Anti-Spork: The Darkest Hour and Twilight - Chapter 1 Part 2 (Section D):
Anyways, Edward scrambles off her at the mere idea that she’ll be having sex with five or six people tonight so that she can get a high, he is repulsed by the idea that…well…this act isn’t one of connection. By having sex with her, he’ll be no closer to humanity than he is. In fact, he’ll just be driving himself away from society because he’s giving in to his lust, for both sex and blood. So he backs away, trying not to vomit, and STILL reassures Julie that nothing’s wrong, even as he has to speak around his protruding fangs.
Julie, of course, interprets that to mean that he, well, came in his pants. She jeers at him mentally, and her tone in reality becomes much more malicious too, telling him to either do it or go away, all the while telling him to go run back to his mommy and daddy in her head.
That…does not go well.
‘He looked up at her, and she flinched when she met his eyes - her contempt was wiped clean by her sudden fear when she finally saw him for what he was, and he saw it too through her eyes, saw himself crouched on the ground like an animal, his teeth gleaming in the moonlight, his eyes wild and mad in his chalky face.’
Again, as with the case of Gillespie, I honestly think that Julie has a more or less equal chance of getting out of this alive. In fact, when I first read this fic, I was almost convinced that she would be Edward’s first victim and the shame of having committed a murder was what was going to drive him away from Carlisle. It would be utterly plausible. Not once, in the entirety of the Twilight series, have I ever believed that Edward was capable of killing Bella. Not once did I believe that Bella was in any sort of danger.
And I really do love how Edward consistently thinks of himself as an animal, because that’s all vampires are. They are no more superior to humanity than, say, sea turtles because of one lovely fact: they cannot overcome their instincts.
Sure, humanity needs food and sex to survive too, and plenty of us will do all manners of horrible things to get our hands on the former when desperate, but the fact remains that we are not CONSTANTLY tempted by blood. We are not constantly hungry. And many people will and have starved to death because they refused to eat their fellow kin.
Vampires can’t do that. Especially not in the Twilight universe.
In fact, they can’t even overcome the simple instinct of hostility between two vampires to work together for maximum efficiency. If humanity were to follow its instincts, then every male child would have to go to another suburb when they came of age and slaughter every male on that block and rape and impregnate all the females. But we don’t do that, because we know it’s wrong. The majority of vampires cannot stop themselves from following their instincts, and most don’t even realise why it’s wrong.
They are ANIMALS. They are not to be romanticised as ideals.
Also, Meyer, people with low self-esteem will describe their skin colour as ‘chalky’, as seen here, NOT ‘ivory’. You cannot have your protagonist be ‘self-deprecating’, and yet still talk of herself in the most flattering terms.
Anyways, Julie is terrified by Edward…which probably wouldn’t make him feel better about himself, and it is this terror that shakes Edward out of his state and sends him running. She’s just reminded him that no matter how spiteful and unsympathetic she may be, she’s still an innocent girl who most patently does not deserve to be killed, eaten, and metaphorically raped.
What follows is…just…
*Sighs* I’ve tried to recap this section about three times, and nothing works. What follows is a piece of art. Nothing I can say will ever encapsulate its beauty. There is no way to tell you what happens apart from outright quoting, so here goes.
‘He ran out of the alley and past the docks and up the river and away, far away from her and from everything. He vaulted up the side of one of the mills, finding handholds in windows and fire escapes, clambering up like an orang-utan until he was atop the roof, high above the town, where he huddled in a ball, shaking.
I can’t - I can’t do this. God, he hated this. He was trapped here - trapped in this body - trapped in his own mind. Was this what eternity was going to be? Locked here forever, just between being a boy and being a man, and never being either? Surrounded by voices that weren’t his own, and always alone because of it?
Was this all there was?’
I have a million things I want to say about this chapter. I can rant for thousands of words on every goddamned sentence in that chapter, because everything is so perfect and…well, perfect. If there were levels of perfection, this would be the most perfect form of perfection, ever.
I was about to analyse this when I realised that anything I could possibly say will only take away from the beauty of the moment. So, I’ll just say this.
Forget about comparing Mrs. Hyde to Meyer, I can count on one hand the number of books I have read that feature better character development, prose, and conflict than this. On a scale of one to ten, with one being DID WARS (as sporked by the Headmaster of the Riffing Academy) and ten being ABSOLUTE PERFECTION the likes of which no writer has ever achieved, this fanfic is a very solid eight. And when The Blue Hour comes out, it shall be instantly levitated to a nine.
