Personal Correspondence #12: Part 2:
2) So why does Carlisle create other vampires?
SOS: Because he thought he was eternally damned, but was just so lonely, you know, so who cares if he eternally damned other innocent people? He wants some action, dammit.
BB: Because he was gay for Edward, then he wanted to pretend to be straight, then he wanted a fucktoy for Edward, THEN he decided to "make amends" to Rosalie by giving HER a fucktoy.
SOS: Also, how does this answer the original poster's question of why it's justifiable for the Cullens to kill people again? STAY ON TOPIC, DAMMIT.
Faith is a part of it-if he didn’t believe that a “good” vampire life could result in salvation, he would not have done it.
BB: .......I'm getting Gethy flashbacks to her Victoria Todd series.
SOS: He thought he was a fucking monster! He spend his whole human life KILLING vampires, because they deserve to die! He tried to commit suicide hundreds of times! And yet he thinks he can be saved? BULLSHIT. He made that up, so he'd be able to justify what he did.
BB: Just like Edward with his "I CAN KILL THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE BAD!" reasoning.
But the biggest part of it is pure loneliness.
SOS: Or, in other words, SELFISHNESS.
BB: I'm not going to bring up Vampire Chronicles again. Lestat and Louis don't deserve the tarnish.
Both people and vampires can go mad in utter isolation.
SOS: But he WASN'T in utter isolation. He was travelling from town to town, being a doctor. He was interacting with PLENTY of people. And he was staying long enough to make some friends.
No, he was just HORNY.
BB: I have been isolated before so, yes, you can go crazy from isolation. However Carlisle here was not isolated. He was talking to and around humans. So you can shove it.
It just takes longer for vampires.
SOS: Because they are Better Than You.
BB: --to get off.
....I had to. I'm so sorry.
Changing Edward worked out really well for Carlisle, which led to him changing Esme.
SOS: Who cares if Edward turned out okay? It was a GREAT deal for Carlisle, so he's gonna go ahead and do it!
BB: Especially because Carlisle got two fuck toys at once. And yes, you know that's all Esme is used for. She's completely and utterly useless otherwise!!!!
That worked out even better.
SOS: She wanted to DIE because she lost her child. He made her into an immortal being who cannot EVER have a child.
FUCK YOU, MEYER. FUCK YOU.
BB: ....No words besides Meyer is fucking psycho. Who wants to bet she wants every woman on earth besides her to be completely barren?
Which influenced his decision to change Rosalie.
SOS: No, Meyer, we SAW why he wanted to change Rosalie. You told us yourself in the Illustrated Guide. And it wasn't because Edward and Esme were so happy with their lives.
BB: He wanted Eddie to fuck a girl.
SOS: Yeah, you thought she was too PRETTY to WASTE.
But that didn’t work out so well.
SOS: That is what motherfucking HAPPENS when you try to turn a rape victim into a sex toy, you MORON.
But look at that line. Doesn't it sound like Meyer is blaming ROSALIE for this not turning out well? I mean, Edward and Esme were totally okay with it! So why shouldn't Rosalie be? She's such a bitch, tee hee.
BB: ........Fuck you, Meyer.
And Carlisle would never have changed another human again if Rosalie hadn’t begged him for Emmett.
SOS: Yeah, I can tell he's resolved to ensure he never ruins someone else's life. I mean, he's just SO determined there.
Carlisle is not as torn as Edward over the idea of Bella as a vampire
SOS: EVEN THOUGH HE SAW WHAT HAPPENED TO ROSALIE. EVEN THOUGH HE DETERMINED TO NEVER CHANGE ANOTHER HUMAN.
BB: He wants to prove Wardo isn't gay, after all.
because of the faith he has.
SOS: It is pleasing in the eyes of the Lord to condemn people to damnation for your own sexual gratification.
BB: Again, only if it's Leviastiel.
However, he has never changed anyone whose human life was not absolutely over.
SOS: After all, the eventual end of a life isn't a part of life at all.
BB: Of course not.
That is a very sad thing for him.
SOS: What, are you saying he SHOULDN'T have only targetted people who are about to die? You're saying he should have just been randomly changing anyone on the streets?
BB: I think she is.
But he knows enough about true love to have faith that things will work out well for Bella.
SOS: When he changed Esme, he had no idea whether she even liked him or not. BULL. FUCKING. SHIT. Even if Bella didn't love Edward, he'd still have been 100% behind it, just so Edward can get laid. It's not like the human's consent matters, after all.
BB: Oh, yeah, not like she could DIE or anything. I mean, it's been said by Word of God that some of the people who get bitten DO NOT MAKE IT!
After the events in New Moon, even Edward can’t doubt that her life is better with him than without him.
SOS: That is why he makes sure her life is nothing BUT him, I see. Because it's for her own good.
BB: Again, this is something my ex did to me. Again, he's my EX for a good reason!
