(no subject)
Last weekend was amazing and yet sad.
Last Friday, so a week ago, I went into work to have so many good things happen: a letter from work saying "Happy Anniversary!!!" and how happy they are having me back, an email advising I am no longer on medical leave, my Ma messaged me, and my colleague stated "you should go get a lottery ticket!" and sure enough half an hour later I got a call from a focus group and got accepted for one so that I could make $195 the following Monday, thereby essentially winning the lottery.
I rushed home because for the first time in years I was to see Candice. I missed her and it seems that her partner, Steve, who she's been having some issues with as he is a tad manic, was playing with his band live downtown Toronto. I was OVERJOYED to see her, dressed, and she had the kids with her so her ex, Chris could get them. He did not, so that set a stage but we were going to make the best of it! I didn't have the money but with the focus group the following Monday, why not?
I get there, and because she had the kids she had a special pass to go up with the band and the kids but as soon as the set was over she had to leave with them - which meant she couldn't come down and get me, nor did she put me on a guest list. So, sucking it up to see them, I paid the $20 fee to get in and bought a beer thinking, it's a chance to see them, let it go.
Half an hour later the band is done and I am miffed but I said nothing and put a giant smile on my face and met Steve and we all walked to a sushi place. I had eaten dinner but hey, I'll get something small, right? the kids kept bugging about wanting this and that and drinks and finally, I said to Candice "look, it's been five years since I drank a Blue, I'll get the kids drinks!" and Steve steps up with "hey, I want a beer too, you buying?" ....
okay...fine, so suck it up, get the kids drinks, get two beers, there. No biggie. We all continue on and throughout the meal the kids get up and go to the bathroom - and this is where it all goes down - Steve launches into how much of a piece of shit Chris is, a dead beat, etc. and I pipe in with "I don't get along with Chris, and he never liked me, but I do respect him for giving her kids - again, I don't like him but.." so Steve deadpan says "you actually respect that piece of shit? he's this..." (rant continue) and I said "I just respect him for the kids" and so he turns blatantly, looks at Candice, says "give me the keys to the car" and she asks why and he repeats, and then gets up, and leaves the table walking out.
I stared. She looks at me and says "you can't say that..that you respect Chris, you can't" and I said "but I do, you have two beautiful children who I love with him. I didn't say I like him" and she said "but you just can't, you can't say that..." and she gets up, the bills come, and I switch them knowing that her bill will be astronomically more and mine less, and paid her bill, and the kids come, I hand them their jackets and she half ass hugs me and asks if I am staying there...which I said yes. And they walk out. Leaving me there. In the restaurant.
I couldn't believe it. I've known her over ten years! if not more. I am not even upset with him - he's clearly immature and irresponsible, but her? she's okay with that behavior? that attitude? around her kids and her own SELF? I was astonished. I sat there for ten minutes staring at the table dumb-founded. I gathered my purse and because I was disoriented with the area, I walked to the Lansdowne Station which is much farther than I thought we were, my feet utterly destroyed from pain as they were too tight, had a Ceasar I had bought for the weekend that was in my bag, got off the subway at my stop, took off my boots and walked from the station home in my stockinged feet which were thereby cut up and sore, and showered, washed my face, and crawled into bed...I was so confused and hurt and confussled (acknowledging that is not an actual word). There's no way to describe my feelings. But knowing I had to get up and go to Niagara to see Patricia and Craig and little Emmett, I sucked up my feelings and promptly passed out.
I had called SW on the way home twice, and then messaged, and he told me Saturday morning he had fallen asleep which of course is okay; I was just very, very hurt and needed someone to talk to. On route to Loblaws in the morning after breakfast, getting cleaned up, grabbing my things for the trip to Niagara, I headed to Loblaws where I picked up shrimp and caesar salad for my friends' home, and called him and told him what happened. He was shocked too and had my back saying it was hugely immature and "what a prick"... so at least I know it's not just me that was utterly confused.
On route the night before home, I had reiterated to Candice via text that in no way was I not going to respect Chris, but that also it's more that I respect all people, and I am not going to change who I am to appease another's opinion, but also out of respect for HER and the KIDS and her partner, because I DO respect people, I would step out for a little while and walk away. She didn't respond which I didn't really expect her to.
I talked to Frank on the way to Niagara from the train explaining the events once more and he had the same reaction as SW and me? I was still confused, lost and sad. But I KNEW I'd have a blast in Niagara, and so I settled in with a good book, and off I went to my trip away.
I will continue this after I return from work this afternoon as Niagara was a blast and THAT is the memory I want to take from this, not losing Candice. But alas, work calls in ten mins so I have to walk to the station, head in, work, grab my things for this afternoon working from home, and then I will launch into the weekend and subsequent work week.