassment: an emotional state experienced upon having a socially or professionally unacceptable act or condition witnessed by or revealed to others." I looked at Remy curiously.
SOS: Oh, poor, poor dictionary. You're too good to be in this fic
BB: We should stage a rescue.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 40
CONSISTEWHAT?: 17
"Non, you're to literal ange."
"Ange?" I asked him, "is that my name?"
SOS: XAVIER TOLD YOU TO CHOOSE A NAME FOR YOURSELF. HOW HARD IS THIS TO UNDERSTAND??
BB: Very, because this Stu has no IQ.
Also, a little note? Remy doesn't even call Rogue angel. He says it to her maybe a few times while flirting. That's all. He doesn't repeat it.
.........this reminds me of Nicozilla's insistence with "Sugar butt."
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 12
Remy smiled at me but Pyro laughed.
"Angie, but that's a girl name. You need a boy name, a man's name."
SOS: Oh, Pyro, you poor, innocent soul! Don't you see? This Stu IS basically a girl with a penis! He doesn't act manly, or even boyish, at all! He's just a conglomeration of Damsel stereotypes!
BB: Isn't that an insult to your gender?
SOS: Hey, not my fault he's the self-insert of a girl!
BB: True.
Also, we need help. The boring is reaching deadly levels.
SOS: What do you propose? *Side eye* Logan is still here, and personally, I don't object to a pillow fight...
BB: I propose the usual. After all, what's a Stu snarking without a little Scary in it? -Pulls on Freddy Krueger's glove- Stand back.
SOS: Oh, oh, oooh! *Excitedly bounces*
BB: -Slashes into the fandom void and reaches deep inside- No, no, no....OW! NO! BAD DOG! -Reaches further- Too cold...too psychi--- WAH! -Yanked half inside- I GOT HIM! HELP ME OUT!
SOS: *Tries to drag him out* Dammit, Logan, you help too!
Logan: *Yanks you both*
BB: -Falls on top of SOS...gets crushed by Pyro- OW!
Pyro: What the hell?!
SOS: *Wheezes* I...can't...breathe...
BB: -pushes Pyro off and gets up- So sorry!
SOS: It's...It's okay! OH MY GOD, PYRO!!!!!
Pyro: ....oh, no, not another one!
SOS: Chocolate? Ice cream? Do you want booze too? Have whatever you want, because oh my GOD, do you deserve it after this fic.
Pyro: ...uh?
Logan: He'll have orange soda.
SOS: Okay! *Keyboards him a crate of it*
Pyro: Hey. Don't tell her what I'll take. ....^Pops open the crate and drinks a bottle of it^
Logan: *Smirks*
SOS: *Quietly fangirls*
BB: -Unashamed staring-
Pyro: ...uh... ^Whispers^ What's up with him?
SOS: Oh, nothing. It's just that after...after what happens later, we both want to pamper you. Because you deserve it.
Pyro: ...^Slightly smug look^ Oh?
SOS: You...REALLY don't want to know.
BB: No, you don't. -Sits him down- Now, please, I beg of you, help us snark!
"Like Pyro?" I asked. I was stunned by the laughter that caused. The blood vessles in Pyro's face pooled so much blood in his face, I could see it. That was embarrassment?
SOS: Stu? You WERE embarassed last chapter! You KNOW what it feels like! You IDIOT!
Pyro: ...I don't blush.
SOS: But yes, Pyro is an awesome name. I'm glad you recognise that.
Pyro: Glad you agree.
BB: Of course. You're the most sensible one here.
Logan: ...
BB: Sorry. But it's true.
CHARACTER BASHING: 29
CONSISTEWHAT?: 18
"No need to get smart, I was trying to help you." Pyro grumbled.
SOS: Oh, you naïve child. You have NO idea...
Pyro: I'm right here, you know.
SOS: ...I still say you're a naïve child that has NO IDEA what's in store for you...
Pyro: ^Flicks open his lighter^
BB: Oi. No need for that. Just...snark.
SOS: *HIDES*
I tilted my head at him and furrowed my brow. I didn't understand. I looked at Remy for an explanation
Pyro: Why look at him? I just explained it.