Is there some inconsistency here? Of course. It’s called human nature.
BB: Which you have said your sparklepires no longer have.
SOS: Are you saying it's HUMAN NATURE to want to eat humans? That it's human nature to forget that you were human within a few seconds of being changed? That it's human nature to joke around about mass-murder? That it's human nature to judge people by their fleeting surface thoughts? Are you saying that EVERYTHING that's flawed about the Cullens are because they're too HUMAN, and if they gave into their vampiric side, they'd be simply PERFECT?
The Cullens have clung to theirs so closely that they are victims of its caprice.
SOS: That's sure as hell not what you showed in your fucking books! You do nothing BUT talk about how they're better than and superior to humans!
BB: Stop trying to sound smart, Meyer.
Humans waffle. We change our minds. Things look different to us depending on our mental state.
SOS: And are you saying your vampires don't? That a normal vampire never changes their minds, even when they're exposed to new information? Because I can think of so many delightful ways to exploit that.
Also, you just admitted that your vampires cannot learn. They do not change their minds, therefore, they cannot accept new information. Which means they are NOT smarter than me, and none of your vampires should be able to fit in, in society at all.
BB: So.....wait. SOS, I just realized something.
Meyer says they can't learn, right?
......so Edward can't have any of his degrees. Esme can't be a decorator. Carlisle can't be a doctor. ALICE cannot be a fashionista. And, unfortunately, Rosalie cannot be a mechanic.
SOS: Meyer, it's not just inconsistencies we're seeing here. It's plotholes so wide and gaping that they can swallow a whole solar system.
BB: Yes, because I just pointed out all of your characters cannot do anything you've said. And, to prove it? People, fashion is always changing. ALWAYS. There are new styles, new colors, new flares, new fads.
Alice cannot comprehend these because it would change her mind. She cannot know anything about fashion beyond her own lifetime.
We do things contrary to our belief system in a moment of weakness. We’re human.
BB: And your vampires do nothing except agree with murder.
SOS: Yes, except your characters NEVER experience a moment of weakness. All of their murders were done when they're living an idyllic life. Edward's murders are CLEARLY premeditated.
And what's more, if we do something morally wrong in a moment of weakness, we feel BAD about it. We feel GUILTY. We try to do something to make it better! Your vampires DO. NOT. Edward or Jasper REVEL in memmories of slaughter, and even Rosalie and Emmett chuckle and joke about their kills.
BB: Which is disgusting when you think about the fact that Rosalie and Emmett are the two best damn characters in the Cullen family.
So, in a very real way, are the Cullens.
SOS: Meyer, it is NOT human nature to commit murder.
It is human nature to OVERCOME instincts. It is human nature to TRIUMPH against temptation. And most of all, it is human nature to BE HUMAN. And your vampires are NOT human.
3) Weakness! Let’s talk about drinking blood!
SOS: Bitch, please. As if your vampires have weaknesses.
BB: Let's not and say we did. I mean, we all know you designed them to be Teh Most Speshul Snowflakes Dat Eva Snowflaked.
A lot of you are vegetarians. I applaud your compassion and dedication. Vegetarianism is a very popular thing right now,
SOS: Meyer, most people aren't vegetarians because it's POPULAR.
BB: They do it because it's their choice. It's what they WANT to be.
because we live in a society with a conscience,
SOS: And you are an anomaly.
BB: Which you and your sparklepires severely lack.
and we live in a society of plenty. You don’t generally have the first without the last.
SOS: Meyer, I come from a VERY poor town in China. People literally live in houses made of mud and cook over open fires. And a vast majority of people live in absolute poverty. We do not have many murderers.
Your argument is invalid.
BB: I lived in a literal barn for most of my young life. The only thing I had to kill were chickens.
Were there vegetarians 200 years ago? Maybe a few. 300 years ago? 500? The further you go back, the more likely it is that the answer is “no.”
SOS: Buddhism is over 2000 years old. Some Ancient Greeks practiced vegetarian diets.And early hunter-gatherer societies mostly survived on plants and berries, because they are easier to collect than hunt.
Your argument is invalid.
BB: Meyer scores a DNDTR with this.
Why? Because throughout the majority of history, people ate to survive.
SOS: History is not entirely composed of the worst days of the Dark Ages. Chinese culture is almost entirely built on the philosophy of eating, believing that it was one of the key ways to regulate your Chi. And China is a little over 4000 years old.
BB: Meyer doesn't really know of anything that happened before SHE was born.
Except for the kings and lords, perhaps, people did not eat for pleasure.
SOS: The Ancient Romans would beg to differ.
BB: Speaking of the Romans, all this talk is making me hungry. -Makes a note to order a pizza later-
Death by starvation was a common thing (it still is, sadly, in some parts of the world).
SOS: Every society has people living below the poverty line, but Ancient Rome did not have a greater percentage of poverty than, say, modern day Italy. And Ancient China was probably better off in terms of welfare than modern China.
