Anti-Spork: The Darkest Hour and Twilight - Chapter 1 Part 2 (Section C):
Well, the prostitute is dressed kind of nicely, with a bright red dress, short hair, and high heels, and my brain is screwed up. When I saw the description of her dress, my mind went immediately to Leah in the Wedding Crashers. I am so sorry, I draw the most inappropriate connection. I must go atone for my sins now.
*Atones by reading the Wedding Crashers again and inevitably ends up bawling her eyes out*
Ahem. Anyways, although the prostitute is dressed nicely, it was obvious to Edward’s eyes that she is anything but high class. Have I mentioned how much I love realism? Because I do. It makes everything so much better.
So, he’s definitely interested, and I cannot emphasis enough how HORRIBLE this idea is. Seriously, Edward, LISTEN. Do not do it. You will regret it. Absolutely NOTHING GOOD will ever come of this.
The prostitute notices him too, and approaches him.
‘She’d seen him looking at her, and she smiled, her red lips spreading wide, and her slump straightened, and she put a little wiggle in her walk as she approached him.
It was so patently affected that he might have laughed, except that he couldn’t help but notice the swish of her calves and the curve of her hips as she neared.’
OH GOD, THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE PRETTY.
He…he’s getting closer and closer to the vigilante that he’s going to become, isn’t he? I mean, he’s…not sympathising with her at all, even though he’s a freaking mind-reader. He’s so unsympathetic that he would outright laugh at her, if not for the fact that she was attractive. Edward, if you were a prostitute, you’d be doing a whole lot worse than her. Seriously, did you expect her to be genuinely seductive? Did you expect her to genuinely want to have sex with you?
And, here, he’s not even thinking of her as a woman. He’s seeing her as a composition of body parts which he found attractive. In the last chapter, he was angsting because he couldn’t find a companion, and now he’s looking at a female and thinking of her in terms of calves and hips. That’s horrifying.
What’s even more horrifying is that lust is linked directly with bloodlust. Edward, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING OT HAPPEN IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER? DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT YOU’LL BE ABLE TO RESIST HER BLOOD WHEN YOU’RE BEING DRIVEN CRAZY WITH LUST?
It’s also quite interesting how his prudish-ness diminishes as he becomes more morally questionable. As he allows more and more of his vampire nature to take over him, he begins to do more and more…unsavoury things. Not just fantasising about violence, but trying to get drunk and actively destroying someone’s property. Now, he’s letting his vampiric side have a small victory by giving it what it wants, in hopes of placating it, and he’s going to take advantage of a woman driven to sell her body for whatever reason. And he doesn’t give a single damn what she thinks.
And a minor pick, the first sentence there was a bit rambling, wasn’t it? But I can’t figure out a reason why Edward’s narration would be rambling at this point. And he seemed pretty coherent after it. I think it’s because there were too many ‘and’s and ‘she’s in that sentence.
The prostitute greets him and thinks about how he is rather cute, and Edward feels smug about it. Less than 10,000 words ago, he was agonising because the people around him found him cute, because it was just another reminder that he wasn’t human, and now he’s revelling in it. Like I said, he’s giving in more and more to his vampiric side, and it’s just scary how easy it is. It’s scary how little suffering he has to go through if he just gives in. It's scary how natural this all is.
The fact is, all of his powers are built for him to be a predator, and all of his problems are here because he refuses to be what his body demands him to be.
This is one of the best depictions of Evil Feels Good I have ever seen, because it is one of the most subtle. The character doesn’t immediately gets hooked on evil, but slowly gives in, because it’s just so damned easy not having to abide by your morals.
And the scariest thing is how relatable this all is, because everyone on earth can attest to how damned difficult it is to be a morally upright person…and yet committing small crimes, like stealing someone’s pen when you can’t find yours and speeding just a little and downloading movies illegally on line, makes your life so much easier.
This is so damned scary because we are Edward. We’ve all been through the same things as Edward, except on a different scale. We relate to him and we become him in the narration…and he’s here, planning to have sex with a prostitute whilst desperately wanting to kill and eat her.
Edward greets the prostitute back, a little stiff and prudish again, and he mocks himself for feeling nervous because he’s a grown man.
