[Fanfiction - The GazettE] Use Me [Ruki/Aoi] Oneshot
Title: Use Me
Author: sorrowofanangel
Beta: The gorgeous chinfluffhanaji who I hope to pay a visit to in Amsterdam at some point this year or the next! Thank you so much dear, I owe you so badly!! (^^*)
Genre: Romance, Sex, Comfort, Angst.
Band(s): The GazettE
Pairing(s): Ruki x Aoi/ Aoi x Ruki, Aoi x OC/ OC x Aoi
WARNINGS: Sex, boy x boy, a scene of violence
Rating: NC-17
DISCLAIMER: Nuuu~ of course I don't own the GazettE, if I did I may have just squished Ruki by now (≧ω≦)
Synopsis: "Ruki and Aoi are a pair of messed up strangers stuck experiencing the horrors of everyday life they cannot escape. The only thing they have is each other... and tonight they needed each other more than ever..."
Notes: Got inspired by this after listening to the song "Use Me" by Digital Summer, but the more I wrote it, the more I realised I could actually do with someone to "use" myself ^^" Hope you enjoy <3
Music: Use Me ~ Digital Summer
*
This song is what inspired your writer's mind here hehe :3 Would be great if you could listen, it's a beautiful song ^^
The roll of sweet city air mingled with cigarette smoke brush over my shoulders and I sigh deeply, flickering a glance to my watch. Beneath my freshly showered chest, my heart thudded in a soothing pace and I closed my eyes and listened to it; the beats per second coming as slow as the car horns erupting several hundred feet beneath me. I peer over the balcony and down my apartment block as I watched the roamers of the world engage in late night routine… driving home in cars that were too expensive; from destinations that were far too inanimate.
I inhale my next drag deeply, closing my eyes as another mild gust of wind flutters across my face wonderfully. I turn back from the balcony and peer into the dim space of my living room, picking up my phone from where I’d flung it on the sofa moments ago.
Scrolling down to my recent messages, I re-read the one I’d just received,
Are you free tonight? I really need you. Xxx
I return to the balcony with the thin object still held tightly in my hands, holding thumbs over the keypad ready to reply,
I’m always free for you, baby. Come to my apartment when you’re ready.
I stuffed the phone back into my pocket and looked at my watch again, surprised it was almost midnight and I hadn’t been affected by the slightest bit of fatigue. All too many would also find it weird that my heart hadn’t fluttered in the slightest at Aoi’s text.
Though why should it?
I wondered if maybe we could be considered as lovers even though Aoi was married; albeit far from happily. I was a content bachelor, on the other hand, though I didn’t concern myself with trying to find a partner to settle with. It just wasn’t me. My parents disapproved of my nonchalant approach, of course, and little by little I disgraced myself by sleeping with strangers just to satisfy my own need for release.
Of course, when Aoi had texted I knew I was nearly moments away from sending him the very same message myself. Watching the dull wake of the world, stuck in this damaging space of my own thoughts, alone in my own home with nothing but my own self-consciousness and erratic thinking to keep me company, I’d wound myself down into a deep pit of numb anger and misery.
I’d visited my parents last night at their request. The minute I walked through the door, they were angry at me. At first, I was confused by their reactions until my father glared at me coldly and played a voice message left on their answer machine. I realised then I had given a girl my parents’ number after dodging several attempts not to give it to her at her several demands; all I’d wanted was a quick fuck. Obviously she’d wanted more and I knew in my drunken mindedness I probably gave her my parents’ number convinced she wouldn’t even call me.
Soberly, my mind wondered how I could have been so stupid.
And of course what she said hadn’t helped either,
“Hey Takanori…” she had purred deep into the receiver seductively, “Listen, what we did last night was so amazing. I’ve never been with a guy with as much talent as you…” a sly, provocative giggle, “The way your dick entered me hard like that, shoving me against the wall… oh baby, I’d always do it in the back of a club with you if I knew it was so good…”
I had winced; very noticeably. At least she had spared me the agonising explanation of the version of events I know my parents would want to know from me. But all the same, she’d managed to wreck what little relationship I had left with my parents all together. My father in particular.
The minute the recording finished… he hit me.
My mother did nothing but witness the screams from my mouth and she’d retreated to the kitchen as I was left to be beaten in the hallway. My dad called me many things; too many that I’ve lost count of the number. All I know is the one that came up the most was “dirty whore”.
He was probably right; that’s why I didn’t fight back. After satisfying his need for a punch bag, my father had shoved me out of the house without another word and I limped back to my car with a bloody lip, bruised cheek and aching ribs, almost certain I’d fractured something among my bodily mess,
“Asshole…” I whispered into the wind, throwing my cigarette bud over the railing.