BB: .....you know, I'm insulted because Meyer is skipping topics again.
SOS: I know, and she's trying to talk about what she doesn't know, too.
BB: And trying to sound like she knows everything.
Meyer, I was put into a hospital once because my weight went into a "danger zone" of less than one hundred pounds. I live in the US. Starvation happens EVERYWHERE, bitch.
Starving people, people whose children are starving, don’t have the ability to be ethical about what they eat. They eat whatever they can.
SOS: Those starving mothers of starving children rarely ate their own children. Cannibalism was not a thing in polite society since the earliest days of humanity. And that's what your vampires are doing.
This is not the difference between eating vegetables and eating animals. This is the difference between eating vegetables and eating your own brother.
BB: This reminds me of a quote.
"Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies."
.......thank you, Willy Wonka.
If you were imprisoned and all you were offered to eat was meat, would you starve?
SOS: Meyer, WAKE UP. This analogy does NOT work!
This is not about having to eat meat because vegetables are not available. This is about EATING YOUR FELLOW HUMANS, not because there wasn't food, but just because you think they're tasty.
Your vampires HAVE THE FUCKING CHOICE of eating animals. It doesn't inconvenience them, and there are plenty of animals around. They CHOOSE not to, because they think humans are yummy.
That is NOT a vegetarian resorting to eating beef because it was the only thing around. That is the difference of a person resorting to eating their friend, their parents, or they children, because they're just so damned tasty, even though there are plenty of perfectly good food lying around!
BB: Huh. Y'know, this reminds me, weirdly enough, of a 1000 Ways to Die episode.
The episode had a skit where a man was literally refusing the food offered to him as a way to get to freedom. He could've eaten little bits of it, but chose not to so he could escape.
You might say yes right now. Because you’re not starving.
SOS: Meyer, I would like you to look at this man:
Your argument is invalid.
BB: -Bows to the Great One-
I’d like to hope that I could starve before I turned cannibal or something, but I can’t say that for sure.
BB: ....I want Meyer to see some real cannibals.
SOS: There! You just said it! This is not about vegetarians eating meat! This is about CANABALISM! And that is NOT. ACCEPTABLE. You know people were TRIED in court for eating fellow humans when there was no food? That is NEVER acceptable!
And furthermore, that does NOT apply to the situation with your vampires at all!
They're not so starved that they have no choice but to eat humans! THERE ARE PLENTY OF ANIMALS AROUND AND ANIMAL BLOOD SUSTAINS THEM PERFECTLY! They don't eat humans to survive! They eat humans for ENJOYMENT! They do it because we're yummy! They CAN eat animals, but they don't, because animals don't taste as nice!
A better analogy would be, as I said before, a person choosing cannibalism while surrounded by perfect good food!
BB: .....Noooo. Don't say that. That only makes me think of Hannibal Lecter, and he is too Awesome to be brought into this.
SOS: At least his creator didn't think he was the most perfect and romantic and MORALLY UPRIGHT man ever!
BB: Oh, no. He thought he was a psychotic madman and even his creator was afraid of him because he thought Hannibal could SEE him, even though he created him. 'Cause Lecter is just THAT AWESOME.
Ah, Lecter. Now there's ONE Cannibal I wouldn't mind being around all the time....He has such an interesting mind.
Historically, it seems people are not usually that strong.
BB: HA. Again, I refer to the 1000 Ways to Die episode.
Your argument, Meyer, is INVALID.
SOS: History was FILLED with starvation, and yet cannibalism was NOT ACCEPTABLE in every single era that ever was.
Again, Meyer, I live in an are where people are so poor that most of them have never seen a $10 bill in their LIVES. And there has NEVER been a cannibal there.
BB: You know, SOS, I find it hysterical that a man who wants to be a forever kid grasped this before Meyer, an adult, did.
SOS: That may because Meyer isn't human.
BB: Oh, I'm sure she isn't. I just can't tell what she is.
I’ve never been that hungry myself, so I can’t be certain.
BB: .... -Sigh- ....Meyer? I can. Because I literally starved myself down to less than a hundred pounds. I'm only now truly recovering from my illness. I STILL wouldn't eat people.
SOS: I've never been that hungry myself either, but I CAN be certain that I'd never eat another human being. You know why? Because to eat someone alive, you have to be fairly strong. You know, to catch the person, pin them down, and then chew through skin with your teeth (and skin is surprisingly tough). In order to hunt down a person and eat them, you need to be pretty damned physically capable.
That is not what someone who's almost dead from starvation can do.
The only way it'd possibly work is if you were eating someone already dead (which is not the case here), or if you were well-fed and physically fit.
BB: SOS, why do you keep saying things that only remind me of Lecter? ....honestly, I'm starting to think Meyer really DOES get off only on the thoughts of crazed, psychopathic madmen. However, she cannot have the good Doctor, as he is taken (and madly in love with Will Graham. ...c'mon, we ALL know it!)
