Week 4: The Elephant In The Room
Note: The names in the following situation have been altered to protect whatever dignity still resides within my dear friends Alec. M. and Skylar Z.
Also, there are a lot of side notes in parenthesis, so please entertain me.
I’m in a parenthetical mood, and I enjoy those stretched out C shapes. :)
The following text message conversation is true, based on true events, told as they happened, in chronological order. (I just altered some texting lingo to make it make sense.)
You’d have to be a nut to make this shit up:
Text Messages from Monday, November 22, 2010
Sami: So you need to tell me what the hell happened to you in 5th period!
Me: I seriously DO NOT want to talk about that.
Sami: It’ll make you feel better…
Me: Well…
Sami: JUST TELL ME.
Me: I got flashed.
Sami: …What!?
Me: Alec M. got shanked. Pantsed. Whatever you want to call it, it happened, and Skylar did it.
Sami: …That’s no big deal.
Me: Sure, it isn’t. It happens more in that class than you think. Skylar and Alec flirt with those freshman doormats and Skylar wants to act like a badass. So he embarrasses Alec. Only he went too far this time.
Sami: How so?
Me: Skylar “accidentally” grabbed a hold of Alec’s boxers, too. And down they went, right to his ankles. So guess who was sitting directly in front of him, on the bleachers? Guess who had barely 6 inches between Alec and themselves?
Sami: THAT. IS. HILARIOUS.
Me: …says the girl who doesn’t have that image burned into her retinas. Every time I close my eyes… I shudder. I mean his shirt didn’t cover A THING. I didn’t even have time to cover my eyes or look away. It was just my eyes and Alec M.’s junk. And I feel awful for him. Because everyone started laughing and I yelled, the whole gym looked over and saw his ass. Gram started clapping, which got the whole gym going. Then they noticed ME sitting there. They knew I saw. What could I do?
Sami: lol I love this!
So what was it like? Alec is a pretty heavy boy. I mean he’s got muscle but isn’t he kind of thick?
Me: DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST ASK WHAT HIS JUNK IS LIKE?
Sami: lol well…?
Me: …I’ve seen worse.
(Now here’s the really funny part… you ever sent a message about someone TO the person it was about, by accident? [Because of this incident, Alec’s number is now under his last name in my contacts.])
Me: Gram came over after and was like, “Oh you know you liked it.” Lol what I supposed to say? “Yes Gram I loved it so damn much I’ve just been DYING to see Alec’s penis.”
(No response. Never dawned on me who I sent it to, so stupid me added more.)
Me: I mean I really like Alec. You know I do. You know how bad I’ve wanted him to like me. And this just sets me back. It makes things so incredibly awkward.
(No response. Then, 10 minutes later)
Alec: I’m going to assume you sent that to the wrong person and pretend I never read that. This whole thing? Didn't happen.
***Today I walked into the gym and sat down next to him. He didn’t say a word. Neither did I. Then Bruce came up and started talking to us both. We laughed. We talked to each other. Still…
Neither one of us could look at each other. It’s going to take time.
Especially since all I can see when I close my eyes is a side of Alec that I NEVER wanted to see.
5th period was the most awkward time of my young life.
I didn't ask for this. I didn't WANT to see Alec like that.
But it's done. And we need to MOVE ON.
...Aren't you guys so glad I live such an embarrassing life? Hope this made you smile today!
Also, there are a lot of side notes in parenthesis, so please entertain me.
I’m in a parenthetical mood, and I enjoy those stretched out C shapes. :)
The following text message conversation is true, based on true events, told as they happened, in chronological order. (I just altered some texting lingo to make it make sense.)
You’d have to be a nut to make this shit up:
Text Messages from Monday, November 22, 2010
Sami: So you need to tell me what the hell happened to you in 5th period!
Me: I seriously DO NOT want to talk about that.
Sami: It’ll make you feel better…
Me: Well…
Sami: JUST TELL ME.
Me: I got flashed.
Sami: …What!?
Me: Alec M. got shanked. Pantsed. Whatever you want to call it, it happened, and Skylar did it.
Sami: …That’s no big deal.
Me: Sure, it isn’t. It happens more in that class than you think. Skylar and Alec flirt with those freshman doormats and Skylar wants to act like a badass. So he embarrasses Alec. Only he went too far this time.
Sami: How so?
Me: Skylar “accidentally” grabbed a hold of Alec’s boxers, too. And down they went, right to his ankles. So guess who was sitting directly in front of him, on the bleachers? Guess who had barely 6 inches between Alec and themselves?
Sami: THAT. IS. HILARIOUS.
Me: …says the girl who doesn’t have that image burned into her retinas. Every time I close my eyes… I shudder. I mean his shirt didn’t cover A THING. I didn’t even have time to cover my eyes or look away. It was just my eyes and Alec M.’s junk. And I feel awful for him. Because everyone started laughing and I yelled, the whole gym looked over and saw his ass. Gram started clapping, which got the whole gym going. Then they noticed ME sitting there. They knew I saw. What could I do?
Sami: lol I love this!
So what was it like? Alec is a pretty heavy boy. I mean he’s got muscle but isn’t he kind of thick?
Me: DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST ASK WHAT HIS JUNK IS LIKE?
Sami: lol well…?
Me: …I’ve seen worse.
(Now here’s the really funny part… you ever sent a message about someone TO the person it was about, by accident? [Because of this incident, Alec’s number is now under his last name in my contacts.])
Me: Gram came over after and was like, “Oh you know you liked it.” Lol what I supposed to say? “Yes Gram I loved it so damn much I’ve just been DYING to see Alec’s penis.”
(No response. Never dawned on me who I sent it to, so stupid me added more.)
Me: I mean I really like Alec. You know I do. You know how bad I’ve wanted him to like me. And this just sets me back. It makes things so incredibly awkward.
(No response. Then, 10 minutes later)
Alec: I’m going to assume you sent that to the wrong person and pretend I never read that. This whole thing? Didn't happen.
***Today I walked into the gym and sat down next to him. He didn’t say a word. Neither did I. Then Bruce came up and started talking to us both. We laughed. We talked to each other. Still…
Neither one of us could look at each other. It’s going to take time.
Especially since all I can see when I close my eyes is a side of Alec that I NEVER wanted to see.
5th period was the most awkward time of my young life.
I didn't ask for this. I didn't WANT to see Alec like that.
But it's done. And we need to MOVE ON.
...Aren't you guys so glad I live such an embarrassing life? Hope this made you smile today!