A Freak Like Me: Chapter 3 Part 1
SOS: Hello, readers! We have yet another chapter of A Merkin Like Me! This chapter isn't so much bad as just incredibly repetitive and boring. So...you ready?
BB: Nope! But that isn't going to stop me.
"I was sold by my Aunt and Uncle when I was seven.
SOS: That line does not get better with age, Suethor. Stop repeating it.
BB: Wait a moment. I have something I must get.
Continue.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 2
Or at least I think I was seven."
"Why don't you know how old you were?" Bobby asked, while picking up Jean's plate.
SOS: Because he's an idiot?
Also, notice that the Stu magically knows who Bobby is? Or Jean? That's not an error.
The fic? Has just switched to third-person narration. For no reason.
...Well, that's not true. It is for a reason. SO THE X-MEN CAN FAWN OVER THE STU AND TALK ABOUT HOW ADORABLE HE IS.
BB: ...Ice Man, why? Why??? Why hurt the sexy man who loves Rogue in Movieverse?
YOU WHORE: 1
TRAUMA LLAMA: 1
"Freaks Merkins don't have birthdays." the boy told them.
SOS: So, basically, you admit that no one here is a freak except you? Good to know!
TRAUMA LLAMA: 2
BB: LIES!
I can find you the birthday of four of them right now. Some of them even had birthdays IN CANON! Don't you dare say otherwise, Suethor - I have canon here, and I am NOT afraid to use it. -Lifts up a box of comic books- I WILL THROW THESE AT YOU.
He tilted his head and the x-men knew that it would become a trademark for him.
SOS: Apparently, the X-Men aren't important enough to deserve proper capitalisation in this fic
BB: That's only cute when Cas does it.
YOU WHORE: 2
It was cute.
SOS: NO. IT WAS NOT. IT WAS PRETENTIOUS
BB: Again, it's only cute when Cas does it. I'll prove it.
You see? Only cute when HE does it.
YOU WHORE: 3
It brought out his childlike qualities and his innocence.
SOS: OH YES, HE IS SO INNOCENT, WITH A BODY COUNT IN THE DOUBLE DIGITS.
BB: I'm not going to get into that. If I do, I will become a babbling, raging bastard and yell about the Stu's sex life. I'd rather not do that.
YOU WHORE: 5
The adults were beyond happy that this kid had kept his innocence at least a little in a place that had trained him like this.
SOS: The non-adults were busily planning the Stu's DEATH.
BB: That's quite a healthy population of the school. C'mon, guys, don't let us down!
YOU WHORE: 7
WANGSTMUFFIN: 3
TRAUMA LLAMA: 3
They'd had children damaged before,
SOS: Okay, is it just me or is it terribly rude to call rape victims "damaged"?
BB: It's rude. They already feel their damaged in their minds, some of them.
In fact....This brings back memories of something.
......Oh Lord. It's Eclipse. ECLIPSE. ROSALIE'S STORY!
SOS: Actually, not quite. Edward wasn't sympathetic to Rosalie at all and was disgusted and annoyed by her. Whereas the X-Men are tripping over themselves to fawn and coo over the Stu. It's the Suethor that's the one lacking in sympathy and sensitivity here.
SOCIOPATHY: 1
but none brainwashed to this extent.
SOS: BRAINWASHED? Do you even know what that word MEANS?
BB: ...HA...hahaha.......HAHAHA.....HA. HA. Just.....ha. Haha. Hahaha.
SOS: Also...are you saying that out of ALL the mutants there. Out of EVERYONE. The Stu alone suffered the most? What the others went through couldn't compare? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE IMPLYING?
BB: Yes.
So that implies that people like, say Rogue, who put a guy in a coma because she kissed him, can't compare. People like Logan, who went through WAR, who went through having METAL grafted ONTO HIS SKELETON, can't compare. People like Professor Xavier, who are PARALYZED FROM THE WAIST DOWN can't compare.
I could go on for hours.
SOS: And, worst of all, it's BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS that the Stu isn't traumatised in the least! He doesn't care about what happened to him! He's not suffering from his past at all!
TRAUMA LLAMA: 4
WANGSTMUFFIN: 5 (Of course, no one has it worse than you.)
They boy was beautiful,
BB: ...."They boy?" What's that?
SOS: So, while someone is pouring their hearts out to you and telling you their supposedly incredibly traumatising past, all the X-Men can notice is that he's PRETTY That's very sensitive of them, alright!
BB: -Yawns- ....Oh, where have I read this before? ....Every other Stu or Suefic I've ever seen? No wonder it's so boring.
YOU WHORE: 8
his wavy dark hair framed his face and fell down past his shoulders.