SOS: GOD MOTHERFUCKING DAMMIT, YOU'RE JUST BEING WILFULLY BLIND! EVERY FUCKING TIME PYRO DOES AN AWESOME THING AND SHOWS THAT HE'S TRYING TO HELP YOU, YOU PRETEND TO NOT UNDERSTAND! YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! GAH! *Pants*
BB: SOS, don't explode yet. Save that for later.
CHARACTER BASHING: 31
TRAUMA LLAMA: 41
but he was still laughing. "I'm sorry sir." I said, just loud enough that they heard me.
SOS: SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH! I HEREBY SENTENCE YOU TO DEATH BY SPORK! *STABBITY STAB*
TRAUMA LLAMA: 42
Pyro: She always like that?
BB: Sometimes.
Pyro: ....She's scarier than Storm.
SOS: >////////<
One of the guards ruffed up Pyro's hair and said, "Oh, don't worry about Pyro. He's upset cuz you said his name was girly."
SOS: ...Um...what? That's not what happened! Pyro said the Stu needed a manly name, and the Stu said, 'Like Pyro?' That means he said Pyro was, you know, a FUCKING MANLY NAME!
CONSISTEWHAT?: 19
CHARACTER BASHING: 32
Pyro: ...My name is not fucking girly, you son of a bitch. I chose it because it matched my personality. Like now. ^Makes the flame in his hand expand and uses it to burn the story^
SOS: Oh, give up. Fics are impervious to harm in the Sporking Chamber. The only way to destroy it is to spork until the end.
Pyro: I don't give up. ^Burns the author^
BB: ................MARRY ME.
Pyro: I don't swing that way.
BB: .....-Mutters about asexual mutants-
I looked down, resigned to not understanding.
SOS: The supposed prodigy, ladies and gentlemen.
Pyro: Prodigy? Where's that motherfucker? We could use him.
BB: Not in this fic. He's been replaced by this guy, too. Just like Rogue.
Pyro: ...ROGUE? ...^LAUGHS^ He's replacing Rogue? The "Don't-Touch-Me-I-KEEL-YOU!" girl?
BB: Yup.
Pyro: ^Laughs until he's blue^ ROGUE! ROOOOOOOOOOGUE!
TRAUMA LLAMA: 43
I needed a name. The professor said that was Number 1.
Logan nudged me and I gave him my attention again. He started introducing those at the table, pointing at them as he identified them.
SOS: Uh...why is LOGAN the one doing this? I don't recall him being that talkative. You'd think a friendlier member of the X-Men would be doing it. Or the defacto leader.
Pyro: ^Still laughing about Rogue^
BB: I shall answer this!
Everyone, Logan barely cares about names. If anyone were to tell names, it'd be Storm. Or the Professor. Maybe Scott. Those three are the defaults for that kind of info. Because, and let's say it together, everyone: THEY'RE THE LEADERS!
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 13
"Ye already know me and Remy. I heal and have claws." He lifted up his fist and three metal claws flew from between his knuckles.
SOS: And then he clawed the Stu's face off.
BB: DO IT, LOGAN! DO IT! I'll be yours forever if you do.
"Adamantium" I whispered. I'd heard the second Doctor talking about the metal and how only Wolverine had been strong enough to carry it in him all the time.
SOS: This Suethor has a thing for Wolverine's claws, you'll notice.
BB: Um....As much as I hate to admit it....Logan wasn't the only one with adamantium in his skeleton in X-Men canon. A woman was made into a female wolverine. She was grafted with adamantium, too. And she BESTED Wolverine in a fight until he INJECTED her with adamantium. Which killed her - it got into her bloodstream and hardened.
SOS: Well, I can see why she's ignored in this fic.
He nodded and pointed to the mocha colored woman on his left. "That's Storm, also called Ororo. She controls the weather." As I watched, her eyes turned completely white and her hair started flowing in a wind only she was effected by. Thunder crashed outside.
SOS: Is it just me or are the X-Men VERY melodramatic? She couldn't just create a breeze or something? She had to go all out and make a thunderstorm?
BB: They aren't in canon. In fact, Storm could've just as easily made a cloud appear in the room and had a little wind blow around.
The white faded from her eyes and she smiled at me. I had noticed that while she was using her ability, her energy had increased and I realized I could probably influence it.