SOS: She can have him for a few hours, where he can demonstrate to her EXACTLY how romantic a remorseless cannibal is.
BB: Nope. Because Hannibal has tastes. And I'm very sure Meyer would taste repulsive. She can have Dahmer, though.
SOS: True. He'd probably get indigestion.
BB: Yes, then he'd ask for Will in a nurse's outfit.......hmm, maybe that ISN'T a bad idea.
So what does this have to do with anything?
SOS: Nothing. You're just rambling on about nothing, to make your response look longer, and thus make you look smarter.
First of all, on the subject of the Cullens killing animals to survive-none of them were raised in a time when the vegetarian mindset was prevalent
BB: YOU JUST SAID VEGETARIANISM WASN'T DISCOVERED IN THE PAST! DON'T SAY YOU DIDN'T, BECAUSE YOU DID! MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND.
SOS: It doesn't matter what freaking age they were raised at. They still would have heard of it, later in life. And not to mention, the youngest Cullen was changed in the thirties. Vegetarianism is NOT THAT YOUNG.
-most of them had never heard the word while they were human.
SOS: Well, let's assume what you say is correct. That vegetarianism as a concept only popped up in the last ten years or something. What the HELL does this have to do with why they eat animals?
You just said they don't do it for the same reason as vegetarians, because they don't understand the concept.
BB: ....SOS, I just thought of something.
Meyerpires can't change their minds, right? From the moment they wake up as a vampire, all the know as a human stays with them, yes? They can't lose it, can't forget it, and can't learn anything new.
SOS: Which makes no sense, but yes, that's what Meyer is claiming.
BB: ....so by technicality, wouldn't the first thing they think be "Humans are not food, animals are?" ....it's something humans are BORN knowing, and if they can't change their human thought processes, even with new knowledge put into them - that drinking human blood is good (which is redundant because, as I said, it's NEW KNOWLEDGE THAT THEY CANNOT COMPREHEND), wouldn't drinking animal blood be the first thing they think of?
SOS: Yes, it would! That makes sense. Not to mention, even if they were to somehow instinctively know to drink human blood as a vampire, all vampires would still know that they can drink animals blood, and would use that as their norm.
Meyer, again, this is not a matter of inconsistencies. This is GAPING holes in logic the size of the Milky Way!
BB: And, guess what? I used her own logic to do it. So, by technicality, THAT SHOULD BE CANON!
.....I think I should be frightened. I just used Meyerlogic to make something into sense.
SOS: Nah, it's still not sense, because Meyer doesn't realise it herself. All of her rambling here has no place in her own canon, because she's a dumbass.
BB: Y'know, if someone wrote a scene of a Meyerpire turning while following that logic I pointed out, I'd read it.
SOS: So would I. That's a legitimately interesting take on vampires.
BB: And, again, I figured this out with Meyer's logic. She cannot dispute it because I used what she said to prove it. And it fits into her context, no matter how hard she would try to deny it.
...Meyer, can you not figure this out?!
They don’t think of animals that way.
SOS: If they don't think of animals that way, THEN WHY DO THEY CALL THEMSELVES VEGETARIAN VAMPIRES? WHY DO THEY EAT ANIMALS? YOU HAVEN'T ANSWERED THAT YET! WHY ARE YOU SAYING THIS? HOW DOES THIS JUSTIFY THEIR LITTLE MURDERING SPREES? WHAT ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT?
BB: ....I have another point!
"They don't think of animals that way," do they? .....then they don't think of humans that way, either. Because we're still a technical "animal." ...We're the DOMINATE animal in the world at the moment. So.......this makes no sense at all.
There's no sense here. Her vampires should STARVE because they can't think of ANYTHING as food.
They don’t kill them cruelly.
BB: HA! LIES! They kill as humanely as the Joker.
SOS: They go out and find the strongest animals there are, so there'd be a challenge. That means they PLAYED with their food. They drew the hunt out, and prolonged the animal's death, so they'd have FUN.
I don't know a more apt description of 'cruelty' than that.
BB: Nor do I.....to be honest? ....I feel more sympathy for serial killers at the moment than I do for Mrs. Meyer here. ...THIS SHOULD SAY SOMETHING.
They prevent suffering wherever they can.
BB: -LAUGHS-
SOS: That is why Carlisle stood aside and let people bleed to death in front of him, just so he can prove how in-control he is, I see. Because he tries to prevent suffering whenever he can.
More to the point, drinking human blood.
SOS: Oh, FINALLY. After over a page of pointless FLUFF, you get to the freaking point!
Meyer, you do not write a lot because you're oh so intelligent and insightful. You write a lot because YOU CANNOT SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET TO THE POINT.
BB: -Pats SOS- Oh, dear SOS. ...you know she has no point. She only has more idiocy and ass-pulls.