SOS: And knowing where he came from? It's probably covered with lice.
BB: Lice, ticks, possibly even random fleas. I wouldn't be surprised.
YOU WHORE: 11
His large emerald eyes spoke of intelligence and innocence, tempered by pain and suspicion.
SOS: *STABS THEM*
BB: Bad memories?
SOS: After seeing this sort of description in god knows how many fics, it's just became a part of my instinct.
BB: Aaaah. Lucky me - I haven't gotten there yet. I just rip the eyes out.
YOU WHORE: 17
He was a paradox.
SOS: No. He just makes no sense.
BB: He shouldn't exist here.
YOU WHORE: 18
He moved gracefully, but was tense from fear.
SOS: Yes, because living your life in a tiny cage and being treated as little better than an animal gives you SUCH graceful movement!
BB: Someone, somewhere, point out that this Stu is a STU! I won't even care if it's Pyro who does it (because we all know Pyro's being set up for Scary Stuness), because at least I'll be able to root for SOMEONE.
YOU WHORE: 19
TRAUMA LLAMA: 5
Storm knew that the boy would have boys and girls all over him if he chose.
BB: Because Storm was such a match-maker in canon.
SOS: Okay, readers, I want you to do something for me.
Just for the moment, ignore all the failed portrayal of trauma and how this Stu is CLEARLY not bothered by his experience in the labs.
For a moment, lets imagine that he IS what the Suethor tried to portray him as. The victim of life-long abuse and repeated rape who is so dysfunctional that he can't understand why someone WOULDN'T want to rape him.
And Storm here? Is praising him by saying that people want to have sex with him. Is trying to COMPLIMENT him by saying how "sexy" he is.
And what's more? There's a whole buttload of victim-blaming here
"IF HE CHOSE". Meaning that the only reason he's dysfunctional and traumatised? Is because it's his own choice! That he can help being terrified, and he simply CHOOSES to be constantly in fear of being punished.
And the Suethor thinks this? IS A GENUINE COMPLIMENT. SHE IS FLATTERED.
IT CANNOT BE MORE OBVIOUS THAT THIS IS BY SOMEONE WHO HAS NEVER BEEN THROUGH TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES BEFORE TRYING TO WRITE RAPE JUST BECAUSE IT'S SHOCKING. And it is INSULTING.
BB: Especially to those who have been through rape, or even a molestation. It's basically saying they should KNOW that they can stop being afraid of sex and the memory that it leaves on their minds and that they can go out and have sex, 'cause, hey, what's the world if you DON'T have sex, huh?
YOU WHORE: 20
SOCIOPATHY: 3
Bobby flushed and turned away.
SOS: And he has a RIGHT to. The Stu just told him he was a freak and didn't deserve a birthday!
BB: Bobby already gets enough of that from his brother, thanks. Get the fuck away from him, Stu.
YOU WHORE: 21 (Yeah, I know you're trying to say that you're turning Bobby on. Don't try and bullshit me.)
Xavier told the boy to continue.
"The Doctor took me to his office and told me that if I had been normal I would be a prodigy. He gave me books to read. He wanted my help for his experiments."
SOS: THIS IS NOTHING BUT A REPEAT OF THE FIRST CHAPTER! WHY DO WE NEED TO SEE THIS AGAIN?
BB: So the Stu can have people fawn over him. And repeat his TRAUMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so they'll pity him.
Specifically so Wolverine and Gambit will. Maybe Professor X. But mostly those two.
YOU WHORE: 22 (Prodigy, my ass.)
He turned to look at Wolverine, pleading for understanding.
BB: See?
SOS: Well, looks like you were right.
BB: -Can tell the future- Like this. I predict the next bit will be wangst, and afterwards someone will try to comfort the Stu. And it'll be one of our two Love Interests, or someone who's been named who Has Importance.
SOS: This is an insult to hurt/comfort fics...which is one of my favourite genres
YOU WHORE: 23
"I didn't know what he did. I promise."
SOS: Dude, the only way you can NOT notice what he's doing is if you were wilfully ignorant.
BB: There's the wangst. Let's see how spot on I am this time.
Wolverine nodded and turned his face from the boy. They could all see he was trying to control his emotions in front of the boy
BB: Perhaps I'm wrong, finally?
SOS: How much does Wolverine tamp down on his emotions in canon?
BB: Mm.....never. Unless told to do so.....and even then, that rarely works. He's an instinctual being.
YOU WHORE: 24
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 1
but that turning away appeared to be a rejection. The boy's pleading expression fell and an emotionless mask slipped on.
SOS: Careful there. The last time that happened, he murdered several dozen people.