In the last part, Edward almost prided himself upon his prudish-ness. In fact, at the beginning of this part, he was berating Carlisle and Esme for acting like children in his head! He thought prudishness meant maturity! And now he’s mocking one of the first personality traits we were introduced to, because he thinks he has no need to feel uneasy about having sex with a prostitute. He honestly believes this is okay. He thinks this is natural. He thinks it’s downright ridiculous to feel bad about this. Ugh, it always unsettles me watching his moral compass start to crumble. It makes me want to jump in the story and grab his shoulders and shake some goddamned sense into him. But that’s what makes him so fascinating, isn’t he? Because I can honestly imagine myself doing the same thing in his situation. I can honestly imagine myself succumbing to the dark side as well.
And that’s what a story is meant to do - make you reflect upon and learn about yourself as a person.
Meyer, how DARE you call yourself a writer? How DARE you say that you are better than Shakespeare when a goddamned fanfiction writer ranks so far above you on the writer’s bitch ladder that it’s not even funny?
Well, anyways, the prostitute makes a few passes at Edward, and Edward reacts about as well as any virgins does to blatant seduction, all the while mocking himself for daring to be nervous during his very first sexual experience. Edward really does expect much from himself in all situations, doesn’t he? And that’s not exactly going to help with his self-esteem issues. And considering his partner here has slept with more men than he’s seen…yeah. This is not going to end well.
Well, the prostitute is getting a bit impatient, so Edward agrees to her advances. She drags him into a dark corner between two buildings, and Edward hides his anxiety with a little cough that he doesn’t need - ‘it was a nervous reflex that he still hadn’t rid himself of’. That scares me.
In the last part, Edward was doing everything possible to become as human-like as he can, literally trying anything and everything to become a part of humanity. And yet, now, he’s already trying to get rid of the little habits and nervous ticks of humanity that really identifies us as individuals. He is literally trying to eliminate his own humanity here, and that freaks me out. Any vampire who truly wanted to blend into society would be delighted that they still instinctively acted like a human.
However, even though he is starting to show the first signs of a growing disregard for humanity, he is still very much attracted by us. In the end, it wasn’t the fact that the prostitute had nice legs that he agreed to have sex with her, but because, when she touched him, she was warm. He didn’t have sex with her because she was pretty, but because she was tangibly human. That was the part that fascinated him the most. And it really does makes sense why a vampire who considers himself a monster will find humanity attractive, instead of sitting around and praising the beauty of other monsters (like canon!Edward). But even that, which I would have found tear jerking and kind of cute in the first part, takes on a sinister note here. It’s not said outright, but we know the thing that attracted Edward the most was her blood. And considering that sex is a metaphor for blood-drinking here, and she’s all but inviting him to have sex with her…
Well, let’s just say there’s only a fifty-percent chance that he’ll stick to only fulfilling one brand of lust.
Edward is a bit disturbed by how…how experienced she seems to be with this, knowing where the best dark alcoves are and everything, and I really want to laugh at him, despite this situation being very serious and frightening. Seriously, she’s had to do this every night for clearly quite some time now. Did you honestly think she would be as on edge as you?
‘Edward’s eyes darted from side to side, half-afraid and yet half hoping someone might see him.’
Nice fetish there, Eddie.
Okay, all joking aside, that line there is actually quite scary. He knows what he is doing is wrong, and yet he goes ahead and does it anyways, shoving his feelings of guilt aside. And sex is so very close to blood-drinking, and he thinks blood drinking is wrong, too…so how long before he’s bending over someone’s jugular, eyes darting from side to side, half afraid and half hopeful? True, you can’t really call what he’s doing a Moral Event Horizon, but that is a very, VERY solid step towards the dark side he is taking.
He knows he’s doing something wrong, but he’s going to do it anyways.
The feeling of guilt was the only emotion that led to him sparing Eggleston and Gillespie. If he is able to overcome it now, what will happen the next time someone inevitably treats him like the teenager he looks like?