From what I’ve read here, and discussions I’ve had since becoming a vampire writer, I’ve made a few assumptions (that could be wrong).
SOS: Don't try to gloss anything over. You made the assumption that your readers would be okay with the idea of your protagonists slaughtering them, their friends, and their family, and everyone they know, and you were wrong.
BB: Incredibly wrong.
You know, as much as I love Hannibal Lecter, I'd rather he NOT kill me and eat my liver with a fine wine. I like being ALIVE, thank you!
It seems that, in other vampire worlds, drinking blood is more pleasure than compulsion for vampires.
SOS: Like your vampires, you mean?
Because they DO drink for pleasure. If they didn't, they'd be fine with drinking animal blood. It sustains them, it doesn't disadvantage them that much, and apparently, it has the added benefit of helping them gather more allies.
They only drink human blood because it's more yummy. They. Are. Drinking. For. Pleasure.
Not to mention, we've seen the way your vampires eat.
It doesn't matter if they've just fed. It doesn't matter if they've had enough to survive. They will eat far, FAR more than they ever need, even when they're not hungry. Like your dearest, darlingest Bree Tanner killing upwards of a dozen people in a single night.
That is not drinking because they're starving. THAT IS DRINKING FOR PLEASURE, YOU MOTHERFUCKER.
BB: That's drinking just to drink. It's like my former step-father: he drank beer just 'cause he wanted to. Doesn't MATTER that he was allergic to it. HE DRANK THE DAMN SHIT.
SOS: And that's not to mention how she's over-generalising vampire literature again. Almost every type of vampires I've ever seen suffer if they do not drink blood. They become weaker, they can die, it's painful...not drinking blood ALMOST ALWAYS comes with a downside, because they're essentially starving themselves!
Your vampires are getting off EASY, because all they suffer is a sore throat! They don't even have their powers lessened by starvation!
BB: I've only seen two types that don't.
One was a psychic vampire. He lived off of energy that he sucked out of other people by touching them or being in their general area. He especially loved negative emotions and energies.
The second one was a type of vampire my friend created. She lived off of numbers. If she couldn't count, she would literally go insane and die.
SOS: That's still negative consequences as a result of not feeding. And Meyer's saying that she INVENTED the concept of vampires that suffer if they do not feed.
BB: Very true. Though the psychic vampire didn't actually need energy... and HA! Dracula turned into an old man if he didn't, and he became increasingly weak. Louis and Lestat grew weaker and weaker because they were STARVING.
They can “drink from” a person in a leisurely manner, leaving that person alive, and perhaps returning for more later.
BB: Nope, they can't. Know why? Because it's hard to stop.
SOS: Just because some vampires are not required to drain a person dry, doesn't mean they don't need food. Doesn't mean they drink leisurely when they're STARVING.
And hey, Meyer, if you're saying that we shouldn't use other vampire lore to judge yours, then how about we look at The Darkest Hour? The vampires there function almost the same as canon! They even SPARKLE! And guess what? The vampires who drank human blood were still the VILLAINS in that story.
And it HURT to not eat, and animal blood was VILE, and not eating made the Cullens weak and unhealthy. And yet Carlisle and Esme stuck to their diet, and when Edward "slipped", he had his spine broken THREE TIMES as punishment.
BB: -Applauds-
It seems like the lust for blood is very equivalent to the lust for sexual satisfaction.
SOS: Are you saying that doesn't apply to YOUR vampires, what with your heavy handed metaphor of Bella being changed after marrying Edward?
BB: You know she doesn't give a damn about that. After all, they got married, so to her, it doesn't matter anymore.
Thus, something that can be controlled by a responsible person fairly easily under most circumstances.
SOS: Except that is NOT how most vampire stories fucking WORK! The vampires there HAVE to eat people, or else they suffer a variety of negative consequences! They often CAN'T control themselves when they're hungry.
Because as much as eating is a metaphor for sex, it's still just a metaphor. At the most fundamental level, those vampires are STILL starving themselves to death! If you've read a SINGLE FUCKING VAMPIRES STORY, you would notice that YOUR VAMPIRES ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES THAT HAVE TO EAT TO SURVIVE. But you didn't. You said yourself that you didn't read about any other vampires at all. So you have no fucking RIGHT to talk about vampire fiction, BECAUSE YOU SAID YOURSELF THAT YOU DON'T KNOW IT.
BB: TD;LR version? GTFOASTFU, Meyer.
A pleasure impulse rather than a need impulse.
SOS: THEY DIE IF THEY DON'T FEED. THAT IS THE FUCKING DEFINITION OF "NEED", YOU FUCKER.
BB: Y'know, Meyer, the two impulses are usually combined. The vampires and sometimes the victims get pleasure from the bite. So, again, argument? Invalid.