BB: -Yawns- Will this get interesting anytime soon? I've gotten bored enough to start looking for new Suebooks to read. And THAT is bored.
SOS: ...Not in a while, I think. Again, this is nothing but a repeat of the first chapter.
BB: Damn.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 8
SOCIOPATHY: 4 (As soon as someone stops fawning over you, you stop spending any amount of effort on them, huh? Your affection is entirely reserved for people who lick your boots, I see.)
Gambit shivered.
SOS: BECAUSE A LITTLE BOY LOOKING BLANKLY IS SO TERRIFYING.
BB: No. Gambit does not show fear. He's cocky. Way too cocky to let something scare him. -Chalks that up on the board of OOC moments-
YOU WHORE: 25
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 2
"I didn't know what he was doing with my ideas.
SOS: You know, this reminds me of a villain I have.
She manufactured weapons and torture equipment for the demons during the war with heaven. And she protests her innocence by claiming that she didn't know what her creations were being used for.
And as another character mocked her, 'Oh my! People are asking me to make something specifically designed to rip out eyes! I wonder what they want it for!"
BB: I think your villain would be more interesting than this Stu.
SOS: At least I acknowledge she's pure, unadulterated EVIL.
SOCIOPATHY: 5 (The only way you could have not known is if you didn't care.)
Not until I saw one of his subjects. I knew then I couldn't..."
SOS: Well, why the fuck not? You have no trouble letting them DIE!
BB: Because he needs to look Virtuous and Good in front of the Love Interests, silly. He can't seem EVIL before them, after all.
CONSISTEWHAT?: 1
YOU WHORE: 26 (Playing up the compassionate act in front of people he wants to impress, when we all know that he hasn't a single ounce of compassion in him.)
he stopped and looked right into Xavier's eyes. "I won't help anyone find things that will hurt merkins. I don't care what you do to me."
SOS: Has he ASKED you to find things that hurt mutants yet? NO. So SHUT UP.
BB: A note to everyone, something I've pointed out before -- Stu, have they hurt you in any way? Do any of the mutants around you look hurt? No. They look healthy and well, and are definitely NOT being tortured. Soooo........where's your basis? You've seen NOTHING to prove they would EVER do that to you.
YOU WHORE: 27
TRAUMA LLAMA: 7
Wolverine turned back to the kid and his eyes' widened at the fierce look he held. Logan forced the boy to look at him and nodded. The boy beamed at him.
SOS: *GAGS* I can feel my teeth rotting...
YOU WHORE: 32
He continued to face Wolverine but his eyes focused on Xavier.
SOS: What...the...How does that even WORK? Does he have eyes on the back of his head?
BB: I'm guessing he looked at the Professor out of the corner of his eye or something.
SOS: But he's sitting in Wolverine's lap! If he was facing Wolverine, then unless the Professor was sitting behind Wolverine, it wouldn't work!
BB: I never said my guess would make sense.
It seemed the boy recognized the professor as the leader and wouldn't risk not addressing him directly.
SOS: Despite how he finished flinging himself at Wolverine first before he answered Xavier?
BB: -Shrug- There's no logic here.
CONSISTEWHAT?: 2
"I didn't, wouldn't, have anymore breakthroughs and so I wasn't useful anymore. He kept teaching me things but didn't use me in the lab as often.
SOS: So why the hell did he keep you around if you weren't USEFUL? Why did he bother to keep teaching you things if it's obviously not beneficial to him anymore?
BB: So the Stu can be smarter.
SOS: Well, he definitely failed at that.
CONSISTEWHAT?: 3
WANGSTMUFFIN: 10
I didn't mind. I hate the lab." The x-men were fascinated with his voice.
SOS: (X-Men) He sounds like a castrated frog!
WANGSTMUFFIN: 11
YOU WHORE: 33
Every word invoked a different emotion
SOS: That is generally a sign of very bad acting. Each scene should have an established tone, and by mishmashing seven hundred different emotions together, all you get is a horrid jumbled mess that is at most So Bad It's Funny.
BB: As an actor, I can attest to that.
YOU WHORE: 34
and each one knew exactly how the boy felt based on the tone of his voice.
SOS: GREAT JOB SHOWING THAT. The prose in this fic is dryer than Antarctica!
BB: -Comes back from getting a drink- ...huh? ...sorry. The fic made me thirsty, for some reason.
YOU WHORE: 35
He was an expressive boy.
SOS: And what he expresses amounts to little more than, 'OMG I WANT WOLVERINE'S COCK!!!'
YOU WHORE: 36
"I called him father once." He whispered and the youths who had by now stopped their cleaning, strained to hear him.
SOS: Look at that. Seriously, look at it. Can it be ANY more obvious that he's making this more dramatic, to try and draw the X-Men in?