The prostitute - Julie is her name (I really can’t get over the fact that Edward knows the name of every background character ever, and the lovely, lovely literary effect this creates. Seriously, if I’m not rapidly running out of space, I’ll rant about it for paragraphs and paragraphs) - pulls Edward towards her and leans against the wall…and that’s quite a horrible way to have your first time, isn’t it? With someone who doesn’t consider you special at all, as a purely economical exchange, against a cold, concrete wall. Even though I know his reasoning and can sympathise quite a bit, this still makes me want to shake some sense into him. Seriously, what part of this sounds like a good idea? What part of this sounds like it’ll make your pent up frustrations at yourself better?
‘Edward stood frozen, panic suddenly welling up inside him - what was he supposed to do?’
When I was finished laughing, I really started to appreciate the realism in this sentence.
Meyer, virgins are not masters at love-making. Two virgins together, particularly, are not going to be able to achieve perfect, simultaneous orgasms. When Edward first bedded Bella, THIS should have been his reaction. He is not capable of being a harlequin lover when that was his first time having sex, especially if he had been a virgin for over a CENTURY! Not to mention, harlequin sex is boring anyways. They all sound the same and are about as sexy as my Economics text book. Some virgin panic really makes sex scenes that much more interesting, because it makes it much more relatable as well as comical.
As Edward panics, he hears Julie comment that he’s just ‘another kid who stole his dad’s wallet and is out to prove he’s a man’.
First of all, OH MY GOD THIS WILL NOT BE PRETTY. It will be so not pretty that my mind cannot comprehend the screwed-up-ness that is in this scene. OH MY GOD.
Second of all, REALISM BITCHES. No matter how attractive your lust objects are, Meyer, it doesn’t mean the rest of the world is going to be instantly infatuated. Prostitutes, in particular, aren’t going to give a shit. You cannot get everything with your looks. Not every door will be open to you just because you had amazingly symmetrical bodies. THE WORLD DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT. So, yes, the prostitute thinks Edward’s quite attractive, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to LIKE him. She’s going to be just as repulsed by him as she is every other man, and the only reason she’ll be having sex with him will be for money.
Third of all, remember that this is the kind of thing that Edward has to listen to whilst trying to have sex with her. He is going to have to get it up whilst Julie stands there and demeans him, because that is likely her coping mechanism for dealing with this life. He is honestly trying to have sex with someone whilst they are thinking the most hurtful thoughts at him. We all know how sensitive Edward is when it comes to the age issue, and he is going to have to sit through all kinds of condescending and patronising thoughts whilst maintaining an erection. DO YOU SEE WHY THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE PRETTY AT ALL?
Julie is not happy at his hesitation and demands whether he’s getting ‘cold feet’. Edward refutes it heatedly, but then just goes on standing like a stump because he has no idea what to do. And Mrs. Hyde makes me sad and amused at the same time. I didn’t think that was possible.
‘He could feel her exasperation mounting to the point that her voice began to betray her. ‘All right, then - what are you after?’
He blinked, and then in the face of her expectant expression, gaped. She wanted him to - to spell out -
She rolled her eyes. ‘It’s pro-rated, son - priced by where you want to stick it.’ (Come on, kid, I ain’t got all night)
He glared at her. ‘If I was out looking to pick up a girl, where do you think I want to stick it?’ he demanded.
(Where you’ve never even seen before) ‘Fine, then - ten bucks and it’s all yours.’’
See what I mean? This scene is just…sad and funny at the same time.
It’s sad because…well, it sounds literally like Edward is forcing himself to have sex with her. I mean, if he’s not okay with saying the word ‘sex’ out loud, then he probably isn’t ready for the real thing. And yet he feels the need to pressure himself into doing it, not only because he is so desperate for company that he is substituting THIS for communication, but also because he is giving in to his darker nature. The fact that he is probably spiteful at Carlisle and too prideful to back out probably helped too. Altogether, this is the very WORST circumstances under which to have your first time…particularly when you didn’t want it. Just the fact that Edward felt it necessary that he had sex, that he was obligated to have sex, is sad.
And it’s even sadder that you know, whatever happens, it’s going to be horrible. There is no way on earth this can ever go well.
And it’s funny because LOOK at that. Virgin panics are always funny, particularly when the individual in question has never heard of blowjobs or anal sex.
I thought I would never say this in my life, but I really want to see Bella and Edward finally having sex now. After this experience, he’s bound to be quite traumatised by the whole thing. It will be more than interesting to see how he deals with it.