SOS: Indeed. The brain rewards you for doing things that enable your survival, even in the case of humans. It releases feel-good chemicals when you eat, or have sex, or learn new knowledge, and so on.
Almost like choosing between which delicious entrée you’re going to have for dinner.
SOS: That only applied in the case of VERY WELL-FED vampires! Only they pick and choose and only go after clearly delicious virgins. Take any traditional, mythological vampires, starve them, and they'd eat anyone too. LIKE YOUR VAMPIRES. Your vampires picked and chose and went after only the most delicious, judging by how much Bree whined about having to eat someone who was addicted to drugs! And she wasn’t even starving at the time!
BB: To put this point through, further, let me put it in visual form.
Yes, you’re hungry, but not hungry enough to settle for plain spaghetti noodles when there’s that fabulous linguini…
SOS: Meyer? Plenty of vampires in myths ate RATS.
BB: Louis did. For centuries.
SOS: Do you think they did that because rats were tasty? NO. They did it to survive!
Your vampires were not the only ones who ate out of necessity. In fact, your vampires ate the LEAST out of necessity in all the vampire stories I can remember.
BB: And Meyer? Do you know that linguini only differs from spaghetti because it's wider by a couple of millimeters? Three, to be precise. It doesn’t taste that different from plain spaghetti, you idiot!
You’d rather not eat at all if the first is the only option.
BB: ....
If linguini is served correctly in restaurants, it usually costs more than spaghetti, too.
I'm poor, so to be honest, I'll go with the spaghetti because one, it would mean I could get more of it because of it being thin, and two, it's cheap enough for me to eat without blowing my fucking pocket to pieces.
....STOP TALKING DOWN ON PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO MONEY. IT GETS VERY ANNOYING WHEN YOU DO IT IN YOUR BOOKS - DON'T DO IT IN REAL LIFE, DAMMIT!
Y'know...this is giving me very bad flashbacks. Meyer is basically saying here that I would starve if I didn't decide to eat a thing I couldn't afford, and it's pissing me off.
Meyer? You need to fucking learn to be human. Because this is her saying that she doesn't care if anyone starves as long as they see it all her way.
In the Twilight world, this is not the case.
SOS: Yes. It is.
Your vampires eat more than they need to, for PLEASURE. They go after people who haven't been drinking and aren't on drugs, for PLEASURE. They hunt even when they're not hungry, for PLEASURE. They eat humans, when animals are perfectly nourishing to them, for PLEASURE.
BB: ...Meyer, again, I say it: Shut up about the things you do not understand. You should learn this little thing called "reading between the lines." Or, perhaps, READ THE DAMN FUCKING MESSAGES IN YOUR OWN DAMN BOOK.
Thirsty vampires are in acute physical pain.
SOS: Like in every other fucking vampire story, you mean?
BB: Y'know, it's funny how she calls a mildly sore throat acute physical pain. And, yes, that's basically all vampires GET when they don't drink. A mildly sore throat.
SOS: I'd also like to say, again, THE DARKEST HOUR. Edward there really does feel intense burning pain, and an empty gnawing in his stomach CONSTANTLY. And more than that, not eating humans means he's slower and weaker and has duller senses that other vampires. And it also means he can NEVER be accepted into vampire society, because he smells AWFUL.
Every Cullen has to go through the same thing.
That doesn't mean Mrs. Hyde is going to give them a free pass if they "slip". No, she makes sure that either they do it for a DAMN good reason, or they're PUNISHED.
BB: Hence why TDH is a much better interpretation of this drivel than the actual author could ever write.
It is comparable to the feel of a third degree burn inside your throat.
SOS: Third degree burns mean that your nerves are completely destroyed. That means you don't feel any pain when you're burned that badly, you IDIOT.
It can make a vampire literally crazy for relief-beyond thought.
SOS: Which is not what you fucking showed us in canon.
BB: No, she showed them calmly and rationally thinking of ways to kill whoever smelled good. Or, in Wardo's case, whoever had a bad idea ever in their mind.
SOS: Not to mention, when Edward went off and killed people, he wasn't being driven crazy by thirst. He wasn't beyond thought. He was perfectly calm and collected and logical, and he had in mind a face and a name when he first set off. He KNEW what he was doing. He has plenty of time to reflect on his decision. And he still made that choice.
If your hand was on fire and there was a bucket of ice water beside you, would you resist that relief? Of course not.
SOS: This is NOT someone finding relief for a burning hand! Again, he was calm and collected and had plenty of time to reflect on what he was doing! He was NOT mindless with pain!
And that's not to mention, you don't KILL someone in order to put out a fire on your hand. Water can't be hurt. But Edward was KILLING PEOPLE, people who have a chance of REDEMPTION, just to relieve NON-EXISTENT PAIN. Because I KNOW he had to have been eating regularly to rack up a body count of HUNDREDS in a few years.
You would have no reason to.