BB: Don't say that. The Suethor will only make it more obvious.
SOS: He IS telling a story here, complete with dramatic pauses and whispering. He is deliberately telling this in such a way as to fish for sympathy!
YOU WHORE: 37
WANGSTMUFFIN: 14
"It was the first time he gave me to the guards." His eyes flicked to the younger x-men and the boys reeled in shock. Did he think they were guards? That they were like that?"
SOS: That they didn't know how to use quotation marks?
BB: The answer is supposed to be yes, but we all know he thinks they're all Puny and Beneath Him.
SOS: I don't get why no one is angry at this, except Pyro, of course. He just told them outright that he think they'll rape anyone for fun.
BB: Pyro, you may be Scary Stu here, but I love you for it. Marry me. We can't have kids, unfortunately, but I can bake?
WANGSTMUFFIN: 16
YOU WHORE: 38
TRAUMA LLAMA: 8
Remy reached a hand to rest on the boys arm and said, "Its no' like that 'ere ange" the boy looked at Remy, Wolverine, and then Xavier who all nodded before he smiled a little.
SOS: OH, THAT'S ALL IT TAKES HUH? THAT'S ALL IT TAKES FOR HIM TO TRUST THEM? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT A PERSON IS LIKE AFTER LIVING IN FEAR FOR ALL THEIR LIVES?
Also, why does he distrust Hank's promise, and yet not Remy's? What's the difference here?
BB: Remy is a Love Interest and Hank's nerdy. Plus, Hank is Blue and Furry and therefore a Freak. Remy looks Normal, so he's automatically Trustworthy.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 11
CHARACTER BASHING: 1
A small amount of tension left him, but the adults knew it would take more then one reassurance to solve the boys fear.
SOS: GOOD JOB SHOWING THAT! He's already declared he didn't care about the guards getting angry! He's CLEARLY not fearful!
BB: And he's also not worried about pissing people off. He's already done several things that would've gotten him killed, had the X-Men been in canon.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 13
Hank asked him, "When did you learn of your ability?"
They watched the boy look around as if trying to find a way out
SOS: (Harry) Oh no! I can't tell him I found out when I make guards kill everyone and then themselves!
BB: (Harry) It would make me look bad in the eyes of my Twu Wuvs!!!!!!!
and then focus on Wolverine. "You can heal?" He whispered to Logan, for his ears only, although Hank heard it, and Jean and Xavier pulled it from Hank's mind.
SOS: Wasn't it Xavier's shtick that he tries not to read people's minds? And keeps his nose out of private conversations?
BB: Yes. Jean tries to follow that, too. Unless it's vital to the safety of the students. But this isn't, really, because.....the Stu's in one of the safest places in the world. The Xavier mansion is SAFE.
SOCIOPATHY: 7 (Mostly for the Suethor, as she seems incapable of grasping the concept of someone having power, and yet not using it out of a sense of morality.)
"Yea." Logan told him. "And do they hurt you bad?" The boy asked.
BB: Um....did he just ask if the X-Men hurt Logan?
SOS: Yes.
BB: .....-Clears throat- Everyone, I want to take this moment to tell you about something I mentioned last chapter: the Danger Room. It's a room for combat training, filled with things that CAN hurt you. You know who it was made for, originally? Logan.
It was made and amped up for LOGAN. Because he asked Professor X for it.
If he gets hurt in the Danger Room - which is rare, but it does happen - he doesn't blame it on Professor X. Know why?
SOS: Because he wanted it? In order to have something sufficiently challenging for him to improve?
BB: You got it.
He gets hurt? It's on Logan. Because he wanted it.
So this? Asking if the X-Men hurt Logan? Is laughable. Because the only time Logan gets hurt? Is either if he allows it or if he's being bested in a fight.
This FAILS on so many levels.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 15
Logan cupped the boys face with his hands and looked him dead in the eyes.
SOS: (Logan) You stop being a dumbass right now or I'll crush your skull.
BB: No, sorry, he did that to ROGUE.
SOS, I think we need to fix that sentence.
"Logan cupped the boy's face before slamming a fist straight into his jaw, sending him three feet in the air. 'Get the fuck out of my face.'"
And there was much rejoicing from X-Men fans.
YOU WHORE: 39
"I'm not gunna lie to you...ever...you got me?" The boy nodded. "I'm not gunna let anyone hurt you ever again. Got it." The expression of hope on the boys face, melted the hearts of those who saw it.
SOS: THAT'S WHAT HANK TOLD HIM, AND HE DIDN'T BELIEVE IT! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, STU? WHY DO YOU HATE HANK SO MUCH?