So, he pays her, whilst feeling a bit guilty for using Carlisle’s money to do this…but then immediately shifts positions and points out how it’s Carlisle’s fault that he’s in this position in the first place and that he was entirely entitled to some ‘relief.’
I don’t think I need to hammer it in any further how far he’s fallen already. He feels guilty about having sex…so he shifts the blame onto someone else. He is already starting to refuse to take responsibility to his actions. He’s going into denial in order to spare himself blame. I imagine the justifications will only get worse when he starts ridding the world of criminal scum. And the person he shifts blame to is Carlisle, someone he all but regarded as perfect in the last chapter. He’s rapidly losing his connection to Carlisle and that is NOT good, considering that Carlisle was the one to teach him the morality of being a vampire.
Julie takes his money and stashes in her coat so fast that Edward claims a human eye would not have caught it. Reading about these kinds of things really makes me depressed, but I can’t help but think what a screwed up superpower that would be - having super speed only when you need to hide money. It almost matches my super power of knowing the answer to every exam question ever AFTER I walk out of the examination room. Or my friend’s super power of not needing to blink for up to two minutes at a time.
Julie shrugs her dress off and waits for Edward to make his move, ‘her irritation gone, now just replaced with boredom…’ God, how can you have a worse first time than this? Really, after an experience like this, I’m surprised Edward can get it up for Bella at all.
Bu this provides a very good reason for him to avoid sex with Bella at all costs, apart from inheriting his author’s Mormon beliefs. He is traumatised. His only knowledge of sex was either when it was a filthy, invading emotion that he doesn’t want but that takes control of his body (otherwise known as rape), or, well, THIS. This cold dismissal, this completely acknowledgement that he’s not important to her, this blunt commentary on his skills as a lover. Is it any wonder that Edward will be reluctant to having sex with Bella?
And this will provide an actually conflict in their relationship too! Now, Bella and Edward will actually have to walk through his past traumas together and learning how to cope with this sort of thing. They’ll need to empathise and care for each other. They’ll need to communicate. I haven’t even seen The Blue Hour, but I already know it’s going to be my favourite romance book of all time.
Edward is still frozen with panic, not sure what to do, until Julie pulls him forward so that he accidentally groped her breasts…whilst complaining about how inexperienced he is, of course. Edward does something interesting here, though. He reminds himself to think of the prostitute as Julie, and not just a girl.
He’s trying to pretend to be in a relationship. He is hiring a prostitute in order to pretend to be in love, because he craves affection. He longs for people’s love. And he’s willing to get a prostitute in order to pretend, for a few minutes, that someone cared for him.
I was wrong about my initial assumptions. Sure, this is another step in his fall from grace…but that’s not all. This is also a very clear display of his vulnerable side. Despite being an adult, he all but acts like a child in this scene.
He’s tried to blend into society in a number of ways, attending school, going into clubs, and now pretending to be in love. He’s desperately trying to find ways to make himself feel more human, trying to find something, some similarity, that will enable him to connect to the world around him. And he’s having sex with a girl, because that’s what he believes people in love do. He’s spied on Carlisle and Esme’s relationship, and seeing as he remembers the sex most clearly, he is literally thinking that having sex with someone will be exactly like being in a relationship with them.
In the end, he’s still trying everything he can to be as human as possible, he just chose the worst method possible.
Well, Julie is nuzzling and bumping against him, mildly aroused, largely because of Edward’s ‘dazzling’ effect, I imagine. That’s quite interesting. I always thought that the ‘dazzling’ effect just made prey want to approach Edward. It apparently sends them into heat as well, now? It literally generates arousal in prey? So…Edward’s body is built so that the easiest way to satisfy himself would be to have sex and commit murder at the same time?
Damn, that is HORRIBLE.
Seriously, Edward’s very nature ensured that THIS virginal, affection-starved kid will only ever be truly satisfied when he’s having sex and killing someone at the same time.
And this theory holds even more water when you realise that the first confirmation we get of Edward getting an erection is when Julie bits his neck, and he thinks of doing the same to her. It literally takes thinking about killing her to make Edward get it up. EVERYTHING in his body is programmed to be a horrible hindrance if he ever tries to become a part of humanity. It’s like the gods are pointing a finger at him and saying, ‘You. We are going to go out of our way to make sure you never get anything nice, ever. Because fuck you.’
