(no subject)
All I wanted was for Greg to just stop ... when I saw the apartment last Saturday and knew I could have it, I called Greg and cried. The Sunday when I signed my month to month lease, I balled my eyes out. I cried Monday morning because I didn't want this...I never WANTED to leave him but I knew if he didn't man up, I would continue to enable him for the rest of my life, and he would never learn responsibility.
Last night, Greg got his first apartment. Signed and sealed. An amazing deal too. And guess what? he's HAPPY. He didn't cry; he exclaimed about how it's all inclusive, that he doesn't need to worry about anything. That it's a twelve minute drive to work, he doesn't need to pay for satellite or internet. We ended up arguing. Why? because I started it. I watched incredulously while he pretty much flew into a state of euphoria at his new place. I felt alone. I felt lonely. I felt like he WANTED to get rid of me. I was so sad we ended up arguing.
I dragged him to bed at 4 a.m. this morning not even falling back to sleep myself because I just miss him so much. I told him how I felt; why I am so upset. I told him I would have stayed if he just stopped what he was doing and was an equal partner! He said "why didn't you just tell me that?" and I said "I DID!!! FOR A YEAR!"
We packed four boxes last night. It is starting to feel so final.
I am doing everything I can to keep my mind off it.
About a month ago I saw this guy on the train; never saw him before. He takes the later train and I was late that day. One day for whatever reason we started a conversation and that conversation ended up involving the whole middle section of the train. Everyone got in on it. Last night I saw him again and he struck up a conversation with ME this time. This, is going to be the only distraction I am going to use for now. I am going to use this to pretend that everything around me isn't crashing to the ground.
Four years of a relationship. And all I can feel is lonely, and have to talk to random strangers to feel a little less depressed. Pathetic.
At least I have the cat.
Last night, Greg got his first apartment. Signed and sealed. An amazing deal too. And guess what? he's HAPPY. He didn't cry; he exclaimed about how it's all inclusive, that he doesn't need to worry about anything. That it's a twelve minute drive to work, he doesn't need to pay for satellite or internet. We ended up arguing. Why? because I started it. I watched incredulously while he pretty much flew into a state of euphoria at his new place. I felt alone. I felt lonely. I felt like he WANTED to get rid of me. I was so sad we ended up arguing.
I dragged him to bed at 4 a.m. this morning not even falling back to sleep myself because I just miss him so much. I told him how I felt; why I am so upset. I told him I would have stayed if he just stopped what he was doing and was an equal partner! He said "why didn't you just tell me that?" and I said "I DID!!! FOR A YEAR!"
We packed four boxes last night. It is starting to feel so final.
I am doing everything I can to keep my mind off it.
About a month ago I saw this guy on the train; never saw him before. He takes the later train and I was late that day. One day for whatever reason we started a conversation and that conversation ended up involving the whole middle section of the train. Everyone got in on it. Last night I saw him again and he struck up a conversation with ME this time. This, is going to be the only distraction I am going to use for now. I am going to use this to pretend that everything around me isn't crashing to the ground.
Four years of a relationship. And all I can feel is lonely, and have to talk to random strangers to feel a little less depressed. Pathetic.
At least I have the cat.