‘He didn’t know how long he lay there on the rough tar of the mill roof, hearing without listening to the distant whispers of people below, his cheeks dry because he couldn’t cry, his brain full of voices because he couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t until he heard the sound of the clock tower on City Hall striking three that he roused himself from his stupor. It was with a shudder of disgust that he saw his trousers were still partway open, and he righted them, stricken with the sudden urge to bathe.’
I’m so sorry for quoting such a large section after that last one, but I found it difficult to summarise this as well.
This just ENCAPSULATES every single way in which Edward suffers. He is stuck on a roof, away and alone from the world he desperately wants to join, he is suffering inside because, well, look at the things he’s been through, and yet he can never express that suffering, he can never communicate it to the world, because of the limitations of his body (and yes, being a vampire IS a limitation). And he can’t even grieve alone, or get a second’s peace in which to sort out his thoughts, because he is forced to participate in the worries and anxieties of everyone around him. He can never have himself to himself. And just when he’s feeling a little better, he sees EVIDENCE of his almost fall to the Dark Side. He sees evidence of how close he came to having sex with that woman (which would have been equivalent to drinking her blood). And he is reminded of just how pathetic he is, of just how far he will go to get ANYONE to accept him.
And that’s not even a millionth of the suffering that Mrs. Hyde shall put him through.
To me, this was one of the hardest chapters to get through. I had to take several breaks reading this chapter, whereas every other chapter had me glued to the screen from start to finish, because it was so depressing that I often had trouble to breath. I experienced the very same frustration as Edward, and it was hard to refuse the temptation of leaving and doing some activity that reminds me of my humanity and (admittedly scarce) connection to the world.
He makes his way home, trying his hardest to avoid people at all cost, and I have a feeling that it’s not just because he was still suffering from the after effects of lust. He is ashamed of himself. Not that he doesn’t have reason to, of course, but the thought of it depresses me like hell. The last time I’ve seen character I’ve seen being put through an equal amount of shit had to go through a few millennia of hell, and she didn’t turn out nearly as balanced as Edward. Seriously, can he have ONE break? It doesn’t even have to be a good thing! Can bad things stop happening to him for ONE FREAKING SECOND?
Carlisle and Esme are having sex.
I’m going to admit it, I freaking SCREAMED at the screen.
After everything Edward has been through, after everything he suffered to keep Carlisle and Esme happy, after what he has just experienced…I just couldn’t take it anymore.
CARLISLE IS A DICK. He may be an unintentional dick, but he is still a humongous DICK.
I mean, there is literally NOTHING worse that he could be doing when Edward came home. I…the thought that Edward literally has no one there for him after what has happened, the idea that Carlisle cares so little about him that…
Ugh.
I don’t even know what to say. I just…
HOW CAN ANYONE BE THIS HORRIBLE?
I really…
I have to take a break.
‘He wheeled around and flew into the surrounding woods, ran like he had never run before, dodging trees, cutting trough the air like a knife through butter, and he didn’t stop until the clamour of voices was far behind him, and all he could hear were the sounds of the woods and the beautiful, glorious silence between his ears.
I can’t do this.
That was it. He was done. He had tried - and he had failed.
And now it was time to leave.’
I’m sorry, I was far too incoherent to summarise, so you get a huge quote again.
You know, were this happening at any other time, I would have screamed at Edward. I would have demanded what he was thinking, leaving Carlisle, knowing that Carlisle was the only person keeping his thirst in check. I would have ranted at him for giving up this easily. I would have been deeply offended at how easily he made the decision to leave his ONLY FAMILY and yelled that people didn’t do that.
But I’m not doing it now.
After everything that has happened, after everything he’s had to bend over and take, I am completely on his side. I really can’t fault him for making this decision because I know I would have done much the same thing were I forced to endure what he had endured…in fact, I probably would have snapped a lot earlier. And there is no one on earth who can blame him for what he does here. His actions make perfect sense, given his character, and makes narrative sense, too.
If he has to deal with blood-lust, being stuck in the body of a child, and being a mild-reader, then he has every right to demand that no one rape him every night and expect him to get used to it.
We skip to after Edward had informed Esme and Carlisle of his decision, which…well, I was kind of looking forward to how he would break the news to Esme and Carlisle. I mean, he’s taken their shit for so long, it’s kind of hard to imagine how he would stand up to them.
Apparently, Carlisle never told Esme that Edward could hear them having sex.