SOS: Yes. The Stu? CAN CONTROL OTHER MUTANT'S POWERS. Which means he basically has every mutation in existence.
YOU WHORE: 60
BB: .....No comment.
Pyro: I have one. ^BURNS HIM^
SOS: And people don't understand why Jean is worried about his lack of control and wants something done about him.
Logan: . . .What?
BB: ....eep. .........you said the magic words.
SOS: What?
BB: Not Understand and Jean.
SOS: Oh...that was a very understated version of what happens. It's more like people hate Jean for being worried and wanting something done about him.
BB: -Yanks SOS out of the way- HIT THE DECKS!
Logan: *Snarls and stands up, flipping the table through a wall and unsheathing his claws* Let me at it.
SOS: The fic's indestructible anyways. Vent however much you want. *Goes back to cowering*
Logan: *Reaches through the fic and grabs the person who wrote it and yanks them into the room*
BB: O.O .........................how the.........fuck?
SOS: Uh...Logan? You might want to return that. Personal threats against writers are frowned upon.
Logan: ...Hn. *Shoves it back through*
BB: ....that has probably traumatised her.
I decided not to tell the others unless I needed to.
BB: .......No. You tell them now. NOW.
SOS: See? SEE? See what I mean? Jean is legitimate in her concern! No one knows he can just HIJACK someone's powers, and it's unthinkable the amount of damage he could do with an ability like that! And given how he seems to not WANT people to know? It's only logical to assume that he's planning something BAD with it.
Pyro: What a psycho.
SOCIOPATHY: 10
"That is Professor Xavier," He pointed at the professor and I nodded at him. "You can call him Chuck, Charles, or Professor or Professor X like the other kids do." The professor nodded at me and said, "I have powers of the mind." only his mouth didn't move.
'Your in my head' I thought,
SOS: Yes. Congratulations on catching up to the rest of the world. FINALLY.
BB: ...No. No one calls him Chuck. They call him Charles, Professor, or Professor X. And Charles is only by ADULTS.
SOS: In other words, RESPECT, MOTHERFUCKER.
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 15
BB: I have no words again, sooooooo......Logan?
Logan:
BB: ...I love you.
and shivered. How could I keep myself safe if they were in my head?
SOS: Not they. HIM. And again, YOU ARE SAFE.
BB: Because Professor X is respectful.
SOS: Exactly! If he didn't have scruples, he would have already read your mind for every single secret, and it'd be too late to worry now! And if he's refrained from doing it for this long, then he probably won't do it in the future either!
TRAUMA LLAMA: 44
SOCIOPATHY: 11 (Again, for how he doesn't grasp the concept of having powers, but not using them for the sake of morality.)
BB: SOS, may I suggest stress relief?
SOS: After this line:
'Do not fear dear boy, The mind is a complex organ and I cannot access anything but what you allow me to from this distance.
SOS: THEY ARE IN THE SAME ROOM. SAME. FUCKING. ROOM. Hell, yeah, Xavier can read everything! He just chooses not to!
BB: ......Professor? You're almost an Omega level mutant, y'know.
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 16
BB: Stress relief, where are you?
...that works.
SOS: O.O Um...yes.
BB: -Nods- ....well, now we know the best thing to use for this fic! Logan, shirtless.
SOS: >.> You realise he's right here, right?
BB: Yes.....he's staring at me angrily right now. -Too busy drooling to care-
Logan: *Glares*
SOS: *Gives him more chocolate* I'm sorry.
I would not invade your privacy, just as I expect you to keep your powers to yourself unless asked.' I nodded and understood the veiled threat.
SOS: YES. THANK YOU, XAVIER. ...Now, if only you followed up on that...
BB: Professor, LET ME LOVE YOU!
I shivered again thinking about the possibilities. I could do a lot with the mind, but I couldn't touch the consciousness.
SOS: YOUR POWERS ARE WITH THE BODY, DAMMIT!
BB: All right, I'm going to explain something here - everyone, hold onto your hats.
Now, as SOS said, the Stu's power is in the body. ONLY the body. Nothing to do with the mind. He is LIMITED to the body only and must stay within that limitation - if this were canon, he would. He cannot touch the mind. He can't manipulate the mind. He can heal, Suethor, and that's it.