BB: Logan says this to ROGUE. ROGUE. It's in the first damn movie!
SOS: Rogue, who barely appears in this story.
BB: Rogue, who he's routinely paired with. A pairing known as "Rogan."
YOU WHORE: 42
TRAUMA LLAMA: 17
"Promise?" the boy whispered.
"Promise" Logan told him.
"Alright Wolverine. I trust you."
SOS: THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TRUST HANK? WHYYYYYYY?
BB: Said it once, but I'll say it again - The only reason he doesn't trust Hank is because Hank is blue and furry.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 20
CHARACTER BASHING: 2
He turned to answer Hank. "After that first time with the guards."
WANGSTMUFFIN: 17
SOS: Warning! Incoming Pyro-bashing! *Dives for cover*
BB: ...............-Gets a table-
Pyro wasn't one to wait patiently for information to pass down to him, and he was a morbid son of a bitch. "What did they do to you?"
SOS: This. Is. Supposed. To. Be. In. Third. Person. Narration. The Narrator? Is. Supposed. To. Be. Objective! You do not call ANY character a son of a bitch! Not in third-person narration! AUTHORS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO PLAY FAVOURITES.
CHARACTER BASHING: 5
BB: . . ... -SLAMS THE TABLE OVER THE SUETHOR'S HEAD UNTIL IT BREAKS IN HALF-
I'd like to point something out.
Pyro IS morbid in canon. You know why? BECAUSE HE FEELS HE DOESN'T FIT IN WITH THE X-MEN! He feels they look DOWN on him.
He has low self-esteem already because of a bad home-life, and these feelings only make it WORSE for him. AND THIS SUETHOR DOESN'T CARE!
SOS: No, worse. She says the what Pyro believes is right. The X-Men DO look down on him. And they're right to look down on him. Because he is pathetic low-life.
BB: No. Pyro is, admittedly, a jerk in canon. He can be a real asshat. But he is NOT a low-life. He is NOT pathetic. If he was, Magneto wouldn't have let him join the Brotherhood of Mutants. The X-Men don't even truly look down on him, but they want him SAFE, just like the other kids. It can FEEL like they are looking down at him, but it's obvious they don't!
Suethor, go watch the second movie again. Watch it CAREFULLY and LEARN. Because, um, Canon? YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
Remy and Logan snarled at him and he put his hands up in a gesture of submission. "What?"
SOS: It makes me SICK to see this Suethor use 'submission' to describe Pyro. Because I know what happens later. Also, the X-Men don't want Pyro to SUBMIT! They want him to PARTICIPATE
BB: ....Oh, Gods, don't mention later. Don't. I can't....not John.
And yes, they do. Hell, they have TRAINED him to control his ability to manipulate flames. They let him have a damn LIGHTER so he can USE that power. They TRUST him!
And, yes, sometimes he misuses that trust. He plays pranks on people with his powers. But he NEVER means for ANYTHING to go crazily out of hand. LEAVE. PYRO. ALONE.
CHARACTER BASHING: 8
The boy's head was tilted again,
SOS: *Snaps it off*
BB: Again, only cute when Cas does it. I miss Cas.
and Bobby perversely hoped the boy told Pyro. It would show him that he didn't really have a hard life like he'd claimed.
SOS: ...I'll let you rant about Pyro's life. But suffice it to say? YES, HE FUCKING DID. AND THE X-MEN WERE SYMPATHETIC . THEY WOULDN'T JUST DISMISS SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
BB: No, they wouldn't.
CHARACTER BASHING: 10
SOCIOPATHY: 9
"They hurt me, used me, tore my flesh off. They cut me and stomped on me. They laughed at my screams and begs for mercy. They broke my arm and stomped on my leg until the bones in it were almost powder." He said all this with his head tilted and as if he was talking about the weather.
SOS: Okay, audience. I want you to read that dialogue out loud. Notice something? You can't HELP but slip into melodrama. Because that is how it is WRITTEN!
It's not written in a nonchalant way! It sounds like he's hamming it up, because he IS. He's deliberately making this more dramatic!
WANGSTMUFFIN: 29
BB: .....I'm getting Nicozilla flashbacks.
SOS: I am SO sorry. Should we take a break?
BB: Fuck no, they just make me want to kill this more.
It made them shiver
SOS: Bitch, please. The X-Men have heard about worse things than broken bones.
BB: Yes, they have.
Hell, for some of the X-Men? They tried to kill themselves when they found out they were mutants. Mutants are THAT looked down upon in society. They found X-Men in the most disgusting, run-down hovels in the world. This guy? Is nothing.
No. Thing.
I want to bring up someone here, now. Magneto, aka Erik Lensherr.