SOS: No, I wouldn't. You know why? Because I'm not hurting anyone by putting my hand in a bucket of water. But your vampires ARE. They're KILLING people, taking away whatever future, whatever opportunities, whatever POTENTIAL those people had. And for what? Just a particularly yummy meal.
BB: ....y'know what? I'm reminded of Ted Bundy again.
He killed girls - INCLUDING A TWELVE YEAR OLD - all because his ex-girlfriend broke up with him. It was to SPITE her. Even though he did that by becoming successful and getting her to fall in love with him again, only to SPURN HER.
Back to the average vampire’s viewpoint, neither does a vampire have a reason to resist.
BB: Shut up, because you don't know any kind of "average" vampire. Stop talking about what you don't know.
SOS: Yes, they do. Because they WERE once those people. They can easily see that humans are sapient and capable of self-awareness and introspection and love and compassion. And once they kill a human, that human is dead, forever, and nothing can bring them back. Unless water, which just evaporates and eventually condenses again.
Dipping your hand in water and MURDER is DIFFERENT. And it's scary that you can't see that.
BB: Hello, psychopath in the making.
There is a fire, he or she quenches it. Problem, solution.
SOS: Except, we see from your Cullens, that animal blood does an equally good job of quenching the fire. It's just a bit weird tasting It's like insisting on using human blood to put out the fire on your hand instead of just running it under the tap.
It is not about pleasure as much as relief of pain for the thirsty vampire. There is pleasure in the act, but it does not influence the motivation before the act as much as the pain does.
SOS: THEN WHY DO THEY DRINK WHEN THEY DON'T NEED TO? WHY DID BREE KILL ALMOST A DOZEN PEOPLE IN A SINGLE NIGHT? WHY DID SHE WHINE ABOUT HAVING TO DRINK SOMEONE WHO WAS ON DRUGS?
BB: ....Why does Wardo want Bella? Why does EVERYONE want her? IT'S BECAUSE SHE SUPPOSEDLY SMELLS GOOD! THAT'S ALL! YOU JUST POINTED OUT THAT NO ONE SHOULD WANT BELLA! AT ALL! YOU DID IT YOURSELF!
Seriously, she just did. If they don't want to drink just because it's pleasurable, no one should want Bella. Because she supposedly smells AMAZING and would just be pleasurable to drink.
If they aren't drinking for pleasure, no one should want to drink from Bella.
The well-fed vampire has more decision making ability left to him or her.
SOS: LIKE EVERY OTHER VAMPIRE STORY ON EARTH! You're not original, Meyer. You're not unique. STOP TRYING.
BB: I'm no longer going to bring up good vampires in this. It just drags their names through the mud.
(Except in the rare case when a human’s blood is so potent to a particular vampire that it sets his or her throat on fire like they haven’t drunk in months.
SOS: Well, there ya go. Except it still doesn't work, because Bella's blood (we all know who she's talking about) isn't the ONLY solution to a burning throat. ANIMALS WORK PERFECTLY WELL, BY YOUR OWN CANON. THERE IS NO REASON WHY THEY WOULDN'T DRINK ANIMAL BLOOD.
There is more pleasure in the act in this situation, too, just as there is more pain in the motivation.)
SOS: Okay, just taking a break from raging...is it just me or does she sound like she's talking about S&M?
Meyer, you are so damned repressed, get yourself some porn NOW.
BB: ... -Sigh- Okay, because it needs to be driven in again, I shall repeat it.
Meyer, you said yourself that your vampires do not drink for pleasure. Therefore, Bella has nothing going for her. Edward should just ignore her, as should every other vampire in the world. There is no reason for Edward to think about her because he only wants her for the pleasure of drinking her, and nothing else.
Blood drinking is an imperative. Even for a vampire who keeps his or her system full of animal blood, the lack of human blood is constant pain.
SOS: Except we've seen inside Edward's head in Midnight Sun. We've heard what happened in the Illustrated Guide. And that is NOTHING like what you're describing here. This is just a plain asspull that you're doing, because you know that your fans accept your word as gospel, because they fail reading comprehension.
BB: And because it makes her sound smart. Just like she wants.
SOS: *Reads on* Oh. Oh dear. BB? You probably want to get prepared. Because...yeah...Meyer is about to become more insulting than ever.
BB: ....One moment, then.
-Reaches into the inter-dimensional Fandom void and yanks out the Colt- I PROMISE TO GIVE IT BACK! -Closes the void quickly-
-Loads the chamber- Let's do it. -Snaps it shut-
I think the only human state that is even close to comparable is anorexia.
BB: .... -Aims and fires twice-
SOS: I would like to point out that most anorexic people are not cannibals. Your argument is invalid.
BB: I would like to point out I am a recovering anorexic. I STILL have trouble eating. I DO NOT GO AROUND EATING EVERY FUCKING THING IN FRONT OF ME! Hell....I still try to get OUT of eating!