Stop. Trying. To. Make. Him. OMEGA.
YOU WHORE: 61
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 18
The Professor had said he had 'powers of the mind' not consciousness. I suspected that he could control your actions if he wanted to, perhaps even change our opinions and personality.
BB: Holy tense switches. Or was that a typo?
SOS: Um...does it matter if he could? He already promised he wouldn't do it, and he's clearly sticking to his word. Also, that is the most convoluted way I have ever seen anyone deduce anything. You FAIL at looking smart, Suethor!
BB: -Pat pat- The Suethor fails at everything.
Logan gestured to the man with glasses on the Professor's left with a new cigar, just before he lit it up. "That's Cyclops, or Scott, or Boy Scout. Or anything else you feel like calling him. Remember I won't let anyone hurt you."
BB: ......Logan. No. Bad Logan. BAD.
SOS: Look, Wolverine might have canonically had issues with Cyclops, but he wouldn't stand aside and let ANYONE badmouth him!
Logan: ....Boy Scout is my name for him. And no. I wouldn't. *Flips the fucker off with a claw*
SOS: They're still teammates at the end, and if a new recruit went around calling Cyclops a cocksucker, I'm pretty sure he'd get pissed!
BB: Yes, he would. He'd probably tell them what kind of cock they could suck and shove a chicken in their mouths.
SOS: Not to mention, Cyclops wouldn't stand for it either! He only lets Wolverine get away with calling him Boy Scout because they're, again, long-time FRIENDS.
BB: And he's pretty damn persuasive. I mean, lazer eyes and all....
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 20
CHARACTER BASHING: 33
He did something funny with his eyes, where he only closed one of them at me. I tried it out. It hurt my face.
BB: He winked! And that hurts a face...how?
SOS: The only explanation I have is that this Stu? Has no idea what pain means. And I guess it's up to us to show him.
BB: -Gets the hammer and railroad spikes- I'll be so glad to do so.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 47
He laughed at me, and I flushed. Now I knew what embarrassment felt like.
SOS: YOU FELT EMBARRASSED LAST CHAPTER, YOU LIAR!!!
BB: Logic flew out the window last chapter, too.
SOS: I don't think it was ever here to begin with.
CONSISTEWHAT?: 20
He lifted my face up with his fingers,
SOS: And then his claws shot out. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
Logan: That wimp can't even make claws come out. He's Mystique.
SOS: Give her some credit. Mystique would have stabbed this abomination in the face the second he tried to nuzzle at her crotch.
YOU WHORE: 62
"I'm not makin' fun pup, just keep practicing." He did the eye thing again and I copied him.
SOS: That's all you do. Copy the canon characters and hope that endears you to the readers.
Also, pup? Just how determined are you to make Wolverine into an ANIMAL?
BB: Wolverine has never called anyone pup unless he was joking. And Wolverine's jokes? Are rare. He does them mostly at Scott's expense.
YOU WHORE: 64
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 21
Scott interrupted by saying, "I would show you my power, but I'm wearing the wrong glasses. I have laser vision but I can't control it."
SOS: I bet he's regretting that now. He could have put an end to this whole mess if only he had the right glasses.
Logan: Boy Scout's telling about his power? He never does that.
BB: Somewhat true. Scott is usually embarrassed by his lack of control, so he rarely tells about his power. Though you can usually guess, he keeps it quiet.
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 22
"Because of your scar tissue," I whispered.
SOS: FUCK. NO. Stop trying to get rid of the characters' canonical flaws! That's what makes them INTERESTING!
BB: .....Uh.....No. Scott simply has a mutation that's difficult to control. It was actually fixed once in canon and he became boring. So.....This fails.
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 23
I really wanted to help out but, I wasn't sure they would let me heal them.
SOS: And they'd be RIGHT! I don't want you anywhere near Scott, much less messing with his brain!
BB: He doesn't NEED healing. As I said, it made him BORING when it happened in canon!
Seriously boring, by the way. That episode reached the lowest number of views of any episode. The storyline was good, though.
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 24
Blue said, "I'd like to do a few tests to see if he's correct Scott." Cyclops nodded and I felt a little hurt that they didn't trust me.