CARLISLE, YOU ARE THE MOST DISGUSTINGLY SOCIOPATHIC MAGGOT THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN!
So, not only do you rape your son every night and force him to get used to it, because by GOD you are not going to stop, you also invaded your wife’s privacy as well? You KNEW Edward would not be able to help hear your thoughts during sex, and you didn’t think that was important enough to TELL her?
You’re letting your son freaking watch you and your wife have sex, and you never ask for her consent? You never ask if she’s okay with this? You never even TELL her that a third-party can see your love-making? What, you were expecting her to just DEAL with it too? You never fucking told her that her SON would be able to see every thought in her head when she had sex, as well as feel every sensation she felt?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU! I HOPE YOU DIE A HORRIBLE, SLOW DEATH INVOLVING MANY FLAMING MAGICAL CHAINSAWS!
Esme pleads with Edward a little to get him to stay, and Edward declines, stiff and awkward. Carlisle (HATE YOU) cuts in and tells Esme to let Edward do what he wants, because he’s a grown-up now and can make his own decisions.
HOW FUCKING BLIND ARE YOU, CARLISLE?
Can’t you see how much trouble Edward is having? Can’t you see that he’s basically running away from his problems here? You could deduce he had been forced to watch you have sex! I think you can deduce that he NEEDS HELP NOW! The last thing he needs right now is being truly isolated, cast out to the wilds!
And he is NOT a freaking grown-up! He is not mature! He is a lost, lonely child who has no idea how to deal with this new world he is thrust in! He is not ready to strike out on his own! What he needs is a fucking support network! What he needs is for you to take some time out of screwing your wife to TALK with him! He needs COMPANY! The worst thing to do to him now is FORCE HIM AWAY!
I mean, sure, he needs some time to cool down, but outright letting him ‘leave the nest’? Implying that he should go away and form his own coven and stop bothering you? DON’T YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FRAGILE EDWARD’S SELF-ESTEEM IS? You’ve been living with him for a decade! Haven’t you NOTICED? Why would you say that? That is the worst thing possible to say to him, EVER!
‘His gaze turned to Edward, bright and fathomless, and he felt like a wayward child beneath it - but then he straightened and met Carlisle’s gaze head on.’
I cannot imagine how much of a doormat Edward is to continue to feel sorry for making Carlisle uncomfortable. Dude, he’s an inconsiderate, raping douchebag! He wasn’t decent enough to run for half a minute to spare you being raped! He wasn’t decent enough to speak one line to his wife to make sure she’s okay with being watched whilst having sex! He’s put you through more horrible things than I can count, and you’re worried that you’re making him upset? You’re worried that you might disappoint him? On the one hand, that’s completely in character and solidifies what we know about this Edward so much. On the other hand, GOD I’M PISSED.
But that’s okay though, because he does stand up to Carlisle. This is the first time he’s actively, outwardly made it clear to Carlisle that he is not happy. He’s actually growing a backbone. He is determined to do something that Carlisle doesn’t want, because he knows it’s going to be good for him.
Up until now, he’s very much been living the way he is because that’s what Carlisle said. He was just blindly following Carlisle’s orders. He is going to use this chance to see the world for himself, to develop his own philosophy on how to deal with the changes he’s going through. He’s going to do things now because he thinks they are right, not because someone important told him to.
This is a stage of maturity that most of us reach at adolescence. It is also a stage of maturity that canon!Edward NEVER reaches.
If you think about it, though, vampirism in Mrs. Hyde’s canon is kind of a metaphor for puberty (except it sucks more). It causes a person to start having doubts about themselves, lowers self-esteem, makes a person desperate for company and yet be completely socially inept, and brings with it feelings of lust that you don’t know how to deal with, and all the authority figures in your life don’t feel comfortable helping.
So…I guess Carlisle was making an entirely valid decision in letting Edward go out on his own and find his own path in life. Letting Edward grow and mature and create a philosophy that he is happy with…THAT DOES NOT MAKE HIS ACTIONS ANY MORE ACCEPTABLE THOUGH.
Edward confirms again that he wants this, and this is probably the first time he’s asserted his wants this firmly…god, that thought depresses me. It takes this much to drive him to express his needs to his parents, just how much has he been taking silently before he broke? Of course, despite making a perfectly valid decision, Edward is still very guilty over hurting Esme and Carlisle’s feelings (apparently not considering how they have hurt his feelings), and babbles apology after apology whilst explaining that he simply can’t deal with things anymore.