It had always been that way in my family. Strict and condescending… the ‘do whatever I say or you’re disowned’ sort of upbringing.
I spent years in pent up sexual frustration in my teens; of which of course I could only release by taking dominance over another stranger willing to have sex with me or be left alone to masturbate furiously in my room and scream out my anger into the pillows underneath my tears.
That’s when I met Aoi. I noticed him alone in a club one night, then arguing with some girl outside a restaurant. I noticed him more often around the neighbourhood, and the more times I ran into him, the more I wanted him.
There was something about him that had changed the way I’d looked at the objects of my sexual affection. For one thing he was stunningly beautiful. If I ever had to settle for someone, I’d marry Aoi based on looks alone. Each morning we’ve spent together, I wake up to soft, tentative eyes and the feathery touch of his skin; to bipolar lips that could peck or bruise as easily as they pleased.
To my luck, we were both in messes at the point we finally met one another, and having sex with him was the easiest I’d ever had to accomplish. He was as vulnerable as I was; needed me as much as I needed him. Using me in the way I was using him.
Now, two years later, we are still bound in that pact. While Aoi married into an arranged agreement made by his parents, I remained distanced from the female species. I only focused on men, noticing how much they appreciated the needs of a man more than most girls did. I didn’t have the time nor energy to appreciate a woman’s desires for the opposite sex, which probably made me a downright asshole. But I was sick. Sick of the, “I can’t tonight, I’m on my period” or “I’m not in the mood” speeches. The guys I chased after understood me as much as I wanted them to; we fucked and went our separate ways, maybe even after a drink or two. There was no excuses, no reasons not to. The sex we shared was limitless and I loved it.
Maybe I am in an affair with Aoi, though at the minute I just see myself as a spare tyre; a backup plan; a release.
With me and Aoi, it was never about dating. I never bought him flowers, he never took me out for dinner, we never had deep feelings for each other. We only talked about our problems and used each other to pretend there was only the two of us here; only the warmth of our bodies and the comfort of our embraces to help us pretend that everything in our lives was okay.
I touch the bruise against my cheek, wondering if Aoi would press me for the explanation behind it like he always does when I’m upset. Before, I’d answer men in nothing but kisses and the sultry movements of my hands and mouth but not with Aoi. We had the time to talk and kiss.
Most of the time, our entrapment of a relationship was the only thing we had keeping us alive.
*
Aoi’s face was a murky display of tears the minute I opened the door.
As though automated by some radical impulse, my arms automatically outstretched, though he didn’t fall into them like I expected him to. Instead, I watched him lean heavily and cry for a moment against my doorframe until he brushed past my arms and seated himself down on my sofa; the electric fireplace I’d recently lit burning an ominous glow in front of him.
I said nothing, scooting past him and seating myself beside him; carefully laying a hand on the small of his back until I was brave enough to bring it higher. When my palm was close to his neck, Aoi suddenly turned and allowed me to hold him gently. He buried his face in my neck while I let my own succumb to the soft warmth of flames nearby.
I didn’t ask what had happened this time. It sometimes killed the mood to wonder of such things. Most of the time Aoi would tell me that it didn’t matter or that it was too petty to be upset over such a thing.
I ran my hands over his back in silence, closing my eyes and letting my imagination conjure up some imaginary place for us both. Somewhere away from his marriage and my parents; away from the annoying sounds of the world beneath our feet.
I patted Aoi’s hair as he showed signs of calming himself down and I heard the whisper come softly against the base against my jaw line,
“Ruki… kiss me.”
And I did. I tilted my chin until his lips met mine and I let myself bathe in the sweetness of Aoi’s kiss. The sweetened exchanges of affection we loved to share were always so tantalising. I knew I could taste them for the rest of my life and never tire of the feeling; the shape of Aoi’s lips, the softness of their texture, how tenderly he would kiss me… so tenderly it was like he was afraid any harder a force would break me.
And we kiss like that just now. Each kiss melted into a smooth transition from the next and as I felt his warm hand brush my cheek, his fingers curling around the back of my neck, I felt my bruise ache under this new touch and winced inwardly.
Aoi didn’t stop to question my sudden reaction to the pain, though did move his thumb to the side, away from the purple stain present against my cheekbone and I pushed into him until Aoi’s head rested against the arm of my sofa.
Both of us said nothing; instead letting the naked complexions of our skin and the warmth of the fire do the talking for us. As hard as I tried using my tongue and hands to please Aoi, I could not stop him from crying. Once I had removed his clothes in the most tender way I could and took his long-awaited antidote into my mouth, I felt the soft streams of water feather my hands as my fingers found their way past his lips. Even as he sucked on the small digits, his tongue dipping inside each of my nails, I caught the steady sniffles that erupted among the heat we were generating.