SOS: OF COURSE THEY WOULDN'T! They've known you for all over half a day! And you've only discovered your power for a day! THEY WOULDN'T TRUST YOU WITH BRAIN SURGERY!
BB: It bears repeating.
THERE. IS. NOTHING. WRONG. WITH. SCOTT. He's perfectly fine the way he is!
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 25
YOU WHORE: 65
I wouldn't ever not tell the truth. Freaks Merkins do not have the intelligence required to lie.
SOS: DO I NEED TO LIST THE NUMBER OF TIMES YOU'VE LIED SINCE THE FIC STARTED? AND HOW MANY TIMES YOU'LL LIE FROM NOW ON?
BB: Or how many times you've lied in the last few paragraphs?
YOU RACIST BASTARD: 5
CONSISTEWHAT?: 21
Logan pointed at the red headed female, "That's Jennie..." "Jean" she interrupted.
SOS: ...Jennie? Seriously?
BB: Well.........he calls her Jeanie once. ......as a joke. She says "FUCK OFF" immediately.
SOS: But to tell a new recruit to call her that? ...Wolverine must want the Stu killed.
BB: It's the only explanation. YES!
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 26
"I am telekinetic and a small amount telepathic." I defined them mentally as I understood
SOS: THEN WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND PYRO??? Jean is a Scary Sue, too! Why does Pyro ALWAYS get singled out?
Pyro: He's an idiot who can't stand my Awesome.
BB: ....Your arrogance works nicely here.
CHARACTER BASHING: 34
that it was not a test. I didn't need an example of her ability, she'd already floated a shovel to me.
SOS: (Harry) --and whacked me in the face with it.
BB: YES!
"That's Rouge," He pointed at the girl with white streaks in her hair who'd restrained Pyro.
SOS: ...Kinky?
She smiled at me. "She can borrow the abilities of others and takes on their personalities if she gets enough."
SOS: And oh BOY, wait 'til you see what the Stu plans to do with her power.
BB: ...Did you understand that? 'Cause that makes it seem like Rogue's saying that and talking third person.
I waited for her to show me and noticed that everyone seemed slightly saddened.
SOS: SLIGHTLY? You have EVERYONE near bawling at your sobstory! And Rogue just gets SLIGHTLY?
BB: May I say this again? Rogue. Can. Never. Touch. ANYONE. If she does, she can KILL them. This INCLULDES her boyfriend. Can you IMAGINE the torture and PAIN that causes? No touch from puberty onward? And if you do, you can KILL the person you touch?
YOU WHORE: 66
"I'd have ta touch 'em suga' an' its no' vera pleasant." I didn't understand
SOS: For once, I don't blame him. What is WRONG with her accent? Vera?
BB: They're trying to go for a soft, Southern accent. It'd be like this: "I'd have ta touch 'em, sug, and it's not var-eh pleasant." VAR-EH. That's how it'd be pronounced. Not "Vera."
but somehow, her energy had pieces of others wrapped up in it. It scared me.
SOS: And, of course, this is ALL about you.
BB: .....They just told you she can absorb PERSONALITIES. PERSONALITIES! OF COURSE THERE WOULD BE OTHER PEOPLE IN HER!
WANGSTMUFFIN: 34
SOCIOPATHY: 12
Next to her was Bobby, or Ice man. He could freeze water molecules in the air and create ice. Pyro, could manipulate fire.
SOS: AS HE HAS ALREADY DEMONSTRATED!!! What, do you just filter everything Pyro says out of your brain until Gambit or Wolverine repeats it?
CHARACTER BASHING: 35
Kitty, or Shadowcat could walk through walls and Jubilation Lee or Jubilee was super strong and could generate plasma that exploded. The blue skinned male was identified as Kurt or Nightcrawler and could teleport.
Next Logan introduced Blue as Beast. The name upset me.
SOS: Oh, GOD FORBID the X-Men do anything to upset you! Quick, change Hank's name immediately or the Stu will throw a tantrum!
BB: Guess what? It upsets Hank, too. He doesn't LIKE his name. Havok gave it to him in First Class. And he HATES it. Because he wants to be seen as a NORMAL PERSON instead of his ability. He doesn't WANT to be a beast. He wants to be HUMAN!