But it’s precisely because of all these obstacles and conflicts (even his own body being against him), that makes his struggle to remain human so fascinating and heroic. It’s because he’s struggling against astronomical odds that we actually respects him when he manages it.
MEYER, ARE YOU LISTENING? Conflict is what MAKES a story, not sappy, fluffy romance.
So, he gropes her, whilst desperately trying to keep thoughts about blood out of his head…which is not going well, because, well, as soon as he gets an erection, his fangs slide out. And even if he stops breathing, he can still feel her pulse. Well, just as he is conflicted and tempted to murder the shit out of her, Julie hikes her legs up and…erm…well, let’s just say that Edward is thoroughly distracted.
‘she was so warm and alive and real and human. A soft moan escaped him…’
This is the first time we see him actually starting to enjoy this, instead of just getting an erection because she smells like blood and hunger = sex. And he’s starting to enjoy this because she’s HUMAN. That was the most important bit to him. He wanted her because she was HUMAN. She didn’t have to be attractive or experienced or anything. His sole criterion was that she was HUMAN.
And this sets up the Bella/Edward romance like you wouldn’t believe. Canon!Edward was all but perpetually dismissive of humanity, constantly talking about how weak they were compared to the gods that were vampires (a sentiment echoed by the protagonist), it simply made no sense that he would pick a human girl. The only explanation I have is because he likes being undeniably dominate in a relationship, and he’s far too much of a coward to try to establish authority over other vampires. So he chooses the one girl who worships him like a god and is too wimpy to take care of herself, and declares her his property.
In The Darkest Hour, Edward is actually attracted by humanity. He longs after human company. He does everything in his power to be closer to humanity. It makes complete sense why he would end up with a human, especially seeing as his relationship with other vampires can’t be that good, given his unusual lifestyle. LOGIC, Meyer, it’s kind of necessary in fiction.
So, thoroughly aroused now, Edward starts bucking back against her, trying to undo his fly…until Julie makes snide remarks in her head about how kids never last long, and that’s why she likes them because they take so little time. SEE WHAT I FREAKING MEAN?
So, of course, that makes Edward kind of go soft again. And, of course, this makes Julie even madder at him. So, Edward tries to concentrate on her again (and not notice her blood), trying to feel how human she was…and that’s not going well, because he simply can’t ignore the blood. Bloodlust and sex were so related that he only starts getting aroused when he focuses on her pulse, which is the last thing he wants to do when he’s fangs are out and dripping with pre-cum.
Meanwhile, Julie is thinking about hooking up with someone else after Edward in order to get drugs. She’s thinking about anal sex too, just to turn Edward off even more. Remember the comparisons I drew in Chapter 1 Part 1 about how people’s thoughts were portrayed? Yeah, the large quote is basically what she’s thinking here. And, of course, Edward goes soft again.
It’s a negative feed cycle. Edward wants to have sex with her, therefore he has to want to kill her, and as soon as he works himself up, she thinks something that will guarantee to turn any male off, and then gets annoyed at him for not getting to the point. Edward, here, is torturing himself. He doesn’t like this, he doesn’t want this, he’s only doing it because he believes that’s what people do when they love each other. And this isn’t going very well at the moment.
And this sets up the Bella/Edward romance even more. Not only will he be terrified of sex, he’ll most likely be terrified of the idea of being in a relationship in the first place. He has mountains of misconceptions, and this experience is only going to tell him that a relationship will be painful and humiliating and filled with murderous thoughts. You can actually set up a plot of the romance novel around this. There will actually be conflict. One of the partners will have to get over a very deeply-rooted fear of relationships, based upon his own self-loathing, in order for anything to work. This is shaping up to be a deeply fascinating novel that involves romance, but has the main purpose of exploring psychology and how companionship can help people over come insecurities.
A fanfiction that hasn’t even been posted yet has more substance in it than a published novel. WHAT THE HELL IS THE WORLD COMING TO?
Go Forward to: Chapter 1 Part 2, Section D
Go Back to: Chapter 1 Part 2, Section B