So, Meyer? You can shut your mouth. You know NOTHING.
Anorexia is too hard on a human body-in the end, if not given up, it kills a human.
SOS: "Given up"? Meyer, anorexia is not a CHOICE. There is no giving up, because people do not become anorexia because they WANT to. The word you're looking for is "overcome".
BB: .... -FIRES ANOTHER TWO BULLETS STRAIGHT AT MEYER- FUCKING SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! YOU ARE AN IDIOT, MEYER!
You know something, Meyer? I had to go to a hospital to try and recover from my anorexia. You know how bad I got? I was under a hundred pounds when they weighed me.
I was dehydrated and very much in danger of dying because I refused even the smallest amount of food. You know why I refused it? BECAUSE MY BRAIN KEPT PUTTING ME DOWN EVERY TIME I TRIED TO EAT!
It told me that every time I would eat, I was not good enough. I was nothing. I was WORTHLESS.
I STILL FEEL THIS WAY! SO YOU CAN SHUT UP!
SOS: >: ( *GRABS AND HUGS*
BB: -Hugs- ....I'm sorry.
SOS: DON'T YOU DARE APOLOGISE. DON'T.
BB: The....this level of insensitivity...
SOS: I know, I'm sorry...
BB: It's not your fault. Meyer is just a fucking psychopath in the making.
....and I'm calm now. I have Sam pictures up.
SOS: That's good. *lavishes you with chocolate*
BB: -Nibbles it- Let's go on, while I'm distracted.
Vampires can’t be killed by starvation,
SOS: THERE. You just said it! They don't eat out of NEED! Because they can survive perfectly find without food, unlike people.
BB: Which makes your anorexia comment invalid as well. Meyer, you, ma'am, are a fucking insensitive ARSE. I would call you a bitch, but I don't want to insult your mother. Poor woman's done nothing for it, as far as I know.
SOS:
There, there, is that better?
BB: .......-Happy sigh- Sam....you look so beautiful in that light......Now, take off the towel and I'll die happy.
so they manage. But it’s harder than you’re giving them credit for.
SOS: No, it is not. Because I've seen inside their heads. As far as I can tell, it's not any worse than a particularly bad bout of cold.
BB: Or, as I said, a MILDLY SORE THROAT. Because that's all the attention you give it. Minor flares of heated pain, then nothing.
So, I have no clue how that's harder than I'm giving them credit for. I have no clue how that's supposed to be harder than an anorexic re-learning that food is NOT meant to put them down. Tell me, exactly WHO was I supposed to feel sympathy for here, Meyer? 'Cause it sure as fuck isn't you or your "vampires."
My philosophy is this: I can’t judge vampires, because I’ve never done anything as physically difficult-nothing even close!-as giving up human blood is to them.
SOS: I've been sick with the flu a couple of times, and had a sore throat. So I can judge.
BB: .... -Evil smirk- SOS, Meyer compared her sparklepires to anorexics, yes? So that means I may judge them without her saying "YOU CAN"T DO THAT!" Yes?
SOS: Yep, you can. Or you can just ogle Sam and soothe your pain. I think the second option is far better.
BB: -Stares at the Sam picture...forgets everything else- Ahh, Sam....Why must you be wearing pants? -Weeps-
Sure, we could sit around and trash talk the vegetarian vampires who make mistakes.
SOS: Or we can sit around and point out logically the HEROIC vampires who commit murder, and then laugh about it.
BB: Or we can sit around and talk about how Meyer is just trying to say that Wardo doesn't deserve to be talked bad about at all just because he made a "little slip." Because you know that's what she's doing here. It's ALL she's doing for this section - trying to prove pweciwous widdle Wardo is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO innocent and Virtuwos!
But were doing it on a full stomach, so to speak.
SOS: Okay, Meyer, supposing that someone DID commit cannibalism out of NECESSITY, because they're genuinely starving to death. If they were good people? THEY FEEL HORRIBLE ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS. They'd have LIFE-LONG SURVIVOR'S GUILT. They'd never be able to face themselves again.
But that's not what happened with Edward. He jokes about his murders, he chuckles at them, he draws INSPIRATION from them. He clearly does not feel bad in the LEAST.
BB: Y'know, I know someone else who draws inspiration from his previous kills. I've mentioned him before. Here's his picture:
Any questions so far, class?
We’d all stick our hands in the ice water if we were burning
SOS: Yes, but we wouldn't stick our hands in the blood of babies if we were burning. And that's what your vampires are fucking DOING.
BB: I have nothing to say here besides I think we need a cool down.
......that helped me, at least. Ah, Cas. If only you COULD bring down divine retribution upon this pile of shit....
(keep this metaphor in mind).
SOS: I doubt I can forget something this failtastic if I wanted to.
BB: Oh, we will. It's a good use to point out how often you summon up the Fail Whale.
Go Forward to: Part 3
Go Back to: Part 1