SOS: And this Stu calls him a feral. Joy.
BB: What a disgusting bastard.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 35
SOCIOPATHY: 13 (And again, it's all about YOU.)
I whispered to my hero, "Wolverine, I think my name is Freak."
SOS: What a brilliant idea! I fully support the motion!
BB: Keep it. It works well.
SOS: And again, doesn't this sound like the Stu going, 'Oh dear! Another character is having some angst! I must WANGST MOAR, so everyone's attention is back on me again!!!"?
WANGSTMUFFIN: 36
"Non." Remy said, "you ken have any name you want ange"
SOS: But the one that's most accurate will always be Freak.
BB: ...STOP with the horrible accent. Not "ken." It'd be "kuh-un." Cun. Please. EVERYONE knows this.
YOU WHORE: 67
I smiled at him, but I was still confused.
"Do you want a different name too?" I asked Beast. He smiled at me and I was reminded of how I'd backed away from him in the small mobile beam. I wasn't sure if I should apologize for that or not.
SOS: YES, YOU SHOULD. And for everything else, too! Like licking his finger, you FREAK! Or mentally calling him a feral!
BB: You had better fucking apologize. Hank has done NOTHING to deserve this shit.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 51
It had obviously upset him, and I didn't want to upset anyone or get kicked out.
SOS: Oh, never mind. Don't apologise. Insincere apologies are worse than nothing at all. You're obviously not feeling sorry for anything. You just want to make sure you can stick around your Twu Wubs. You'll only be apologising to benefit YOURSELF.
BB: Aaaaaand now you see why I want to kill X-Stus and Sues.
SOCIOPATHY: 14
TRAUMA LLAMA: 52
"No.
SOS: Um, like BB said, Hank DOESN'T like his name. I think he would change it if he had a chance.
BB: He would, if people weren't so used to it. They either call him Beast or Hank. Or, in some cases, Doctor McCoy. But it's mostly Beast. And he hates it. He's never liked it and I doubt he ever will.
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 27
Call me Hank or Dr. McCoy if you don't like it." I nodded and focused on thinking up a name for myself.
SOS: Because that's all you do. No matter what happens, you just FOCUS ON YOURSELF.
SOCIOPATHY: 15
CHARACTER BASHING: 36
BB: ....wow. Future Sight again. How do I do it? Now, onto the fail - ...Um, how HARD is it to think up a name? Part of First Class was shown as them picking their names.
SOS: For this Stu? Very hard. He barely has one brain cell.
BB: He doesn't even have that. And I'm being generous.
Most of them had two names. One for everyday and one for when they were freaks merkins, or something;
BB: ........No. They have their NAMES and their Codenames.
SOS: They don't switch their mutations off and on, you know. They're ALWAYS mutants. The codenames are just to protect their identities, as far as I can tell.
BB: Yes. Or, in case of First Class? It was just because they thought it'd make them feel more like a team. Hell, the whole team usually helps pick OUT a code name. So you feel more like a team member.
SOS: Well, it's a Stu here, so no wonder no one is bothered to help. Unintentional Awesomeness, yay!
BB: Yes! I love it.
YOU RACIST BASTARD: 6 (THEY ARE NEVER FREAKS.)
I still wasn't quite sure.
SOS: It's basically a nickname! How hard is this to get?
TRAUMA LLAMA: 53
I did however like when Remy called me ange. "Angelous." I whispered
SOS: Wow. The arrogance is flowing off the screen. He knows he has to find a name that vaguely describes himself...and he chooses Angelous. Basically saying that he agrees that he's an angel. Wow.
Yeah, I'm sticking with Freak.
BB: I'll agree with it. Freak.
YOU WHORE: 68
and waited for the rejection that was sure to come.
SOS: I already rejected it, darling. Did you miss that?
WANGSTMUFFIN: 37
I was surprised at feeling fingers under my chin again. Remy smiled at me inches from my face.
BB: I'm getting very tired of that.
SOS: (Remy) Then let me send you to heaven. *Blows him the fuck up*
YOU WHORE: 70
"It's a belle name ange."
SOS: What the hell...I'm not even sure that makes grammatical sense in French!