He was raised in a concentration camp during WWII. During X-Men: First Class, he is an X-Men. What does this tell us, everyone?
SOS: That Stu? YOU HAVE NOT BEEN THROUGH THE MOST HORRIBLE HELL ON EARTH! You have NO FUCKING RIGHT TO WANGST. So either grow a pair or get the fuck out.
BB: Preferably the second one. We don't want you here. Canon doesn't want you here. Get. Out. Of. This. Fandom. Thanks, bye.
YOU WHORE: 43
WANGSTMUFFIN: 30
and both Remy and Logan held the boy tightly.
SOS: Because Wolverine is very prone to hugging random strangers.
BB: He hugs Rogue and Jean. And, once, one of the kids after Stryker's attack on the mansion.
YOU WHORE: 45
He looked at them curiously, like he didn't understand their distress.
SOS: Even though he was the one throwing himself at Wolverine and demanding hugs in the last chapter.
BB: The inconsistency. It BUUUUUUUUUURNS.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 21
CONSISTEWHAT?: 4
He waited for the next question and Rouge thought hard to find one.
SOS: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...ahahaha...I love the unintentional awesomeness here The X-Men? They don't WANT to know about the Stu!
They care nothing about him! So that when he starts expecting questions, they have to come up with it on the spot! Because despite all of the Stu's wanking about how everyone's staring at him curiously? NO ONE CARES. Oh, that's Awesome.
BB: Everything's Awesome when Rogue does it. Oh, Rogue, how I love thee. Come join the Awesome table. There's Emmett Cullen and Charlie Swan over there. You'll love them.
"What is your ability?" she finally asked.
SOS: (Stu) Omnipotence.
BB: (Stu) Silly wimmin, I don't have to answer you. Now go make me sammich.
(Rogue) FUCK YOU. *Grabs him with her bare hand and drains his life-force away entirely*
(Rest of the cast) *REJOICING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
The boy looked backwards at Logan and whispered, "You promise?" once more and Logan nodded.
SOS: (Logan) My god, what an annoying, codependent bitch.
BB: (Logan) If I just keep nodding, it'll go away.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 22
took a big breath and answered. "I know the body, I can will it to do things for me. And it tells me things."
"Like what?" Scott asked, intrigued.
SOS: (Stu) Like how many roads must a man walk down!
BB: (Stu) I don't need to tell you. You're pitiful.
"Like you have an injury in your brain that prevents you from controlling your powers.
SOS: UM. WHAT.
BB: ....I'm going to hold it in.
SOS: I'm just half-way amused that the Suethor is so allergic to limits on powers that not only has she created a god-modded Stu, she's removing the limitations on the CANON characters' powers too!
BB: Disgusting.
CANON: UR DOIN' IT RONG: 3
Like that you broke your leg when you were seven and that you have bruises on your back that are still healing." He shot a look at Hank as if that statement validated some argument they were having.
SOS: YOU HAVE SEEN WHAT IT WAS LIKE WHEN THE GUARDS WERE DONE WITH SOMEONE. IT WAS OBVIOUSLY WORSE THAN A FEW BRUISES. DON'T YOU DARE USE THIS AS A CHANCE TO WANGST.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 23
CHARACTER BASHING: 11
BB: .....Leave Scott alone. Leave him the fuck alone. The fact that he can't control his power? Gives him character.
Leave. Him. Alone.
Hank nodded and said, "We did not cause his bruising." The boy scoffed
SOS: WHAT DID HANK DO TO YOU??? WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO VITRIOLIC AGAINST HIM?
BB: Because he is BLUE and FURRY. This guy's against ANYONE who doesn't look normal. You see he's only been down on Hank and Nightcrawler so far, appearance-wise, because they are DIFFERENT.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 24
CHARACTER BASHING: 12
but then looked at Xavier, terrified. He started shaking and Remy was forced to use his charm, once again, to calm down the boy.
SOS: Suddenly remembered you still had to act pitiful, didn't you? Can't drop the charade now, huh? YOU. DISGUST. ME.
BB: I've admitted my disgust already.
TRAUMA LLAMA: 26
YOU WHORE: 46
"This allows you to heal?" Xavier asked. The boy nodded. "Remarkable."
SOS: How is it remarkable in the least? You're seen plenty of people who can heal, and people who can do a whole lot more than healing!
BB: Xavier says that to everyone, really. He's curious about powers. That's established in First Class.
So this, for once, is canon. BASK IN IT. It's the last we see for a while.
SOS: Yeah, it's just that this Stuthor loves to act like Harry has, like, OMG TEH GR8TEST POWAH EVAH!!!!