My breathing was lusty and broken by the time my fingers were safely nestled in Aoi’s hardened anal walls and I leaned further up his slender body to once again lose myself in the kisses we both needed. The more I watched his cheeks drown in the salty beck held deep inside him, the more I felt myself wanting to release the same harrowing liquid.
Though I chose to hold back from it.
Aoi groaned loudly when I entered him, raking his nails down my back and I growled his name past gritted teeth; the first we’d properly spoken in our intimate time together. I feel a trickle of sweat drip onto the lingering strands of hair attached to my neck and I begin to push deep inside my escapist lover.
Using him in the same way he was using me. I knew each scar his nails made on my back resembled the frustration he felt inside; my own erupting violently in the movements my hips drove deep inside the brunette. Our eyes locked for a brief moment as I pushed Aoi further up the sofa, the creaking of leather echoing around me like a broken record; an annoying recurrence of my own dented sanity. As much as I hated it, I felt the tears spill over my cheeks as I drove myself further and further… faster and faster until I could almost taste my release dancing on my tongue. Instead I let it waltz inside the cavern of Aoi’s mouth, our tongues encircling in a distorted tango of their own; slipping and sliding messily over one another as we tried to seek out what we so desperately desired from the other.
I don’t know how long I’d been forcing myself deep inside Aoi for, but the aching inside my hips and along my legs indicated my force was brutal. Every drive of my pelvis was a counter act to each punch my father had given me and I punished Aoi for it. In the same way, the brunette punished me for his own troubles, scarring me with his hands and teasing me with his voice… begging me to let him come undone in the same way I was working towards my own restless release.
Aoi was so beautiful…. so fucking beautiful. Elegance radiated from the tips of his hair down to the delightful curling of his toes and I cursed the breast-possessing fuck who got to share his bed each night. How lucky she was to wake up to his rounded face and gorgeous dark eyes; to hear his humble voice sleepily greet her good morning and to press his lips to hers, each kiss carrying the taste of his dreams.
I sigh harshly and fall to my elbows on top of Aoi as my strength fails me. I feel Aoi’s skinny arms wrap around my waist and encourage me to keep going and I pant as I try to milk what strength my body had left in this broken shell of mine.
I do what he wants, I do what we both want and soon afterwards I hear the shallow cry of Aoi’s orgasm straining my ears and lathering my stomach. I push in and moan harder as he does, watching the writhing look in his eyes, the picture of a broken man hell bent on seeking comfort from me and that gave my erection a surge of unmistakeable power.
My release comes quickly and I bury my head in Aoi’s shoulder as I let out my suppressed scream, followed quickly by the cries I had buried deep inside myself. My tainted orgasm washes over me wave by wave and I tremble in Aoi’s arms, sobbing against him as I hear my father’s words ripple against me, the awful throbbing of my beaten ribs reminding me of what I had forgotten since Aoi’s arrival.
Aoi holds me tight as I let everything go, and I squeeze my eyes gratefully at the touch of his palm against my hair, holding me against his neck like he knows I want him to. I concentrate hard on his shallow breathing and the rising and falling of his chest, swallowing as he kisses my forehead and wipes away the tears that cease to leave his eyes alone.
My shaky arms fold in on themselves as I grip weakly onto Aoi’s shoulders; my emotions tripping over themselves and I can no longer tell if I’m still overpowered by my orgasm or whether I’m too overwhelmed by the experience we’d just shared. Aoi made me feel incredible, letting me borrow his body in this shattered realm we resided in and I hoped that this time it had been enough.
But hearing us cry against each other like this… I truly wondered if we were okay,
“Shhh.” Aoi whispers finally, “It’s okay now.”
I lift my head away from his neck with heavy hesitation and kissed his lips as hard as I could; trying to lose myself in Aoi’s taste again, though this time seemed harder than before. I closed my eyes, feeling my tears roll onto Aoi’s chin beneath me,
“Thank you…” I manage to breathe, to which Aoi’s lips fold into the same smile they always do. The one that tells me he’s thanking me too. Though it still saddens me that his eyes are still shining with tears, even if that was okay because I was exactly the same,
“Shhh.” I mimic his words in a whisper as he looks down shyly and lets his lip tremble, “Everything’s okay now…”
As I stroked his hair though, I truly wondered if he was thinking the same.
*
A/N: I'm sorry for the open ending ^^" Hope you liked my sweets. I'm heading back to University tomorrow so uploads might slow down a bit from now on (^^;)