BB: It doesn't.
YOU WHORE: 72
I felt my eyes well up again and ruthlessly pushed the tears back. I'd cried more in the last hour then I had in years.
SOS: What do you care so long as it got people fawning over you? Seriously, when have you ever shown a reluctance to cry?
WANGSTMUFFIN: 40
CONSISTEWHAT?: 22
"Okay so now we have your girl name, what is your real name?" Pyro snarked.
SOS: OH MY GOD, PYRO!!!!!! TAKE ME!!!!!! *BODICE RIP*
Pyro: ...uh.
BB: Man, that'll happen a lot. You're AWESOME here. So....yeah.
Pyro: Thanks, but I'm a fictional character. It wouldn't work out well.
SOS: I DON'T CARE, I LOVE YOU!!! *FANGIRLS*
I frowned a little at his apparent distaste for my name,
SOS: Oooooh, scaaaary.
BB: Uh, he just said it's a girly name. And it is. No offense to anyone who has the name. Here, it's girly.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 54
YOU WHORE: 73
CONSISTEWHAT?: 23 (Didn't you say you were prepared for rejection? And yet not being fawned over still makes you tantrum?)
but tried to think instead of focusing on it.
SOS: Keyword being "tried".
BB: Replace it with failed and you have the right answer.
I should have known better then to hope this place would be without pain.
SOS: Oh, WOE is you. Your life is so painful. Someone doesn't like your name! How utterly TRAGIC.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 42
Pyro said my 'real' name needed to be referencing my gift,
SOS: No, your real name is, you know, YOUR REAL NAME. It's your CODENAME that refers to your gift.
BB: Why are we bringing logic into this fic? It doesn't exist.
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 28
but Wolverine didn't reference his healing or his metal, although the claws gave it credence.
SOS: And, you know, his strength and durability. Because wolverines are Awesome animals.
BB: So does his enhanced abilities. Including sense of smell, sight, hearing....And the hair helps a bit.
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 29
Rouge didn't have anything to do with her gift.
SOS: She's not called Rouge!
BB: ...No, because that's a make-up. ROGUE, however, references her childhood. She was a wild-child and was called Rogue to reference that.
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 30 (And since when did anyone tell you your codename HAD to reference your power? They told you to choose whatever you liked!)
Gambit had little to do with kinetic energy or warmth or even thieving.
SOS: Well, aren't you a fantastic name critic, person who didn't know what a name was until a few minutes ago! The X-Men can call themselves whatever they like! Shut up!
BB: Gambit is also a very well known DEALER. And a Gambit means a gamble. It means something to thieves.
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 31
CHARACTER BASHING: 39 (For implying that anyone other than him has a WRONG name.)
I, to put it in the Professors wording, have powers of the body
SOS: And yet you claim to be able to do things with the mind? What the hell?
BB: Consistewhat?
CONSISTEWHAT?: 24
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 32
I can control the muscles and their movements like they are puppets. "What about Geppetto or Stromboli?"
SOS: Does that strike anyone else as incredibly meta? After all, the Suethor is making the X-Men into her puppets and having them dance for her entertainment. No wonder her Stu has the power to make people do things against their characterisation.
BB: I'm just going to ignore the Disney references from now on.
YOU WHORE: 77
SOS: And that was the end of the chapter. Again, no doubt intended to be a cliffhanger, and which again fails. Because we all know the X-Men are going to be okay with his name. There isn't any doubt at all.
Join me next time as we head into Chapter 4...and oh BOY, is that chapter a whole new level of terrible.
BB: ......I have a video for this.
SOS: Do show me.
Click to viewHALP.
SOS: Hee. Well, hopefully, we'll be able to get some X-Men here for next chapter too, because I have a feeling we're going to need help.
BB: HALP.
FINAL COUNTS:
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 59+32 = 91
TRAUMA LLAMA: 94+54 = 148
CONSISTEWHAT?: 27+24 = 51
WANGSTMUFFIN: 101+42 = 143
SOCIOPATHY: 56+15 = 71
CHARACTER BASHING: 16+39 = 55
YOU WHORE: 62+77 = 139
Go Forward to: Chapter 4
Go Back to: Chapter 3, Part 1