YOU WHORE: 47
"Remarkable," They boy said tilting his head and focusing on something they couldn't see. "Worthy of being remarked or noticed, unusual or striking." He nodded and returned his attention to the x-men.
SOS: And now you're copy-pasting from dictionary.com to pad out your story?
BB: Of course. What Suethor would this be if that didn't happen?
TRAUMA LLAMA: 29
Some of them chuckled morosely. This boy was so broken.
SOS: Um, no. He's not. He's just STUPID.
BB: Very. Very. Stupid.
YOU WHORE: 48
WANGSTMUFFIN: 31
Did he think that was a test?
SOS: No, he just wanted to show off.
"So the body talks to you. Everyone's?" Pyro asked. Bobby and the other youths rolled their eyes
SOS: THAT WAS A PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE QUESTION, YOU ASSHOLE!
BB: They're Scary Stu-ing him.
Also, I'm getting annoyed at the word "Youths." Almost everyone there is a TEEN. TEEN.
CHARACTER BASHING: 13
knowing that Pyro was trying to figure out the boy's 'Real Name'.
SOS: Explain that, please, BB? I have no idea what the Suethor is going on about.
BB: ...Mm....real names usually refer to the mutant's real name. Like Pyro's here is John. Rogue's is Marie.
SOS: So why would he be asking about the Stu's POWERS if he wanted to know his real name?
BB: Usually powers have to do with the codenames. But not with real names. So I'm guessing this is another Scary Stu attempt to make Pyro look like an insensitive jerk.
CHARACTER BASHING: 14
The boy nodded, eying Pyro with suspicion. He sifted deeper into Logan's embrace.
SOS: Why the hate? THAT WAS A PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE QUESTION! Hell, you were okay with Xavier and Rogue asking you questions about your ability! Why not Pyro?
BB: The author hates Pyro, that's obvious. Since he "betrays" the X-Men in Movieverse.
CHARACTER BASHING: 15
YOU WHORE: 49
"I believe we have become focused on the wrong thing." Xavier said.
SOS: (Xavier) It does not matter what your power is, for your very presence is distorting space and time and warping this universe out of balance. I'm afraid I cannot allow that to happen.
BB: Bravo! That's Professor X all over.
SOS: Oh...huh. *Is oddly proud*
BB: And, Professor, you asked, too. Why is it only bad when PYRO does it?
CHARACTER BASHING: 16
SOS: So...I managed to capture canon better than this Suethor, who have actually SEEN the movies? That's just...FAIL
BB: From what I remember, she got her movie info off the web. Which is how she knows Pyro's a technical traitor, but NOT WHY.
"We do not even know what to call you." The boy tilted his head. "Your freaks merkins have names?"
SOS: OBVIOUSLY. YOUR DARLING SNUGGLY-WUGGLY HERO HAS A NAME! AND THEY REFER TO EACH OTHER BY NAME! HOW IS THIS SURPRISING?
BB: Okay, let's see. Logan. Rogue. Remy. Xavier. Hank. Pyro. They've been named. The Stu's heard their names, at least once. SO WHY IS HE ASKING THIS?!
CONSISTEWHAT?: 10
Pyro stood up and slammed his hands on the table, "What do you mean? There are no freaks merkins here!!"
SOS: YES, PYRO, YEEEEEEEES. TAKE ME! MY BODY IS READY!!!
BB: Threesome! (Unfortunately, Pyro is looked down for his common sense in this fic. A pity. We still love him, though. He's the Leah Clearwater of this fic's canon.)
The boy said, "Yes sir," and pressed his body as tight against Logan as he could.
YOU WHORE: 50
SOS: Someone go save Logan, and we can have a foursome! That poor, poor thing, being molested by the Stu...
BB: -Rips him out of the horrible fic-
Logan: What the fuck?
BB: .....o.o ........I actually did it?
SOS: *Blinks* Uh....please don't hurt us?
Logan: *Claws slide out* Why am I here and who the hell are you two?
BB: Cool it, big boy. We're springing you.
SOS: We...we were uh...trying to save you from this Stu, you see. He's going to sexually assault you...in, like, a few chapters. >.>
Logan: Stu?
SOS: An eldritch abomination that lives off of attention.
Logan: *Stares at you both* You two are nuts.
BB: We have beer?
Logan: ...*Sits at the table that appears out of nowhere* Hand it over.
SOS: *Keyboards up a fridge of his favourite brand for him*
His eyes shifted from Hank to Kurt and then focused on Pyro like he was a moron, but wasn't willing to argue.
SOS: Pyro is the only smart person in this fic!
Oh, and how nicely racist of you. Even though you know Jean, Remy, and Logan are mutants, the first people you look towards as examples of freakishness? Kurt and Hank--the weird looking ones.