Carlisle decides to be cryptic and spouts stereotypical old mentor lines, and basically tells Edward to do whatever he wants but feel free to come back at any time. This is actually a bit of dialogue that I am very unhappy with. It sounds so clichéd compared to the natural dialogue before…it’s just not very believable. Carlisle is spouting all kinds of seemingly ‘deep’ sayings at the top of his head, like a movie Old Mentor, and it’s just…I don’t see anyone talking this way.
I must remind you, however, that I’m a hypocritical bitch who has many, many double standards. If this dialogue had come from any other author, I would have just accepted it. It’s just that I have insanely high expectations from Mrs. Hyde. After seeing what her prose is capable of, even the mildest disappointments feel disproportionately large. I’m not saying that the dialogue here is horrible, I’m just saying that it’s not nearly as perfect as it can be…and every writer is entitled to making a few blunders like these.
Esme hugs Edward and farewells him, whilst feeling guilty because she had an idea that they were the ones who drove Edward away. And you know what? She’s completely right. She and Carlisle ultimately drove Edward away. I hate you, Carlisle. You better seriously redeem yourself in the Blue Hour, or I’m going to declare you the true villain of the series.
‘…she smiled at him, and Edward felt like a villain.’
Edward, DUDE! Have you been listening to me at all? How the FUCK is any of this your fault? God, his self-loathing is deep-rooted, isn’t it? To think that he actually feels guilty because he wants to know the purpose to his life…to think that he actually feels guilty towards the people who have been raping him every night…this is why I desperately hope that Mrs. Hyde will be a bit more merciful in The Blue Hour and give them at least a vaguely happy ending. Edward simply can’t take much more. If Bella, of all people, is taken away from him, I can legitimately see how his life may cease to have meaning.
Unless the cheesy, purplish crap that the canon Edward spew about how much Bella matters to him, I actually believe it here of my own accord. Mrs. Hyde didn’t have to make Edward rhapsodise a single bit about how much he loves Bella to make me believe that he, you know, loves her. MEYER, how can you screw up romance this much?
Carlisle bids him farewell as well and ‘Edward squeezed his eyes shut and gave in to the urge to cling to him like a child.’ Edward, that’s because you ARE a child. A child in desperate need of a hug and a very good therapist. Here, clearer than ever, we see how Edward just really wants COMPANY. We see how deeply he CRAVES affection. And to think that he’s going to be completely alone from now on…this really makes me want to cry.
I’ve been asking someone, anyone, to hug Edward for an entire chapter now, and when it happens, I don’t feel happy at all. Because I know, as soon as the hug is finished, Edward will be more alone than he has ever been. I know that, as soon as the hug is finished, Edward will officially begin his fall from grace. I know how horrible this is going to be. That simple hug is not enough, given the implications it carries.
This fanfic has joined the ranks of the only three books in the world to make my eyes water within the first chapter. Mrs. Hyde, I really want to say something to you right now, but I cannot find enough compliments in my vocabulary to pay tribute to one billionth of your brilliance. Just…I love you. So much.
‘His resolve almost broke at the sound of Carlisle’s deep regret, of his sorrow that he was responsible for Edward’s plight in all ways…’
Nope, Carlisle, not working. You have to try harder. It’s far too late now.
And Edward, I will buy you so much ice cream, you will drown in it even if you don’t need to breathe. I swear, I will drown you in ice cream and teddy bears.
Edward gets his bag and bids them a blatantly faked cheerful farewell and leaves for the door and…oh JESUS CHRIST, how the HELL am I supposed to summarise a scene as beautiful as this? There is no way I can do this. Just…go and read the scene yourself and you’ll see why I was close to tears at the end of this chapter. Seriously. Nothing I can say will ever capture its beauty.
‘He set off down the road, out and away, walking towards the world on the twilit western horizon.’
And with that, our chapter concludes.
I will say something about the final line…except I honestly can find nothing. This fic has reduced me to incoherent babbling with its sheer mastery and brilliance. Again, anything I say will only ruin the moment. I will acknowledge that this is one of the best shout outs/title drops I have ever seen, and that this is one of the most moving scenes I have ever seen.
I’ll leave now and hug my teddy bear and eat so much chocolate. See you next time for Chapter 2 Part 1 for a relatively short chapter that details Edward’s journey as well as his past.
Go Forward to: Chapter 2 Part 1, Section A
Go Back to: Chapter 1 Part 2, Section C