CHARACTER BASHING: 20
SOCIOPATHY: 11
BB: You see? I'm right again. ....I seem to do that a lot in this fic.
Logan: *Pops open a beer bottle using his claws* You're psychic?
BB: If so, I wish I wasn't.
"Define merkin for us. Like you did for 'remarkable'." Xavier told the boy.
BB: Please don't.
SOS: Brace yourselves, guys.
BB: -Hides behind Logan-
Logan: *Drinks*
"Freak: a being who is not normal, who is dangerous and needs to be caged and collared to keep the normals safe. A freak has abilities that they will use to hurt normal humans because they are little better then animals."
SOS: I'm not altering that. So you can look at it in its full glory. Because sharing is caring! If I had to look at it, all of you do too!
SOCIOPATHY: 18
Logan: *Looks at it...spits out his beer* What the hell?!
SOS: He thinks you're a "freak" too, you know! And he wants to fuck you.
BB: ...uh-oh. I forgot to cover his eyes.
Logan: . . . Put me back in that damn thing. I have an ass to kick.
SOS: If you get back, you'll only be warped into the Stu's sextoy.
BB: And I like having you here. >.> ....it's fun.
The boy tried to continue but stopped when Xavier held up a hand.
SOS: (Xavier) I have heard enough of your beliefs. I'm afraid you won't be welcome here at the Academy. Please leave.
BB: Professor! I love you.
Pyro was shaking and Jubilee and Rouge had a hand on him to control him. All the adults looked sick and Logan was growling softly
SOS: He should be doing a hell of a lot more than just growling! And so should everyone else!
Logan: *Snarls* What the fuck? We aren't freaks.
"and you are a Merkin correct?" The boy nodded.
SOS: Damn right, he is. He's a freaky, murdering bastard!
BB: Yes! ....and when did Jubilee get here?! ANYONE? .......Also, again, ROGUE. NOT ROUGE. THAT'S A MAKE-UP!
WANGSTMUFFIN: 32
"Who else here is a Freak Merkin?" Storm asked, understanding that the professor needed a better grasp on the boy's thought processes.
SOS: What more do you need to know? He said he thinks you are FREAKS who need to be caged and kept away from people!
BB: He thinks all mutants are freaks. And they're the lower life-form.
"Blue," the boy said pointing a finger at Hank. "and him." He moved his arm so his finger was pointing at Kurt. Kurt looked down and Kitty put an arm around him. He also pointed and Jean and Remy and then Wolverine.
SOS: Yep, you're right! Now, why the HELL aren't they throwing him out at the very least?
BB: ....Question. How the HELL does he know that Jean is a mutant? She has no physical attributes to make her one. She looks "Normal."
SOS: Oh, she was cooking, you see. And only freaks do manual labour.
BB: ....what a fucking idiot.
SOCIOPATHY: 24 (I don't care if he's been brought up to think this way. He should know people don't LIKE being called freaks, because Mike obviously hated it. And he doesn't seem like he likes the name himself.)
"You are wrong." Xavier told him.
SOS: YES, THANK YOU. FINALLY.
BB: SENSE!!!!!!!!! HALLELUJAH! YOU ARRIVE! -Hugs sense-
Logan: He do that a lot?
SOS: You would be doing it too, after a few chapters of this.
Pyro had calmed down once he realized that the boy was truly messed up.
SOS: You'd think that'd just make him MORE angry. After all, not many people take kindly to slurs like that.
BB: And by canon, fuck yeah, it would. Right now, I just want Pyro to be Pyro and be Awesome again.
YOU WHORE: 52
"Your definition of Freak Merkin is wrong. We are mutants. You, me, Wolverine, all of us."
SOS: YEEEEEEEEEEES, YESYESYESYESYES!!!! *Rejoices*
BB: -SUMMONS THE ANGELIC CHOIR- SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Professor, you have my love once more!
SOS: And now that the Professor has explained what mutants are, and the Stu no longer has an excuse to call people freaks, I'll be introducing a count that should have been introduced a long time ago: YOU RACIST BASTARD. For all the mutant-hate oozing off of this Stu.
Logan: ....*Drinks* Where's the whiskey?
SOS: *Keyboards up some whiskey for him*
Logan: That thing's handy. *Drinks half the bottle in a few swallows*
SOS: O.O Woah, watch out. I don't want you to pass out here
Logan: *Looks at you* . . .
SOS: *Shrinks back*
BB: ....we won't get between you and the whiskey?
Logan: Smart idea.
Go Forward to: Chapter 3 Part 2
Go Back to: Chapter 2 Part 2